Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Help Me Help You, Ladies!!!

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

You know, I've been puzzled for the last few days. However, before I go further, I want to warn you that the discussion for the first two paragraphs gets a little...unusual, especially for my blog. Some of the things discussed may make your stomach a little queezy and I may not use politically correct language...but it's only because I'm pretty much ignorant on the you will soon find out. Wow, I make it sound a lot worse than it is...but don't say that I didn't warn ya. Definitely do not read the next little bit of your sitting at your computer reading this & eating something. You see...the past few days a few of the ladies that I speak with on a regular basis have been Menstrating. I know, it's a touchy subject for both genders...but I'm just trying to learn. The longest that I've had a girlfriend is three months...and I had no sisters growing up...and my mom didn't talk to me about this stuff...and is now in yeah, I have very little experience with regards to menstration other than women get mysteriously & extremely irritable (to put it lightly) on a monthly basis.

Being the curious little monkey that I am, I decided that it was finally time for me to not Fear the crabbiness, cramping, bleeding, mood swings, temporary insanity, physical drainage, emotional baggage, social awkwardness, and all the other stuff mentioned on those damned commercials that I see all the time...and try to get myself a little educated on the subject. So I've been asking a few questions about it...directly from the source. Why? I want to know what I can do as a guy to help out & make you feel better. I mean...what helps? Back rub? Scented candles? A few kind words? Garlic pills? Dirty limericks? A nap? Or do I just give you some chocolate ice cream and get the hell away? From the people that I've asked, it's usually the last one...but then something unexpected was mentioned. I realize that there's a rushing of hormones involved with menstation...but I was told that sometimes the ladies just want a good ol' rogering...and it makes sense...sort of. Hormones rushing, take your time, lay it down proper, she nods off, hormones & headaches subside, endorphines are running wild. Yet for some reason, I always thought that the cramping thing would be an issue for her...and the blood might be for me. I'm not going to lie. I would probably freak out...a lot...but there are ways around that to make you feel better. Also, the mess involved...I don't know, maybe this isn't a usual thing. Like I said, I'm just starting to find out this stuff. Anyway, my question is this...what is it that you ladies want us to do when it's that time of the month? How can we help? I have a feeling that a lot of guys out there want to know...yet just don't want to ask the awkward questions. Well, I've gone beyond that, I think. Please, let us know how we can help you. I'm extremely curious now...and I want to inform others. Help me help you, ladies.

Last night after work, I watched the movie "Cellular" with Chris Evans, Kim Basinger (hotchuma hotchuma), Jason Statham, and William H. Macy. It was a surprisingly good flick the first time I saw it...and it didn't disappoint this time either. It's about a lady who's kidnapped from her home (Basinger by Statham) and she doesn't know why. Somehow, she manages to dial a random number on a broken phone...and a teenager answers (Evans). He thinks that it's a prank at first...but then realizes it's not and tries to go to the police (Macy) but a series of events gets in the way...and now he has to try to find her, save the rest of her family, get help, and save the day...all before the battery & his plan minutes run out. Oh yeah, Jessica Biel's in it for a few brief glorious moments too. Anyway, car chases, suspense, funny moments, intrigue, twists & turns, and William H. Macy turns out to be a badass...who wants to open a day spa. Great flick. Check it out. Now, here's the news...

Everybody's a Winner!!! - A brothel in Nevada is trying to stimulate business by offering free gas cards to cover the costs of driving there from Vegas. Clients of the Shady Lady Ranch will get a $50 gas voucher if they fork out $300 (worth about one hour's worth of services) at the brothel in Beatty, Nevada, which is about 130 miles northwest of Las Vegas. Owner James Davis said he already has had to order another $1,000 set of petrol vouchers because the first $1,000 were spent in one week. "It's rocking along. We're doing quite well. June and July historically are not big months." Great for them. It's a great idea that stimulates business for them...tapping directly into the millions of people in Las Vegas. Fill 'er up...then get some gas. I like it a lot. By the way, you all know that prostitution is legal in some parts of Nevada, right? Not Vegas...but other this one about two hours away. If you didn't know that, you may be wondering why this is on the news & nobody's doing anything about it. Oh...and I like that James runs the business with his wife Bobbi, who came up with the idea. Just goes to show, behind every great man is a woman giving him ideas. Kudos!!!

Baby Names Update - The 1960s brought us baby names such as April and Sunshine, and naming new Americans has never been the same. So when Sunday Rose Kidman Urban was born this week, the baby of an actress (Nicole Kidman) and a country western singer (Keith Urban), news of her distinctive name created only a small stir. While many parents still stick with traditional names, U.S. babies now are tagged with an ever-increasing diversity of names for which the inspirations range from the calendar to languages from afar to colors to fruit to movie, literary, & video game characters to states to acronyms to stuff that can only be characterized as throwing random letters together & low-level child cruelty. The top 10 baby names from 1950 look nothing like today. Here's the list from 1950, according to the U.S. Social Security Administration:

Most popular boy/girl baby names in 1950:

1. James / Linda
2. Robert / Mary
3. John / Patricia
4. Michael / Barbara
5. David / Susan
6. William / Nancy
7. Richard / Deborah
8. Thomas / Sandra
9. Charles / Carol
10. Gary / Kathleen

Here's the list from last year:

1. Jacob / Emily
2. Michael / Isabella
3. Ethan / Emma
4. Joshua / Ava
5. Daniel / Madison
6. Christopher / Sophia
7. Anthony / Olivia
8. William / Abigail
9. Matthew / Hannah
10. Andrew / Elizabeth

