The Next Generation

Good Afternoon again Ladies & Gentlemen,

Here's the link to the next generation of my blog experience, Dr. Mookie Love, jr (Alternate name was $pawn of the $teve...just so you're aware). The official URL is http://drmookielovejr.blogspot.com/ so feel free to copy & paste as needed because you guys rock and I hope that I can entertain you for years to come and share my wonderful world with you. I just can't do it here because of more than ample memory limitations...and I have a LOT of pictures to share of my journeys. I hope that while I'm setting up the new blog, you'll enjoy some of my past entries. If not, please be patient. I am theoretically on vacation right now...but not much else to do here in Great Falls honestly. Maybe I'll hit a bar up tonight and see how the local college girls enjoy their weekend nights. Anyway, have a great day & I'll see ya later.

Your favorite non-profit gigolo,

Dr. Mookie Love

a.k.a. $teve

a.k.a. $tever Beaver

a.k.a. Cookie

a.k.a. Pooh Bear

a.k.a. Sloppy Papi

a.k.a. The Eclectic Eccentric

Part 4 - Yellowstone & Montana

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

We now continue on our mystical journey. Today, we get to check out Yellowstone, one of my favorite places. I apologize for the cloud cover on most of these pictures...and so does the Big Guy who put them there. Enjoy...

Day 7 - Cody to Great Falls

We started a little earlier than usual (around 6:30 AM) and left the Beartooth Inn in Cody towards Yellowstone National Park. Now, this time, we basically did a drive through to get to Montana along the Eastern side of the park...but because I love you guys, I'm going to add some pictures from two years ago when I went along the Western & Northern sides with my mom, stepdad, brother, and his fiance...now wife. No need to thank me, just pay it forward as usual. Now, one thought that I had about Yellowstone (being one of my favorite places on Earth) is about all the geysers, hot pots, mud volcanoes, and whatever else you want to call them...and they're basically the Earth letting off some internal steam...like sweating...only in Yellowstone, it's a lot more than just sweating...and the smell takes some getting used to I'm told, which is why I affectionately call Yellowstone "Mother Earth's A-Hole" but think about it. If Earth's A-hole is one of the most beautiful sights in all of the world...then we should definitely do all we can to see the rest of her, right? Anyway, just my thought...and I apparently think too much sometimes. Enjoy the pictures...

Lots of waterfalls of various sizes in the Park

Yellowstone Lake

Think about the end credits of "Little House on the Prairie"

I like these purple flowers...whatever they're called

"The Buffalo are nearby."

"That's amazing! You can tell that just by sniffing their droppings?"

"No, I can see one right there."

We've had a few close calls with Buffalo

"Now, don't be alarmed...but he's coming towards you guys.

It's okay, stay perfectly still. They rarely eat humans."

Buffalo Joe - We have video with the van door open...

but he gets up really quickly and I don't want to post

footage of my entire family crapping their pants simultaneously

Colter's Hell!!!

Mud Volcano

My favorite, the Dragon's Lair

A lot of buffalo on the range

A bear that we saw two years ago

When we got to Mammoth Hot Springs, the does had taken over

"Use the crosswalk. Remember what happened to Bambi?"

Mammoth Hot Springs

Apparently twenty years ago, there was more action...

Get your mind out of the gutter...

Sapphire Spring

Inspiration Point at the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone

The Falls at the Grand Canyon

Now, for the big show...

"Everybody gather round!!! He's about to BLOW!!!"

I was a little disappointed by the size of the eruption...

but maybe it was a long day for the Old Guy...

maybe they should add some Viagra with his Metamucil

The Northern Gate of Yellowstone

After making it out of Yellowstone, we drove about an hour north to the city of Livingston, Montana. We stopped at a nice little diner there called Clark's Family Restaurant...but after waiting for twenty minutes and no waitress, we decided to just head to Arby's and be on our way. The drive through Montana was quite scenic. There was Bozeman, Butte (which ironically enough...has a HUGE hole in the middle of it, a copper mine), the capitol of Helena, and eventually to our stop for the next few days, Great Falls. Here are some accompanying pictures...

If you don't know why I took a picture of this sign,

then you may not get half the jokes on this blog.

P.S. Hi Lilie, it says "Boulder"

The State Capitol of Montana in Helena

Magic Diamond Laundromat Casino

Now, think about that for a second. MAGIC!!! DIAMONDS!!!

CASINO!!! LAUNDROMAT!!! "One of these things does not belong..."

Along the drive, my mom & I kept ourselves entertained by talking about this and that. By the way, we pulled into Great Falls with just over 2000 miles on this trip so far, which by my calculations means somewhere in the range of 40-50 hours in the car at various speeds over the last week...so we talked a LOT. One of the more memorable things from this portion was we say a semi going uphill carrying a large cylinder...but from our angle, it looked like a giant O...so we got to talking about Oprah...but not about all the stuff that she owns...but how unlucky she is because she can't trust anybody & will probably never know the joys of having a family because of it. People like her & Bill Gates probably have a hell of a time finding friends that they can trust...because they would always suspect they're only around them because they are bazillionairres. Oprah doesn't have any kids...just her dogs. You never hear about Bill even having a girlfriend or anything...probably because he's trying to develop that sexbot prototype or something. Anyway, the point is...money really won't make you happy. I know you're rolling your eyes at me right now...and that's okay, I forgive you. Trust is the key thing. You have to be willing to trust to be trustworthy...and that means running the risk of being taken advantage of (remember my little spiel a few days ago?). Trust is like a flower or something. It takes a lifetime to build...but only one quick act to destroy. Once you've been burned, it makes it that much harder to grow back too. Anyway, I hope that all of you out there have at least a few people that you can trust...and please, don't take advantage of them. That's today's public service announcement.

We arrived in Great Falls, got some Wendy's, checked into our hotel, and basically kicked back and watched TV. It was already kind of late...and we'd been in the car for something like eleven hours. Didn't want to take it anywhere else that night. We watched "What Lies Beneath" with Harrison Ford & Michelle Pfeiffer. I hadn't seen it in a few years...and my mom had never seen it. It's pretty good. I really like the slow, dramatic suspense, especially during the last half-hour or the movie. It's more psychological than anything else...and big ups to director Robert Zemeckis, who did "Back to the Future" and others. Yeah, slept pretty good that night.

It is at this point...that I have to stop yapping about my journey...because my blog's memory is full...and I need to format a new one over the next couple of days to tell you about all the sights of Great Falls & continue my incessant ramblings. It's probably a good thing because I found out last night that my brother & sister-in-law are going through some serious drama right now...and I don't want to bring you guys down too. Seriously though, see what happens to them when I leave town for a WEEK? How are those kids gonna survive when I move to Vegas (whenever the Hell that'll be)? So I'll check in with you ladies & gentlemen in a few days, wish me & my family luck with their drama, and I'll update you as soon as I can with what I can...mostly about my trip and other positive stuff because that's what I'm all about. It's been great hollerin' at ya for the past year or so on this blog...and I hope that you all join me over on my new one. I'll have a link to it soon. Promise. In the meantime, feel free to check out some of my past entries. I think they're pretty good...but I'm kind of partial. Have a great time everybody!!! See ya soon!!!

Part 3 - Wild Wyoming

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, it's almost to that point...where I've put simply too many photos from my trips (and of my adorable nieces & nephew) onto this blog so I'm in the mid-90's percentage wise on my blog's capacity...so it's almost time to announce a winner of the Ultimate Challenge for my new blog and lord and/or ladyship in the Land of $tevonia. I may be able to finish up my trip on this blog...but we shall see what the webgods decide. By the way, still awaiting word from Vegas on the big job/move...but I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, back to my latest trip...

Day 6 - Gillette to Cody

So I had a rough night sleeping because of being a fairly light sleeper and thunderstorms and Gladiator dreams...but after a shower, I was fresh and ready for the day. We drove across the state of Wyoming and through the Big Horn Mountain Range of the Rockies. We stopped and got a little breakfast at Taco John's, which has been around since 1969. Funny little tidbit from my mom - My aunt worked at the FIRST Taco John's back in 1970. You probably don't care...but that's just an example of some of the little tidbits that I learned during this trip that were kind of cool...at least to me...almost forty years later. Anyway, here are some pictures of our drive...

