Saturday, July 5, 2008

Activate Hero Shield

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
After work last night, I met up with Brooklyn at Ex-Wives Place (house party was apparently cancelled) and had a few beers. Good times. I showed up just before last I basically just sit back & watched intoxicated individuals celebrate America's birthday, Life, Liberty, & the Pursuit of Happiness in general. I bought a round of shots...and was instantly everybody's friend. Not a bad way to drop twenty bucks...but I doubt anyone will remember me this morning. Anyway, after an hour or so, I drove Brooklyn home & made sure that she got home safe. She was appreciative...and sent a few text messages saying so. She was a little tipsy but it's all in a day's work. I like being the designated driver because then I know that my friends get home safe. It really eases my mind. For example, the other night I was driving Bubbles home and I was being a smartass & said something that was construed as me being her chauffeur. "Oh, so that's how you feel about this? Like I'm just using you as my chauffeur?" "No, I like being your chauffeur. We have fun & you get home safe. Win-win." Besides, when you ask drunk people for gas money...sometimes they give you more than expected. Anyway, after that I talked to my brother for a few minutes (wife was camping at my mom's) then went to bed.

Today, I'm working late yet again. Really have NO idea what they're going to do when/if I change jobs. When I'm gone, who is going to work every holiday? Most weekends? Honestly, at that point, it's not my problem. Got a call from my buddy Airon today. He's sending me a wedding invitation for 8/8/08 and I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to make it (really haven't seen him in a while) but we shall see. Now for some slightly morbid news...

Bozo Dies - Larry Harmon, who turned the character Bozo the Clown into a show business staple that delighted children for more than a half-century, died at his home Thursday of congestive heart failure. He was 83. Although not the original Bozo (that was actually Pinto Colvig, who voiced Goofy in 1946), Harmon portrayed the popular clown in countless appearances and, as an entrepreneur, he licensed the character to others, particularly dozens of television stations around the country. The stations in turn hired actors to be their local Bozos. "You might say, in a way, I was cloning BTC (Bozo the Clown) before anybody else out there got around to cloning DNA," Harmon told the AP in a 1996 interview. My condolences go out to his wife of 29 years, Susan Harmon, who indicated Harmon was the perfect fit for Bozo. "He was the most optimistic man I ever met. He always saw a bright side; he always had something good to say about everybody. He was the love of my life." That's great stuff right there. I can only hope that when (if) I pass, somebody would say stuff like that about me. Although clowns may be universally recognized as the creepiest things ever…you have to admire the people who portray them and bring smiles to children (and occasionally make them piss their pants in fear). So long Bozo!!!

Fun-eral Songs - At Centennial Park, the largest cemetery and crematorium in the southern city of Adelaide, Australia, only two hymns still rank among its top 10 most popular funeral songs: "Amazing Grace" and "Abide With Me." Leading the funeral chart is crooner Frank Sinatra's classic hit "My Way," followed by Louis Armstrong's version of "Wonderful World." Among other less conventional choices were "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" by the Monty Python comedy team, "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead," "Hit the Road Jack," "Another One Bites the Dust" and "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead." The Led Zeppelin and AC/DC rock anthems "Stairway to Heaven" & "Highway to Hell" rank outside the top 10, but have gained ground in recent years as more Australians give up traditional Christian hymns. Now, I've told my mom that there are a few VERY IMPORTANT things if (God forbid) she or anyone out there is in charge of my funeral.

  1. There must be an open bar
  2. I want a Jazz funeral kind of procession with upbeat music…or if a live band proves too expensive…then to just play some of my premade mixes like "Let's Get It On", "Funk Me Gently", or "Funk Me Again." I don't believe I've talked about the last one yet…but as you can guess, it's funky & upbeat.
  3. In the pictures that will be displayed, along with the surprisingly few photos of me growing up, you have my permission to Photoshop my face on as many pictures as you want…as long as it gets a laugh. You could have me as the guy who knocked Sonny Liston out, the 5th Beatle, a tattoo on the small of Angelina's back (or newest on Megan Fox), cover of GQ magazine or some Calvin Klein underwear ad, superimposed on Tony Montana during the final shootout of Scarface, whatever.
  4. Every eulogy or speech must start with "I remember the first time that I saw $teve's penis. It was that magical (holiday) in (country or major U.S. city) and we had a few too many to drink… (story continues from there)" I don't care if it's my grandma up at the podium. My will be done.
  5. Also, every eulogy or speech must contain the words "chesticles" AND "schpedoinkal" at least once…and end with the speaker giving my wax statue a high five or handshake (be gentle though, I may be brittle)
There are a few others that I've forgotten over the years…but the point is that I don't want people to remember the way I died…but rather the way I lived. Trying my best to experience new things, help others, & just spread the Love. Just have a good time, it's a party y'all. Hopefully this won't be an issue for another 150 years or so…but you never know. They say that the good die young…and if Billy Joel sang it, you know it has to be true.
Wanna Be A Mushroom Guinea Pig? - Researchers at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore said Tuesday that the "spiritual" effects of psilocybin from so-called sacred mushrooms last for more than a year and may offer a way to help patients with fatal diseases or addictions. The researchers also said their findings show there are safe ways to test psychoactive drugs on willing volunteers, if guidelines are followed. Of the volunteers who took the one-day test of psilocybin, 22 of the 36 had a "complete" mystical experience, based on a detailed questionnaire. Griffiths said 21 continued to rate highly on this standardized scale 14 months later. "Even at the 14-month follow-up, 58 percent of 36 volunteers rated the experience on the psilocybin session as among the five most personally meaningful experiences of their lives and 67 percent rated it among the five most spiritually significant experiences of their lives." Now, I've never experienced mushrooms based on mixed testimony from people who shall remain nameless…but I do like the idea of this stuff being used to ease pain with fatal diseases & addictions. Well, wouldn't this just replace the addiction? Well, as long as mushrooms are better than heroin or something, I guess it's okay. Anyway, keep an eye on the classifieds in your area for the chance to help experiment with these mushrooms, I guess. Be careful out there though. Experiment in moderation…and with people that you trust.

Or Else This Might Happen - Lynne Rice of Norwalk drove her 1988 Cadillac into Joe's Food Mart and Video on Sunday evening, Los Angeles County sheriff's Lt. Jenny Ha said. The car plowed about halfway through the store but nobody was injured. Rice got out of the car, walked over to the cooler, pulled out a six-pack of Budweiser beer, and attempted to purchase it. Needless to say, the transaction wasn't completed, Rice was taken to a hospital for examination because she had a pre-existing medical condition, arrested for investigation of misdemeanor driving under the influence, and then released on $15,000 bail. Damage to the store was put at about $8,000. Always have a designated driver. You don't wanna be in one of these stories…and these are the good ones where nobody was hurt. They really only get worse in these circumstances. Be safe out there this weekend.

Anyway, that concludes the Public Service Announcement for the day. Sorry it was a little morbid...but that's just how the news was today. Man, the past few days have been kind of downers on this thing. My apologies. Maybe these will help cheer you up before you finish this.

Okay, I'm not going to lie...

This one's for me!!!

At least I've got tomorrow off. No plans or anything...but we shall see. Have a great, fun, safe weekend!!! Hope you all enjoyed the fireworks last night!!!

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