The diversity in U.S. baby names has exploded since the 1950s. Back then, a quarter of all boys and girls got one of the top 10 baby names. In recent times, the top 10 names account for only one tenth of all baby names. Laura Wattenberg's blog has an interactive tool that displays the historical popularity of thousands of names from the 1880s to now, if you're interested. Looking at the 50's names, I see a lot of my aunts & uncles (five uncles, three aunts, & my mom) and from last year...not so much. Apparently, Michael & William are still popular a half-century later...but that's about it. Anyway, I like diversity in names (as my proposed names for my offspring would suggest) so keep 'em coming. It's just interesting how the trends celebrities naming their kids ridiculous stuff...but it's their choice...until the kid grows up. "You named me APPLE? What the f**k, mom? Dad, where were you?" "I was on tour. I wanted to name you Joshua. I heard about it on the tellie myself."

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Another big day at work that I'm convincing myself to stay the whole matter what...but we'll see if my willpower prevails. Also got a job description for that new prospect...and it looks pretty good. I'll keep you posted. Have a great day everybody!!! What number are you?

You Are 7: The Enthusiast

You are outgoing and playful - always seeing the happy side to life.

You're enthusiastic and excitable. You love anything new.

Multi-talented, you do many things well... and find success easy.

You prefer to keep things light with others. Opening up is hard for you.

At Your Best: You are deeply involved in each experience. You appreciate life for what it is, and you take the time to enjoy each moment.

At Your Worst: You are greedy, self centered, impulsive, and insatiable.

Your Fixation: Gluttony

Your Primary Fear: Deprivation and pain

Your Primary Desire: To be satisfied and content

Other Number 7's: Howard Stern, Cameron Diaz, Robin Williams, Jim Carey, and Jenny Mccarthy.


JLee said...

Hey, are you plaguarizing my quiz? lol

Now...let me see if I can help with your female questions. From my perspective, I just like lots of sweetness, hugs, massages and just BEFORE...get really horny! haha
Now, if it's during, you can always try the shower?

$teve said...

You know, imitation is the best form of flattery in some cultures. :)

I guess it's just different for each...but thanks for the tips. Like I said, there are ways around the mess (exact same thoughts... plus a brief moment thinking about using a tarp) but yeah, whatever it takes to help out the ladies. Thanks for the suggestions. You rock!!!

P.S. Rock Band party on Friday if you're in town. :)

Anonymous said...

I'll help you out with women questions too - I just have a slightly higher chance of getting irritated more easily during that time, so avoid trying to piss me off like you do every day at work - LoL! What works? Making me laugh and not pissing me off. Or telling me I look like a fatty like my mother does. Pretty obvious stuff. Hope that helps $teve!


$teve said...

Okay, make you laugh, not piss you off, call you a fatty. Got it. I'm impressed that that last one doesn't piss you off. It's rare in today's society to have a woman with such high self-esteem. Kudos!!! :)

Thank you for the help. It's greatly appreciated. Can't wait to rock out at the Rock Band Party on Friday!!! WOOOHOOOOOO!!!

Alisa said...

Boo, no rock band party since I will be inundated with yard sale crap. And... Croz might get overstimulated! Sounded very great though!

I like the name Sunday Rose. I like it because I feel a connection with Nicole Kidman and can sense how sophisticated she is and I think she gave her daughter a sophisticated name; it's just so... Nicole Kidman!

Well I guess I won't comment much on the sex part of your query since let's just say being on the rag = no on the sexo because, freak, who doest that?! is my opinion. It does feel weird to talk about since I'm married and all, but *eek* no, yuuuuck, no. Don't like it. Tarp fo sho if you're into gettin' it on that time of the month. Or like jlee said, shower. Whatever floats peoples' boats... or... yeah, boats. Ha! And I wasn't going to comment much.

Steve, though you are a caring soul I realize when it comes to your ladyfriends, you must leave them well alone I'm sorry to say when they are m-e-n-s-t-r-u-a-t-i-n-g (think that's how ya spell it). Of course every woman is different but the simple fact that men care goes a LONG way, let me tell ya. Just having my hubby wrinkle his nose and ask, "Sorry you have to deal with this... anything I can do?" shows me he does care and that's all I personally need. Then I continue on and grin (actually punch and kick) and bear it. Cramps are a monster, the mood swings the devil. Be in the same house/apartment/whatever, but prob not in the same room. Advil for cramps, and tell her to scream in her car for those wretched mood swings. Okay. Can you tell I love this subject? I seriously do. How embarrassing that I just typed all this. But you got it: ice cream! Advil, curling up in a ball, and ice cream.

For tomorrow's show, D said they will play at 8, so realistically 8:30 pm 'stead of 9.

Alisa said...

Actually the food cravings/mood swings usually hit within the week before a period, so...

I don't know, it's different for everyone.

$teve said...

Oh Sunday Rose is a cute name...but it's kind of like Wednesday Tulip is all. :)

Thank you so much for the words of advice. I had a feeling that really the best thing is just to show that you care & be there for them in case they need anything, kind of like migraines. Not much you can do from the outside...and ice cream's pretty much a cure-all unless you're lactose intolerant. :)

I'm gonna try to make it there...but if it gets too late when I can break away from my brother, we shall see. Anybody else reading this should check out Slow Ride TONIGHT at Huka Lounge (6100 S State, Slick City)

Where should I go next?