The Quest - Part 3

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Welcome to the thrilling conclusion of $teve & Mom's Journey to the Center of America...and back. When we last left our adventurers, they had just returned to their sanctuary in the Most Dangerous City in America two years running - St. Louis, Missouri. As the saying goes, "Missouri loves company" so let's join them...



Day 5 - St. Louis

After another later than expected start (it was a Ritz-Carlton bed), we thought that breakfast was for suckers...so we headed out to see the city via foot & public transportation. The concierge at the hotel had given us directions to a Metro stop a block away from the hotel...but apparently we had lost something in the translation...so we cruised through the private houses of Clayton, the suburb that the Ritz-Carlton is located in. Beautiful, brick houses with well-maintained lawns...but it was also very hot & humid with the Heat Index reaching 105 for that day...so we asked a local jogger where the Metro stop was & took it to Forest Park.

Pictured above is the Missouri History Museum in Forest Park, which hosted the World's Fair in 1904, the 100th Anniversary of the Louisiana Purchase. The museum is a fitting tribute to Thomas Jefferson, one of our tallest & greatest Presidents (pictured above in his actual size of historical significance). They also had an exhibit about Charles Lindbergh, his early years, his historic flights, & his life as a celebrity. Here are a few pictures from that exhibit...some with captions...

Below is the size of the cockpit he was in. Cramped?

Here's a picture of the Lindbergh Baby...

Lindbergh was actually one of the first treehuggin' hippies!!!

Then there was an exhibit about the 1904 World's Fair and how they completely built up the Park to look like the pictures below...but every structure was made out of mud, paper mache, & chicken wire, so they tore it down two years time to restore it to a park. Sounds eerily familiar to what they did in Salt Lake City in 2002...and are doing in Beijing for 2008...

When done viewing the World's Fair exhibit, we asked one of the volunteers at the museum where the restaurant was because I was VERY hungry at this point. "Upstairs on the right, but don't you want to see the Wedding Dress exhibit first?" Of course, my mom wanted to. "Thank you ma'am. You are a great help (but you aren't getting a donation from me now...because you're making me look at hundred year old wedding dresses that some unfamous chick wore ONCE and kept me from getting a damn sandwich)." Anyway, the next few pictures are for my mom...so that she can see her wedding dresses in two dimensions now...

This message is brought to you by the color White...

Sitting there, my eye was pulled to two college girls literally staring down an old green wedding dress & occassionally muttering HGTV jibberish back & forth to eachother...but never taking their eyes off the dress. Did they expect it to rotate? Where they trying to move it with their minds...or get it to change color or something? I didn't want to ask. I just wanted to eat.

Meriwether's - This restaurant at the museum caught me completely off guard. It was a very well appointed restaurant with a gorgeous view of the Park and moderately priced for a lunch at the museum. The AC was nice too. As mentioned before, I was just expecting to get a sam'ich of some sort...but instead I got a Bison Patty Melt (take that PETA) with Asian noodle salad and my mom got a delicious Portabella Sandwich with Corn Salad with beverages for about thirty bucks with a handsome tip included. Here are some pictures of the view that you enjoy there as well...

The last exhibit we checked out there was about the historic figures of St. Louis like Dred Scott, T.S. Elliot, and others...but because you already know all that you need to know about them, I just thought that I'd show you Chuck Berry's guitar & Miles Davis' trumpet.

St. Louis Science Center - It is a well-known fact that I am a nerd. However, you may be asking yourself...or have asked in the past, "How nerdy is he?" Well, allow me to assist you in answering that question. Here are a few examples from the Marvel Superheroes Exhibit at the St. Louis Science Center, where you can learn the science behind superpowers.

I've always liked Mr. Fantastic, even before he was banging Jessica Alba in the movies. Here's my impersonation.

Flame On!!!

I'm lifting the car...and I didn't even get a hernia.

They have a lot of other exhibits about dinosaurs, DNA (deoxyrhibonucleic acid), the human body, a planetarium, and many others as well.