Our first real stop for the day was the city of Thermopolis. I know, it sounds like a made-up city where Lava Man would have come from or something...but it's home of the world's largest mineral hot spring...as these pictures will back up...

Shall we go on the bridge swaying in the wind?

A pot that has been capped over by time & calcite deposits

My mom likes to headbutt things

I just like to ride 'em. Show 'em who's boss.

Also in Thermopolis, there was the Wyoming Dinosaur Center...where they excavate & set up full skeletons of some of the coolest dinosaurs ever. Now, as a child, I was a HUGE Dinosaur geek. Like really huge. Like...I still remembered all the names of the dinosaurs walking through the center...without having thought about them since the late 80's...kind of a dinosaur geek. Like...I still have dinosaur sheets at my mom's house for when I have kids...kind of a dinosaur geek. So this was really cool to me. Here are some pictures...

Archeopteryx Fossil

A feathered flying reptile

Imagine if pigeons & magpies looked like this...

Coelocanth - Thought to be extinct...until found in 1938

Dimitrodon - "Sailed Lizard"

This one looks like Sara from "Land Before Time"

One of my favorites as a kid, Anklyosaurus

Like a turtle / pitbull with a dense ball on his tail

Stegosaurus

Triceratops & a Tyrannosaurus Rex are nothing...

Compared to this Supersaurus - Over 106 feet long

Just look at those balls!!!

Wait, I'm being told that is actually it's pelvis. My bad.

Maybe they are evolved from birds...

Don't judge me. They wouldn't let me ride the others.

The drive through Wyoming from Gillette to Thermopolis to Cody was also quite picturesque...and as you may notice...with a lot of the driving pictures, there are smudges on some of them...and those are to honor the great insects that sacrified themselves upon my rental car's windshield...just to have their moment of fame on my web-based journal. So enjoy...

I know it's not supposed to be funny...but it still is

Same thing with "Package Liquor" but it still makes me giggle

The city of Tensleeps was kind of cool

Named because it was a ten days' ride from anywhere

In Cody, we checked into our hotel, the Beartooth Inn, which was actually a nice place...and had the Wyoming Vietnam War Memorial in its driveway. After checking in, we went and got some comfort food at Bubba's Bar-B-Q in town...and went through a drive-thru liquor store to pick up some beverages for the night...as we called it kind of early...so I typed this up while sipping. I apologize for any spelling errors due to this process...but I'm sure you barely notice that kind of thing (unless you're JL Clyde). I also didn't sleep well this night. I'm not entirely sure why...but I just didn't. It's not that the bed was uncomfortable or anything...but I basically tossed and turned and woke up with a few pulled muscles in my neck & lower back. Strange.

Day 7 - Cody

I woke up tired...but after a hot shower could move around easily and fresh as a daisy (for the moment). Since it was a bit of a late, slow rise, we missed our complimentary breakfast (they had waffles) and went to Taco John's again. Good eats. Then we walked the main tourist street of Cody called Sheridan Avenue. There a lot of souvenior shops, restaurants, and painted bear sculptures. Here are some of the better ones we found...

A Cowboy (Buffalo Bill Cody?) and a Young'un

This bear was just creepy to me

Pooh Bear and his Hunny

Silver Dollar Bar

After that, we decided to hit up the Buffalo Bill Museum & Historical Center, which is five separate museums in one. There's a Natural History Museum, a museum about the life of Buffalo Bill Cody, the Plains Indians, Indian Art, Contemporary Art of the West, a Sculpture Garden, a Firearms Museum, and even an incredibly overpriced restaurant. It was actually a great museum with a lot of interesting things. Basically, "Buffalo Bill" Cody was a very accomplished man who fought during the Civil War and was one of the first people to help with Indian Affairs after America constantly broke their agreements with the Plains Indians and basically all the tribes of the time. He often acted as a mediator in their affairs and represented both sides. Later on, his legendary traveling show of the Wild West made him an international celebrity and one of the early movie stars. Comic books were made about him and his mythical adventures (usually just using his name & authors filling in their own adventures). Here are some pictures from his museum, then the others...

Cody's Hefner Robe & Horny Lounge Chair

An example of comic strips starring Buffalo Bill

I like the chesty cowgirls...

BEARS!!!

My money's on the one with skin

I was called a Yellow-Bellied Marmot once...

I had no idea they were so cute.

"For God's sake, put a shirt on..."

The Buffalo Jump

I may have found a way to combat fuel prices

during my move to Vegas...

Sooooo many rifles at the Firearms Museum

Some of their handiwork...these are Caribou

A Native American (I forget the tribe) hut

I really liked this painting

Looking at your past...and wondering what happened

Painting of the Buffalo Jump

On the way to Gillette, there was a GORGEOUS hitchhiker

that kind of looked like this...but we didn't pick her up

Mostly because my mom was driving, we were heading downhill,

and for a hitchhiker to be that hot...she had to be a serial killer.

"He is here. $teve Comes with a Thunder has come...with a thunder."

About the time I got through the Plains Indians museum, I started to feel really sad. Maybe it was exhaustion. Maybe it was that JL Clyde had told me that she was sad earlier in the day. Maybe it was the Ottawa in me crying out for all the horrible things done to the Native Americans over the years. Suddenly though, I felt like crying a little bit...but didn't want to...because I really was having a great time. Why was I sad then? Was I being hormonal or something? Maybe. I sat down a few times (because my mom takes about four times longer to view a museum than I do apparently) and during that time, I thought about times in my life, what my future holds, and that my attitude towards life was a lot like the people that I was reading about...and hearing about their struggle. I have simple needs, love nature, love my family, want to find a squaw and raise my own family, and avoid conflict whenever possible...but will attack if my trust is broken or you threaten my family. Love, Friendship, Family, Thankfulness, these things rule my life. When I'm involved in something that I'm passionate about, I tend to talk with my hands a LOT. I've noticed that I do that less and less...and it bothers me. The things that I enjoy doing the most, I tend to do less and less.

Sometimes I also wonder, am I being taken advantage of by some people? Am I too easy-going? Should I stand up for stuff more...even if I really don't care what the outcome is or have all the information? I don't want to be like my marginal ancestors where they let it be, let it be, let it be, and give more and more and more, then when they realize that they're being taken advantage of or betrayed...are simply too weak to resist or too late to do anything about it. Do I bend too much like a tree in the wind...and eventually I'll break? Am I not being true to myself? Should I be doing more for others? Am I thinking too much about material possessions...and not enough about those around me? Okay, probably not that last one...because I'm always there for my peeps...but you know, I wasn't in a good mood at the time. Anyway, I got over it when I took a little nap / quiet time back at the hotel.

Then I watched the best movie that I've seen in a long, long time...and it's "The Dark Knight", the latest Batman movie...and it's everything that you want in a Batman movie...but dark, edgy, gritty, and realistic. I had to take a leak for that last...I'd say hour or so of this movie...and I kept telling myself that I'd scurry out of there the instant that it started to slow down or drag a bit for plot. I ended up holding it until the end of the movie (don't worry, everything still works great). Christian Bale was excellent as Batman again. Heath Ledger was creepy...and funny...and just a hoot as that crazy sum'bich Joker. Aaron Eckhart was convincing...and menacing...and everything you could hope for as Harvey Dent/Two-Face. Gary Oldman was Gary Oldman as always. Incredible. Even Maggie Jelly Belly was okay...and there were special appearances by the likes of William Fichtner, Michael Jai White, and Tiny Lister...and magic tricks. However, it's was very dark...and I wouldn't highly recommend it for little kids...but whatever, it's Batman...and a lot of the violence is implied (or cut completely waiting for the special director's cut). Great flick. Best movie of the year...probably last few years. Check it out if you aren't one of the MILLIONS to check it out already this weekend.

