Won Fish, Too Fish, Read Fish, Blew Fish Up

Good Afternoon again Ladies & Gentlemen,

This Tequila Tuesday, as previously said a few times, I will share my photos from my adventure to the Living Planet Aquarium in beautiful Sandy (city, not girl, that would be weird). Enjoy these pictures...but I'm telling ya, they're ten times better to see in person...or at least in streaming media format (still trying to figure it out between calls at work).

First, here is the sea life that is indigenous to the Great Salt Lake, the Brine Shrimp. There was also a wonderful trout exhibition as well. Delicious!!!

Limp Bizkit had that album out back when I was in high school called "Chocolate Starfish & the Hot Dog Flavored Water" and all this time I thought it was just a stupid heroine induced mixture of worlds by Fred Durst...and then I witnessed the Chocolate Chip Starfish in all its glory.

Here's another starfish struggling for his freedom...

Here's a pretty sponge thing that was in the back of one of the tanks...but this was the best picture that I could get of it due to the high content of fecal fish matter in the tank.

Here's a baby giant octopus. Okay, it's just an octopus.

This lobster named Grumpy is over 100 years old...and doesn't look a day over 60.

Here's a picture of my aquarium buddy JL petting the ever dangerous stingray. She knows that one of this rays cousins took down the Crocodile Hunter, but she's such a rebel that she tickles this ray...and then laughs. Hahahahaha...

The Sharks in this aquarium were really fast as this picture indicates....

...but using my high-speed shutter, I was able to get this picture shortly before a shark lounged out of the tank & landed on me.

Afterwards, we had sushi.

Panda Update - As you know, I am always interested in the world that revolves around the magnificent Panda. In my previous entry Panda-monium I told of my adventures to Chengdu, deep in the Sichuan Province of the People's Republic of China two years ago. Well, these gentle & noble creatures are making a splash in the 2008 Olympics as well...and not in the diving competition. The Chinese research center in Chengdu that houses some 60 pandas also produces about 300 tons of fecal matter. Normally, the center spends about 6000 Yuan ($750) per year on disposal...but they have a fabulous idea. They're recycling the feces....into souveniors for the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games. Jing Shimin, assistant to the director of the center (watch "The Office") defended these bowel movement bookmarks, photo frames, fans, & panda statues by saying "They don't smell too bad because 70% of the dung is just remains of the bamboo that the pandas are unable to digest." OH!!! Well in that case, put me down for a frame to surround the picture of a loved one...and a fan so I can feel that warm summer breeze on my face.

Conspiracy of the Day - The Chinese Government is selling people POOP for souveniors. There's no conspiracy, it's real. They're not even hiding it in a half-inch layer of wax and saying that it's a statue. Fool me once shame on you. Next time that we get the Olympics in the US, it'll probably be in New York, I say that we give them rat crap. Oh wait, that's not American. Give them Grizzly Biscuits to wash down their 'Possum Pie. Mmm mmm mmm...now that's culture.

Retraction of the Day - That whole thing about Kevin Garnett yesterday has new information. Instead of four role players for one superstar, the trade actually went through officially with SEVEN role players for one superstar. With three former All-Stars & a former MVP on their roster, the Boston Celtics may have a good team on their hands...and a lot of job openings. My apologies for this premature information ejaculation...but I get so excited about basketball. Usually it's Sue Bird or Diana Taurasi of the WNBA that causes it though. Did you know that I hooked up with them once at a UConn kegger once? Oh wait, that's never happened......yet. Oh God, am I still typing? Subject change!!! So Kevin Garnett joins Paul Pierce & Ray Allen a.k.a. Jesus Shuttlesworth ("He Got Game" is a great movie) on a historic franchise that's been in the dumps for....well, about two decades since Larry Bird hurt his back...but it looks like as long as they stay healthy, they could make a run in the playoffs...and maybe lose to whoever comes out of the Western Conference in the Finals...probably the Spurs again. Good luck Boston!!!

Another Conspiracy of the Day - I wonder if the timing of this blockbuster trade, which was thought to never ever happen during the draft a month ago, has anything to do with the recent investigation by the FBI into the referee that gambled on games he officiated. I would never think that the great David Stern would do anything to take the attention of the media off that situation and place it on "The Big Ticket" Kevin Garnett. Just something to think about...but I couldn't blame him if that were the case.

Celebrity Birthday - Michael Biehn turns 51 today. You may remember Mr. Biehn from one of my first blog entries of random thoughts...and if whether or not he had starred in any non-action movies. The answer - Not really. "Abyss" was the closest...because it was pretty slow. He had a small role in "Jade" too. You should recognize the face but he's starred in "The Terminator", "The Rock", "Tombstone", "Aliens", and most recently, Grindhouse's "Planet Terror." Anyway, he seems like a great guy. So let's all have a shot in honor of Michael Biehn's birth. Cheers...

You Can't Take It With You - In Springville, Utah, the headstone of a teenager who died in a car crash last year was repossessed because of failure to pay by the family of the deceased. Shortly after it was removed, his classmates raised the $750 to keep the headstone and it will be installed again later this week. However, please remember to pay your bills. I know that some of you right now have bills that need to be paid...but you push it off...and procrastinate...and would rather spend time with your family & friends than pay them off...but they mean business when they say final notice. They'll take it back. They'll repo your coffin. This is also why most morticians ask for cash upfront, no cops, no funny stuff.

To Those That Will Outlive Me - Now, some people deny their own mortality...but you should embrace it...and live everyday as if it were your last (instead of driving like it). When my time comes and it's time to dispose of me, please don't spend a whole lot of money on my burial. Instead throw a party at Piper Down or Brewski's or some other establishment with an open bar and tell happy, merry stories about me....then nuke me down to ashes, saving a few DNA samples for future cloning possibilities, place my ashes in a styrofoam container, and feed me as hot chocolate to the people that have wronged you. Once they have finished their cocoa, stand up & yell, "HAHA!!! YOU JUST TASTED THE CHOCOLATEY GOODNESS OF $TEVE!!! HAHA!!! That's what you get for burning a hole in my upholstery with your cigarette, sucka!!!"

Final Happy Note - Here's a picture of my niece Kairi, don't piss her off in the future...or she'll feed me to you!!! Just look at that mischievous grin. Have a great day!!!

The 60th Day

Welcome back, it's great to see you again, and a happy happy birthday to my buddy Cathy!!!


Guess who else is having a big birthday. That's right, the "Governator" himself Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger is turning 60 today. Say what you will about the man's acting skills, but he IS THE AMERICAN DREAM!!! Raised in the city of Gras, Austria, he turned to the world of bodybuilding...and using his genetic disposition & tireless determination, he dominated the field & is still regarded as one of the greatest bodybuilders to have ever lived, having won seven Mr. Olympia titles, five Mr. Universe titles, and being called by Guiness Book of World Records "the most perfectly developed man in the history of the world." But that wasn't enough for Arnold...he wanted to conquer Hollywood too.


He came to America in the early 70's with a twenty-dollar bill in his pocket & a dream. His first starring movie role was a B-budget (actually more like C or D or XXX budget) movie entitled Hercules in New York, where his voice was dubbed due to his thick Austrian accent...but he was definitely the image of Hercules. Over the next few years, he starred in a few movies...but it wasn't until 1982 when he starred in John Milius' Conan the Barbarian when he became a household name...despite playing nearly a silent part for the first half of the movie with an occasional grunt or "Krum!" Two years later, James Cameron met with him to star in a movie called "The Terminator" as the hero...but upon meeting him decided "You are a machine!" and cast him as one of the most memorable antagonist (and hero in the sequel) of all time.


Two years later, he married the lovely Maria Shriver, niece of JFK & RFK, thus beginning his political career...by challenging Ted Kennedy to a drinking contest. Over the next decade, he became one of the most popular movie stars of all time starring in action movies like "Predator", "Total Recall", "Red Heat", & "True Lies" as well as comedies like "Kindergarten Cop", "Twins", & "Last Action Hero." He was also an original co-owner of Planet Hollywood (casino opening soon in Vegas) and also helped out fellow action star/co-owner Bruce Willis by turning down the title role in "Die Hard" back in 1988. That's called sharing the wealth.


Then in 2003, he announced his candidacy for governor of the state of California on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" of all places. More people watch that show than the news anyway, right? Due to his enormous popularity, he won in a landslide and was re-elected two years later. Now, it's only a matter of time before the Demolition Man Prophecy is fulfilled & after the the amendment is passed for foreign-born citizens to become President, he may become the first...and honestly, at this time, he has my vote. Why? He realizes that he's not the most brilliant politician or mastermind in the world (modesty?) but that is why he surrounds himself with good people who know what they're doing...and worst-case, he has the Kennedy Compound on speed dial. "Hey Uncle Teddy, howz it going? Fantastic. Lissen, I have a problem wit de energy crisis here in Ka-le-for-ne-a. What would you suggest? Yes, I do have some Cuban cigars in my Humvee but watdisdat have to do with anything?"


