Love News Update - The world's tallest man Bao Xishun of China was married today in a traditional Mongolian ceremony. Bao is a 7'9" 56-year old herdsmen from China's Inner Mongolia region, but due to his age, his possible NBA stardom days have long since passed. He's still a hero though. Last December he saved the lives of two dolphins by reaching down their throats & removing plastic that they had swallowed. He married a lovely 5'6" 29-year old saleswoman named Xia Shujian in the traditional Mongolian style - Carried by camels on the back of a mobile yurt at the Genghis Khan holiday resort. Afterwards, there was a great after-party sponsored by the Inner Mongolian government, various shoe companies, & there was chugging for the groom's massive boots and much plundering of nearby villages...as dictated by tradition.World News Update - In Baghdad, thieves stole over $300 million US from a bank. They have no suspects as of yet...but I have a few. Let's go over some of the evidence. $300 million is a lot of money...at least more than one suitcase...if I remember my bank robbery movies. That's a lot of foldin' money. What kind of vehicle would you need over there to move that kind of cash? Oh, I don't know, how about a TANK??? Do you think that might work??? It's not that I don't understand why it would be done. I mean...wars do cost a lot of money. I consider more like Uncle Sam having a cashback bonus on their credit with purchasing so much oil from the region over the last century or so. Just admit it, that's all I'm asking.
On a personal note, I was born on the day of the largest U.S. bank robbery on record. I've also often thought about robbing a bank. Don't lie. You've thought about it too. In fact, my brother & I have a little game that we do whenever we walk into a credit union or bank or other secured establishment. While we're waiting, we'll casually glance around the facilities & whisper to eachother how we would 'rob this mother lover blind' as Loc Dogg would say (brownie points for reference). The only reason that we haven't gone through with it honestly...is that we would be caught. How do we know this? We're both in the top percentile of human height. It's very easy to pick us out of a lineup. Also finding a reliable wheelman is hard to find...and our cars are pretty shady at times too...oh, and we don't like the idea of prison one bit. So to avoid a final Heat-style old school shootout, we have yet to execute on our plans. I think that we've all had thought of going out in a blaze or glory, Young Guns final showdown against trained professionals & ninjas. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. What do you think? Just a little tid-bit that you might like to know about me. Enjoy!!!
Entertainment News of the Day - James Douglas Morrison is still in the news over 36 years after his death in Paris on July 3, 1971. In a new book, former Parisian nightclub owner Sam Bernett claims that Jim Morrison died on the toilet in his nightclub from a heroin overdose. Officially, it was reported that he died of heart failure in his bathtub at the age of 27. Now, Mr. Morrison was not the model of perfect health, despite having the model look, but it's been long suspected that there was more to his death than his motor running out while chilling in the tub. What does this claim mean to the legacy of Jim Morrison? Absolutely nothing. Why do I mention it? Because I have many of my own ill-educated conspiracies on how rock stars have perished over the years...and that a few may be still alive living it up on a small island in the South Pacific. Would you like to hear some of them? Good. Here are a few...Conspiracies of the CENTURY
Elvis Presley - Officially, he is said to have died of Cardiac Arrhythmia on August 16, 1977 while on the toilet. Personally, I think it's much more complicated & HORRIFYING than that. Sure, Elvis was again not a perfectly healthy individual, but you can't blame a man for loving his grilled peanut butter & banana sandwiches. I think that there was a certain artist that was breaking from his band & going solo about that time...who was introduced to Mr. Presley, his wife Priscilla (still a hottie), and his young daughter Lisa Marie...and that is where the seed of MURDER was planted. This artist saw little Lisa (then about 7-8 years old) & fell madly in love with her...being a young man himself but twice her age. He had to have her. He may have even mentioned it to Elvis...but the King was not pleased with him at all. It was at this alleged confrontation that the mystery artist vowed that HE would become the new King & he would marry his daughter...with or without Elvis' concent. From this point, the evidence gets sketchy at best due to the cover-up by record executives during the early 80's but long story short...Elvis was POISONED as he enjoyed his morning flapjacks, felt very ill, & died on the Thomas Crapper because of his violent bowel movements rupturing his insides. A sad & gory scene, I know...but the truth must be told...and the murderer must be put behind bars. Who is this artist, you ask??? Well, if you haven't pieced it together yet...I shouldn't really tell you...but I'll give you a hint. He kept his promise to Elvis about becoming the new King & marrying his daughter. I can only hope that you know who I'm speaking of now.Tupac Shakur & Notorious B.I.G. (Christopher Wallace) - Now, I know what you may be thinking. There are a lot of conspiracies out there that the government killed these two influential rappers. Personally, I can't see Bill Clinton hating on fellow playas like that. Officially, they both died in separate shootings & it's strongly believed (because there has been little to no investigation into the cases) that the shooters were from the other side's posse. East Coast / West Coast tensions were reaching the point of East Bank / West Bank relations over in the Middle East. (Yes, I know there's not an East Bank there, but please...stay with me) Tupac had mentioned among other things that he was a big fan of the works of 15th century philosopher Niccolo Machiavelli, including having a misspelled album of the same name & referring to him several times in his rap recordings. Machiavelli is most famous for his book "The Prince" as a theory of the best way for a ruler to retain control over his/her empire among other notions of government & establishment based on his research. One notion mentioned in his work was the faking of one's death...which I believe was to avoid one's persecution if their kingdom was ever overthrown (I'm not sure, it's been a while since I read his works). Anyway, here's my theory.
2Pac was enjoying his mega-celebrity lifestyle...but not at the cost of gang violence that was steadily rising due to his promotional marketing techniques because of his beef with Biggie. That's right, I said it was all a chirade. There was no beef between Tupac & Chris Wallace. They were buddies that moved up together. Did Tupac get with Faith Hill, Biggie's wife? I'm pretty sure...but I wasn't there. That can cause harsh feelings (believe me) but it promoted both record labels & various albums because there was that one song that they were talking about the other & all that mess. It was all marketing for one another. It's like a musical version of the WWF (wrestling, not the Panda society). Anyway, 2Pac was living it up...but wanted to put an end to all of the craziness...by doing the Machiavellian thing...and faking his own death. He gets in a tussle at the Mike Tyson fight in Vegas in full view of casino cameras strategically placed EVERYWHERE. He drives off with his friends, drive-by, and he's then rushed to the hospital, pronounced dead shortly after. However, I think that he may be living it up on that mysterious island in the South Pacific with a few other celebrities to be named in later conspiracy theories.
What of Biggie? He's unaware of his buddy Tupac's planned escape from stardom. So after Tupac's death, due to media hype, the blame is placed on him & his crew in a guilty before proven innocent scenario...even though the people involved in the tussle in Vegas could have been ANYBODY (again little to no investigation). He's stressed to the max because he has no idea who killed his friend...but all the blame is put on him, not from the police, but from the streets. Because like my buddy Carlito told me, "The Streets is always watching." Anyway, several months later, another random gun attack while he's rolling around in his car...and Mr. Wallace is killed in retaliation for the murder of 2Pac that may or may not have actually happened. Again, this is just my theory...but I thought I would share it. Regardless of what really happened, I just hope that SOMETHING is found out about it & the killers are brought to justice.Gosh, all this talk about death is depressing me a bit. I apologize. Let's leave this blog entry on a positive note, shall we. Since I watched a wonderful Easter episode of South Park last night, here's a picture of my lovely niece Kairi as an Easter Bunny. Enjoy!!!
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