Saving the Light of Day

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Luckily, it's Daylight Savings, so I get an extra hour of sleep this morning...because tonight I sleep on the couch (while my mother & grandmother share my luxurious bed, cuz I'm a sucker like that) and I probably won't be able to sleep on the airplane...and arrive in Barcelona at 7 AM. Oh, I know it could be a lot worse...but I think it'll explain the following pictures a little bit. The popular vote as to whether to shave my facial hair or keep it was extremely close. So this morning, I thought about going to Europe...and remembered that my passport picture was taken almost nine years ago...before I could even imagine growing facial hair...and just thought that I'd make it easier on International Customs agents...and shaved it off.

Before - Taken a few months ago when I first got my camera

After - Taken this morning

This is how I look first thing in the morning when I sleep on my stomach. Sexy...

By the way, it's not considered child pornography just because my chin's as smooth as a baby's backside...so please don't report me to the authorities...it's just me. Well, other than that...nothing has really happened since last night. I leave tomorrow morning for my epic journey and am super excited about it. Can't wait to watch the Eagles beat the Cowboys tonight after work. So basically to fill in this blog and amuse you, I've decided to do another one of these survey things that I got through MySpace. Enjoy!!!

1. Are you taller than your best friend?:

I am everybody's tall friend. My brother's pretty close...

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?:

Bic - Honestly, I really do. I'm not too picky about it...but I also like those pens that are so cool that they require their own wooden case to hold them while they're not in use. Those pens are the lucky ones.

3. Look at your planner for November 11, what are you doing?:

Pull into port in Nice, France; visit Cannes, home of the film festival and stroll along the sea promenade La Croisette; visit village of Grasse to visit a local perfumerie to see how perfumes are made; lunch; visit picturesque village of St. Paul-de-Vence; return to cruise ship and practice Italian pick-up lines en route to Florence. Sorry, you asked.

4.What color are your toenails usually?:

Man-colored

5. What was the last thing you highlighted?:

My work schedule...or somebody's day, I'm a little confused as to the definition of "Highlighted"

6. What color are the curtains in your bedroom?:

No curtains in the bedroom, only the optional blinds. I want everybody to watch!!! Bring a pen and paper, class is in session.

7. What color are the seats in your car?:

Some kind of beige? It's a very muted tone...but damn it's comfortable

8. What are you watching?

The clock...seven hours until I go home...

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?

Postage Stamp - Check to my landlord.
Stamp stamp - I love to stamp at work. I can take my frustration out on a piece of paper...and it makes it a little prettier.

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?:

Bill - He's my alcohol, porn, & fireworks guy. Now that's one-stop shopping.

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?:

I have never used an ATM.

12. Who is the last baby that you held?:

My beautiful niece Kairi

13.Can you spell well?:

W-E-L-L, WELL!!! Next time, don't have it on a test where you can simply READ it

14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste?:

Nope.

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?:

Same I am now - either a 1988 Buick Park Avenue or a 1969 Pontiac LeMans

16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators?:

Florida Gators...but only because of the basketball team

17. Last time you went to Six Flags?:

Wow! Denver a few years back(?)...but I'm going in Dallas in less than a month. WEEEEE!!!

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?:

Not but I have a lot of posters...mostly black and white stuff with Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Sinatra, Jessica Alba, Scarface, and the Simpsons.

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow?:

The keyboard I'm typing with...it was probably white when it first came to my job...seven years ago.

20. Last person to give you a business card?:

My landlord, it's actually quite humorous, he has a title listing like me - Father, grandfather, skier extraordinaire, eccentric storyteller, omniscient landlord, professional egotist, etc.

21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to?:

I'm tired of talking about my landlord. Next question...

22. Closest framed picture to you?

Company Motto - "If It Can Be Done Cheaper, Git R'Done!!!"

23. Last time you had someone cook for you?:

I cooked for myself the other day...but somebody had to make my delivery pizza when I was lazy last week.

24. Have you ever applied for welfare?

Not yet.

25. How many emails do you get in your inbox (excluding spam)?:

I'm actually curious to the number I'll have when I come back from Europe. Fifteen days - My guess is 748. Any other takers?

26. Last time you received flowers?:

First & latest time, shortly (matter of minutes) before an ex-girlfriend & I decided to part ways for long-distance reasons...and we cried for a while. Not the best memory. Next question...

27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman?

Sanctity of Marriage? No, I think everybody has the right to be married...and divorced. I just wouldn't recommend it until you're absolutely sure.

28. Do you play air guitar?:

Air guitar, air drums, air bass, air sax, air tambourine, whatever, I'm a one-man air-funk band

30. Do you take anything in your coffee?

No coffee.