So in summary, an Austrian bodybuilder who came to America with a twenty in his pocket, became a Hollywood action star, married a Kennedy, demanded twenty MILLION dollars per movie, became Governor of the third largest state in the Union, and will probably run for President in 2012 once legistlation is passed. If that's not the American Dream that gleams in the eye of every immigrant that has ever come to this land since Jamestown, then you tell me what is. Happy Birthday Arnold!!! Please send me your favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger lines so that others may share...and I shall leave you with mine.


"Git doooooown!!!" - From every movie that he's ever been in.


Cloning - Okay, so I was hanging with my dad yesterday & we watched "The 6th Day" starring birthday boy Arnold Schwarzenegger & I had never seen it before...somehow. Basically, it's about the near future, cloning, playing God, and all the usual stuff of any Philip Dick novel. However, as most action movies do, it got me thinking about the premise...about cloning & when it would be appropriate, if at all. Also, this last weekend a friend of mine was talking about the slaughtering of various animals and what's defined as both 'humane' and 'kosher' so I thought that I'd share my thoughts on the subject...and I'm pretty open-minded...but logical.

• Cloning Humans - Were I a selfish person, I would say that we can clone various Victoria's Secret supermodels, actresses, and bring back Marilyn Monroe. However, the world is already extremely overpopulated for its resources. So for the safety of all, I suggest that we invest in pleasure-giving robots instead of having my own Norma Jean. I'll just have to find the living, breathing girl the old fashioned way...buy her from her father for a few head of cattle.


• However, I do like the idea of cloning for organ transplants & diseases and what have you. Sure, it'll be one of those things were the advantage goes to those that can afford it...but all medicine is that way. That's why life expectancy differs from country to country & continent to continent.


• Some may argue that growing a human being simply for a few organs is wrong. They may be right. However, is it any more wrong to grow sunflowers for a few seeds? Or soy for its beans? Or a walnut tree for its nuts? Wow, that last one did sound a little wrong.


• Cloning Animals - In advance, I'm going to warn you that my views differ from that of PETA...because I love meat. All kind of meat. Meat that some wouldn't even consider meat. However, I do realize that there are more humane ways to produce meat over others. Some may ask "Why do some companies brutally slaughter instead of humanely recycle animals?" Well, leaving out the more delicate use of words, it's basically a financial influence. Killing humanely costs more money...and to stay competitive with foreign producers, prices need to be slashed (pardon the ironic use of words).


• I like the idea of cloning animals for food & clothing and any other use of their bodies...except for one thing, it probably costs more than usual herding...which defeats the purpose to both producer & consumer, so it's only feasible financially as a last resort for world starvation...but may be sooner than we think.


• There is one gripe that I have about animal protestors. They always defend the cute animals like dolphins, horses, & pandas...but where's the love for nature's less-attractive animals like turkeys or retarded animals like cows.


• Cloning Plants - Nobody ever seems to have a problem with cloning or bioengineering plants. Do plants not react to their environment like an animal or human? Do they not feed, grow, reproduce, or are effected by disease like any other being? Yeah, I'm all for engineering super plants that bear tomatoes the size of Buick (for pizza sauce) and cashews that can be used as rocking furniture. Tell me that a nacho flavored banana doesn't sound delicious & nutritious.


• Obviously this is a complex subject with many different viewpoints, but I just thought that I'd share mine. A lot of people try to bring religion into the argument...and that's cool...but did you ever think that maybe the reason that God hasn't talked to many people over the last few millennia might be because of all the television & cell phone signal interference? Just something to think about...

Anyway, enough about all that. Now for my newsclips of the day...

Sports News of the Day - Bill Walsh passed away after a long battle with leukemia today at the age of 75. For those who don't know, he is the Hall of Fame coach for the San Francisco 49ers during the 80's when they won five Super Bowls (four with him, one with his replacement/protege) and the engineer behind the famed West Coast Offense in perfected Americanized Football (That's right, JL. I said it.) It's a sad day...but at least he is at peace. Our condolences go out to his family & friends.

In basketball news, Kevin Garnett is reportedly being traded to the Boston Celtics for four role players. This move may put the Boston Celtics in contention with the rest of the NBA's Eastern Conference since he'll join two fellow All-Stars, Ray Allen & Paul Pierce. Kevin Garnett has been an influential player in many ways to the sport of basketball...besides his talent. In 1995, he was the 5th overall pick straight out of high school. Drafting a player out of high school hadn't been done in nearly two decades before that...and now it's the norm. Also, it was his incredible 10-year/$150 million dollar contract (that expires at the end of next year) that prompted discussions of salary cap, owner's rights, competition between different markets, and basically led to the NBA lockout in 1999. Since then, he has been an all-around dominating player on a mediocre team and has only made it out of the first round of the playoffs once in his 12-year career. He shouldn't have much of a problem doing so in Boston...but last month he stated (through his agent) that he didn't want to go to Boston. It's not a bad place. We'll see if it grows on him. The Celtics could use a pick-me-up.

Retraction of the Day - In my last few entries, I mentioned that I would share my pictures of the Living Planet Aquarium. Once again, it will have to be delayed another day...because this entry is far too long already.

Huge Announcement of the Day

Rap artist & childhood friend Spitsofrantic is having a record release party at Brewski's in Ogden on Friday, August 10th. If any of you would be interested in going, I will be carpooling down to Ogden on Friday night. That's right, I said FREE TRANSPORTATION to an exclusive record release party on Historic 25th Street in Ogden. This is a rare opportunity to enjoy yourself & have a couple of LoBrau beers with your boy, Dr. Love!!! Please let me know if you're interested. Peace out!!!

My Apologies

Good Afternoon once again...and my apologies...but I will be unable to show my pictures from the Aquarium today. I know, I know, I'm sorry but I'm blogging from work (until 1 AM again) and I was unable to download my pictures before coming to work. I'll share them with you on Monday...and when I get internet at my house on Thursday...then we won't run into this problem. Yay technology!!! Here's a little ditty about what has happened in...well, the last twelve hours or so since I left work.

• Left work at 1 AM & drove home


• My brother called me on the way home & we talked about more video game stuff. Primarily, he's trying to convince me to buy Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Vegas so that we can form an elite tactical fighting unit & destroy terrorist strongholds.


• 45 minutes later, he realized that I had mentioned that I had an early morning, so we ended transmission & I slept like a baby


• I woke up around 8:30 & decided to call to confirm prior plans to go to the Aquarium. The mission was still go...for 1030 hours. The team would comprise of myself, JL Clyde, & her friend Cort


• Finding the aquarium proved difficult for all three of us, passing it several times.


• Basically if you're near it at 106th South & 7th East, it's the Northeastern corner that looks like an old grocery store...but it was actually an old crafts store turned into educational wonder.


• JL & I arrived a few minutes earlier than Cort...and we had been planning on visiting the Living Planet Aquarium for a few months...but our schedules never meshed


• We talked about fish, sharks, sperm whales, & going to other aquariums in Monterey & Atlanta to see cooler & fancier fish, sharks, & whales


• Cort arrived & we walked through the aquarium giddy as school children on a field trip


• This was my first time meeting Cort...and I'm happy to report that he's a cool cat...and a Philosophy major.


• This is where I would start with the pictures...but just more to look forward to on Monday, right?


• After seeing the exhibits & viewing a video about the Georgia Aquarium, we decided to go get some sushi at Go Sushi


• Yes, I realize that eating sushi after visiting an aquarium is ironic...and that's why we did it


• I'm the kind of person that will visit a petting zoo & then go directly to a Steakhouse or go to the Humane Society and then go to Chinese Buffet


• It's not that I'm an incredibly morbid person or anything. I just like to let them know who's boss. That's why I thoroughly enjoy ordering fish at a restaurant with an aquarium & flaunt my meal to his/her friends. Why? When a shark attacks somebody in the water, do we ask why? No, that's just how it is in nature. Convinced yet? Me neither.


• Again, Go Sushi is very small & it's sign is covered by shrubbery...but it's at the Northeastern corner of 33rd South & 2000 East. You're welcome.


• I enjoyed Take Sashimi (octopus) and Green Tea ice cream


• We discussed various things, mostly food & relationships, two subjects I have little to no experience with...but I felt that I held my own in the conversation


• After lunch, I drove to work...and here I am

Quick PSA from Dr. Love - My good friend & colleague TAN (The Assimilated Negro) has brought many things to my attention...but this one was particularly good. There's a search engine option called Blackle which is google...but with a black screen. "But $teve, why an African-American screen?" Because it conserves energy...which helps save the environment. The only drawback is that it doesn't do the image searches...but if you're just looking for websites and want to help out Captain Planet...then please use Blackle. Besides...it makes you cooler.