After the show, we headed over to the Silver Dollar Bar on Sheridan Avenue for some appetizers, microbrew beverages, and people watching...mostly guys in a mid-life crisis with their motorcycles...basically looking ridiculous and trying to be badass. Now, I can't say much...because as you may know, my father is one of these guys...but yeah, Harleys are cool. I like them a lot. However, Harley riders in large numbers...not quite as cool...unless there's a wet T-shirt contest involved...and with young contestants...not the usual ladies that you see on the back of a Harley at these kind of functions...which tend to happen all around the past few states that we've been in over this week. Anyway, there was a band there too...so we had a good time, then I hit the hot tub to relieve those sore muscles...and went to bed. It was going to be an early morning for the next portion of our trip.

So again, I'll leave you for the day...and hopefully you enjoy my pictures...and are considering seeing some of these sights for yourself. Now, just a little heads up...but the next entry has Yellowstone...and it's well worth it. I'll try to get that to you as soon as possible...and we'll see how the memory on this blog holds out. I think I'm at 95% right now...and we still have a week to go on this trip (but the last few days have yet to happen & are stuck here in Great Falls). Have a great night everybody!!!

Part 2 - Black Hills, South Dakota

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

When we last left $teve & his mother, they were fighting off bed bugs & biker zombies at the Town House Motel in lovely Lusk, Wyoming.

Day 4 - Lusk to Custer

Lusk just sounded like a dirty, sexy, smelly kind of town...and the perfect city for a motel...like a mix of Lust & Musk into an entirely new kind of memorable experience...but I was with my mother instead of a beautiful young cowgirl...so nothing of that sort...just sleeping, waking, & getting out of town to see the sacred Black Hills of South Dakota. The town of Lusk was pretty nice...and I didn't get any bed bug bites...and only had to fight off one biker zombie, but he was drunk, so no match for my machete. After a beautiful few hours drive, we arrived at our first stop in the area, the Mammoth Site. This is a location where an sinkhole was made about 50,000 years ago...and a number of Mammoths fell into this sinkhole because it was a mineral spring with slate sides...so they would slip in...and die of exhaustion or drowning. Of the 56 mammoths that they found, every last one of them was male. Why? Allegedly, they were the non-alpha males that were thrown out of the herd and had to fend for themselves...so they found an easy meal, then fell in. I think they were pushed in by the females in a prehistoric form of "breaking up" but that's just my theory. Here are some pictures...

One of my favorite proverbs...

Here's a chart about the sinkhole...

Did you know that there were American Lions?

How about Giant Short-Faced Bears?

Is it just me...or does this Sabre-Tooth Tiger

Look like Patrick Stewart?

Not a bad hut...and uses all-natural materials

Utah - We've got fresh Mammoth Dung

Afterwards, we drove through the city of Hot Springs and had a wonderful Mexican meal for lunch. I had Blanket Tacos, which were basically double-decker tacos from Taco Bells...but handmade & delicious.

Our next stop was to the city of Custer and the National Museum of Woodcarving. Don't give me that look. It sounded mildly interesting...and my mom really wanted to go...and who was I to tell her no? It was actually kind of cool (and cheap) so here are the pictures from that...

"Where Wood Comes Alive"

Most of these things moved...but pictures don't really show it

Shotgun Wedding

Not sure what this is...but it was titled "Wife"

This was my favorite one...and I'm not sure why

The highlight of the day...was definitely our next stop, the Crazy Horse Memorial. My mom had never heard of this...but I had seen it on the Travel Channel or something...and it was even better than that I thought. Basically, in 1948, Mount Rushmore had been erected...and the Native Americans wanted a monument for them in the Black Hills. So they talked to a famous sculptor named Korczak Ziolkowski and told him that they wanted to turn one of their sacred Black Hills into the largest man-made monument in the world...in the form of the legendary warrior chief Crazy Horse. Over the next 60 years, he & his family have slowly but surely widdled away at this mountain (some 80 million tons of rock so far, mostly in the last twenty years after Korczak passed away but his legacy lives on) and it's really starting to take form. It's amazing to me that this guy & his family have such a burning Passion for this monument. It's truly their life's work...and he & his wife in particular for the first thirty years or so, he was going up & down the ladder, blasting up the mountain by himself, while she was home watching their ten children...out in the middle of nowhere (though it's a beautiful area) and that's just amazing. So much Love & Passion for what they do...it makes me wonder if I'm going to have a legacy (besides my ideas helping Pandas to reproduce). The story is truly legendary...and I haven't even started talking about Crazy Horse...so if you're interested, check out this link...but basically, he was a warrior who never signed a treaty with the white man but didn't attack them until they broke their promises on his predecessors' treaties. Then he kicked some ass...and was stabbed in the back by an American soldier under a flag of peace.

A scale model and the memorial in progress in the back

Crazy Horse...and Crazy Woman

Crazy Horse, Crazy Woman, & $teve

Korzcak Kiolkowski - The Sculptor

Ambitious plans for the monument

Yes, that is an airport & a university

This guy lived to be 125 years old

What was his secret? Froggy style, four times a day

In Sioux tradition, a man would stake himself to the ground

and defend himself for days from attacking animals until the tribe

said "Okay, you're a man now!"

Billy Mills - Olympic Native American Champion

1964 Tokyo Games

"Fighting Stallions" not Wyld Stallyns

The exhibits in the museum are an incredible collection of Native American artifacts, artwork, historical pictures & documents, and basically makes me proud to be 1/8th Ottawa (finally realized that if my great-grandmother was Ottawa, it makes me 1/8th not 1/16th. I suck at fractions). There's also other great sculptures from Korczak, a 1/34th scale model of the final vision, restaurants, tour buses up to the base of the mountain, and a laser light show in the evening (pictures didn't turn out well...but it's almost as good as Laser Zeppelin...but on a grander scale). I highly encourage EVERYBODY to go check this out...and donate to the cause. They refuse to take government funding...because they don't want anything from them to make it a government entity. Sure, it'd help them build it quicker...but they believe the idea will grow without government assistance...and I believe them too. I hope that within my lifetime, they'll be able to finish it up. It'll truly be a majestic sight for centuries to come. In fact, if you're ever in the Black Hills, forget Mount Rushmore, go check out Crazy Horse. All four Presidents' heads...will fit inside Crazy Horse's head. It's that big...and that amazing...and it's even cheaper (because it's not paying for government) and the proceeds go directly to future construction. With donations, you can also take a piece of the beautiful sparkly stone home with you and own a piece of history. Let me know if there's any other way that I can convince you to go check this monument out. It's amazing. Check out the website.

I wondered what my name would be if I were raised in the culture of the Native American. My dad has taught me some traditions and has a lot of stuff around his house...but to my knowledge, I was never given a native name. So I asked my mom about my birth...and she told me that it was a stormy day with lots of wind & thunder which started about the time that she went into labor. Based on that evidence alone, I believe that my name would have been...$teve Comes with a Thunder!!! Tell me that isn't sexy. The best part about the name...is that it's true.

After that, we drove to the Bavarian Inn and got a room. It was pretty nice & reasonably priced. There was also a German restaurant where we had some Jager Schnitzel, Beef Rouladen, and Spatzel. It was delicious. Here are some pictures...

Then we went to the light show at Crazy Horse and it was awesome...and free with the purchase earlier. For twenty bucks, it's the best deal in the Black Hills. I can't stress that enough. It's worth the drive or flight out there. I'm glad that Minot got cancelled...because I would have missed out on it. See? Things happen for a reason. When we got back, I got a call from Bubbles...and she was feeling better now with the medication for her sinus infection (and I like to think that my sexy, soothing voice helped out a bit) and was feeling much better. Great day!!! Great trip so far!!! Slept very well.

Day 5 - Custer to Gillette

We had a wonderful continental breakfast at the Bavarian Inn Restaurant, then did a driveby of Mount Rushmore...because they were charging $20 for parking & another $20 for entrance...so we just drove by slowly and used my 3x zoom on the camera. Then we drove to our first stop for the day, the Cosmos Mystery Area, which I had been to when I came here fifteen years ago...and my mom was there...but she swore that she had never been there before (Alzheimer's?). Anyway, we went...and it's a goofy place where through mystical magnetization or just poor craftsmanship, things are not as they seem...and the floors inside the building are really really steep. Anyway, you be the judge...and decide for yourselves. Here are some pictures...

The Cosmos Mystery Area

The next stop was to Lead (like the element) where there was the President's Sculpture Park...where sculptor David Adickes made twenty-foot busts of all 43 Presidents. So to check it out...and keep myself entertained, I sent a text to Bubbles & JL Clyde saying "Pick a President. Any President." I would get their response...and then send them a picture of me picking that President's nose...which was quite a stretch. Those things were huge. Here are the pictures to prove it...

Instead of Jeff Goldblum, here Lincoln watches you poop

I really found John Adams quite creepy over the urinals...

George Washington...and his wooden nose

Thomas Jefferson - He liked the Brown Sugar too

Andrew Jackson - Best Dressed

Abraham Lincoln - The Penny Guy

By the way, did you notice that Lincoln's getting head?

A field of Presidential Glory

Teddy "Bear" Roosevelt

I think this is Taft...but I just liked his moustache & tie

Tehehe, I'm picking Dubya's nose

Let it be known that I like to play with Bush

"My Fellow Americans, it has hit the fan!!!"

First President to give a speech wearing shades

"Hey hey hey, can y'all keep it down? I had friends in

town last night and...well, it got a little out of hand."

Next stop was the city of Deadwood, made legendary by the outlaw nature of its early days during the Gold Rush, the death place of Wild Bill Hickok & Calamity Jane, and the recent HBO series of the same name. We walked around the town, had some lunch at Mustang Sally's (burgers & spicy chicken popcorn balls), and then moved on...but there was plenty of opportunity for gambling...and a lot of bikers & Corvettes for separate gatherings in nearby towns.

Saloon #10 - Where "Wild Bill" Hickok was shot

Then we drove by Sturgis...but didn't stop because we had seen it before...and it's not much unless it's backed with Harley riders...so we drove on to our next stop, the Devils Tower in Northern Wyoming, about an hour away. Legend has it, that this mountain was formed when a little girl was turned into a giant bear and chased her brothers & sisters around, after destroying their village. The Great Spirit told the children to run around a rock in the middle of a field four times, then the rock lifted high into the air...and the bear tried to climb the sides...but could not get to the children. Eventually, the bear's claws ripped away and...well, I forget how the story ends...but I'm sure everybody was okay...except the other villagers. Looking at the rock, you can see how that's believable...but scientifically speaking, it's vertically striped because of erosion. Enjoy the pictures...

Is that a shark on the mountains?

"This is important...this means something."

Illustration of the Legend of Devils Tower

Prairie Dog Exhibit

For the night, we decided to pull up in the city of Gillette, Wyoming but the rooms were really expensive because of a biker's group in town...but we found a Motel 6 that wasn't ridiculous and stayed the night there...were as mentioned in my first entry on this trip, I spent a lot of time writing about the first few days...and actually the majority of this one too...because I think fast & I type fast. Go see the Crazy Horse Monument!!! You owe it to yourself. It's truly awe inspiring. It's like Korczak Ziolkowski said, "Never Forget Your Dreams!!!"

Speaking of which, here's Dream #2 for this trip. Well, in reality, it was a stormy, thunderous night (because $teve Comes with a Thunder) and I was laying by the window, so that may have had something to do with it. I was in the middle of a race...which involved me running through this seemingly small Victorian house...with very poor lighting save for a few little spotlights moving about...and I notice that there are rings involved...and a few treadmills...then it hits me...I'm running through a kind of mini-Eliminator, like from American Gladiators with about five other people. Others are fallen (or being thrown, shhh...) and long story short, I win the race. Then there's a choice for me to make...either go up against the male American Gladiators...or the female Gladiatoresses...and so you KNOW that I pick the ladies. So the floor drops to a ramp and I slide downstairs into a basement or something...and then the announcer is calling out some of the Gladiators (actually a mix of guys & gals) and the first one is a girl from my first year of college named Heather, who was really hot, fit, and we had a Physics Lab together that she always wanted to be in my group (cuz brains are sexy?). She starts doing her tough-girl routine and getting in my face then looks surprised, "$teve? Hey, nice to see ya" but then the other gladiators come in.

Next is "Raul" who has the tennis ball blaster mounted on his shoulder, gives out a yell, and starts firing at me, so I slap the balls away (cuz it's my dream) and snagging a few out of the air...and throwing them back at him. After a while, he throws down the blaster and returns fire by hand. Then the next one's called in named "Olga" and she's doing backflips & cartwheels and stuff...but then slips or something...and CRACK, lands on the ground oddly. I run over to make sure she's okay (as does everybody else). "Are you okay, Olga?" "Ow." "Okay, stay still, the stretcher's on its way." Medics show up and cart her off...and Heather's sad, so I give her a shoulder to cry on. "Oh my God, she's paralyzed." "Now, it's okay. They're looking at her...and she was talking. That's a good sign." "She wasn't moving though." "That's because we asked her not to. Another good sign. She was thinking clearly. It's gonna be okay." Then Raul comes over and says that the show's cancelled for a few hours. "Wanna get a coffee or something?" $teve wakes up because somebody started up their Harley by the window. Damn first floor rooms.

Anyway, that'll do it for tonight. Tomorrow, we go to other cities in Wyoming...which is actually surprisingly beautiful in the northern part. We've already driven over 1200 miles now...and have many more to go. Have a great day everybody...and I'll update you on the trip as soon as I can.

Part 1 - Denver Adventure

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Hello everybody, just shacked up here in Gillette, Wyoming during a Biker Rally with nowhere to go when I typed this up, but then loading the pictures was a pain. So now I'm in Great Falls and I thought I'd catch you up on the first few days of the trip...so up until about a week ago. By the way, Happy Birthday to Bubbles today!!! Hope you enjoy. How do I start? Well, the night before starting this vacation, I was driving home from work when I got a text message from JL Clyde, who was hanging with her friend Esther. They asked if I had any plans, I didn't & offered them to come hang out for a while. "Do you have Klondike bars?" "As a matter of fact, I do. Peanut butter cup Klondike bars." A little odd of a request...but they came over and we played Rock Band. Yes, that's two RB parties on consecutive nights. After a few hours, the girls wanted to watch "a scary movie...but nothing gory or violent." Quite the request...especially for a scary movie made in the last, I don't know, 50 years...and we had already watched the black & white ones a few months back. Then I remembered a movie that wasn't violent...but pretty damn scary...and starred Coach. That's right, I'm talking about "Poltergeist" with Craig T. Nelson. By the way, is there a Craig A. Nelson who's famous that I don't know about...or is the T for Trustworthy or something, like Jack T. Colton? Anyway, it's a great flick, really scary (especially for being PG) if you get into it, and be the time it was over...the clock said 2:30 AM...and I had to be up around 7 AM to start my two-week journey...but it was worth it.

Day 1 - Slick City to Cheyenne to Denver

I woke up around 7:10 AM on my own. As I was thinking to myself, "Should I get up & get going?" The phone rang...and it was my mom telling me that she was about 45 minutes away. I guess that answered that. So I woke up, got ready, and we went off to get the rental car. My mom said that we had to go to Fox Rent-A-Car to pick it up. "Fox? I've never heard of them. Where are they? (Address) Ugh...that's by dad's house. Are you renting a car from a chop shop?" Okay, so I had never heard of them...but apparently they're a legitimate business that started April 1st, so just really new. They upgraded us to a Chrysler 300 (cuz I'm hot & charming, that's why) and we started our epic journey.

Along the drive, mom & I entertained ourselves by talking about this & that. She would tell stories about the first time she drove out to places like Evanston...and oddly enough, it was for her brother's wedding...and she was at his daughter's (her niece, my cousin) wedding earlier this week. Weird, right? I told her about the trips that I used to ride along with to get fireworks, high-point beer, & low-grade porn. Seriously, I don't think there's more reason for that city to be in existence besides that & the occasional rodeo. Great little town though. We stopped there & got some Mickey D's for breakfast (because Wendy's wasn't open yet). As the drive continued, we talked about gas prices, family, me moving to Vegas, her 50th birthday coming up, my brother's birthday coming up, road signs along the way, what we were going to do on the trip, songs on the radio, why country singers have to cover EVERY song, and just about anything else that came to mind. You know how you are with family & nothing better to do...so here are some pictures of the drive...