31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines?

Why the hell would they make a figurine of a Willow Tree?

32. What is/was your high school's rival mascot?

Silverwolf - Don't tell me that they don't exist!!! I've seen 'em...

33. Last person you spoke to from high school?:

My buddy Chris yesterday, he may finally get a real job soon.

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?

China - Over two years ago. Water & soap do me just fine.

35. Would you like to learn to play the drums?:

Already learned a little bit...but sure. Are you offering?

36. What color are the blinds in your living room?:

White...but those are behind black curtains (so that I can watch my projector TV)

37. Last thing you read in the newspaper?

Is that like Yahoo! News?

39. What was the last pageant you attended?:

I don't believe I've attended a pageant.

40. What is the last place you bought pizza from?:

Papa John's - Is it sad that I have the phone numbers of nine pizza establishments in my phone? Cool, didn't think so.

41. Have you ever worn a crown?:

Whenever I go to Burger King, I tell them it's my birthday. "That's great sir." "...but seriously, where's my crown?"

42. What is the last thing you stapled?:

About 150 packets of 19 pages that nobody will read. Just another day at work.

43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?

Crystal Pepsi? You bet your ass I did. Even when they started finding syringes and bullets and stuff. Coke knew they were behind the times.

44. Are you ticklish?:

In one place...and I'll let you guess where...

45. Last time you saw fireworks?:

24th of July - It's a Utah holiday

46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?

Too long ago...

47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually returned?:

Mr. & Mrs. Wingman invited me to go to Mexico with them...but it's during my last few days of my trip to Spain. At least we'll both be speaking Spanish together.

48. Last time you parked under a carport?:

Earlier today...and I will when I go home.

49. Do you have a black dog?

Julie is my African-American friend. We miss you, Julie!!!

50.Can you give one reason why David Caruso is allowed to keep acting?:

Because he gets the job done...with occasional pauses...for dramatic effect...and an icy cool stare.

51. Are you an aunt or uncle?:

Is this some around the bush way of asking what my gender is? Yes, I'm an uncle. YIPPEE!!!

52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know?

Honestly, my friend Bubbles. She claims that her rack is better than her eyes. We'll just agree to disagree...but it's a close race.

53. Last time you saw a semi truck?:

On the way to work.

54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe?:

"And I...hate EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!!!" - Vaguely.

55. Do you have a little black dress?:

No, surprising I don't...but I do have a blue and grey kilt.

Have a great one everybody!!! See you in a few weeks...

Be Prepared

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I'm just taking a break from scurrying about and getting final preparations ready for my trip starting on Monday. I'm still going to have to do some laundry or something over the weekend...but other than that. I'm pretty much ready to go. I really am going to miss blogging to you guys...but I always take notes (especially when I plan on drinking a little) and plan on letting you know all about it...and hopefully inspire you to go see the world too.

Facial Hair - Well, it has been officially one year since I started this whole facial hair thing...and the results have been pretty average. Now, I'm wondering if I should go back to my babyface days or keep going with the devil's haircut. What do you guys think? Excuse me, what do you ladies think? Guys, feel free to sound off too...but obviously it's not intended for you. No offense. It's fairly easy maintenance, I tend to stroke my chinhairs, I'm even told that it tickles a little bit when I kiss, but is it sexy or anything? Will I lose my loyal fanbase of hotties with trimming a few whiskers? I'd like to think not...but let me know. By the way, thanks for all the comments recently. They're a lot of fun to hear and greatly appreciated. It's nice to know that people actually kinda read this thing. Anyway, here are some before and after shots. Forgive me, but the latest pictures I have of me without facial hair are from my Scotland trip three years ago...and I wore glasses. I'm the tall guy in the middle surrounded by my ladies...cuz that's how a playa do.

I warned you it was a bad picture...at least of me.

Still surrounding myself in beautiful women...

Other than that vacation preparation stuff, I don't have a whole lot of plans today except kick back maybe watch "Spiderman 3" or something. Oh yeah, yesterday I watched "License to Wed" with Robin Williams, John Krasinski, and the highly doable Mandy Moore. It was pretty good. A little cheesy...but Robin Williams is who he is...and apparently he's hilarious. This morning I watched "Carlito's Way: Rise to Power." Yes, even though my only image was Puffy in a mink, I thought it was worth a shot. It was a pretty good movie, especially considering it was a straight-to-DVD budget movie. Jay Hernandez does a pretty good movie of carrying this thing with a supporting cast including Mario Van Peebles, Juan Guzman, Burt Young, and of course, Sean "P. Diddy" Combs as Hollywood Nicki, druglord of Harlem. Poppin' Diddy Fresh actually did a pretty good tough mob boss in the few scenes that he had...but the movie is nowhere near the masterpiece of the Brian DePalma film with Al Pacino. Besides, the stories don't line up at all theatrically (this one's a prequel to the Al Pacino one) so that kind of bugged me. No more details though. Go check them out...especially the great one.