$teve's Top 10 Video Games - Now, for the moment you've all been waiting for...since late last night. This is a list of 10 video games that I personally love & have made me the person that I am today...with carpal tunnel syndrome & a tendency to hum the original Super Mario Bros. theme on a wim. Granted this is not an official list certified by anyone besides me...and I'm always willing to take on a discussion...but these are my personal faves, in no particular order other than I thought of them...and most of them are pretty old...because that's when I played video games a lot.

Killer Instinct - Super Nintendo - Okay, this game was one of my favorite arcade games that I would play all the time at Weber State University...so when it came to Super Nintendo, I had to get it in its limited edition black casing with the collectible soundtrack Killer Kuts (which I still play on occasion). It took the best features of other fighting games like Street Fighter & Mortal Kombat and put them into a game with a ninja, a skeleton, a boxer, a robot, a lava man, a hot chick, a raptor, a werewolf, a native American, & a two headed endboss that you could play as with a special code. Seriously, have they made a better fighting game since? I was surprised when Killer Instinct 2 didn't even make it to the major systems. (Brownie points if you know the character that I left out of my list)

Scarface - PS2 - Am I the only person that wanted a sequel to the movie Scarface? Why didn't they do that? Oh yeah, he died at the end...in a blaze of glory. But wait, what if he had turned around & gotten away from Sosa's men? Then you would have one of the best video games ever. It's a mix of Grand Theft Auto & other similar games with a Scarface storyline (yes, drug smuggling & crude language with adult situations) and a slew of celebrity voices. This is one of the few games that actually suckered me in from start to finish...like I hear a good book is supposed to be...but this book has a lot of big guns & vulgar Cuban accents.

Madden 2005 - PS2 - The Madden series is always good...but I like 2005 the best...because if you try to overcomplicate the game...then you've lost me...as the 2006 edition did with its whole QB Vision BS. Besides, I love the Owner's Box stuff and taking over a franchise like the Texans or something & turning them into a juggernaut...then moving to Vegas & changing them to the Las Vegas Knights. Yeah baby!!! After a few years, I'll move them to Slick City & call them the Stormin' Mormons. Why? Because I'm eccentric. Raarrrraaaarrrraaaarrrraaarrr...

Tecmo Super Bowl - Nintendo - Again, far ahead of its time...and simplicity wins me over. Besides, it has Joe Montana, Bo Jackson, Barry Sanders, LT, Derrick Thomas, & other Hall of Famers that I grew up with...but I always went with the Eagles. I think that QB Eagles guy is just about as good as Randall Cunningham himself. Besides, in newer games, if you're ahead of the defense then you probably can't be caught if you're speedy. In this game, you have to move side to side a lot & have players lunge at you.

Super Mario Bros. - Nintendo - Quite possibly the most influential game of ALL TIME!!! Bobby Riggs vs. Billie Jean King - Just a footnote in comparison. This game alone turned millions of kids into zombies and launched a multi-billion dollar industry into the stratosphere. Besides, it taught many kids the positive aspects of eating mushrooms & setting pretty flowers on fire...and that turtles are our enemies. Let's sing the theme song again...because I know you were humming it earlier. Do do do, do-do do-do...

Simpsons Hit & Run - PS2 - Take a Grand Theft Auto format & involve the Simpsons...genius. "But $teve, why don't you have GTA on this list, but two games just like it with different characters?" Because I haven't played GTA that much...because I had these other two (Simpsons & Scarface). Oh...and I've worked & gone to school full-time since I was 15. The same reason I don't play World of Warcraft or something. Like I said, this is a personal list...and doesn't have to make sense...it makes dollars.

Mike Tyson's Punch Out - Nintendo - This game is like your grandpa. Sure, it's old, a little odd, & extremely racist...but you love it just the same. "Racist, $teve?" Oh yeah. The adventures of Little Mac (who I guess is like Rocky's Mini-Me) pit him against stereotypic character fighters from all over the world...and he must utilize his complete arnsenal of (four) punches to win the boxing title. I played this one a lot & always made it to Mike Tyson (or Mr. Dream depending on the version) but because my controller had met its fair share of Soda Popinski's in its day, it was sticky & just not quick enough to counter Iron Mike. In true Rocky fashion though, I went the distance with him a few times...and there was no rematch...or sequel.

Any NBA Street game - PS2/PS3 - Sure, the NBA Live games are nice...but NBA Street is like the NBA...with the Streets. I personally like Volume 2 on PS2 because it brought in some of the Old School greats like Pistol Pete, Dr. J, & Wilt Chamberlain...but the PS3 NBA Street Homecourt is nice too. Sure, it's a little cartoony...but dominating the NBA the old fashioned way in the Live series gets old after a while.

Super Street Fighter II - Super Nintendo - Before they started releasing games with titles like "Super Mega Street Fighter Alpha III Champion's Edition - Zangief's Revenge" and just before the Hollywood movie with Jean-Claude Van Damme, Kylie Minogue, & the late Raul Julia, this game was my favorite. Mostly it was because I won about 95% of the time...but no matter what kind of fighter you were, there was a character for you. Grappler, kickboxer, projectile thrower, stretchy Jedi master, hot chick with legs that go on for days, karate, masked Spaniard who jumps all over the place, any fighting style is in there. In case you were wondering, my favorite was Fei Long...well, actually Cammie because of the pigtails...but Fei Long is who I fought with most.

Playboy Mansion - PS2 - To be honest, I haven't even played this one much...but any game where you have to show your ID to purchase is pretty good in my book. Who doesn't want to be Hugh Hefner? Ladies, let it be known that you enjoy the Hef as much as the guys do. There's a reason that "Girls Next Door" is still on the air.

Anyway, that's about it. I don't really have any new news points or anything on this one...but maybe later tonight I'll come up with something. I'd hate to bore you to death with my questionnaires...but I have received a few of them recently. I've got it!!!

Tell Dr. Mookie Love what you want. He is here to serve you. The request lines are now open...and operators are standing by...

Movie Reviews & Other News

Hi-diddily-ho neighborinos,


As you can probably guess by my greeting, I watched a midnight premiere show of "The Simpsons Movie" last night. It was kind of a last minute thing that my brother called me about a few hours earlier while I was watching "8MM". Now, THAT movie's a little messed up. Anyway, back to the regularly scheduled program. We went to Tinseltown theatres in Layton and despite showing up a half-hour early, my brother had sand in his shrinky-dink or something about being late, but I figured funk him & enjoyed myself. It was me, him, my sister-in-law, & a lady friend. All of which are Simpsons fans. Because I don't want to give too much away, it was a great movie, a little preachy at times, but then Homer would do something stupid & everyone would laugh hysterically. In true Harry Potter fashion, I am sorry to report that one MAJOR character is killed off in the movie...but luckily he gets to say goodbye before going. That's right, I said HE. Start guessing who it is. If you're looking for a great night out though, I would suggest taking your friends to see this movie. It's loaded with little extras for all the avid fans as well as the newcomers to the show.




Yesterday before work, I had a few hours so I rented "The Number 23" starring Jim Carrey in a dramatic thriller role. This movie was very interesting...but watching Ace Ventura play an investigator in the fantasy sequences was hard to stop from laughing though. It was a great thriller & I recommend renting it...but the movie will make you realize that EVERYTHING revolves around the Number 23...and it will blow your mind. Here are some things that I've found on my own research since watching this movie yesterday:

• Basketball stars Michael Jordan AND LeBron James wear number 23 on their jerseys


• How many friend requests on MySpace have I had that turned out to be sex offenders & had their profiles erased the other day? That's right, 23.


• Lindsay Lohan's birthday is 7/2/86. 7+2+8+6=23


• Take my favorite number (and one thing I'd like to do with Ms. Lohan) & divide it by the number of times that she's appeared on my blog. 69 / 3 = 23


• I think it's obvious that we were meant to be together...but I'll continue


• If I add up all my fingers, toes, twigs, & berries, then 10 fingers + 10 piggies + 1 grande + 2 coconuts = 23


• Oh my GOD, today's date!!! 7/27/07 - 7+2+7+7 = 23!!! WE'RE ALL DOOMED!!!

Okay, so I thought the movie was a little bit of a stretch & that Jim Carrey's character was a little bit paranoid...but it's a great movie...and you'll love the ending. Go check it out. It gets the Dr. Mookie Love Stamp of Approval. Well done, Mr. Carrey. By the way, I had no idea that Virginia Madsen plays the Italian temptress Fabrizia in the movie. Damn, guys should check this movie out just for that stuff.

French Films - Also, over the past week or so, I finally realized that I had been watching a large number of French films (because I'm a movie geek). I think Jay Sherman said it best when he sang to the tune of Frare Jacques, "Iiiiii like French films, boring pretentious French films, Iiiiii like French films, un ticket s'il vous plait." I've always been a big fan of Luc Besson movies like Leon - The Professional & 5th Element and I added to that by watching the original "La Femme Nikita" the other day. It's a great action movie starring just about every French actor that you've ever seen in a bit role in a Hollywood movie...but if you've seen "Point of No Return" with Bridget Fonda, that's an EXACT Hollywood remake...just without subtitles. Still worth a watch though.