Not going to lie, this was the view most

of the way through Wyoming

P.S. There are going to be a lot of pictures taken at 80-90 MPH

during this trip. Please forgive the fogginess of it all...and bug stains

Not sure why my mom wanted me to take this picture

Wait, two round boulders with a tower-like rock in the middle?

We stopped in Laramie because my mom wanted to "rest her eyes" and pulled into the parking lot of Bart's Flea Market. By the way, in case you were wondering, it's basically impossible for me to take a nap when my mother's driving...because she'll randomly slam on the brakes for no reason...or one of the cataracts jumps on the road or something...so I keep her entertained...and Gawk Block her so that she keeps her eyes on the road. I went inside because I had to pee...but then I noticed there was some cool stuff in there. Mostly old Americana stuff and overpriced junk...but I did find a present for my niece Kairi. For those who don't know (or haven't seen my bedroom pictures), I like Winnie the Pooh...and have a few plush toys of them...and was even called Pooh Bear by the U of U women's basketball team for over a year (story I may tell you if you ask nicely) but I was walking around...and saw what looked like an old fuzzy plush of Pooh Bear himself. So I walked up, gave him a squeeze, and he started singing "Up, down, touch the ground..." and I basically jumped around with giddy joy (on the inside because I was in public) as he did a whole verse of the song. Tehehehe. I checked the price...five bucks. Headed for the register...and the checkout lady (maybe fifty?) gave him a squeeze...and she started dancing around with it a little bit. "Are you getting this for yourself or somebody special?" "Well, I was going to get it for my niece...but then it started singing, so it may be for when she visits MY house."

We made it to Cheyenne after getting a little lost trying to find the hotel. Well, let me elaborate on that a bit. I was under the impression that my mom knew where she was staying in Cheyenne (because she told me she did), so I didn't bother getting Mapquest directions like I did for everything else. So after we passed every exit along I-80 that went to Cheyenne, I called up her hotel & got directions for her. I checked her in...then we headed for Denver so that I could stay at the new Ritz-Carlton there. Oh...and before you judge me, I DID invite my mom to stay there too...but she had work business in Cheyenne at 6 AM & didn't want to deal with that...so she had her chance. Oddly enough, no Ritz-Carlton in Cheyenne. I know, right? Weird.

Anyway, the Ritz-Carlton, Denver staff was really nice checking me in, they gave me a room on the 14th (13th) floor, and this was what I was greeted with in the room...along with two goblets full of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups & York Peppermint Patties (repeat customer & they know what I like).

View from my room - Yes, that's Coors Field

The Legendary Ritz-Carlton Bed

It was at this point that I called JJ to let her know that I was in town...and then I called Bubbles to let her know that I made it safe...and then she informed me that I basically hadn't mentioned the trip to her at all (and she no longer reads my blog everyday) but I broke it to her as easy as I could that I was staying in a legendary Ritz-Carlton bed and hanging with our friend JJ. Then she made me jealous by saying that she was having some of Barbie's fantastic pork tacos...so we were even. Anyway, met up with JJ and JP (who's also a former coworker) and we walked around the 16th Street Mall and had dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe (their choice). Good times.

After dinner, we parted ways...and I returned to my room because I was exhausted (odd because I was in a car all day...but on four hours sleep). I flipped through the channels a bit & stumbled upon the new episode of Venture Brothers ("What Goes Down Must Come Up") and while sitting there, thought to myself, "Wow, this would be so much better if I had somebody else to share it with." Don't get me wrong, I love going on vacations & seeing new things & trying out new experiences...but the only thing better than ME experiencing all that stuff...is to SEE other people experiencing it too. The smiles on their faces, the look of wonderment, "Oh my gosh, this is amazing!", glancing in every direction to soak it all in, basically taking in the moments that they'll remember for a lifetime, then a few years later "Hey, remember when we were in...", then you both share the experience again in your own living room, that's SO much better than sitting in an incredibly well-appointed luxury hotel room by yourself overlooking Coors Field...and enjoying a few peppermint patties. This is why I don't like to travel alone...and it's REALLY easy to convince me to go on a trip with others. Anyway, I went to bed around 10:30 and didn't wake up until...

Dream #1 - I was at a party. Not the usual affair. This was at somebody's mansion...or at least a very large house...and it was catered with ice swans, you know, that kind of thing. I was walking around...and didn't really know anybody. What the hell was I doing here? I was hanging out by the bartender, then decided to try to find a bathroom. I get a little lost near the kitchen...and a lovely older lady (in her late thirties/early forties) says, "Hello there, handsome. Haven't seen you at one of these things before." "Yeah, I'm not exactly sure why I'm here honestly. Coach invited me (ah-ha, a coach is involved) but I don't know anybody else here." "Well, I'm Ginger. Nice to meet you." "I'm $teve." So then we get to talking...and she's obviously flirting with me...and I'm not opposed to the idea. Like I said, she was quite gorgeous. We talked about music (both liked oldies) and going to see a play in a few days (she had an extra ticket & I had a suit and a friend involved with the play). Some not-so-subtle innuendo later, followed by "Well, I live just a few blocks from here if you'd like to walk with me" and we walk off (fade to black).

Next thing I know, we're lying back in bed, I have a huge grin on my face, she's breathing deep & caressing the sheets, "Oh my god, FIVE TIMES? We've been going at it for hours. You're like a stallion." "Pbpbpbpb (that's me neighing)" "My husband is usually a one-and-done man. That was amazing." My eyes widen up, "YOUR HUSBAND???" "Yeah...oh my God, you didn't know? Oh I'm sorry sweetie. I'm Ginger Jones, Coach Jones' wife." "Holy sh*t!!! What the...? Are you trying to get me killed? Are you some kind of robot sent back through time to destroy me? (Why do I always think that?)" "No, not at all. I'm sorry. I just...this hasn't been the first time that I've seduced players over the years. Just the first time that they didn't know who I was. I just thought...you know, you'd be cool with it." "Well, I'm not. You're married...to Coach." "I'm sorry. You're a sweet kid. I like you a lot...and not just for the multiple orgasms (giggidy). My offer still stands for the play if you wanna go. I'd hate to go alone...and my husband isn't going to go with me." "Well, I guess that'd be cool. Just as friends though." (Are you kidding me?)

A few days later, we're finding our seats at the opera, I'm in a suit, she's in a dress with a surprisingly low neckline...and surprisingly firm support (then again, it is my dream). As we approach our seat, I hear somebody say, "Hello there $teven." I turn to find, "Bishop Bishop (I really had a Bishop Bishop growing up), how are you?" "Fine, I just came with the wife to the theatre. She dragged me along. You?" "I came with Mrs. Jones (yes, I realize the "Me & Misses....Misses Joooooones", Billy Paul's hit irony at this point in the dream) because Coach Jones couldn't make it & she had an extra ticket. I've been wanting to see this play for a long time, just nobody I could do it with...er, I mean, go with." He looks at me weird, "Hmm, interesting. Well, enjoy the show." "You too Bishop Bishop." "Please stop calling me that."

After the play, I'm being driven home (how old am I in this dream?) and Mrs. Jones tells me, "$teve, I'm sorry about the other night." "Oh it's...no big deal...just please don't get me killed." "Hahahaha, no of course not. You're a great kid...and you've opened up the flood gates of Passion in me again (OH GOD, HERE IT COMES!!!) but I would never want to hurt you. Can we still be friends?" "Oh...yeah, sure, I guess." "Can we be friends...that f**k?" "NO!!! Absolutely not." "Are you...sure? (gently tugging on the dress revealing...well, revealing)" "YES!!! Absolutely sure." "Hahahaha, I'm just messing with you. I'm sorry. You're a sweet kid. Okay, friends it is."

A few days later, I'm at Coach Jones' house and we (me, him, some other teenagers) are tossing a football around the backyard during a barbecue. Apparently, he was my football coach (never played football...or had a Coach Jones). After a few minutes, somebody yells out "LIES!!! ALL LIES!!!" and Bishop Bishop's agitated about something. "THIS MAN IS A LIAR!!!" pointing at me. "I know the truth. I know what you've done. GOD knows what you've done." At this point, I'm scared. He's gonna blab and her husband's going to kill me...and my friends are gonna bury a hole in his flower garden for me...and roses & tulips are gonna grow using my nutrients and be some of the most beautiful flowers ever...but I'll be dead & that'll suck. "I know your secret. I always had my suspicions...but then I knew it when I say you at the theatre. God frowns upon your actions...your awful, sexual actions...and you should be ashamed." Okay, how can I play this off? He hasn't seen anything...nobody has. Unless the neighbors...no, they're pretty cool about that stuff...and they wouldn't have talked to Bishop Bishop. "I have no idea what you're talking about" nor did anybody else in the backyard except me & Mrs. Jones. "Oh yes you do. You and your hedonistic lovers." What? Lovers? Plural? "Abominations." Then it hit me.

"Wo wo, wait. What? As you saying...that you think I'm gay?" "He admits it." I'm laughing myself silly at this point, "Oh my gosh, you're a homophobe...and you think that I'm gay. Hahahaha!!! Dude, why would you even think that?" "Who else would go to a musical with a woman more than twice his age...just because? Who else would be playing grab-ass in somebody's backyard with other young men?" Everybody's laughing at this point. Coach Jones steps over to him, "Ray, I think you need to go home & sleep it off. You've been here since lunch with a wineglass in your hand. Oh...and it's called football, not grab-ass." This was about the time that I woke up and was literally laughing as I woke up. Not a bad way to start the day. Anyway, so what do you think? Weird movie of the week dream? Repressed teenage memory? You be the judge. The streak of sex-teased dreams has been...well, somewhat broken. Hope you liked it...and were surprised by the ending like I was. My storytelling methods kind of suck.

Day 2 - Denver

Woke up in a good mood around 8 AM because of that dream...and was fully refreshed, so I showered, got dressed, and walked around the 16th Street Mall to check it out, get some breakfast, and a few beverages for throughout the day (because hotels are expensive for that stuff...and there's a Walgreen's two blocks away). Then I went around the Civic Center to people watch, take pictures, and see some museum once it got too hot. Unfortunately, the Denver Art Museum (DAM!!!) is closed on Mondays...but it looked like it was going to be modern art anyway. So I went across the street to the Colorado Historical Museum...and here's some pictures of my journey...

Colorado State Capitol Building

Civic Center Park

The Romans were big on Hopscotch

Colorado History Museum

Did you know there were Beavers

the size of today's Bears during the Ice Age?

Anasazi Condominiums

Check out the views from inside

Loves it - "GO FIGHTIN' WHITES!!!"

Mining is HUGE in the American West

Gotta love the Cowgirl exhibit too

(Disappointed there was no Mechanical Bull)

After that, I decided to go back to the room (too hot) and take a nap...by basically watching TV and kicking back for a few hours watching "Bickford Schmeckler's Cool Ideas" on Comedy Central. It wasn't really a funny movie per se...but it had it's moments. It's about a college kid who collects a bunch of his thoughts about existence & physical nature & philosophy & psychology and puts all of them into a book...or a journal or sorts. Then at a toga party, some super-high superhottie stumbled upon them, reads them, and basically has a mind-gasm about them...so steals the book because she's a nympho clepto (I know, hot right?). Obviously, Bickford wants his book back...but she gave it to a f**k buddy of hers...who threw it away to be picked up by a spaced-out young homeless man named Spaceman (Matthew Lillard) and the journey goes on from there as The Book is passed around campus. It was okay...but yeah, nothing major. Watch it if you have nothing better to do when it's hot outside. It was either that or watch continuing coverage of the Brangelina Twins, Knox & Vivienne.

That evening, I had dinner with JJ & JP again, this time at the Cheesecake Factory where I enjoyed some Jambalaya and a glass of Sangria. Delicious...and great company. After that, I went to the Club Lounge at the hotel for a drink & a snack. While there, I started what basically turned out to be the start of what I thought was an increase in my Mojo. I met a six-foot, skinny blonde girl (probably 16 or so) and her mom...and we talked about some of the items, like chocolate covered almonds dipped in cocoa...which seemed like a good way to stay up for a few hours. After a few minutes, they excused themselves...had been there for a while, so one of the Club attendants talked with me for a few seconds, asking where I was from, etc. Very nice...and she was cute...but yeah, after that, I sat there...by myself, overlooking downtown Denver at sunset sipping on a wonderful beverage thinking "Man, this is nice...but it'd be better if somebody else was here too." Finished my drink, went back to my room, watched some Sports Science show about a guy getting hit in the nuts with a tennis ball, and went to bed. No memorable dreams.

Day 3 - Denver to Lusk

Had a continental breakfast in the Club Lounge (fruit & a muffin) and another one of the attendents said, "How was your room last night?" "Lonely...but still fantastic." "Oh, I'm sorry about the lonely part. Traveling on business?" "Mmm, mix of business & pleasure, I guess. Always try to mix the two whenever possible." "Excellent. How long are you staying with us?" "About (check metaphorical watch) three more hours." "Well, good luck wherever your travels take you then." "Thank you." So I finished up my breakfast...and checked on a rumor about a Rolls-Royce Phantom that the Ritz-Carlton owns that they'll drive you around on a first-come, first-serve basis...and it was true. While waiting for the Phantom, Olympic basketball player Chauncey Billups pulled up in a Bentley, so I shook his hand and wish him luck in Beijing next month. Then the Phantom rolled up...and took me to the Denver Aquarium. Here are the pictures...

When you trust your camera to a valet...this is what you get

(Note the Captain Morgan pose)

My driver Rod is even giving me a salute

What it looks like inside a Rolls-Royce Phantom

What I look like inside a Phantom

"Excuse me Miss. Wanna go to the Aquarium?"

Denver Downtown Aquarium

Rocky Mountain Habitat with Trout, Salmon, etc.

Alligator Snapping Turtle

Mechanical Orangutan for B

Best picture I've ever had of a Poison Dart Frog

Usually the kids tap on the glass before I get to them

Moon Jellies - I want some for my house

Piranha - You should have seen them when I dripped

blood in their tank. It looked like a hot tub for like five minutes.

If there weren't kids getting their faces painted,

I'd have a slightly more interesting picture

Lots of kids at this place

"Dora! Dora! Dora!" - Finding Nemo has saved aquariums

I had lunch at the Aquarium's restaurant, which of course specializes in seafood...so I ordered some Mahi Mahi Fish Tacos while watching a giant aquarium...as if to say, "You're next if you don't ackrite, fishies." Good times.

More Mojo - I think this scuba diver's hitting on me

After lunch, I walked around the Riverside, down the 16th Street Mall, and down to the Denver Art Museum (open this day). Here are some pictures of that...

There's a giant Blue Bear at the Convention Center

and nobody knows why...

16th Street Mall

Hard Rock Cafe - "Love All. Serve All."

Denver Art Museum

Some great Northwestern Tribal Art

Made of Sand - Imagine sneezing ONCE while making it

After that, it started getting hot again, so I ducked into a Starbucks, ordered an Iced Caramel Macchiatto, and people watched for a little over an hour...and answered a lot of text messages. This happened to be my brother Kiel's 25th birthday so I called him up & sang him happy birthday. Also, his wife had texted me a few times about our Greatest Present Ever (that fell apart), Bubbles was in the hospital for a sinus infection in Nevada, my Wingman was in the hospital getting his last chemo treatment in Utah, my mom was working in Wyoming, and I was living la vida badass in Colorado. I almost felt a little bad for having so much fun...but quickly got over it. I sent them all my Love and wished them the best. JJ was kind enough to drive me back to Cheyenne to meet up with my mom...so big ups to her for a wonderful stay in Denver. I offered to take her out to dinner at Applebee's in Cheyenne...but she wasn't having it. Oh well, I tried.

I waited at Applebee's for an hour waiting for my mom...and again, the Mojo seemed to be working as a few of the hostesses were checking on me every so often...including one incredibly cute girl that asked me how the WNBA game that I was watching was going. "Pretty good. Care to have a seat? I can catch you up..." "Oh, I probably shouldn't, working and all. Tehehehe." "Well, if you have a break or something, I'll be here for about an hour." "Tehehe (walks off)" I just assume she was probably underage...so it's a good thing it didn't go any further than gentle, mild flirting. Anyway, after some appetizers, my mom eventually showed up, then she ate (so I was there for a few hours total), then she informed me that our plans for Minot, North Dakota have been cancelled. Cool. More time for the Black Hills...so we started driving towards there...but decided to pull up in the small town of Lusk, Wyoming at the Town House Motel. It actually wasn't a bad room based on the rate being half its competitors....and being in backwoods BFW. Here are some pictures...

You'll see this when entering Colorado

Town House Motel in Lusk, Wyoming

Anyway, the rest of the trip will be coming shortly...and it has been a LOT of fun. Can't wait to catch you up...but it'll take a while. Have a great day...and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Love y'all madly!!!

A Brick Wants to Be Something More

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

There have been a few people who have said, "$teve, you haven't mentioned any of your kooky dreams lately. Are you still having them…or just not writing about them?" The truth is that if I were having good, entertaining dreams…then I would be more than happy to share them with you. However, for example, this morning I awoke to find myself lying with a beautiful, long dark-haired woman yearning for my touch…so I obliged her. Slowly but surely though, that damn logic of mine started kicking in. "Wait, I didn't go to bed with anybody last night. Oh crap, I'm dreaming again." Almost as instantly as I realized it, she started to fade away…like a ghost. "No, dammit. Go back to sleep, $teve. Deep breaths. You know she's not real…but you're still gonna lose her…" and then she evaporated in a heavy-panting mist leaving behind only a few warm blankets and silky sheets. It's a running theme with me. The more that I think about something, the more it seems to slip away, especially with dreams. Logic has become a pain in the ass for me. Wish I could say it was the first time (this week) that a dream like that has happened…but it's not. Why don't I share these dreams with you? Because you're probably already bored of me talking about this one…and it's not even a full paragraph. You like hearing about my frustration as much as I do…but rest assured, if I'm ever saving Australian scientists from giant snakes or saving Foxy from Transformers or saving kids from a tornado or anything else like that, I'll be sure to share them with you. Wow, I just realized that most of my dreams end up with me saving people. Maybe there's something to that...then again, I was also scared that I made sweet Love to a Terminator too. Anyway, I hope that answers all your questions that you may or may not have asked.

Yesterday, I officially applied for that THIRD job in Vegas so we'll see how that goes over the next few weeks. I'm expecting the other two to start making offers (or at least interview) soon…because I'll be out of town the next two weeks and it'd be inconvenient…which seems to be their style. It's all good though. I would love to do an interview while driving 80 MPH as I pass Lamont, Wyoming (population 3) where there may or may not be cellular phone reception with my mom talking in the seat next to me about changing the radio station because she doesn't like the song & doesn't know how to use buttons…then when the question comes up about multi-tasking, I will just laugh.

I also watched a movie that I hadn't seen before, "Indecent Proposal" with Demi Moore, Woody Harrelson, and Robert Redford. For the few of you who may not have heard about this movie, a billionaire (Redford) is gambling at a Vegas casino and his eye catches a lovely couple (Harrelson & Moore) and he invited them over for good luck. It proves effective, so he invites them up to his suite to discuss a proposition of one million dollars…for one night with your wife. Now, think about that for a moment. I have a good job that pays about well…but a million bucks is me AND my wife's salary for over the next decade…and it's offered in one night. Then comes in the Logic vs. Love conflict that made this movie really hard to watch…yet I couldn't turn away. Anyway, they go through with it (honestly, who wouldn't really? REALLY? Be honest, I won't judge). Redford's smitten with her…and he's a billionaire. Moore thinks that he's a great guy (and dynamite in the sack) but she's married. Woody's obsessed & insanely jealous because a billionaire just had relations with his wife. Conflict ensues…and I'd love to tell you how it ends…but I won't. You'll have to see it. I'll give you a hint though…a Hippo is involved. Now I know you're intrigued.

Anyway, back to the main question that the movie brings up: Would you do it? Now, you all know my resume (or lack thereof) when it comes to relationships. So keep that in mind, that I may be entirely & ignorantly blissful…or completely cynical at any time. Now, I'd like to say that I wouldn't even consider the offer because we can get by well enough without a million bucks (which would be less than half after taxes & stuff probably anyway). As it happens in this movie (and I would assume in real life if it ever came up), it was only considered after the wife brought it up as an option (since she's basically earning it) because who doesn't want to be a billionaire's girl…even for one night? So then you negotiate for more money (might as well) which didn't happen in this movie because he didn't speak with his lawyer first. Even then, I would think that if you were really in Love and trusted your partner, then it wouldn't be an issue. Sure, you'd have your thoughts…because again, who doesn't want to be a billionaire's girl…even for one night? Yeah, it's just a twisted little scenario…but I would think that Love would come through…because I'm an optimist. Worst-case, you lose out to a billionaire Robert Redford…and even though your heart is shattered into a million pieces, at least you didn't lose out to Bubba the car mechanic with a meth addiction. I don't know. What do you think? Discuss.

Best part of the day was in the evening when I hosted the $teve's Stayin' Here Rock Band party. There were a few last minute cancellations but Lilie, Mandy, Cat, Julie, and a few of the boy toys showed up and we had a rockin' evening well into the night. Great time was had by all!!! Here are some pictures…

The projector TV wall...and Sinatra on the right

Kyle & me guitar dueling to "Green Grass & High Tides"

Oh yeah, I'm $teve DeSexy

DAMMIT!!! - So apparently the reports about Megan Fox & Brian Austin Green calling off their engagement were grossly misinformed. According to an interview in TV Guide (really?), Green says "We're solid. We've lived together for three years. We have tattoos of each other's names. We have more time away from each other right now than we'd like." I'll bet. She's working. Hell, I wouldn't want to leave her side (or get dressed). Interesting thing though, he wants kids…and she's said that she's not ready for all that…but they're getting a petting zoo or sorts, which is a great compromise. "We have a potbellied pig, we have dogs, two cats, two birds a squirrel…and Megan wants a leopard - that'll never happen! That's a whole different world." Okay, I'm all for obeying laws and all of that…but if my baby wants a leopard, my baby's getting a leopard…or at the very least, a leopard-like cat…maybe a Lynx or an Ocelot. PETA would have a field day…but my Fox would have her kitty & a huge smile on her face…so it's all worth it. Anyway, it's great to hear that they're together & doing fine. I'm sorry for believing everything that I read in smut magazines…like Brett Favre retiring too. Seriously, what's going on with that?

Can't Wait for the Craziness - Police in Las Vegas say they arrested a naked man who stole a beer and then hijacked a bus several miles northeast of the Strip. A police spokesman says the man fled from a convenience store when an officer arrived to investigate a report of a shoplifter Tuesday. The man allegedly punched in a back window of a Citizens Area Transit bus, climbed aboard, forced the driver off, drove the bus about 200 yards and then jumped off the moving vehicle. A police officer climbed aboard the bus and stopped the vehicle. Police say the man was arrested on felony charges and given clothes and a mental evaluation. Do you see why I want to move to this place? Craziness & excitement everywhere…or at least near the Strip. It would be like a homecoming of sorts. Besides, it makes riding the bus a fun activity…until the new nude bus driver suddenly gets of on the next stop and forgets to put the bus in park. Good times.

