Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Smokin' Cigarettes & Watching Captain Kangaroo

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, the work situation keeps getting ever so deeper...as it appears that the next time I'll be able to certify will be in August some time...then I can apply (if the job's still there), then they can take a few weeks to call me back, then when they realize that they've wanted me for a while now...they offer me a job, I move down there...if I choose them over the originally intended employer, who may be hiring again by that time. What does it mean? I get to miss the Vegas summer which isn't all that bad...but it also means that it's going to be a total of six months for this single guy with a great work ethic & not a whole lot of attachments just to get a job in Vegas. Thanks Bush!!! How many days do you have left?

Last night, I decided to add a little treat for my fans...by adding my little playlist thing from my MySpace account here so that you have some merry tunes while reading my gibberish. It's not a complete list of awesomeness...but it has some classics, some hip-hop, and Richard Cheese & Lounge Against the Machine, which is always goodtime lounge music. Also, if you're wondering how to change the track (or just turn it off), it's on the right sidebar towards the bottom.

Luckily, I got off work a little early yesterday...but couldn't go straight to sleep as intended because my house was too hot. So I turned on the swamp cooler, turned on the TV, and watched "Love Potion No. 9" starring Tate Donovan & Sandra Bullock (and Adrian Paul as an Italian car company owner & Dylan Baker as Prince of England briefly). I really like this movie...because it's quite ridiculous & funny for an early 90's romantic comedy. It's about a pair of scientists who meet up with a psychic downtown...and are given a special potion that when diluted & drank, will cause the opposite sex to fall in Love with simply by hearing your voice. They test it on monkeys first (of course) but it rings true...so they decide to test it out on humans...and oh yeah, it works. As probably guessed, the girl use it to get diamond necklaces & become a princess while the guy took it to the bars & sorority houses. Anyway, the guy then realizes that he loves Sandra Bullock (can't blame him) and it goes from there. I say check it out. It's a great cheesy funny heartwarming flick from the year of '92.

After that, I went to bed for about ten hours...and just woke up a few minutes ago. I'm over my sun sickness now. Long day at work today and we have a visitor so I have to dress up...but it's all good...because I look gooooood in a suit. Believe it or not. Anyway, here's the news...

Statler Brothers Honored - The country/gospel group The Statler Brothers have been inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame. The Statler Brothers were first hired as a vocal backing group by the late great Johnny Cash. They had their first hit in 1965 with "Flowers on the Wall." They had several more Top 40 hits through the 1970s and 1980s, including "The Class of '57," "Do You Know You Are My Sunshine" and "I'll Go to My Grave Loving You." Also, some of my other favorites include "Susan When She Tries", "Bed of Roses", and "Whatever Happened to Randolph Scott?" Harold Reid says the honor makes their career worthwhile. "It wraps up everything you did. Every song you wrote. Every performance you did. Every TV show. Everything that we did that made a contribution to the business. They looked at us and said thank you for the contribution. It doesn't get any better than that." Another great thing about these guys is that they dedicated their Greatest Hits album to their wives. Tell me that's not the sweetest thing ever. You won't hear about Motley Crue doing something like that. Congratulations to the Statler Brothers…and if you ever want to hear some of their merry ditties…all you need to do is ask.

Mini-Me Has a Sextape Now? - From wholesome music to celebrity porn, thus is my existence…and therefore my blog. Actor Verne Troyer (Mini-Me in "Austin Powers") has successfully shut down the distribution of a sex tape featuring him & a former girlfriend. The celebrity Web site TMZ posted a 25-second snipped of the video Wednesday, but pulled the clips down Friday evening after a federal judge granted a temporary restraining order requested by Troyer's attorneys. The ruling prevents any attempt by a porn distributor from taking orders for the full 50-minute video, and keeps TMZ from broadcasting any more clips. Troyer's lawsuit also seeks $20 million in damages and the return of all copies of the tape. TMZ reported that the video could fetch $100,000 from a porn distributor. Really? That's it? I think a more realistic number would be about a million if Mr. Troyer wants to distribute it. Honestly though, unless he's diving in there head-first and wiggling like a salmon going upstream, or his former girlfriend is Megan Fox, then I'm not really interested in seeing the movie. However, there is a niche market for that kind of thing. I've seen the Pam Anderson - Tommy Lee tape. If I had the opportunity to see the Kim Kardashian tape, I wouldn't turn it down (unless the offer came from somebody creepy). I've even seen little people in porn before. Even when you stop laughing, it still isn't sexy. I guess my point is…there are certain celebrities that most people WANT to see in sex tapes…and then there's Mini-Me, who a few people want to see. Mr. Troyer, if you don't want your tape distributed, then I say do everything you can to forbid it (call Kim Kardashian's dad, he has some experience in this field…and he got O.J. off) but if you want to make a few bucks…then don't settle for less than will satisfy you. Can't wait until I have a celebrity sextape. All I need now is celebrity status…and maybe a partner. That's what I'm waiting to see on TMZ next…is a video of somebody like Daniel Radcliffe masturbating or something. "Check out this footage of the Harry Potter actor's sextape…with himself. This was sent to us by a former stagehand who found this footage when Mr. Radcliffe thought he had found a solitary bathroom…but it was actually a set for a new teen comedy. The stagehand then compiled it into a ten-minute video using the various angles…and yes, the audio is excellent. Viewidus Erectus!!! Available at TMZ.com."

What Is It With Germans & Feces? - Wednesday evening, two women entered a farm in the northern village of Eberholzen and started to fill the stockings with manure to make what the article calls "Manure bombs." A police spokesperson said, "One of them slipped into the manure tank, right into the cow muck. The other one helped her out. We found their clothes in a field. One seems to have run off completely naked, the other in her underwear." Police said it was unclear what the women had intended to do with the "manure bombs," but added the incident could be linked to victory celebrations surrounding the Euro 2008 semi-finals on Wednesday evening, when Germany beat Turkey 3-2. "The women can get their clothes back from the local police station -- unwashed." Maybe blog reader Ruben (who is now a local celebrity after being in the local online paper with his new car) can shed some light on these seemingly ridiculous celebration methods…but wow, Germans really like poop. I've seen…er, heard of those videos on the internet. That ain't fudge. I've seen your Hasselhoff. Who is he to judge talent? Now you celebrate your soccer victories with these "Manure Bombs"? That's not the sweet smell of Victory. Actually…now that I think about it…it's really not that weird. Maybe I’m exaggerating a bit. However, if I were to do such an unbelievable things as exaggerate…why are the police keeping the clothes at the station? Unwashed? Either it's a clever ploy to draw out the fecafanatics…or somebody just likes the aroma in the evidence room.

South Beach is Awesome!!! - On Wednesday, police said that a "brothel bus" that detectives said cruised Miami Beach offering lap dances and drinks has taken its last ride. The sleek black bus cruised the South Beach neighborhood popular among tourists and club-goers, offering rides and unlimited drinks for $40. Riders were then offered oral sex for $100, according to Miami Beach police who impounded the limousine bus and arrested its operator early last Sunday. While aboard, undercover detectives (the lucky ones) said they found a fully stocked bar and several young women who stripped down to reveal G-strings stuffed with cash and offered to perform sex acts. Suspected operator Christine Morteh, 29, was arrested on charges of offering to commit prostitution, transportation for the purpose of prostitution and operating a business without a license. She was released from jail on $5,000 bond (50 BJs). I've been to South Beach a few times in my life…but I must have been hanging in the wrong area. Would I have fallen for the ride, unlimited drinks, and lap dances for $40 plus tips? You bet your ass I would have. BJ for a Benjamin? Probably not…but then again. Oh well, won't have to worry about that moral dilemma anymore…and probably a good thing…because if I were immersed in an environment where prostitution was mainstay, that would probably have a serious impact on my moral barometer. Oh, by the way, did I mention the Vegas situation already today? Don't know why that just popped in my head just now. Yup, looks like I did.

Happy July everybody!!! The year 2008 is already half gone. How's your New Year's Resolution list looking so far? Let's check out mine real quick.

  • Travel more...or at least as much - Yeah, still traveling

  • Find a good girl who likes me too - Sigh...

  • Have more sex...preferably with a woman nearby - Double sigh...

  • Pursue another part-time job...maybe as a late night radio DJ - Just trying to get another job in Vegas now

  • Play more basketball. I miss our times together - Don't believe I've picked up a basketball yet this year

  • Give more to charity & donate time, blood, plasma, sperm, hair, feces, whatever they'll take - Blood a few times & helping with a charity yard sale in a few weeks

  • Dance more...preferably with a woman nearby - I have the ability but not a lot of ballroom socials that I'm invited to

  • Swear less (now that my nieces & nephews are getting spongier) - I try...and kind of mute myself sometimes...which is really just weird more than anything

  • Should I swear off Mountain Dew or something? Like Lent? - I've been drinking MUCH less than I was & a lot more water

  • Nah, maybe just eat healthier...or cook more - I'm cooking a little more & eating more veggies and jogging when it's not 100 degrees outside

  • Remember JJ - Who? Just kiddin', I may be seeing her in a few weeks instead of seeing the metropolis of Cheyenne, Wyoming

  • Smack more asses (a.k.a. More forward with the opposite sex) - Eh, not really...

  • Drive my Baby more - Frustrated sigh...

  • Most importantly, make sure everybody out there knows how much I love & care for them - I think people out there have a good idea about it...without crossing that threshold of creepiness

That'll do it for today. Gonna clean up around the crib before I head into work. Have a great day everybody...and let me know how those resolutions are coming. Hopefully you've either kept them...or doing something that makes you happy. Peace!!!

No comments:

Where should I go next?