"Science of Sleep" - I really liked this new release about an artist, who like all artists out there, is a little crazy...okay, a lot crazy...but at least it keeps life interesting. It plays with a lot of themes about communication, dreams, imagination, love, lust, fantasies, doubt, fears, & all of the other stuff that breaks up the normal routines that most people live in.

"Brotherhood of the Wolf" - It's been around for a few years, but it's a classic French action movie set in the 18th century province of (unintelligible French noise) where the townspeople & livestock are being eaten by a mysterious beast. There's a lot of John Woo-esque slow motion ass whooping, great cinematography, & Monica Bellucci's bare naked body. What more could you ask for? I would like to thank an ex-girlfriend for introducing me to this movie. Great choice!!!

"Renaissance" - This one just came out on Tuesday for DVD. It's a mix of computer imaging with pure black & white drawings on a motion-captured subject...which basically makes it a visually mind-blowing experience set in 2047 France...but revoiced by the likes of Daniel Craig & Ian Holm. Think Blade Runner meets Sin City...and you're on the right path. It's another great detective thriller & it's visually stunning...if you're a movie geek like I am, check it out.

Anyway, I'm tired of talking about movie already. Let's get into some other stuff, shall we?

Sports News of the Day - This is great. So on HBO the other night, Bob Costas and a panel of experts & players were talking about Barry Bonds (as everybody is) and his chase of the home run record, steroids, & what sportscasters & players talk about before a worldwide audience. Apparently, Barry saw a few minutes of this show, didn't like it, and called Bob Costas a "little midget man who knows (nothing) about baseball" and I'm guessing that (nothing) is an explitive meaning feces.

Bob Costas was told about this...and being the witty definition of a broadcaster, didn't really take it personally because he realizes that Barry is under a lot of stress, but retorted "As anyone can plainly see, I'm 5-6 1/2 and a strapping 150, and unlike some people, I came by all of it naturally." OOOOOOOH SNAP!!! NO HE DIDN'T!!! NO HE DIDN'T!!! OOOOOOOH SNAP!!! YOU JUST GOT SERVED, BARRY!!! WOO WOOP, WOO WOOP!!! DON'T MESS WITH THE LITTLE PEOPLE!!! OH BOBBY BOY, YOU'RE MY HERO!!! Anyway, enough about that. I hope that Barry doesn't break the record...but it doesn't really matter...because a few years from now, A-Rod is going to shatter all of those records. Happy 32nd birthday to A-Rod!!! Wait, 32...that's 23 backwards...not again...

Oshkosh my Gosh - In lovely Oshkosh, Wisconsin an 11-year old boy named Austin was robbed last week while minding his small business - a lemonade stand. Allegedly (that word again), a 17-year old boy robbed him of a plastic container holding almost $20 in change. Austin was trying to raise money to go camping with the grandparents & get a birthday present for his mother, but then two teenagers riding by on bicycles walked up, punched him, shoved him to the ground, & snatched up the loot. Later on, police went to the robber's parent's house and found the container...but no money. People have been sending Austin $20 through the mail to replace the money...but I'm sure he's allowed to go camping with the family anyway. It just goes to show that random jacking of lemonade stands, ice cream trucks, girl scouts, the homeless, & trick-or-treaters isn't isolated to Detroit anymore. It has spread to neighboring states as well. This epidemic must be stopped...before it's too late. I, for one, move that these teenagers be punished to the full extent of the law...and spend 100 community hours working at a care center for the elderly...where they are forced to clean 'lemonade' that has been spilled on sheets, floors, & wherever else it ends up during the course of one's Golden Years. Just a suggestion...

MySpace News of the Day - Well, the 29,000 sex offenders found on MySpace a few days ago have all been evicted...and in doing so, half of my Friend Requests no longer have profiles...and I'm down to twelve friends currently. So please, if you're interested in joining my Kool Kid's Klub (the new & much improved Triple K, that welcomes all people including sex offenders apparently) drop me a friend request.

Video Game News - My brother called me last night all kinds of excited about this Rock Band game coming out on PS3 shortly. It's like the Guitar Hero games but with guitar, vocals, drums, & bass. You can go online & hold concerts for anybody who cares to listen. Somehow, I think it's supposed to teach you how to play a real guitar too...at least that's what they say. I'll stick to my acoustic for that though. I played the Guitar Hero at demo thing at Wal-Mart once...and it was pretty cool...and it would be interesting to have me & three of my bodies playing "Fat Bottom Girls" in the wee hours of the morning with something in our hands instead of Air Instruments, but we shall see if this is truly an entertaining format. I'm skeptical though. Then again, it may just be the way that my brother described it to me. I'm not sure.

Let's see, I've bored you enough with ramblings about movies & ditties about smack-talkin' sportscasters...but now I have to end it with something cool or funny or something, right? Well, I'm having a little trouble coming up with anything right now besides this wonderful foreign eye surgery commercial that I'm going to try to post on MySpace...since I have no idea how to put it on this blog. I just figured out the Link stuff today. Trust me, it's a good one though...and join me tomorrow when I think I'm going to talk about my adventures at the Living Planet Aquarium and if time permits, my favorite video games of all time. So until next time...have a great day!!!

Big Brother, Big Bang, & Big Problems

Good Afternoon again,

Conspiracy of the Day - The Weekly World News is being silenced for exposing the Truth to their consumers. After 28 years of in-depth investigative reporting & exclusive access to some of the more crushing stories of our time, Big Brother has finally managed to silence the Media giant (and in the mid-90's, the 5th highest circulating news chronicle in the world). Apparently, they stumbled upon a conspiracy that went too far up the ranks to be ignored...and they had to be stopped...but which could it be?

• Has Bat Boy become Bat Man and is harassing development on the new Batman movie "The Dark Knight"? Or is he fighting crime on the streets of Gotham on his own as a masked vigilante? Have they exposed the identity of his parents - the great white bat Shikaka & Anna Nicole?


• Was it exposing the love triangle of Osama Bin Ladin, Paris Hilton, & the World's Fattest Baby?


• Was it because Mother Nature endorsed Al Gore for President?


• Did they finally find that indisputable piece of evidence confirming that JFK was assassinated by the King of the Marklars?


• Did they find out that Global Warming was really due to a near-perfected Weather Machine operated by Cobra Commander? COBRAAAAA!!!


• Was it confirming one of my previous conspiracies about the Elvis Presley poisoning or 2Pac found on tropical island with Aaliyah & JFK, jr.?

Well, because the Media Stranglehold of Big Brother is ABSOLUTE, we may never truly know...until the Prophecy is fulfilled...and the ONE will set us free...but that could be a while. So in the meantime, they'll feed you LIES about how their sales have diminished or they wanted to focus their efforts on celebrity watching...but we know the Truth. We know the Truth.

Entertainment News of the Day - Brian May is completing his doctorate in Astrophysics more than thirty years after he abandoned his studies to become the lead guitarist in one of the great rock groups of all time - Queen. Back in 1970, Brian & his two buddies Freddy Mercury & Roger Taylor were your average college students with above average creative juices & sex drives, so they decided to start up a rock band because of their love for the Three M's - Music, Money, & Mmm mmm mmm. Anyway, after two full decades of releasing hit after hit, Freddy Mercury passed away and the group disbanded, occasionally reunited for benefit concerts & the like with 'replacement' singers like George Michael & Robbie Williams. Brian May has also released a few solo albums since then.

Since he was a kid though, we wanted to be an astronomer. He released a book last year entitled "Bang! The Complete History of the Universe" (actually devoting an entire 23-page chapter to Marilyn Monroe's curves) and will be submitting his thesis to the Imperial College of London in the next two weeks entitled "Radial Velocities in the Zodiacal Dust Cloud" about how the Zodiac killer escaped authorities because of his superior tires & exhaust system on his '68 Camaro. I'm not sure what it has to do with astronomy either, but I'm looking forward to reading the book (watching the movie coming 2009). Congratulations, Mr. May!!!

Warning of the Day - MySpace.com (of which I joined a few weeks ago & have about 80 messages waiting for me until I get my own internet) has found over 29,000 sex offenders with profiles on the website. Two months ago, they found 7,000 and deleted them from the servers...and they are stunned at the exponential growth. So to all of you out there who have these accounts and are actually looking for dating purposes & getting to know new people, keep an eye out for the signs of a Predator

• Primary signs are usually a feeling of being watched, followed by odd clicking noises around your computer room


• Later on, you may notice some odd visions in the dark corners of your house & probably think that your eyes are playing tricks on you. This is their cloaking device.


• You may notice three small dots, similar to those of a laser pointer, in a triangular formation moving about the room. If you happen to see them on your clothing, run away quickly in a zig-zag motion. It's harder for the Predator to get a lock on you.

Hopefully these safety tips will help you avoid being skinned, gutted, & hung upside down by your ankles as an alien lifeform turns your skull into a trophy. It's a gruesome end...and I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy...so please, be careful out there...and cover yourself in mud to avoid infrared detection. Yeah, that's why I'd like to see you covered in mud. Don't mind that mud-covered wrestling ring.

Sports News of the Day - "Tour de Farce" - Okay, apparently Le Tour de France is the Lindsey Lohan of sporting events...and just keeps running into one self-caused problem after another. Lance Armstrong's testicle is rolling over in its grave. Apparently, everybody's taking steroids or having blood transfusions or adding robotic limbs or exposing themselves to illegal gamma radiation or anything else that simply isn't hard work, exercise, & gumption. The leader of this epic bicycle race, Michael Rasmussen of Denmark, was ousted from the competition by his own team because he had lied about his whereabouts last month & missed some 'random' drug tests. He said he was with his wife in Mexico, when he was in Italy....probably with a mistress or something. That's how those Europeans roll from what I hear. This is only the latest in dozens of positive tests & scandals concerning this race over the past few years.

Last year's winner was stripped of his title (I think, but to be honest I lost interest because it's bicycling...and I'm not bi-curious) for testing positive for banned substances. Even the great Lance Armstrong was surrounded in playa-hatin' scandal from all over the place. The man has one testicle, who cares if it makes him aerodynamic? He's lucky to be alive. He whooped cancer's ass before he whooped yours in the bike race. Deal with it!!! So when everybody's cheating, does anybody really win? I guess we'll find out on Sunday when the race is officially over. It's a sad state in racing...but thanks to a previously mentioned individual, I have a little uplifting tune to share with you...feel free to sing along...

"Biiiicycle, biiiiicycle, biiiicycle, I want to ride my biiiiicycle, biiiiicycle, biiiiiicycle..."

Okay, I think that may be enough for a Wednesday. Have a great night everybody!!!

Questionnaires

I think that questionnaires are fun...because you get to know a little bit about the person that answers them (unless they answer them from the perspective of Abraham Lincoln...but they're still entertaining). Searching through the web for cool blogs to read other than my own, I found this one through a blog of a friend (CAW! listed to the right)...and thought the questions were pretty cool. Please feel free to let me know your answers to any of these...but in the meantime, back to my favorite subject - ME. Is that conceited? Yes, I believe it is.

1A) What is your favourite word? Tie between Eclectic and Eccentric - Hence the title of the blog.

Eclectic - selecting what appears to be best in various doctrines, methods, or styles; composed of elements drawn from various sources

Eccentric - deviating from an established or usual pattern or style

1B) What is your current favourite expression?

"Sex is like Chinese food. It ain't over until you both get your Cookie."

2) What is your least favourite word?

Queue - Some of you know what I'm talking about...

3) What turns you on (creatively, spiritually or emotionally)?

Granted, a dangerous question to ask me, but I'm going to take the high road...and say Laughter, Love, & Cleavage.

4) What turns you off?

Baseball, it always does the trick when I need a few more minutes.

5) What sound or noise do you love?

Honestly, it may sound horrible, but I love to hear a woman say my name. When I'm 'in the situation' whether its whispered in my ear like it's a forbidden word or yelled out so that the neighbors know what that thumping noise is, that's my favorite (or favourite in the King's English) sound. The moaning & panting associated with the activity is up there too. Sorry, I'm just being real. Laughter gets the bronze.

6) What sound or noise do you hate?

That sound that comes from those basic alarm clocks that's just "EEEH EEEH EEEH EEEH EEEH" until you fidget around with the switch to turn it off for a minute. Oh yeah, you're awake now. Mission accomplished. Women crying is up there too.

7) What is your favourite curse word?

Fornication Under Carnal Knowledge - A pleasant activity & a strong expression of various emotions. Hex was also close.

8) What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Professional Basketball Player, Movie Director, & Pro Bono Porn Starlet Lawyer

9) What profession would you NOT like to do?

"Fluffer" or Firefighter

10) If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

"Wazzup playa? Glad you could finally show up to the party. Have a drink, we've got all the ladies back in the grotto. Oh, where are my manners? Norma Jean, Aaliyah, young Anna Nicole, this is $teve, the guy that I've been telling you about. Who's up for body shots???"

Pioneer Day

Happy Pioneer Day to Everybody out there!!!

For those non-Utahns out there, Pioneer Day is celebrated on the 24th of July every year as Utah's Anti-Independence Day. Basically, it's the day that Utah became a state back in 1896 after nearly a half-century of independent living. It's been a while since I took a Utah history course (about 13 years) but here's a brief summary for you Outlanders.

Back in 1847, a group of pioneers (mostly Mormon) left from Missouri to find a new place to settle & live their Beach Boys way of life (two girls for every boy) and basically Live Free or Die Hard. You've got to admire that Pioneer Spirit...but more on that later. After several months of trekking through the Rocky Mountain, they came out of a passage by what is now Salt Lake City, Utah. As he gazed across the valley and saw a salty barren desert with a stagnant lake and yet more mountains on the horizon, Brigham Young (pictured above) said, "This is the place!" "But Brother Young, shouldn't we keep going until we find fertile land and palletable water?" "Do you SEE that desert? Seriously. I'm not going across that. Besides, nobody would EVER want to kick us off this land. Look! There's a little creek there coming off the mountain. We'll be fine. OKAY EVERYBODY, UNLOAD THE WAGONS!!! WE'RE STAYING!!!" Define Settler.

This was the beginning of the State of Deseret, a vast region which spread west to the Sierra Nevadas, east to Denver, north to Canada, & south to Mexico. To be perfectly honest though, there were mostly only people in Salt Lake City, some small mining settlements, & the Native American tribes. By the way, for those of you who do not know, I'm 1/16th Ottawa. That makes me only mildly conflicted about the white man killing my people & taking over my homeland...because the other 94% of me would whoop my ass. Also, don't feel bad that you couldn't tell. I only way is to look at my hairless chest...because the rest of me is European Mutt. Just remember that History is written by the winners.

Over the next few generations, more people were heading west to California and some stopped along the way, so the State of Deseret was shrinking around its jewel of Salt Lake City. Then in 1896, Utah gave in and became the 45th State and has been the exception to every state law ever since (Trust me, if they could make whoopee illegal & change the state tree to Jell-O, they would. Have you ever seen "Demolition Man"? It's kind of like San Angeles. Be Well.)

Pioneer Spirit - Seriously, who doesn't want to be the first person to do something great? Whether it's the first person to set foot on Mars, climb the highest mountain they can see, discover a new animal, start a community project, first in your family to graduate from college, or the first to jingle a girl's bell, I think that everybody wants to be the first to do something great. Say what you will about Christopher Columbus (started the greatest genocide in human history) but it takes some serious testicular fortitude to go out to sea for several months heading into the unknown. Now, I realize that it wasn't as dire as most old westerns made it out to be or anything...where the savage tribes would kill any intruders or anything...but you can never know what will happen. What if you're in the middle of Nebraska on a wagon trail & you're last wheel broke...or your sister has typhoid...or any other Oregon Trail game disaster happens? What now? Do you become a settler or do you push on?

Here's a brief moment of perspective though. Last week, I mentioned Sir Edmund Hillary & his reaching the summit of Mount Everest...and how it got him knighted. The sherpa that guided him has probably been up there more than once...as had his ancestors. When Christopher Columbus landed at (what he called) Hispanola, he found natives. Does that mean that he discovered it? Hell no. Anyway, the spirit remains the same...to go off into the unknown, to uncover strange, new worlds...and boldly go where no man has gone before. (Star Trek theme music)

Sports News of the Day - Speaking of pioneers, NBA commissioner David Stern is catching a lot of flack for the whole Tim Donaghy situation (the referee that allegedly gambled & fixed NBA games). Brief history of Mr. Stern's reign as commissioner - Appointed in 1984

• Player Salaries - When he started, "Magic" Johnson has the highest paid player in the league after signing a landmark $1 million per year LIFETIME contract


• Now, the average player makes some $7 million per year...without endorsements. The league MINIMUM for a benchwarming injured reserve who isn't really injured, just doesn't get to play is $400,000 per year.


• Globalization of the Game - In 1983, probably the only European-born player in the league was rookie Dominique Wilkins (born in Paris, raised in Georgia...state, not the country)


• Now, less than half of the names of NBA players can be pronounced correctly by Americans...but games are now broadcast in over thirty different languages.


• Youth Movement - When he took over, an underclassmen in the NBA draft was somebody like Michael Jordan who left college a year early (usually with a degree)


• Now, he has to fight off anti-trust lawyers so that the draft still involves college players instead of drafting straight out of high schools, prisons, & gene splicing corporations in China.


• The league has been faced with its share of tragedies - whether it's the death of Len Bias because of drugs, Drazen Petrovic in a car accident, even "Magic" contracting the HIV virus, thousands of players involved in drugs & alcohol violations...and yet this man is the figurehead that has taken responsibility for this league & all of its intricacies.


• Besides, keeping players like Stephen Jackson, Allen Iverson, & Ron Artest out of jail seems to be a full-time job in itself.