Martina Hingis Retires Again - I'm not much of a tennis fan...but there is one tennis player that I just can't help but watch. No, not Maria Sharapova or Anna Kournikova. Martina Hingis, my little foxy Swiss Miss, winner of Wimbledon and 5 Grand Slams announced today that she is going to retire (like she did six years ago but pulled an MJ to comeback two years ago). Her reason for doing so at this time, is because she has been accused of testing positive for cocaine at Wimbledon. "I find this accusation so horrendous, so monstrous that I've decided to confront it head on by talking to the press," she said. "I am frustrated and angry. I believe that I am absolutely 100 percent innocent." First off, I believe her...and secondly, it doesn't matter. If she wants to party while in England, that's her thing. I can't blame her for that. It's not a performance-enhancing drug last I checked. Quite the opposite, I thought. Maybe she should get special consideration with that in mind. "Side out! It hit the line." "What? Somebody say line? (Sniff sniff)" I don't know about all the validity of these drug tests. I'm not a chemist, nor do I claim to be (one of the few things I don't claim to be).

Either way, it doesn't matter. She's retired now...and can spend time with her loving family without having to be criticized by allegations of drug use like she's a pop princess or something. You'll always be my Swiss Miss tennis hottie named after a Eastern European she-male tennis champion. You always knew how to play the game - Fair, well, and sexy. If you ever find your way over to Utah, stop on by. I'll cook you up some fondue (I have the pot, fondue pot that is) and we can talk about the good old days on tour. No yayo though, please. I'm just saying it's a house rule. I didn't mean anything by it. Just because Scarface is all over the walls doesn't mean that stuff flies here. "Rule #2 - Never get high on your own supply."

Andy Reid's Family Drama - Speaking of such matters. Andy Reid is the head football coach of the Philadelphia Eagles, my favorite team since I was eight years old...and he's been there for a decade or so. However, his sons are a couple of winners...and the grand prize is jail time. 24-year old Garrett Reid was sentenced to 23 months in jail for crashing into another driver while high on heroin. He has had a long history of drug use. Also, his 22-year old brother Britt is awaiting sentencing for pointing a handgun at the other driver after the accident. Say what you will about him being a f**king idiot, but at least he had his brother's back. Kids, don't do drugs. Please please pleeeeease don't do drugs. You have no idea what it does to your family, friends, coworker buddies, acquaintances at coffee shops, other drivers on our roads, all the other people that you influence on a daily basis...oh yeah...and it's not to good on YOU either. Anyway, that's my plea...but you're going to do what you think is right...and I respect that. I'd say "What Would Jesus Do?" but he seemed like a bit of a hippie. I blame his parents. What did they want for baby presents? Frankensense and Myrrh? I'm not sure what that's good for...but I'm pretty sure that Joseph & Mary toked up that night after the baby went to sleep. Sorry, had to lighten it up a little bit there. I like to pull out the Holy Material once in a while. I also feel a soft spot for Andy Reid because he looks so much like my stepdad. Just say no!!!

Flexibility is Never Ever Overrated - As you may know, I'm quite the fanatic of flexibility. In Germany, a 19-year old woman escaped prison by folding herself up into another woman's suitcase and she walked right out the front door. Neither have been caught...but it doesn't really matter for the 19-year old because she's serve out the last two weeks of her sentence with no additional jailtime IF caught. Why? It is not illegal to break out of jail in Germany. It's what's known by Steve McQueen fans as "The Great Escape Clause." Why do you think Hogan's Heroes had such a cake walk time at their camp? They serve schnitzel, beer, and spatzel to inmates. Damn, I wanna spend 30 days in a German prison. It's like a month long vacation. They probably even sing "Schnitzelbank" with beer maidens decked to the nines. Those German know how to create a society...now. So yeah, keep stretching girls. You never know when it'll come in handy. Besides, it's a lot of fun in the right circumstances.

Well, that's gonna do me for right now. Back to getting things squared away and ready for my adventure into Europe. Join me tomorrow when we talk about...whatever. Maybe I'll do another movie list. I haven't done one of those in a while...and Robin Williams is a great actor comedian. Why not? So until tomorrow, have fun, stay away from drugs (unless you're looking for a rebound), and keep stretching. Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease...