While I'm Gone...

Good Afternoon Again,

I figured that since I was going to be leaving you for so long...that I might as well leave you a list of some of my favorite entries over the last six months since I started this thing. These are like my top twenty or so (too lazy to count) but feel free to look back if you're bored. Again, have a great time. I'll miss you guys!!!

Sleep Number Beds

When Balls Collide

Mythbusters & Baby Pics

New Orleans - Part 1, Part 2

St. Louis - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Formal Apology

Pepperwoodstock

Ron Jeremy

Aquarium

Pioneer Day

Blind Dates at Hogswart

Celebrity Conspiracies

Nom De Plume

Sex Sells

Taylorsville Dayzz

Basketball & Sexbots

More Sexbots

For Heather

Moments Before I Sleep

Sport or Game?

Panda-monium

Legacy of the Wingman

Auf Wiedersehen!!!

Saving the Light of Day

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Luckily, it's Daylight Savings, so I get an extra hour of sleep this morning...because tonight I sleep on the couch (while my mother & grandmother share my luxurious bed, cuz I'm a sucker like that) and I probably won't be able to sleep on the airplane...and arrive in Barcelona at 7 AM. Oh, I know it could be a lot worse...but I think it'll explain the following pictures a little bit. The popular vote as to whether to shave my facial hair or keep it was extremely close. So this morning, I thought about going to Europe...and remembered that my passport picture was taken almost nine years ago...before I could even imagine growing facial hair...and just thought that I'd make it easier on International Customs agents...and shaved it off.

Before - Taken a few months ago when I first got my camera

After - Taken this morning

This is how I look first thing in the morning when I sleep on my stomach. Sexy...

By the way, it's not considered child pornography just because my chin's as smooth as a baby's backside...so please don't report me to the authorities...it's just me. Well, other than that...nothing has really happened since last night. I leave tomorrow morning for my epic journey and am super excited about it. Can't wait to watch the Eagles beat the Cowboys tonight after work. So basically to fill in this blog and amuse you, I've decided to do another one of these survey things that I got through MySpace. Enjoy!!!

1. Are you taller than your best friend?:

I am everybody's tall friend. My brother's pretty close...

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?:

Bic - Honestly, I really do. I'm not too picky about it...but I also like those pens that are so cool that they require their own wooden case to hold them while they're not in use. Those pens are the lucky ones.

3. Look at your planner for November 11, what are you doing?:

Pull into port in Nice, France; visit Cannes, home of the film festival and stroll along the sea promenade La Croisette; visit village of Grasse to visit a local perfumerie to see how perfumes are made; lunch; visit picturesque village of St. Paul-de-Vence; return to cruise ship and practice Italian pick-up lines en route to Florence. Sorry, you asked.

4.What color are your toenails usually?:

Man-colored

5. What was the last thing you highlighted?:

My work schedule...or somebody's day, I'm a little confused as to the definition of "Highlighted"

6. What color are the curtains in your bedroom?:

No curtains in the bedroom, only the optional blinds. I want everybody to watch!!! Bring a pen and paper, class is in session.

7. What color are the seats in your car?:

Some kind of beige? It's a very muted tone...but damn it's comfortable

8. What are you watching?

The clock...seven hours until I go home...

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?

Postage Stamp - Check to my landlord.
Stamp stamp - I love to stamp at work. I can take my frustration out on a piece of paper...and it makes it a little prettier.

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?:

Bill - He's my alcohol, porn, & fireworks guy. Now that's one-stop shopping.

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?:

I have never used an ATM.

12. Who is the last baby that you held?:

My beautiful niece Kairi

13.Can you spell well?:

W-E-L-L, WELL!!! Next time, don't have it on a test where you can simply READ it

14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste?:

Nope.

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?:

Same I am now - either a 1988 Buick Park Avenue or a 1969 Pontiac LeMans

16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators?:

Florida Gators...but only because of the basketball team

17. Last time you went to Six Flags?:

Wow! Denver a few years back(?)...but I'm going in Dallas in less than a month. WEEEEE!!!

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?:

Not but I have a lot of posters...mostly black and white stuff with Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Sinatra, Jessica Alba, Scarface, and the Simpsons.

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow?:

The keyboard I'm typing with...it was probably white when it first came to my job...seven years ago.

20. Last person to give you a business card?:

My landlord, it's actually quite humorous, he has a title listing like me - Father, grandfather, skier extraordinaire, eccentric storyteller, omniscient landlord, professional egotist, etc.

21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to?:

I'm tired of talking about my landlord. Next question...

22. Closest framed picture to you?

Company Motto - "If It Can Be Done Cheaper, Git R'Done!!!"

23. Last time you had someone cook for you?:

I cooked for myself the other day...but somebody had to make my delivery pizza when I was lazy last week.

24. Have you ever applied for welfare?

Not yet.

25. How many emails do you get in your inbox (excluding spam)?:

I'm actually curious to the number I'll have when I come back from Europe. Fifteen days - My guess is 748. Any other takers?

26. Last time you received flowers?:

First & latest time, shortly (matter of minutes) before an ex-girlfriend & I decided to part ways for long-distance reasons...and we cried for a while. Not the best memory. Next question...

27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman?

Sanctity of Marriage? No, I think everybody has the right to be married...and divorced. I just wouldn't recommend it until you're absolutely sure.

28. Do you play air guitar?:

Air guitar, air drums, air bass, air sax, air tambourine, whatever, I'm a one-man air-funk band

30. Do you take anything in your coffee?

No coffee.

