The Quest - Part One

Day 1 - Salt Lake City to St. Louis


After missing the flight on Wednesday, we (my mother & I) were rescheduled for Thursday...on separate airlines...but at similar times, so it was all good. We woke up around 5:15 AM and drove to my dad's for a lift to the airport two miles from his house. As previously mentioned, my mother & father have been divorced for over a decade...but this went very well. We just drove there, doing the small talk thing along the way. Nothing much to report about that. No celebrity style catfight or altercation to speak of...maybe next time. We had a Burger King breakfast because the Blue Burrito Grille...just doesn't sound appetizing to me. It's like one of the new Ritz-Carlton restaurants out there called Salt. It just doesn't appeal to me. Mmm salt. Why is the burrito blue? Because of the corn? Why is the corn blue? Did it's mate cheat on him with his brother? If so, I understand...but I doubt that's the case.



While at the airport, I had sufficient time to meet a few people waiting for my flight to Phoenix (with connector to St. Louis). Private First Class Nelson was among one of these people. He was returning back from his 2nd tour in Iraq and had broken his ankle in a scrimmage (not exactly two-hand touch football, I'm told) and was returning to his wife in Phoenix. I said thanks for laying his life on the line & all the usual patriotic stuff...and offered him a Pepsi. He wisely declined...because soda is bad for you apparently...and only Coke is served in the airport, I later found out. He seemed like a good dude...and I hope he's getting some serious R&R back home.


Also, because I like to keep my mind sharp...and I'm a little hyperactive most of the time, I did my share of people watching. I didn't take any pictures of these people...because I thought it would be rude...but I assure you they were real. One was a gentleman who looked like Sammo Hung, star of the TV series "Martial Law" & Martial arts movies...but with a large ZZ Top-esque beard. It was quite entertaining...and he may have caught me staring. It was just so captivating...like a lumberjack sumo.


I also saw a very lovely young woman in a wheelchair. It struck me that this was the first time that I had seen such a thing. I'm almost certain that it had something to do with a car accident...so please drive safely out there everybody...but it just hurt me to think that this woman...or anybody else in a wheelchair was in one. Then, because my train of thinking always seems to go this way, I wondered if she had ever felt...well...an orgasm before losing feeling below the bellybutton. That poor woman!!! It's a damn tragedy!!! If stem cell research could help with that in ANY way, I'm all for it. By the way, I know that most of you are probably Utahns like me...and we can say stupid stuff pretty freely about using aborted baby fetuses & disabled girls having orgasms...but I was about to enter & drive through the Bible Belt. It was quite the experience...and luckily my mom was there to hear my thoughts...because I couldn't have expressed them outside of the car for fear of persecution and what I like to call 'Deliverance' in the backwoods of the Mid-South. More on that later...


On the flight to Phoenix, the gentleman across the aisle from me was a coach with Stanford University Golf. He was talking about some German kid who was the best European amateur & some twins in Colorado or something (I was eavesdropping on his cell phone call because I thought he was a basketball coach at first) but then we got to talking about Tiger Woods going there and I shared some of my ideas for Extreme Golf...and he thought that I was one crazy cracker. Agreed. In Phoenix, I had a thirty minute layover, so I ran through there like O.J. to get to my next flight in a different terminal. I made it...just in time to sit next to the coughing girl all the way to St. Louis (luckily only a 2.5 hour flight) and enjoyed "Fracture" with Anthony Hopkins. It was pretty good. I like movies where I root for the bad guy. Especially when the bad guy is Anthony Hopkins.





I landed in St. Louis, got my luggage & waited for my mother who arrived several hours earlier (direct flight) to come pick me up in our rental Chevy Cobalt (nice car by the way). While waiting there, I thought to myself about there being a person identical to me out there...and if they're doing more with the same size, looks, talent, skills, mind, etc. than I am on my end. Sure, I've seen a lot of places in this world...but would an identical person in a slightly different environment be married, have kids, be addicted to crack, still love basketball, work at a women's shelter, like anime, or something else if they lived...say, in East St. Louis or something. Like I said, I think of strange things when my mind isn't occupied with work or other mindless distraction. That's just how I roll. If you see me zoned out, I'm thinking about something...probably something dirty...but I'll never admit to it.



We arrived at our hotel, the Renaissance St. Louis Grand & Suites Hotel, and it was quite lovely as these pictures will illustrate. The rooms were great too...and the location was across the street from the convention center and mere blocks away from the Gateway Arch. Gee, you'd think I sold these for a living with that statement. Also, a stone's throw away were several restaurants...including our selection for the day, a lovely Irish pub & restaurant called "The Dubliner" which had an inviting neon sign & Irish flag. By the way, I'd like to dedicate all my neon pictures in this blog to my buddy B who really likes neon pictures. These are for you buddy.



After a few Guiness, a Whiskey Cheese Toastie (man-sized grilled cheese sandwich), and some Bailey's Irish Ice Cream, we staggered back to the hotel for the night. End scene.