This guy has turned the National Basketball Association into the behemoth that it is today. Now, one of over a hundred officials that are overseen by the league (I'm guessing not directly under Mr. Stern) has been allegedly involved in some gambling situations where the point spreads may have been tampered with...and reporters all over the globe want to criticize what David Stern has done over the years.

"He's been focusing on turning the league's image from hip-hop into this business with requiring the players to arrive in business suits." - If all I have to do to make $7 million a year is play basketball and show up in a CLOWN suit, I'll do it. A few years ago, players ran into the stands & started a brawl with fans. The image needed to be changed. Don't say that it's a bad thing.

"How could he not see this happening?" - Miss Cleo's out of business? The man isn't with the FBI. He's busy handling a multi-billion dollar industry over a global marketplace. He doesn't have time to even wonder if every single one of his thousands of fellow employees may have a gambling debt or a mortgage payment or a cold sore.

Long story short, to all those people out there criticizing David Stern for something that somebody else did while he was doing his job, SHAME ON YOU!!! I'm sorry, but I'm trying to keep this blog PG-13. If I've said it once, I've said it a few dozen times on this blog over the last few months - DAMN THE MEDIA!!!

Celebrity Birthday of the Day - Lynda Carter turns 56 today. You know, for a woman entering her Golden Years, she's still really hot. I think it's the eyes that do it for me. Or the fact that I know that she still dresses up in the outfit & lassoes lucky lads when she gets that itch. When are they going to do a "Wonder Woman" movie??? Hmm, who would play Wonder Woman in this day & age? Jessica Alba? Estella Warren? Charlize Theron? Jessica Biel? I think that the consensus is clear.......it doesn't really matter....for two reasons.

1. Most importantly, Lynda Carter is the ONLY Wonder Woman...and she leaves some large indestructible gauntlets to fill.
2. Having a beautiful superheroinne kick somebody's ass, tie them up with a Golden Lasso of Truth, interrogate them, & then probably kick their ass again, that's Box Office GOLD if I've ever heard of it...and I assure you that I have.

Entertainment News of the Day - WHAT THE F**K, LINDSAY??? Okay, so less than two weeks out of rehab, apparently my good friend Lindsay Lohan has landed herself back in legal trouble on Tuesday. Allegedly (the word never loses its meaning, no matter how many times you use it), she relapsed and chased a woman down in a male friend's SUV in Santa Monica. She had a blood-alcohol level of 0.13 (must have been early evening) and the police found cocaine in her pocket. Ladies & Gentlemen, addiction is a serious problem...and I think Rick James said it best - "Cocaine is a Hell of a drug!!!"

As you know, Lindsay & I are good friends, so it hurts me to see her go through this crap since she moved to Hollywood & became a starlet. Her father is an asshole...and apparently, some of the traits are genetic with regards to addictive behavior, but I may have a solution. Please let me know what you think about it.

"Your Honor, if it pleases the court, allow me to introduce myself. I am Ms. Lohan's good friend, Dr. Mookie Love, PHD. I feel that I have an idea that may help her along her path to recovery. As you are aware, the Hollywood environment is not the best location for a young starlet like Ms. Lohan...so I offer an alternative. I will take it upon myself to house her at my home in Utah, surround her with the good-hearted people that populate this clean, conservative environment, feed & bathe her...PERSONALLY if needs be. She will be cared for & nurtured back to health...and I will help her overcome her addiction...because that's what friends are for."

Defendant Lohan: "I've never seen this man in my life."

Dr. Love: "You see, your Honor? This affliction has damaged her so much already that she can't even recognize long-time friends. Please allow me custody of her & I promise results within nine-and-a-half weeks. I AM a doctor. This can work...and we can save this young woman from throwing away her life. We can save her...but YOU have to make it happen, your Honor. I rest my case."

Judge: "You rest your case? That doesn't even make sense."

Dr. Love: "I'm sorry, your Honor. Case closed."

Judge: "Bailiff, please show Dr. Love to his seat."

Anyway, that's my word...and I think that I'm done for the day...have a great night & if I think of anything else funny or interesting, I'll be happy to share. HAPPY PIONEER DAY!!!

Weekend Report

Good Afternoon Again,

Friday - July 20, 2007

• As you may have heard, after work I had a date. I will let you know that I was not late for this very important date. The downtown area of Slick City was filled with these restrictive orange cones & there was some kind of event going on so there were horses standing & walking like Rory Calhouns all over the place.


• After several phone calls to find out EXACTLY where she was so that I could double park pick-up, we finally headed off to our destination, Thai Siam restaurant.


• This was Day 3 of five consecutive days where I had a full meal of Thai food. It is delicious, but I was ready for a change today. The food at Thai Siam is excellent if you ever get the chance. Small, quaint, beautiful atmostphere too.


• We talked about ourselves. I felt that I talked too much (believe it or not) but we both got to know eachother a little bit & laugh a lot.


• She has spent time in Korea & I have spent time in China, so we discussed our favorite things about different cultures & cuisines.


• She mentioned that she enjoyed Kung Fu movies...and I suddenly found myself in a slow-motion trance thinking to myself, "Where have you been all my life?"


• She hasn't seen any Tony Jaa movies yet, so I'm thinking a future date may be "Ong Bak" & "The Protector" but I may be getting ahead of myself


• After dinner, we decided to go see a movie. She chose "Live Free or Die Hard"


• I was in slow motion again.


• During the previews, we made fun of this "Inside the Extras Studio" spoof, then retracted our statements saying that it was kind of mean to the guy they were interviewing...but still hilarious.


• The movie had everything - Explosions, cyberterrorism, ass-kickin' Asian chicks, jets, car chases, one-liners, car crashes, quick wits, & more explosions. Good time was had by all.


• After the movie, we walked around the parking lot a bit (intentionally, I assure you) and then I drove her back to her car.


• She seemed a little nervous (and I was double-parked) so I didn't force the kiss...so there was none. She did text me later & said that she had a great time...so future dates are definitely a possibility, when time permits. Yippee!!!

Saturday - July 21, 2007

• Woke up when it became too warm in my apartment to sleep (around 9:30)


• Headed to my dad's & we FINALLY finished working on my window. It was surprisingly simple once we were able to take it apart & see how it works.


• Rivet guns are awesome.


• My dad & I relaxed afterwards by watching "Weird Science" starring the young versions of Bill Paxton, Robert Downey jr., Anthony Michael Hall, & Kelly LeBrock. Whatever happened to Kelly LeBrock? I'll bet it was sexy.


• After relaxing, I went to my brother's & downloaded a bunch of PS3 stuff from the Playstation Store like demos for Ninja Gaiden Sigma, Virtua Tennis 3, & Rub a Dub


• My brother REALLY enjoys Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Vegas, so we played that a little bit, then he went online to get lit up like a Christmas tree by who I can only assume are professional assassins homing their skills in a virtual environment.


• That night, I also started to look into some of the features of MySpace...and apparently a lot of hot American girls that take up residency in China want to get to know me & have me check out their nude pictures.


• Girls are very forward online, so I hope that I don't catch a virus


• I always use protection

Sunday - July 22, 2007

• I awoke to my 3-year old niece Kelaudri staring at me as I slumbered on a pull-out sofa


• It was sweet & creepy all at the same time (like a kiss from an Italian mob boss)


• For some reason, my 9-month old niece Kairi thought that she would spend the day screaming & crying for no apparent reason (well-fed, diaper dry, etc.)


• She has been teething but she wasn't even accepting a chew toy or a finger or whatever. She was just very upset about something. I briefly considered putting a blanket over her head until she fell asleep, but was informed it was "inhumane" for some reason.


• After several hours of baby screaming, her older sister decided to do the same. That's when I decided to put them both to sleep...but decided to let them take a nap instead.


• When Kairi refused to nap, I thought about what usually gets little girls to be quiet, so I went on the internet & let her look at shiny, expensive things


• That did the trick!!!


• Went home & watched "Requiem for a Dream"


• I was warned about this movie...and yet I still watched it. I knew there was a reason that I didn't do drugs...and that reason is Jared Leto's arm.


• I still have a little bruise from where I donated blood last week...and it's kind of creeping me out now because of this movie


• Slept surprisingly well, woke up early for work

News Update of the Day - Okay, so I've looked a little more into this Michael Vick dogfighting ring situation...and wow, I was mistaken as to how the dogs are prepared for battle. I thought it was just the encouraging of aggressive behavior through positive reinforcement...like horrible parents in trailer parks or something. I'll spare you the details...but the term 'raping machine' was mentioned several times. So I figured the best way for Mr. Vick & anybody else associated with this dogfighting organization, upon being found guilty in a court of law, should be put in a similar situation. A place where they would be put in a rough & tumble, enclosed environment, where the weak are slaughtered, there's a constant fear of rape (his quick moves may come in handy), & you're isolated from all that you know & care about. If only such a place existed...