31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines?

Why the hell would they make a figurine of a Willow Tree?

32. What is/was your high school's rival mascot?

Silverwolf - Don't tell me that they don't exist!!! I've seen 'em...

33. Last person you spoke to from high school?:

My buddy Chris yesterday, he may finally get a real job soon.

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?

China - Over two years ago. Water & soap do me just fine.

35. Would you like to learn to play the drums?:

Already learned a little bit...but sure. Are you offering?

36. What color are the blinds in your living room?:

White...but those are behind black curtains (so that I can watch my projector TV)

37. Last thing you read in the newspaper?

Is that like Yahoo! News?

39. What was the last pageant you attended?:

I don't believe I've attended a pageant.

40. What is the last place you bought pizza from?:

Papa John's - Is it sad that I have the phone numbers of nine pizza establishments in my phone? Cool, didn't think so.

41. Have you ever worn a crown?:

Whenever I go to Burger King, I tell them it's my birthday. "That's great sir." "...but seriously, where's my crown?"

42. What is the last thing you stapled?:

About 150 packets of 19 pages that nobody will read. Just another day at work.

43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?

Crystal Pepsi? You bet your ass I did. Even when they started finding syringes and bullets and stuff. Coke knew they were behind the times.

44. Are you ticklish?:

In one place...and I'll let you guess where...

45. Last time you saw fireworks?:

24th of July - It's a Utah holiday

46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?

Too long ago...

47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually returned?:

Mr. & Mrs. Wingman invited me to go to Mexico with them...but it's during my last few days of my trip to Spain. At least we'll both be speaking Spanish together.

48. Last time you parked under a carport?:

Earlier today...and I will when I go home.

49. Do you have a black dog?

Julie is my African-American friend. We miss you, Julie!!!

50.Can you give one reason why David Caruso is allowed to keep acting?:

Because he gets the job done...with occasional pauses...for dramatic effect...and an icy cool stare.

51. Are you an aunt or uncle?:

Is this some around the bush way of asking what my gender is? Yes, I'm an uncle. YIPPEE!!!

52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know?

Honestly, my friend Bubbles. She claims that her rack is better than her eyes. We'll just agree to disagree...but it's a close race.

53. Last time you saw a semi truck?:

On the way to work.

54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe?:

"And I...hate EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!!!" - Vaguely.

55. Do you have a little black dress?:

No, surprising I don't...but I do have a blue and grey kilt.

Have a great one everybody!!! See you in a few weeks...

Well, It's...Another Saturday Night and I Ain't Got Nobody...

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

After leaving work fairly early in the afternoon, I went home, made me some lunch (spaghetti with chicken, it was pretty damn good if I say so myself) and watched "Mr. Brooks" as the sun was setting. For those who aren't aware, this is the story of Mr. Earl Brooks (Kevin Costner) who just won Man of the Year from the Pittsburg Chamber of Commerce...but he has a terrible secret...he's a schizophrenic serial killer with a creepy William Hurt as his personal Jiminy Cricket. Well, because he's addicted to the rush from killing, he gets a little sloppy...and somebody catches him in the act (Dane Cook). He doesn't go to the cops though, he goes to Mr. Brooks...and wants to feel the rush. Meanwhile, Demi Moore is a detective investigating the murders. The fun times ensue...and it's a pretty creepy movie. I really liked it...which is a bold statement to make for a movie starring Kevin Costner over the last decade or so. He used to be hot stuff with movies like "The Untouchables", "Dances with Wolves", "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves", "Bull Durham", etc. You know what, I'm just going to discuss this later as my list. Check out Mr. Brooks though.


Farewell Party - Last night was the going away party for my friend Nell. A grand time was had by all...and best of all, there was no drama at this party whatsoever...which is a MAJOR accomplishment. The past few times have been...well, awkward at best. I drove there with Bubbles and met up with other friends...including fellow blogger B, who I hadn't seen in a while. I did have a few drinks...but stayed for about three hours so I was good to drive home. Then I had a drunken text conversation with JJ, who just apologized via text message as I was writing this...creepy, right? No apology needed. We've all been there. Hell, the first time that I got drunk when I was 18...I wrote romantic poetry. Stop laughing!!! At least I didn't call her up at 3 AM to see "Wazzuuuuuup?" Good times!!! It's good to see a bunch of your buddies in one setting...especially when you've kinda grown apart and have busy schedules. We're all gonna miss you, Nell (not her real name...but her identity has been changed to protect the innocent)!!!


Navy Midshipmen - After waking up late...and actually falling back to sleep while watching Kansas beat Nebraska 76-39, I started watching the Notre Dame vs. Navy game. I was hoping this was going to be a good game...because going into it, Notre Dame had a 43-game winning streak against Navy. Roger Staubach was Navy's quarterback the last time they beat the Irish in 1963. It was the longest streak in NCAA football history. Notice I said WAS. In triple OT, the Midshipmen beat the Irish, 46-44. I didn't get to see the overtimes because of driving to work...but the second half was very impressive. I like the Irish and they're going through some hard times this year (record of 1-8 now) but I really like watching the Navy vs. Army game each year...because those guys impress me...and here's why:

• Football Practice is the easiest part of their day - Military training on top of learning football...oh yeah...and graduating with a real major like Engineering or Microbiology.
• Football is just another hobby...and they still do it well. These guys aren't playing to be in the NFL. They're playing for the love of the sport and competition, to represent the other men & women at the Naval Academy, and to test their merits against top schools.
• Everybody is an Antwone Fisher - Nearly every player or cadet in general has a story of overcoming adversity and giving 100% plus tax for their country. For example, senior running back Zerbin Singleton had a story involving a mother that died of a drug overdose when he was a kid, father who killed himself, still graduating top of his high school class, wanted to go to Navy but was hit by a drunk driver and broke his collarbone, so went to Georgia Tech for a year, didn't play, then went to Navy for three years, is graduating with a 3.2 GPA in Aerospace Engineering, and is going to be an astronaut. Everybody has a story like this. Selfless, determined, motivated, these are the future leaders and heroes of our nation. One day, you may be saluting to their quarterback as Captain Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada.
• Their style of play - They have played nine games...and their quarter back has thrown 66 passes all year. The Hawaii quarterbacks throw about 66 passes PER GAME, Navy only does seven or eight. Triple options, Wishbone formations, Maryland Isolations, cut blocks, straight up-in your face running. Try and stop us. The goat is probably a fitting logo because they'll just buck it up in their and make you stop them. There's a lot to be said for an upfront style like that. Old school football at it's finest. It was a great game of this historic matchup to watch. I'm a little peeved that I missed the overtimes...but I'll see it on Sportscenter when I get home. The Irish will come back though.

Sorry about that whole blurb about sports. I know that bugs a few of my loyal readers...but it's about so much more than sports that I just had to say it. By the way, the Eagles are going to beat the Cowboys tomorrow night. That is all I have to say...except my predicted score of Eagles 23, Cowboys 13.

Kevin Costner Movies

Medal Winners

Gold - Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) - Again, I'd just like to say...that this is MY list...and though many of you probably have other favorite Kevin Costner movies like "Field of Dreams" (great flick but not on my top three), you're also not me. A star studded cast including the Electric Company's own Morgan Freeman, Christian Slater, James Remar, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, and the voice of God himself, Alan Rickman. "Why a spoon, brother?" "It's dull you twit, it'll hurt more!" Priceless lines throughout...plus plot twists, fire, swordplay, damsels in distress, arrow shooting, Bryan Adams' score, witches, innuendo, drinking, being merry, prison escapes, all that you look for in movies. Oh...and it's even better to see it a second time as Mel Brooks' "Robin Hood: Men in Tights"!!!

Silver - The Untouchables (1987) - The Brian DePalma classic where Costner is Elliot Ness, Sean Connery is Jim Malone, Andy Garcia as Agent Stone, and Robert DeNiro is Al Capone. I've already delved a little bit into this movie before...but it's a great movie too. They're talking about the remake that should hit theatres in a few years...but it's going to be hard to hold a candle to this movie. Prohibition was never so awesome...

Bronze - Dances with Wolves (1990) - "I just pissed my pants...and there's not a damn thing anybody can do about it." Classic. The story of Lt. John Dunbar and his exile to a Civil War outpost in the American West, where he befriends the local tribe and as luck would have it, finds a hot caucasian woman among them named Stands with a Fist (Mary McDonnell). However, this is intolerable to the military, so this leads to conflict. Kevin Costner actually directed this movie...and did a great job with it. "Buffalo!" "Tatonka!!!"

Suggestion - JFK (1991) - Oliver Stone directs this masterpiece about a district attorney who investigates the JFK assassination...but finds there is much more than in the official records. Who's in the movie you ask? How about Gary Oldman, Tommy Lee Jones, Kevin Bacon, Michael Rooker, Joe Pesci, John Candy, Jack Lemmon & Walter Matthau ("The Odd Couple"), Sissy Spacek, Laurie Metcalf, and Donald Sutherland (Kiefer's dad). The movie is long. I'm not going to lie. "Back...and to the left. Back...and to the left. Back.........and to the left. Back...and to the left. Back...and to the left." Hmm, apparently the head went back...and then to the left. I'M GONNA SEE THE GRASSY KNOLL IN LESS THAN A MONTH, Y'ALL!!! THE 6TH FLOOR MUSEUM TOO!!! WOO-HOO!!!

Flush It - The Postman (1997) - See, when you direct a movie like "Dances with Wolves" you can basically do whatever you want from then on...and Hollywood will sponsor you. Case in point, "The Postman" widely regarded as one of the worst big budget movies ever made. "Waterworld" is pretty close too...but he didn't direct that one...so it's not his fault, right? Plot: Post-apocalyptic America in 2013. What begins as a con game becomes one man's quest to rebuild civilization by resuming postal service. I know you're intrigued. Think Mad Max meets Pony Express. I haven't seen it but once...and that was enough...too much perhaps.

Future Watch - Swing Vote (2008) - In a remarkable turn-of-events, the result of the presidential election comes down to one man's vote. Costner is Bud Johnson...and apparently his vote matters (curious to see how that's brought up). Also starring is Stanley Tucci, Dennis Hopper, Kelsey Grammar, Nathan Lane, George Lopez, Judge Reinhold (remember him?), and cameos by Willie Nelson, Arianna Huffington, and Richard Petty. God I hope it's a comedy. The New Daughter (2009) - A single father moves his two children to rural Illinois, only to watch his daughter exhibit increasingly strange behavior. Apparently, it's a horror movie...but with a sell like that, it sounds like Tuesday. We'll see. Why do I even mention it? Guess who the daughter is. Ivana Baquero. Still don't know who she is?