Mars - The Redish Brown Planet

Busch Stadium - Home of the St. Louis Cardinals...for now. Also, St. Louis is home to the world's largest brewery for Anheuser-Busch...but we weren't thirsty for beer midday. We were taking the Metro to the Gateway Arch - Gateway to the American West!!!

First was a Steamboat Ride along the Mississippi River. We were very, very warm, so we bought some $4 blue ICEEs and sat in the air conditioned lower level of the boat for the most part, until we swung back towards the Arch. Here are some pictures of that experience...

Please take a moment to read the shirt on that last picture...

After that, we took a Tram Ride to the Top of the Arch. Please visit the link if you'd like to learn the full story about the construction of the Arch and many other fun & fascinating engineering facts. I'm kind of an engineering nerd too (see pictures of bridges above) but I don't want to bore you with them. I like to think that my blog is entertaining & educational...but I may be delusional.

My mom appears to be comfortable...

"Sure, it's small but...WHAT WAS THAT NOISE???"

View through the slit windows at the top...

After a fun time on the Riverfront, we decided to head back to the Ritz-Carlton for the evening...but not before I took some pictures of the hotel & its fountain during the "Magic Hour" when everything is beautiful with a camera.

I decided to do the In-Room Dining (Room Service) and ordered a chicken quesadilla and a Reuben sandwich with onion rings. They were delicious. Probably not worth the thirty bucks that I paid for it...but still, it was scrumptous. While my mom watched her antique roadshow, I filled out postcards & read my "Fart Proudly" book with an occasional "Who the hell would pay $2000 for a hundred year old butter churner? It probably doesn't even work. Didn't we see that at the museum today? It was free admission." Then we watched a Discovery Channel show about the Underground Ruins of Rome...because we're nerds like that. Slept in a Ritz-Carlton bed again. Amazing!!!

Day 6 - Return of the Jedi

I dropped postcards off at the front desk when we checked out & the beautiful blonde with those hypnotic blue eyes was there...with her hair down this time. "I can take those. Did you enjoy your stay with us, sir?" "Beautiful...and the hotel was great too." "(Giggles) Glad to hear it. I hope that you & your mother get back safely." "Me too. By the way, my mom thought that you were hitting on me the other night when you walked us to the elevators...but I explained the Service Values to her." "(Laugh) Oh well, that's cute of her...but I'm already spoken for." "I figured as much. He's a lucky man. Well, have a great day...and I hope to talk to you again on a return to St. Louis some day." "You too." Why did I mention that story? There's a message - Make Awkward Social Advances, Not War!!!

We ate at a nice Italian place called the Pasta House Company near the hotel. The Tortellini Carbonara was delicious. They had a lot of movie posters for old movies in Italian...and we even got to sit next to a couple of guys that I swear I had seen on the Sopranos before. I'd hate to say that they're the stereotypical Italian-Americans...but I can't really describe them better than that. It was great people watching.

Then I get a call from Haji (I kid you not, his name was Haji) with US Airways that my flight had been delayed...so they rescheduled me for some three hours later. Yippee!!! That gave me ample time to finish my "Fart Proudly" book (which I think you all should read if you get the chance & can get past the Old English grammar). I'll be glad to give a full review at a later date...but I just don't want to now. I didn't really meet any interesting people at the airport this time...but I got home around 10:00 and my dad drove me home...because he's awesome. That's was my trip. I hope that you enjoyed it.

GINORMOUS ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE DAY!!!

As previously mentioned, I will be an uncle again soon...and today my brother & sister-in-law found out that their next child...will be a BOY!!! The Bloodline will be continued!!! Behold, my nephew...and your future GOD!!!

Oh, he may be little more than a tiny growth now...but you just wait until he develops into the superhuman being who shall conquer this world & everything in it!!! I know that my sister-in-law can't wait until he develops...poor girl. Ladies, thank you for taking on the burden of childbirth. God, thank you for blessing me with a penis. It's truly appreciated. Have a great night everybody!!!