Day 2 - St. Louis to Memphis


I woke up to a lukewarm shower. I enjoy a lukewarm shower. Hot showers are too much, especially when the Heat Index is around 105 degrees as it was...and cold showers are good for waking you up...but so is a chainsaw or a lawnmower. Because of our missed flight on Wednesday, we only had the one night in St. Louis to start...but we'd come back...after a few days in Memphis, Tennessee - Capital of the Mid-South, home of the Blues, and the Birthplace of Rock & Roll...as this giant ornamental egg confirms.



Our journey started a few miles outside of St. Louis, where I ate at my first Waffle House. The waitress was a cutie...and man, could she make some chocolate chip waffles & cheesy hash browns. My mom's omelette looked delicious too.



Our next stop was in the city of Hayti, Missouri because my mom wanted to get some Powerball lotto tickets (and we talked for hours about how we were going to share the winnings with all of our friends and family...but then lost Saturday night). Oh...and she wanted to have a picture taken with a huge cock...



In Osceola, Arkansas (pronounced Ar-Kansas) we stopped to get an ice cream...and I heard my first "Yankee" of the trip. My mom & I were kind of eavesdropping on conversations while she looked through the souvenior stuff found at most interstate convenience stores...and it was quite entertaining. Here's a sign to prove that I was in Ar-Kansas.



After more driving, we finally ended up in Memphis...and after negotiating a real cluster funk of a parking situation brought upon by a tour bus driver whose directions started "M'kay, first you go down this one-way road the wrong way..." and then from there it just gets more ridiculous...like a South Carolina beauty queen answering a question. We arrived at the Springhill Suites Memphis Downtown, again conveniently located on the riverfront trolley line in the heart of downtown...and includes a complimentary breakfast with waffles. This blog is paid for by the good men & women of...okay, it comes out of my pocket...but these guys gave me a great rate. We checked in & cooled down for an hour or so watching "16 Blocks" and looking over maps of the city. Luckily, everything was within a few blocks...including the legendary Beale Street...which is like Bourbon Street, only in Memphis.



Our first stop was the FedEx Forum, home of the NBA's Memphis Grizzlies & the Memphis Rock 'n' Soul Museum. Here is photographic evidence that we were there.



They didn't allow cameras inside, so I'll just tell you that it was a great museum about the early days of blues, rock & roll, and soul music born & bred right there along the muddy banks of the Mississippi and primarily down Beale Street. If ever in town, check it out...it's next to the Hard Rock Cafe...and the Hooters. I don't know what it is about Hooters...but I even picked them out of the lights on the flight in last night...and stumble upon them in every major city I go to. It's a gift, I think.


After the museum, we decided to get something to eat at a restaurant called the Rum Boogie Cafe...and they had a great dish called the Chicken Rum Boogie, which was basically Malibu Chicken with a little barbecue sauce. Delicious! I also had some red beans & rice...and some of the best ribs that I've ever had. The drinks sucked...but we had great live musical entertainment. Afterwards, we walked the street for a while & I took some neon pictures for my boy B.


After approaching the end, we decided that we needed a real drink for the ride of the trolley along the riverfront, so we stopped by a spot and purchased two icy blue beverages with Everclear in them. Fifteen bucks for the two of them...but it had enough alcohol to be worth it. While waiting for them, my mother & I were approached by a woman who had had a few to drink. She was quite attractive in her leopard print haltertop and miniskirt...and librarian glasses. She had a pony tail...and that's always hot. We gabbed a bit about the heat and she mentioned that she had come down for the weekend from Jonesboro, Ar-Kansas (though she didn't pronounce it correctly). If my mom wasn't there, she appeared to be digging me...but then again, she may have just been using me for support...because she was stumbling a bit. Either way, she had a great smile & was having a great time...as were my mom & I.


We took the trolley ride all the way around so that we could see the light off the Mississippi and the Pyramid illuminated at night...but we found neither. Oh well, it was still nice. Here's a comparison of what the Martin Luther King Bridge looked like...and how it looked...on Blue...




Also, FYI, we didn't have time to check out the Civil Rights Museum in Memphis...but it's actually the Lorraine Motel where Dr. King was assassinated. I just thought that was unique. What do you think Bono? "Early morning, April 4, a shot rings out...in the Memphis sky. Free at last, they took your life...but they could not take your priiiiiiide. IN THE NAAAAAAME OF LOVE!!!" Thank you Bono, that said it all.


We arrived back at the hotel to hear continued blah blah blah about the Michael Vick case and his guilty plea...and apology. What more could you people want from the man? He confessed to the crime AND apologized to everybody that he knows. He's going to jail for at least a YEAR. Meanwhile, people with long histories of random assault, drunk driving, & various other violent charges on humans are on probation. Is that Justice? Maybe. What he did was wrong...and there's laws against it...but is it worse than what is done at dairy farms all across the United States? I worked at one for a few years...and if that's not wrong, then I don't what's so bad about this situation. Anyway, that's all. I'm done with it now. Let the wheels of Justice & Public Relations do their thing. Meanwhile, I'll keep voicing my opinion in blog format...and in person occasionally to anyone who will listen. This entry is already incredibly long...so I think I'll pick up with Day 3 tomorrow some time. To be continued...