She's the little girl Ofelia from "Pan's Labyrinth." Have you seen that movie? It's an R-rated fairy tale with blood & guts and Nazi Spain and sexy Spanish subtitles and people sewing themselves back together and about 27% fantasy, the rest horrible gore and Spanish anger & vulgarity. Not what I was expecting with a name like Pan's Labyrinth. I was expecting David Bowie and CGI dwarves and stuff. It's an okay movie and all...but don't take the kids to see it. Hell, leave the teenagers at home too. Just trust me.

Anyway, that's enough for tonight. I've got work to do. Have a great Saturday night!!!

Day of Movies

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, since yesterday, not a whole heck of a lot has happened except kicking back and watching a few movies after getting stuff ready for my trip yesterday. Oh yeah...and I'm working early again...but it leaves my afternoon and evening free to attend the going-away party of my buddy Nell as she moves to Denver for a new job. We wish her the best...and we'll gladly get drunk enough to tell her, so that she knows it's the truth.


Yesterday afternoon, I watched one of the coolest action movies ever made for the first time. One of the great action movies from director John Woo, "Hard Boiled" (1992). All I knew about this movie beforehand was that John Woo directed it before he came to the states and it was the basis of the video game that he just helped develop called "Stranglehold." The show was extremely awesome. Be prewarned, that it had subtitles...but stars Chow Yun Fat & Tony Leung and a spitload of guns. There are probably more bullets fired than frames of film in the movie. It's a great story about cops, undercover cops, gun smugglers, loyalty, babies, betrayal, explosions, honor, courage, sacrifice, and a lot of slow motion shots, slides down armrails, jumping through windows, sliding on tabletops, spinning away from oncoming bullets, diving behind cover, it's just a great movie and shot with extreme precision so that you feel like you're one of the cops going to war with them or something. If you love action movies...and I know you do, you NEED to check out this movie. That's right, I said "NEED" to check out this movie.


Miss JL Clyde stopped by last night so that we could continue her zombie research for her paper (I'm not joking, by the way). We watched "28 Weeks Later" and I know that I've gone over how zombie movies don't really scare me that much...but this one was actually pretty good. It stars Robert Carlyle ("Full Monty" & "Formula 51") but that's really about it...and a bunch of bloody extras. Some of the gore seemed...a little unnecessary...but whatever, it's to be expected. The movie was shot with a plethora of different quick, jaunted, first-person camera views with made it feel like watching Blair Witch or some Bigfoot hoax video...and on the big screen can make you feel kind of queasy and dizzy...but it adds to the element of "Did you see that?" "See what?" "When it panned over, did you see that thing in the corner?" "What the hell are you talking about?" RAAAR!!! "Ah zombie!!!" Also, I don't know what it is about kids with the English accent...but I always want them to die in movies. Violently actually. It happened with Narnia. It happened with this movie. Even with that live action Peter Pan movie a few years ago, I'm not sure what it is...but that accent just makes me wanna rage like the 'zombies' in this movie. "I wont to see me brutha, guv'nah." RAAAR!!! The only accent that could be more irritating is a French accent. Oh...by the way, "28 Months Later" is in production. Sorry if that kind of spoils it for ya...but if you haven't seen it before Halloween, then you probably don't care.


Instead of watching another zombie movie, we decided to watch "Spiderman 3" which was pretty good. Still not over the fact that Topher Grace is Venom. Anyway, I've already talked about this movie before. Fingers crossed, I hope "Spiderman 4" is the whole Total Carnage series into one movie...but I'm kind of a nerd like that. JL Clyde & I also had the whole logic discussion about "Where does Spiderman's web comes from?" and that led to it being really sticky...and shooting out of his hands...and well, you can kind of figure how the humor went when he was trying to shoot it into the bad guy's eyes or he & his girlfriend were lying back in a web, looking at the stars. "Peter, this web is...really messing up my dress." "It's okay MJ, just don't get it in your hair."


I Was Way Off - Ladies & Gentlemen, it has just come to my attention that the best backsides in all the world, allegedly, do NOT come from Brazil. Apparently, they're from the Balkans. Yesterday, a 19-year Bulgarian woman named Kristina Dimitrova and 24-year old Romanian Andrei Andrei (not a typo, that's the dude's name) won modeling contracts from a backside beauty contest in Munich. Some 15,000 people from 29 countries sent in their entries (also accepted at this site if you think you can top it). I have to say, that is a nice backside. I'm also very intrigued by the blue tattoo on the leg but somehow, I feel my eye drawn back towards the center of the picture. Anyway, so yeah, good for them.


The Spiderman Defense - Though many have effectively used the Chewbacca Defense in a courtroom setting...but none have been able to effectively use the Spiderman Defense. Case in point, an Australian man named Philip Spiers (hmm, close to Spiders...) kidnapped and raped a woman in 1997...and was convicted and sentenced to 8 years in jail on Wednesday. His defense - He plead guilty (and it still took ten years) but told a court that the poison from a funnel-web spider bite had left him with a viral illness which led to his actions. There was no medical records to back him up...so now he lives Australia in it's traditional fashion...as a prison. If I were in his shoes, I would have blamed it on gamma radiation or something. "Your Honor, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." (That's a Hulk joke for the nerd impaired out there)


Robin Williams Movies


Medal Winners


Gold - The Birdcage (1996) - Say what you will...but I think this movie is hilarious from beginning to end and I enjoy it everytime that I see it. He & Nathan Lane are hilarious...and Hank Azaria is right up there with them. It's the story of a homosexual couple (Williams & Lane) living in South Beach and William's son is coming to visit because he was recently engaged...to the daughter of a conservative senator/Presidential candidate (played by Gene Hackman) and they wanted to meet his family. Definite rental material.


Silver - Dead Poets Society (1989) - When he wants to be a more serious actor, he can do that too. It's a coming of age movie and through their English Professor, a group of Ivy League bound college kids learn to Carpe Diem - Seize the Day...and who else could teach them this but Mork from Ork??? I haven't seen "Good Will Hunting" (gasp) but I'm sure it'd be a very similar role. Also, oddly enough, three years before this movie came out, Mr. Williams was in a movie titled..."Seize the Day" about a salesman who lost his job, girlfriend, and sanity. I may have to check it out. I'm sure it's not related to this story. Just thought I'd share that with you.


Bronze - Toys (1992) - I liked this movie as a kid...and I still did when I saw it last year again. When a military general (Michael Gambon) inherits a toy making company and begins making war toys, his employees band together to stop him before he ruins the name of Zevo Toys forever. Also stars Joan Cusack and has smaller appearances by LL Cool J and Jamie Foxx. It's directed by Barry Levinson, so it's a crazy cooky good time. If you haven't seen it yet, I suggest checking it out. Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention that on this list, I'm only including live action movies with Robin Williams, not all the cartoon and CGI stuff like "Aladdin", "Robots", "Happy Feet", etc.


Suggestion - Insomnia (2002) - You may not think that Robin Williams can be creepy. Think again. This was Christopher Nolan's follow-up to "Memento" and it's about a killer in Alaska (Williams) being pursued by a detective from out of town (Al Pacino). Though it mainly centers around the detective inability to sleep and the problems that it causes, Williams does a great job of creating an eerie feeling of self-righteousness and is genuinely creepy at some points. If that doesn't work for you, watch "One Hour Photo" (also 2002) about a stalker film developer. You'll buy a digital camera, the next day (unless you're into that darkroom stuff like my buddy The Mad Scientist).


Flush It - Father's Day (1997) - Maybe it was just the expectations of having Robin Williams and Billy Crystal in a movie together...or the plot of "Hi, I'm the mom of a runaway teenager...and I slept with both of you around the time of his conception. I don't know who the father really is...so why don't you guys go find him for me? That'll help." The ending was even better. "Surprise, it was the third dad that raised him the whole time. I so punk'd you guys. Tehehe. Now, if you'll help me move next week, that'd be sweet." Yeah, this movie really sucked to me...but whatever. It did have a special musical appearance by Sugar Ray.


Future Watch - Old Dogs (2008) - Williams and John Travolta star as two friends and business partners who find their lives turned upside down when strange circumstances lead to them being placed in the care of 7-year-old twins. How could this not be a good movie? We shall see. Also, there's the Krazees (2008) where he stars as a schizophrenic psychologist. Ooooh, that's gotta be a good one. Anyway, I'd better get back to being a schizophrenic psychologist myself...so have a great weekend!!!

Be Prepared

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I'm just taking a break from scurrying about and getting final preparations ready for my trip starting on Monday. I'm still going to have to do some laundry or something over the weekend...but other than that. I'm pretty much ready to go. I really am going to miss blogging to you guys...but I always take notes (especially when I plan on drinking a little) and plan on letting you know all about it...and hopefully inspire you to go see the world too.

Facial Hair - Well, it has been officially one year since I started this whole facial hair thing...and the results have been pretty average. Now, I'm wondering if I should go back to my babyface days or keep going with the devil's haircut. What do you guys think? Excuse me, what do you ladies think? Guys, feel free to sound off too...but obviously it's not intended for you. No offense. It's fairly easy maintenance, I tend to stroke my chinhairs, I'm even told that it tickles a little bit when I kiss, but is it sexy or anything? Will I lose my loyal fanbase of hotties with trimming a few whiskers? I'd like to think not...but let me know. By the way, thanks for all the comments recently. They're a lot of fun to hear and greatly appreciated. It's nice to know that people actually kinda read this thing. Anyway, here are some before and after shots. Forgive me, but the latest pictures I have of me without facial hair are from my Scotland trip three years ago...and I wore glasses. I'm the tall guy in the middle surrounded by my ladies...cuz that's how a playa do.

I warned you it was a bad picture...at least of me.

Still surrounding myself in beautiful women...

Other than that vacation preparation stuff, I don't have a whole lot of plans today except kick back maybe watch "Spiderman 3" or something. Oh yeah, yesterday I watched "License to Wed" with Robin Williams, John Krasinski, and the highly doable Mandy Moore. It was pretty good. A little cheesy...but Robin Williams is who he is...and apparently he's hilarious. This morning I watched "Carlito's Way: Rise to Power." Yes, even though my only image was Puffy in a mink, I thought it was worth a shot. It was a pretty good movie, especially considering it was a straight-to-DVD budget movie. Jay Hernandez does a pretty good movie of carrying this thing with a supporting cast including Mario Van Peebles, Juan Guzman, Burt Young, and of course, Sean "P. Diddy" Combs as Hollywood Nicki, druglord of Harlem. Poppin' Diddy Fresh actually did a pretty good tough mob boss in the few scenes that he had...but the movie is nowhere near the masterpiece of the Brian DePalma film with Al Pacino. Besides, the stories don't line up at all theatrically (this one's a prequel to the Al Pacino one) so that kind of bugged me. No more details though. Go check them out...especially the great one.

Martina Hingis Retires Again - I'm not much of a tennis fan...but there is one tennis player that I just can't help but watch. No, not Maria Sharapova or Anna Kournikova. Martina Hingis, my little foxy Swiss Miss, winner of Wimbledon and 5 Grand Slams announced today that she is going to retire (like she did six years ago but pulled an MJ to comeback two years ago). Her reason for doing so at this time, is because she has been accused of testing positive for cocaine at Wimbledon. "I find this accusation so horrendous, so monstrous that I've decided to confront it head on by talking to the press," she said. "I am frustrated and angry. I believe that I am absolutely 100 percent innocent." First off, I believe her...and secondly, it doesn't matter. If she wants to party while in England, that's her thing. I can't blame her for that. It's not a performance-enhancing drug last I checked. Quite the opposite, I thought. Maybe she should get special consideration with that in mind. "Side out! It hit the line." "What? Somebody say line? (Sniff sniff)" I don't know about all the validity of these drug tests. I'm not a chemist, nor do I claim to be (one of the few things I don't claim to be).

Either way, it doesn't matter. She's retired now...and can spend time with her loving family without having to be criticized by allegations of drug use like she's a pop princess or something. You'll always be my Swiss Miss tennis hottie named after a Eastern European she-male tennis champion. You always knew how to play the game - Fair, well, and sexy. If you ever find your way over to Utah, stop on by. I'll cook you up some fondue (I have the pot, fondue pot that is) and we can talk about the good old days on tour. No yayo though, please. I'm just saying it's a house rule. I didn't mean anything by it. Just because Scarface is all over the walls doesn't mean that stuff flies here. "Rule #2 - Never get high on your own supply."

Andy Reid's Family Drama - Speaking of such matters. Andy Reid is the head football coach of the Philadelphia Eagles, my favorite team since I was eight years old...and he's been there for a decade or so. However, his sons are a couple of winners...and the grand prize is jail time. 24-year old Garrett Reid was sentenced to 23 months in jail for crashing into another driver while high on heroin. He has had a long history of drug use. Also, his 22-year old brother Britt is awaiting sentencing for pointing a handgun at the other driver after the accident. Say what you will about him being a f**king idiot, but at least he had his brother's back. Kids, don't do drugs. Please please pleeeeease don't do drugs. You have no idea what it does to your family, friends, coworker buddies, acquaintances at coffee shops, other drivers on our roads, all the other people that you influence on a daily basis...oh yeah...and it's not to good on YOU either. Anyway, that's my plea...but you're going to do what you think is right...and I respect that. I'd say "What Would Jesus Do?" but he seemed like a bit of a hippie. I blame his parents. What did they want for baby presents? Frankensense and Myrrh? I'm not sure what that's good for...but I'm pretty sure that Joseph & Mary toked up that night after the baby went to sleep. Sorry, had to lighten it up a little bit there. I like to pull out the Holy Material once in a while. I also feel a soft spot for Andy Reid because he looks so much like my stepdad. Just say no!!!

Flexibility is Never Ever Overrated - As you may know, I'm quite the fanatic of flexibility. In Germany, a 19-year old woman escaped prison by folding herself up into another woman's suitcase and she walked right out the front door. Neither have been caught...but it doesn't really matter for the 19-year old because she's serve out the last two weeks of her sentence with no additional jailtime IF caught. Why? It is not illegal to break out of jail in Germany. It's what's known by Steve McQueen fans as "The Great Escape Clause." Why do you think Hogan's Heroes had such a cake walk time at their camp? They serve schnitzel, beer, and spatzel to inmates. Damn, I wanna spend 30 days in a German prison. It's like a month long vacation. They probably even sing "Schnitzelbank" with beer maidens decked to the nines. Those German know how to create a society...now. So yeah, keep stretching girls. You never know when it'll come in handy. Besides, it's a lot of fun in the right circumstances.

Well, that's gonna do me for right now. Back to getting things squared away and ready for my adventure into Europe. Join me tomorrow when we talk about...whatever. Maybe I'll do another movie list. I haven't done one of those in a while...and Robin Williams is a great actor comedian. Why not? So until tomorrow, have fun, stay away from drugs (unless you're looking for a rebound), and keep stretching. Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease...

Happy Halloween

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I guess yesterday was my first non-blogging day of the month. (Gasp) But don't worry, it'll happen a LOT in November (remember, two-week trip to Europe and weekend in Dallas...oh and spending Thanksgiving with the family/work). Yesterday, I went over to my dad's where he was watching the James Cameron flick "Aliens" which I had bought him last Christmas (because I rock). I showed up for the last half...and we had a fun old time watching it. After that, we headed to the IHOP to get some food in our bellies. I'm not talking about IHOP...but THE IHOP, where $teve likes to take his dates for many reasons. Among others...

• It's Cheap - The money that you save by eating there, as opposed to some snobby French restaurant, you can use for greater things...like donations to local charities, paying off student loans, various massage and body oils, the Ring True Foundation, sexy novelty elephant underwear, the possibilities are endless.


• It's Delicious - The food is scrumptuous. Best of all the food is fat-free. By that, I mean the fat is free with purchase of meal...but for those of us who like a little cushion with their pushin' and can appreciate a girl that can down a Philly Cheese Steak Super Stacker, onion rings, AND a side of chocolate flapjacks...and STILL have the ability to raise the big top in my one-ring circus, it's a great place.


• It's Menu is Diverse - Whether you want breakfast, lunch, dinner, kid's menu, country fixins, cheesesteaks, bacon, fajitas, talapia, rabbit food, whatever, they've got it. Don't get me started on the beverages. If they only had a bar...


• It's a Great Way to Gauge Reactions - Are you dating a Golddigger? If you suggest IHOP and she rolls her eyes, ball one. "Why don't we go to the Melting Pot or something?" Ball two. Mmm, that was a delicious meal and you're quite funny...and seem to think the same about me (bonus, strike one). Oh look, the check has arrived. You look at me like I should instinctively offer to pay for your meal (waive off that pitch, time for the slider). "So, it looks like your half is about ten bucks, I'll take care of the tip." "I ugh...didn't bring my money." Ball three...and she really going to have a hard time catching a cab home if she doesn't answer this next question to my liking. Ball four means that you're walking...home. "Okay, that's cool. I have a better idea. (Leans in to whisper something in her ear) Look, I really like you...and I think that you're incredibly sexy...which is why I want to give you one more chance. Whattaya say we make a run for it?" "Really?" "Yeah really. Why do you think I parked so far away from the restaurant? Okay, so I'm going to go to the bathroom (wink wink) and I'll meet you by the Barnes & Noble across the parking lot." "That sounds so dangerous...and hot (Strike two because she thinks I'm hot) Let's do it!!!" STRIKE THREE, we're out!!!


• The Staff is Usually Really Nice - Which is why I do actually pay for my meal...but still the above scenario is pleasing on many many levels when it works to my satisfaction...and among many reasons why I'm single. The real response is usually "Are you f**king kidding me? (Yes) I can't f**king believe this. Never call me again you cheap bastard. F**king IHOP??? And now you want to welch on the check??? (Quiet down, you're causing a scene, narc) Take me home!!! (That's four balls, you walk home)" "What? I would never do something like that. I'm sorry everybody, this girl is mentally ill...and DON'T TRY TO BLAME THIS ON YOUR HERPES TOO!!! If anything, it's the Hepatitis." That's right, if you mess with me in public, I'll say that you have genital warts. I don't care if it's your family's Thanksgiving dinner. Let that be a lesson to all the crazy, dramatic girls out there. But yeah, the staff is pretty nice...and can't press charges if you actually pay the bill. There's another lesson for ya.

After lunch, we headed out to Bountiful Lake. If you've never heard of Bountiful Lake, allow me to give you directions. Take the Centerville exit off I-15, turn left towards the garbage dump, it's on the southeastern end of the dump, adjacent to the Legacy Highway (still under construction) and within smelling range of the oil refineries. However, it's surprisingly calming and beautiful given it's location...and a great place to snag some fishies. I hadn't gone fishing in about ten to fifteen years before Tuesday, so this was nostalgic of the good ol' days. Just me, my dad, the fish, and some kids scurrying around on those roller scooters. Except for the beeping of nearby construction vehicles going in reverse, it was very peaceful...and my dad & I talked about...well, whatever. We hadn't seen eachother in a few weeks, so we caught up and talked about family, fun trips, fixing cars, and basically just trying to make eachother laugh. I even had time to work in a "Dad, you're my dad and...I love you man!!!" "You're not getting my Bud Light. HAHAHAHAHA!!!" If you don't remember that commercial (or weren't born yet), I apologize. It was a good one. No fish were caught...but we still went home with full bellies and smiles. You can't really ask for much more than that, right? Here are some pictures from my camera phone. I have some others of ducks on my other camera...but there was unpleasantness with my computer...so I'll add them on later.

Movie Night - For Movie Night, we had a total of five attendees comprised of Bubbles, Mr. & Mrs. Wingman, my friend/coworker JJ, and myself. We watched "Love Actually" but it was more like the background noise to our good times. Then something happened. As you may know, Mr. Wingman and I are smartasses. We say smartass things to get a laugh out of people...and unfortunately, especially if people are introduced for the first time, these smartass comments can be taken the unintended way. It doesn't mean anybody did anything wrong or things were taken the wrong way...just that there was a miscommunication. It happens. Still, I think that we had a good time...and I look forward to many future Movie Nights.

On a similar note, Box Girl didn't make it...but she had told me that later Monday (worked last night), so it was no surprise. However, we may be doing something later in the week. (Fingers crossed) So wish me luck, huh. Let's see, other than that. Nothing much has gone on today...except due to popular demand, I am at work in my Chewbacca outfit. Some of my other coworkers are in great outfits. Bubbles is a badass police officer. That's really about all that you would know from my blog. Check out the guns!!!

So I was changing into my Chewbacca outfit in the bathroom stalls at work...and it reminded me of something that you might find interesting. The situation arises where I'll be the only person in a public bathroom with multiple stalls. After I get well into my #2 procedure, somebody else will come in & have to do their business as well. I've been in there for a few minutes...and I'm not one of those people who are unaware that their feces does not emit an unpleasant odor. Back in the day, I would be awfully nervous to make audible fratulence with somebody in the stall next to me...but I've found a solution...and hopefully it'll spread like wildfire. "Good sir, I challenge you to a Farting Duel!!! Do you accept my challenge? Toot once for yes, twice for no." "Are you talking to me?" "I am. Now do you accept my challenge...or will you be a coward?" "Well, when you put it like that..." Then we see who can make the rudest noise or make the other cough uncontrollably until a winner is crowned. Really though, we're both winners...because we weren't afraid...and we both dropped kids off at the pool. Anyway, that's my thought on the situation.

Well, not much else going on with me at this moment...so I'll leave you with a wonderful little love horoscope thing that I tried. I think it's surprisingly accurate...but you listen to my BS, let me know what you think...and have a Happy Halloween!!!

Taurus - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits: You tend to stick with relationships - through the good and the bad.You are a great listener and tend to give valuable advice.Cautious and careful, you never jump in recklessly... saving yourself from heartbreak. Your negative traits: Money is very important to you, so much so that it's a cause of arguments in relationships.If your lover isn't loyal or attentive enough to you, your eyes start to wander...You tend to keep things inside - so your partner may not know when or why you're upset. Your ideal partner: Is stable, serious, and ready to be committed to you.Is successful and able to provide you with the lifestyle you crave.A true romantic, who is willing to express their desire for your heart. Your dating style: Comfortable and traditional. You'd love to have a nice meal at a cozy restaurant. Your seduction style: Love comes first for you before you'd even think of intimacy.Traditional: you're not a cold fish - but you're not into kink either.Pleasing... you always make sure that your partner is having a good time. Tips for the future: Be willing to change your mind. Who you think is the love of your life may be very wrong for you.Try listening to your mate. While your stubborn streak is hard to break, sometimes your partner knows best.Lighten up! The first months of a relationship should be about fun, not intentions. Best color to attract mate: Pale blue Best day for a date: Friday

What's" Your Love Profile?

Movie Night is a GO!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Movie Night may actually be a feasible thing now. What's even better than that? It's going to be tomorrow night. What's even better than that? Box Girl has been officially invited and she has my number...and expressed a lot of interest. Yippee!!! I'm not getting too excited, since it is only for a movie, but it's a good start. Scratch that, a great start. She has the digits. Now, we just have to decide on a movie. Any suggestions? It was going to be "Breakfast Club" but now I'm thinking of something with a little more girl-on-girl action. Maybe "Bound" or something. I'm open to other suggestions though. So far it's Box Girl (possibly), Bubbles, and myself...but we'll see. Even if it's just the three of us, that's a fun night full of Jaegerbombs, Mike's Hard Cranberry Lemonade, and a little gettin' to know ya. Maybe we'll watch a scary movie...so the girls can just squeeze up on me for protection thanks to the giant screen and surround sound of the Cooliseum theatre. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

My Brother has a Job Now!!! - My brother now has a part-time job, which is good...because it's better than a no-time job. Congratulations to him...and just in time because I think my sister-in-law is about ready to sit down for the last few months of the pregnancy. She's carrying around a large child. He's probably gonna come out looking like a three-year old. Wish her luck guys & gals, she's going to need it. I'll keep you posted on whether he likes it or not...but hopefully he does.

I hung out with my dad for a few hours today before coming to work. We flipped through the channels and watched "The Frighteners" which is a great flick. However, we were watching it on AMC, so it was butchered all to Hell...and nothing made sense. I had to fill in the gaps to my dad...and then said, "You know what. I have the extended version at home, I'll just bring it by someday and you can watch this masterpiece in its entirety." This was one of the worst TV-butchered movies that I had ever seen. It's right up there with watching "Pulp Fiction" on KJZZ a few years back. I understand WHY television stations have to butcher for time and content...but I just don't feel that they should. It also makes me wonder how watching the late night horror flicks that they've been advertising would be. All the Halloweens, Friday the 13ths, the Ninth Gate, and other horror flicks that I've never seen...I wouldn't even bother watching them on AMC or whatever now. What'd be the point? The choppy and ridiculous plot would just be made even worse by cutting out the supplementary stuff, right? Oh well, enough about my boring day...and here's the news...

Baseball Season Not Yet Over - Even though Boston won the World Series last night, there's still round-the-clock coverage on baseball. Why? The Yankees are hiring a manager...and apparently it's Joe Girardi, a former catcher with the team instead of Don Mattingly. Say what you will, it's a good business decision because of Girardi's experience...but I can feel for Don Mattingly a little bit. As you know, I've asked before, "How can I get experience if you won't gimme a job?" Sorry Mr. Baseball, you're time will come soon. I suggest going to greener pastures anyway...like the Marlins. I hear they have an opening now.


Save the 'Shrooms - Of course, anything to do with Amsterdam makes my blog. Protesters turned out on Dam Square hoping to stop the government from banning Magic Mushrooms. About a hundred shroomers showed up carrying signs reading "Boss of your own Brain" and "When will they ban bread?" (I didn't get that one) and wearing toadstool shaped hats that they recently bought at a Halloween-time Super Mario nostalgia sale. It joins the trend of the ever-shrinking Amsterdam with the reduced Red Light District but honestly, they're just trying to make Amsterdam a better family-oriented location (because that's where the real money is at) and you can't hate on that. What I'm thinking is that they should make a New Amsterdam. Oh yeah, they already tried that...and eventually it became New York City. Then how about a NEW New Amsterdam? A place not so rich in history...but filthy rich with debauchery. Or how about I just get over there while the getting's good? I've never done mushrooms...nor do I ever really plan to...but I respect that these shroomers have the balls (and free time) to protest. I just don't think they're going to win. Nice hats though.

Well, that's really about it today, I think. Not in a big typing mood. I am really excited about tomorrow night though. Hopefully Box Girl comes through...and we can have a good ol' time together and see how it goes. Stranger things have happened. Anyway, wish me luck...and share some movie suggestions. Oh...and to answer your previous question, it looks something like this...

Have you ever wondered if protesters realize how ridiculous they look sometimes???