Is It Chile In Here? - A stripper who danced on the poles of Santiago subway trains to challenge the prudishness of Chilean society was arrested on Thursday during one of her lightning performances. Monserrat Morilles, 26, surprised subway riders all week stripping to skimpy underwear, but she refused tips. Nice! She said she was protesting a lack of tolerance in Chile, one of Latin America's most conservative societies where the first generation since the Pinochet dictatorship is reaching adulthood. "This is just a beginning. We are starting an idea here that will grow and be developed further." The professional pole dancer worked quickly all week to avoid arrest, getting on at one station, finding a subway car with no children on it and stripping in time to exit at the next station. Chilean media dubbed her "La Diosa del Metro" or Subway Goddess. She called her performances "happy minutes." Her manager Gustavo Pradenas said, "Chile is still a pretty timid country. People aren't very extroverted and we want to take aim at that and make Chile a happier country." Fantastic. I like this idea. Ladies, do you think that America's a prudish nation like I do? Join me. We shall take it to the subway poles, the street's light poles, the barber poles, election polls, wherever the people are…that is where we will show them what of what we're made and the good Lord gave. Viva la Revolution!!!

Also gentlemen, based on sworn testimony, here's a list of things that will help out your lady when she's having that exceptionally touchy time:

• Sex (apparently it works)


• Exercise (preferably sex)


• Heat & Ice cream (interesting combination)


• Chocolate, hot tea, caffeine in general


• Ibuprofen & birth control pills


• Compliments


• Showing that you care


• Lots of sweetness, hugs, massages, etc.


• Make her laugh & don't piss her off (like calling her a fatty)

Thanks for the info, ladies. If anything else comes up, please feel free to share...and guys, remember this stuff next time it comes up. No need to thank me, just pay it forward.

Anyway, that'll do it for me for today. Tomorrow morning, I leave on my two-week vacation with my mom…and I'm not sure what kind of email access I'll have…but I'll try to keep you updated & entertained when I can. Honestly, if I hear anything about getting a job in Vegas, you'll probably hear my screams of joy across the countryside before you get an email from me anyway. So keep your ears open…and have a great time everybody!!! See ya soon...

The Lives You Affect

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yesterday, I spent the day with my brother and his family. You know, I wonder sometimes about when/if I go to Vegas, who's going to be affected here in Utah the most? My coworkers, they'll miss me but eventually get over it...and probably eventually stop emailing me (prove me wrong). My other friends, they'll miss me...but I don't see them that much anyway because they already live an hour or so away. My parents, they'll miss me a lot...but they'll call me every other night & visit every few months...because it's Vegas. However, the people that will be most affected...are my brother & sister-in-law. This became incredibly apparent yesterday as I was hanging out with them (well, my brother mostly). I showed up around noon & watched the kids for a bit. Here are some pictures...

My nephew Vinny's already tatted up

Sorry for the picture quality, but I just wanted

to show you how cool my niece is...

"High five!!!"

My niece is cute (and my hands are HUGE)

"Pound it!!! BOOM!!!"

"Now, hide from the other boys!!! That's my girl."

We watched "Wanted" with Angelina, James McAvoy (Mr. Tumnus), and Morgan Freeman. It's a great little shoot-em-up action flick by director Timur Bekmambetov who did the Russian Nightwatch, Daywatch, Baywatch vampire movies. It's about a league of assassins...and a Joe Nobody (McAvoy) who is recruited by them to save them from the assassin who killed his father...who left him when he was a week old. It should be a horrible movie, right? Well, it has great special effects and slow-motion, rewind, one-liner, faster-motion action sequences. It was a really exciting movie for the most part, funny (if you're a little twisted like me), but yeah, pretty bloody & extreme at times...so you've now been warned. I liked it a lot though. However, I think that one scene sums the movie up best (not Angelina's back shot on the commercials...though that's what peeked my interest) and it's the great Morgan Freeman, who's the head of this organization of assassins. Now, the man has played God, the President of the United States, a singing vampire on the Electric Company, and many other memorable roles...and to hear him say...in that wonderful narrator voice, "Shoot THIS mother (lover)!!!" just sends waves of guilty pleasure through my body (though not as much as Angelina). Check it out if you like R-rated shoot-em-up movies...and await the sequels.

Anyway, back to why my brother & sister-in-law are going to miss me...because I like to think this blog is about me...to a certain extent. About the time the movie was over, Ashley was coming home from work...and she was her usual hour or so late because she stopped by her old job to say hi to her friends. No big deal, right? This happens ALL the time. Hell, I've gotten used to it...but apparently my brother can't grasp this. So she comes home (by the way, she's one of the ladies that I've been talking to about menstruation the past few days) and he does the usual "Where you been?" and of course, she wasn't in a good mood anyway, so she cops an attitude & goes upstairs...so my brother rolls his eyes in my direction, which is man code for "See what I have to deal with?" My brother's not a gentle guy. At all. In fact, he's a jackass 99% of the time...if not more.

However, after a few minutes of talking at me in a loud tone of voice about his wife (not yelling...because he knows that I would leave instantly if he were yelling at me for no reason), I suggest that he go talk to her & see what's wrong...and if there's any way that you can help. So he gives me a weird look...and I say, "Just do it, bitch." He goes up there, I hear some soft baritone talking, then some soft soprano, then some more baritone, then louder soprano, then slightly louder baritone, then a second or two of silence (uh-oh), then some kind of screaming that I can hear through walls...then Vinny starts crying because he was awoken from his nap time...and then some jumbled noises upstairs...and then Kiel comes down with a crying baby. "So ugh...what's wrong?" "(Rolls eyes) She said nothing...and I said obviously something's wrong...then she flipped out...and now I have a crying baby in my arms. Thanks (brother)!!! Wait, correction...YOU have a crying baby in YOUR arms. I'm gonna make him some food." Ladies, we try. Even after all the advice that you've given me...and I've passed along to others, it doesn't help that when we try to show some concern, you flip out. I know it's not (necessarily) your fault...but at least we try. Long story short, I texted her shortly after (I wasn't going to bug her face-to-face) and cheered her up a little bit. She was worried about school, her family, her hormones, all that stuff. It happens.

Eventually she came down & hung with the kids (my mom even stopped by) and a good time was had by all. Then my mom left with the kids (staying at grandma's house so their mom could get a good night's sleep) so it was just me, my brother, & Ashley. Then the drama started again because my brother's a bit of an idiot & mentions...well, anything moments after a women handed her kids away for the night, is exhausted, and doing her lady thing. So now I'm in the house with an arguing couple again...not what I wanted to do with my afternoon. We decided the best thing to do was to go to my buddy Young Prodigy's house and let her talk with his pregnant girlfriend while he barbecued & hung out with him. It worked. Thank God.

Later that night, Ashley had gone to bed...and so Kiel & me went out back and talked about whatever...mostly me going to Vegas. He's deathly worried about being left alone with his wife apparently. He didn't say it in so many words...but he REALLY doesn't want me to go. "I'm only going to see you when we go down for our anniversary...and maybe when you're up for the holidays or something...but you're going to use those days off for trips to Europe & the Bahamas or something (he knows me well). Who am I going to talk to? All my friends are flakes." "Well...you're kind of an asshole too, dude. Maybe you should learn to talk with your wife. Most people make sure they can do that beforehand." "Still dude, you know I'm going to be calling you all the time." "And you know what I'm doing if I'm not answering, right?" "I hope so, man. If anybody I know deserves a good girlfriend, f**k buddy, wife, whatever, it's you. I hope you find one in Vegas...just stay away from those hoes, bro. I don't want you getting the clap or anything." "Well, that makes two of us."

That's really all I've got today, except I applied for that other new job in Vegas this morning. So yeah, he's gonna miss me...and Ashley's going to miss me (because she vents to me all the time too). The kids are going to miss me too (until they forget about me) but it just feels like Vegas is the next step for me. Don't know how to explain it. It's gonna be fun...but in the meantime, I'm just going to have to enjoy my time here in Utah...beginning with my $teve's Stayin' Here Rock Band Party tonight!!! Stop on by!!! If not, have a great night!!! Oh by the way, Rock Band 2 will be here later this year. Awesome, right?