Burning Image of the Day - Besides watching Jennifer Connelly go cheek-to-cheek last night (which was both hot & disturbing at the same time), the other image burnt into my head was looking around my workplace & thinking that everybody looked a little depressed today. Everybody has been looking down as if in deep thought & contemplating some future course in their life...but their current situation was just too complicated for facial expression. Then I realized that they were all reading that new Harry Potter book. I kid you not. Just about EVERYBODY at my workplace is reading that damnable book of heracy.

I went to the breakroom to watch some ESPN as they were discussing golf (Why? Who cares? It's golf.) and I noticed there were four people sitting there, all reading Harry Potter & the Sleepy Hollows or whatever it is. "Are you reading the Harry Potter book too?" "Who's Harry Potter? Does he write mysteries or something?" I thought it was funny...and the only other non-reader thought so too. The key is a straight face & snappy delivery. You guys are gathered around a TV to read a book. Even if I were literate (voice-activated typer), I probably wouldn't read Harry Potter. Give me "The Land of Sniggl-de-Bloop" for my kids.

"In the Land of Sniggl-de-Bloop, where all the inhabitants eat nothing but soup, made of hambone & whalebone & that type of goop, lived a Sniggl-de-Creep & a Sniggl-de-Bleep..." thanks to my mom, I can do this all day...but I won't. Besides, I've already skipped to the end of the book & I thought that the Zombie Ninjas destroying Hogswart was a bit of a stretch...even for me. I'm sorry if I spoiled it for you, but JK Rowling should've worked robots into it somehow.

Random Thought of the Day - So I was watching "Roots" earlier today for the first time (only about 40 minutes into it...so no slavemasters yet) & it got me thinking about a fun little game that my brother & I like to do when we're in public & want to mess with people. No, it doesn't involve thumbvises or whips. The reason that Roots made me think of it is because...well, I was expecting subtitles & was disappointed when Kunta Kinte made me reminisce about Reading Rainbow. By the way, did you know that OJ was in Roots? Now you do. Anyway, when there were no subtitles, I thought of our game.

We'll go to Wal-Mart, Best Buy, or really anywhere where there are people to mess with (basically outdoors) and we'll talk gibberish to one another sounding like a different language. Usually the person that starts sets the tone for the language but it usually sounds either Eastern European or African. It'll usually go something like this. One of the people at Best Buy will walk up to us when we're checking out TV show seasons or something...

"Hey guys, do you need help finding anything today?" That's when I'll look at my brother (usually looking at some anime show I've never heard of) and say something like "Uumba matumba click click umbaka chombi?" So he will reply, "Baka derka derka umpablo escobar shimmy shimmy ya" and this will last for several exchanges and then we'll return to English. "Yes, where is your girl-on-girl selection? My brother & I really enjoy the vagina." Just in case you plan on doing this yourself, the key is to maintain constant eye contact, keep a straight face, & speak using your hands and appropriate body language. Change the tone of your voice once in a while too...like a real conversation. Now go practice with your friends & let me know how it goes. Peace out...

Birthdays this Weekend

Good Morning Everybody,


First off, I just got a text from my buddy Spitsofrantic and his new album "Hood Vibrations" will be hitting Uprok Records on August 10th, so check it out. You can also see announcements for show dates...and the albums will be available there at a very affordable $10. If you see me at the show, ask me for a drink. I'll get you one with purchase of an album. You can't go wrong.


More information to come...

Because I'm at a lack of ideas with my mind being elsewhere (date tonight) & not much has really happened since last blog besides REM, I just thought that I'd mention some birthdays of people that I admire (or are at least famous) over the next couple days since this should prove to be a pretty awesome weekend.

Friday, July 20th

• Gisele Bundchen (27) - Just this week she was announced as the highest-paid supermodel in the world at over $33 million this year, now she can fly all of her hot supermodel friends to Brazil (home for most of them) to celebrate her birthday. I must visit Rio in my lifetime. Maybe next June for Adriana Lima's birthday celebration...


• Carlos Santana (60) - The man can play a guitar & seems to have a peaceful mysticism about him. I'm glad that this generation got to listen to him too with collaborations with Wyclef, Rob Thomas, Michelle Branch, Everclear, & everybody else. Everybody should have at least a Greatest Hits album of his 70's hits & the award winning "Supernatural" album. You can just kick back & listen to both albums all the way through.


• Chuck Daly (76) - Hall of Fame coach of two-time NBA champion "Bad Boys" the Detroit Pistons & the original Dream Team


• Sir Edmund Hillary (88) - The first man to reach the summit of Mount Everest in 1953 and his first words back to his buddy when he returned to base camp - "Well George, we finally knocked the bastard off." It's like something out of an English Sopranos. He's also the only living New Zealander to appear on a banknote (Peter Jackson soon?). The best lesson to learn from Sir Edmund though, is though he was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II (Rule Harder) that he would have never made it without his Sherpa mountaineer Tenzing Norgay. Though you may achieve great things in your life, it's not all about you. It's humbling advice, but it makes one a more grateful person for the friends & colleagues that they have. Happy birthday Sir Hillary!!!

Saturday, July 21st

• Kenzie (23) - Happy Birthday Kenzie!!! Be safe this weekend, loyal blog reader!!! Let's see how long it takes for her to respond to this message. Starting..........NOW!!!


• Josh Hartnett (29) - I swear this guy is the second coming of Tommy Lee Jones. At first, I was pretty sure that this guy was just another pretty boy...but he's actually shaping out to be a good actor. I can't wait for the new Sin City movies.


• Jon Lovitz (50) - "The Critic" is one of the greatest cartoons ever!!!


• Robin Williams (56) - One of the greatest comedians of all time!!! He's actually done some great dramatic work too. If you haven't, check out "Insomnia" with him & Al Pacino. "What Dreams May Come" is pretty good too with Cuba Gooding, jr.


• Don Knotts (83) - Third brilliant comedian born on the same day. The world's a little sadder place without him, but his legacy lives on. Happy birthday, Officer Fife!!!

Sunday, July 22nd

• David Spade (44) - How is this guy hanging with Jenny McCarthy??? I understand the whole 'He makes me laugh' reason but for Jenny, he'd better be hung like a walrus.


• Willem Dafoe (52) - Creepiest Jesus ever!!! "Last Temptation of Christ"


• Danny Glover (60) - "FREE SOUTH AFRICA, you dumb son of a bitch!!!"


• Don Henley (60) - Lead singer for the Eagles & a successful solo career. "Boys of Summer" is a great song.


• Alex Trebek (67) - Born Giorgi Suka, this host of Jeopardy! for the past 23 years, makes up one-third of the Holy Trinity of Game Show Hosts (Pat Sajak & recently-retired Bob Barker make up the others). Wink Martindale, Chuck Woolrey, Hugh Downs, even Howie Mandel, all great game show hosts...but not quite in the Trinity. Who will replace Bob Barker? Who knows? Trebek may retire soon too...especially after "Kebert Xela!!!"


• George Clinton (67) - The Godfather of Funk was born on the same day as Alex Trebek. What are the odds??? Came down from Funkatron, born in Kannapolis, NC; raised in Plainfield, NJ; was actually in a Motown group called the Parliaments, then staff songwriter for Motown, then formed Parliament Funkadelic in the 70's. His music has spread into different genres & he has collaborated with just about everybody you've ever heard of in the music business. For his birthday, I suggest jamming out to George Clinton's Greatest Funkin' Hits. Actually, you should probably start every morning in the shower jamming to it. It's what I do...and it's great.


• Bob Dole (84) - Bob Dole is a Senator from Kansas & former Republican Presidential Candidate. Bob Dole played basketball under Phog Allen at the University of Kansas in the 40's shortly before serving in WWII (Not a Nintendo video game console). Now, Bob Dole has an Institute of Politics in his name there. Bob Dole also stars in commercials for Viagra, Visa, Dunkin' Donuts, & Pepsi. I'm not sure why everybody talks about Bob Dole in the third-person...especially Bob Dole...but Bob Dole's cool in my book. BOB DOLE!!!

Monday, July 23rd

• Daniel Radcliffe (18) - Harry Potter looks 18 in the new movie. I wonder if he celebrates the release of the 7th book too. "DAMN IT!!! I'm going to be doing these bloody movies until I'm twenty-five. Oh well, one day I'll play James Bond...and it'll be ALL worth it. Cheers lads!!!"


• Nomar Garciaparra & Monica Lewinsky (34) - Born on the same day. Who would think that both would always be associated with articles of clothing? Red Sox & a Blue Dress, I smell a sitcom.


• Marlon Wayans (35) - "Don't Be A Menace In South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood" - If you haven't seen it, you must. Great comedic actor & has actually done some pretty good dramatic stuff too ("Requiem for a Dream").


• Slash (42) - Haven't seen his face on TV in a while...actually, I guess even when he was really famous I didn't either. Hmm...


• Woody Harrelson (46) - "Natural Born Killers" is a classic. You've got to respect a man that'll put his love for marijuana over his movie career.

Sports News of the Day - The FBI is investigating an 13-year veteran NBA referee as to whether he has gambled on NBA games & allegedly fixed games that he actually refereed to have certain point spreads for his Mafia affiliates. You know, back in 1999, when the San Antonio Spurs won their 1st championship, my friend's mother claimed that it was because of the 'San Antonio Mafia' and I laughed right in her face. Sure, it was rude...but it was a ridiculous accusation...or was it??? I mean, just look at the guy's face. He looks like he's been down on his luck. More to come on this story...at least if it's interesting...

Also, Steve Francis a.k.a. "The Franchise" is having an interesting few weeks. On the day of the NBA Draft, he started out as starting point guard for the New York Knicks. Then he was traded (see "Basketball's Christmas" blog entry) to Portland because Isaih Thomas seems determined to ruin the Knicks Franchise or something. Then Portland waived him to free up some salary space because he's a fairly expensive player that has had some recent injuries. Yesterday, though the former All-Star guard was signed by the Houston Rockets & returns to the team that he was an All-Star with & can play alongside All-Stars Yao Ming & Tracy McGrady to make a formidable nucleus in the Lone Star State (still 3rd worst team in Texas). Congratulations "Franchise" & good luck!!!

News of the Day - This one is good. It was reported yesterday that laptops that were donated to Nigerian schoolchildren by the One Laptop per Child aid group had pornographic images stored on them...and that the children have been using the Internet to look up pornography.

In their defense, they had about a 50-50 chance of accidentally looking up a porn site. They could have been looking for information on America and found http://www.whitehouse.com/ instead of http://www.whitehouse.org/. That's how I found my first adult site back in the day. What does this prove? No matter where we grow up & how we're raised, we're all pretty much the same when you get down to it. I wonder how many friends they have from MySpace already. I'd better check MySpace this weekend. I've had a lot of ladies ask to be my friend. That's what happens when you put yourself as a single non-profit gigolo, I guess.

On that note, I'll bid you all adieu...and please continue to browse the Internet...

New Trip Announcement - St. Louis

What a glorious past few days this has been!!!


Yesterday, I was able to arrange my work schedule so that I could spend a week with my mother for her birthday, while she's away on business in St. Louis, Missouri next month. Using Travelocity, I was able to find an eerily inexpensive flight there & she was able to arrange for free hotel stays & a rental car courtesy of her employer. I have been to most major cities in the United States...and I've seen the Spirit of St. Louis in Washington D.C., but I have never seen the city of St. Louis, Missouri - The Gateway to the West.


First off, you may have noticed that I do not particularly care to ever see the city of Detroit, Michigan. Primarily this is due to the fact that it has highly been regarded as one of the most dangerous cities in America...but the last two years, East St. Louis has ended Detroit's reign of violent crime domination & has become the most dangerous city in America. So why would I want to go to St. Louis & not Detroit??? No, not because the Cardinals beat the Tigers in the World Series a few years back...but I admire your guess. Anybody else wanna guess? Here are several answers that would win you brownie points...

1. Mom will be there - She's a lot of fun to travel with & it's her birthday...so we can go to the Anheuser-Busch brewery and get a lot of free stuff, I'm sure of it. Cake and/or ice cream with every meal out too.


2. Gateway Arch - National Landmark that I have yet to see...and I plan on riding it up to the 630 foot summit & gandering into the West. I wonder how far west I can see from the top. I'll let you know.


3. The Blues - I enjoy good music...and St. Louis has some of the premiere blues clubs in the world. Maybe they'll have a karaoke night or something...but then again, I don't have the blues...but we'll see when the trip rolls around. I've got soul though. It has been confirmed by several people that I am, in fact, superbad.


4. Anheuser-Busch Brewery - World's largest brewery...and thanks to television commercials, it's one of the first things that I think of when I hear 'St. Louis, Missouri'. Kind of like how I associate San Antonio with Pace Picante. Oh yeah, stay tuned for a possible San Antonio trip in September.


5. Six Flags - Amusement parks & roller coasters excite me almost as much as a smiling redhead. Either way, if I see one, I just wanna ride 'em all day.


6. Riverboats - Trek the Mighty Mississippi if I get the chance. I've ridden one in New Orleans before...but now I'd like to try something upriver. Tom Sawyer style...


7. Route 66 - My buddy Nat told me that it goes through St. Louie, so I'd like to check it out...and maybe follow it a bit in the rental car.


8. Science Center - Most nerdy of all, they have a Marvel Superheroes Exhibition at the Exploradome. There are over 30 action stations that reveal the powerful, real-life science within Marvel's legends including biomechanics, visual perception, atmospheric science, soundwaves, and many more. You can even play a Super Hero Wedding!!! Actually, it looks like TOMORROW they're having one broadcast tomorrow on Y98 in St. Louis (http://www.y98.com/). I can see it now. I would actually prefer a DC Comic wedding. The groom is in his Superman suit with red underwear outside of his leotard. The bride walks down in her stunning Wonder Woman outfit (tell me that's not hot). Batman is the Best Man. Catwoman or Black Canary is the Maid of Honor. Flash & Aquaman can be worked in there too along with the Wonder Twins. Wow, I really am a nerd. This conversation is over...but here's a sneak peek at some future wedding pictures...

Anyway, what does Detroit have to offer? The Renaissance Center? What do they have going on at their Science Center? "Our Body - The Universe Within" Boring...but you may get to see a cadaver with bullet holes. I prefer Super Heroes!!! Anyway, I'll let you know how it goes obviously. Maybe we'll catch a Cardinals game too...but baseball's kind of boring...

What else is new with $teve? Well, tomorrow will be the 3rd day in a row that I have eaten Thai food. Yesterday, it helped me to regain my vigour after having blood drawn. Today, my buddy Tony picked some up for me on short notice. Tomorrow, I will be sharing a meal with the lovely friend of a lady friend from the Harry Potter movie on Monday. That's right, a planned meal with a lady. Just to let you all know, the percentage with which I have ladies actually show up to these planned events...is a fairly good batting average in the low-300's. Over the last year, I've been on a bit of a hot streak though...and I have a good feeling about this one...probably a single...and I'll get caught trying to steal second...stay tuned.

Oh...and as previously mentioned, there may be a September trip to San Antonio or Cleveland...but we shall see. Obviously I like to travel...a lot...and the opportunities are coming up recently.

Sports News of the Day - Michael Vick is having legal problems concerning a dogfighting organization. To be honest, I'm not sure what exactly he's facing besides Conspiracy charges. I'm not sure how long he would go to jail for if he wasn't Michael Vick...but I don't see that happening. To be honest, I want to go to a dog or a cockfighting ring. That's why this story interests me. I was a little disappointed a few months ago when a cockfighting establishment was raided by cops, mere blocks away from where I had lived in my dad's basement for a few years without any word on the street about it. I even went on that cruise to Ensanada last year to hopefully see a bull fight and/or a cock fight (with donkey show if time permitting) but it was only for a few daytime hours in Mexico. I did get to see a bullfighting ring at a winery...but that's about it.

Please do not get this twisted. I am not one to actively condone the brutalization or torture of animals in any way. However, I do think that there are many wonderful ways that the sports can be improved.

• Bullfighting - Instead of having a dazed, drugged, tortured, & brutally beaten bull trying to knock a red flag out of a sparkly, sworded Spaniard's hand, why not have a fully functional bull face off against his natural enemy.......the other bull that has been hanging around his dairy. BEHOLD THE FORCE OF TAURUS!!! This is another reason why I like the Running of the Bulls...because you can't feel bad for the guy that gets mauled by the bull...because they had flyers all over Pamplona telling him that was the case...and he chose to be in the streets anyway. Lesson learned.


• Cockfighting - I really don't like the idea of poultry dueling to the death...but I've mainly just wondered if they fry up the loser right there on the spot. It's also something that not too many people have experienced...or at least would admit to. Bring on the Muay Thai kickboxing matches!!! Stay tuned for my cruise of Southeast Asia next year...


• More Animal Fighting - Can a Mongoose really beat a King Cobra? Who would win in a fight between a Wolverine & a Tasmanian Devil? Tiger vs. Bear? Man vs. Monkey? I'm curious to the answers...and I think that it would provide great scientific data. Not only that, but I support cloning...so that we can bring back dinosaurs & pit them against eachother...and our modern day creatures as well. Baby T-Rex vs. a Tiger? Rhino vs. Triceratops? Pteradactyl vs. a Helicopter? Rambo vs. Raptor? I'm telling ya, it'd be sensational!!! I mean....educational.

Barry Bonds - Close to eclipsing Hank Aaron's career home run record...but it doesn't really matter because of his alleged steroid use. I don't want to rant about this. I've heard too much about it & you don't care. Just FYI - He's down to two home runs from the record.

That's about it for me today. Tune in tomorrow when I'll probably babble about this weekend's birthdays or some other crazy random stuff...