Happy Birthday Dr. MLK

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

First & foremost, I'd like to wish a Happy Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day to everybody out there...and remind everybody to keep the Dream alive. Treat others as you would like to be treated and equality for all. All those government employees out there, enjoy your day off too. Enjoy it for both of us. I'll just be here...living the Dream.

I watched me some football yesterday…and I liked what I saw. Super Bowl XL2 will be held in Phoenix (Glendale) in two weeks and will put the undefeated New England Patriots (who play in a Boston suburb) against the Giants of New York (but they play in New Jersey. Ssssh, don't tell anybody). Here's a brief summary of what I saw yesterday. Both games were really good…and really really cold. The first game was a balmy 5 degrees with wind chill and the Patriots beat the San Diego Superchargers. My favorite thing about the San Diego team…is not only that they are a talented squad, possibly the 2nd best in the league behind the Patriots…but if you look at their team roster, they have some amazing names. Brandon Manumaleuna, Scott Mruczkowski, Legedu Naanee, Jacques Cesaire, Igor Olshansky, Ladainian Tomlinson, and the great rookie for the U of U, Eric Weddle. Nothing odd about his name…just his game. This list doesn’t include the odd first names, like Philip with one L, Jyles, Shaun, Shawne, Shane, Ryon, Cletis, and Tyronne. Last year, I remember they had an Offensive Guard (with the Dolphins now) named Cory Lekkerkerker…and thought it was the coolest name ever. His last name is the sound a basketball rim makes when you throw down a monstrous slam dunk. Maybe he's playing the wrong sport…but then again, maybe not. Great talent though…even if you can't pronounce it right the first time. Anyway, they should be good for a long time.

As for the Giants, they rival the Dallas Cowboys & Washington Racists as one of my least favorite teams being in the same division as the Eagles…but it's an intriguing matchup with the Patriots…which actually happened three weeks ago on the last week of the regular season (remember my Aunt Missy's birthday party?). It was a good game. If they pull out a win, Michael Strahan can retire on top…and a Manning quarterback will win back-to-back Super Bowls. Just not Peyton this year. Unfortunately, I think they're pretty much screwed because their opponent is really, really good. Like historically good…but that's how all the "Hoosiers", "Remember the Titans", and all those other underdog stories start…so you never know.

New England, everybody says they're a perfect team…and they're really about as good as you can get with the salary cap and all that stuff set in place to keep teams on an even keel with one another. During the game tonight, I watched and saw one of my favorite players of all time have a decent game, 16-year veteran linebacker Junior Seau. He spent the first 13 years of his career playing with the Chargers…making it to one Super Bowl in 1994 (and lost) and was selected to the Pro Bowl every year but one, being one of the best ever. Then he went to Miami for two years…and they sucked. Then he officially retired from the NFL saying that he was too old and couldn't play the game to a level he thought he needed to. Within a week, he signed with the New England Patriots…and they haven't lost a game since. I really hope that he finally wins that championship ring though. He seems like a good guy. Since Brett can't go out on top now. I'd rather Junior get it than Michael Strahan of the Giants. Though he seems like a nice guy too. Why can't all nice guys have a Super Bowl ring? That'd be sweet. Quite a conversation piece too. "Oh my golly jeepers, you have a Super Bowl ring? I had no idea that you played pro football." "Yeah, Madden 2008 maybe. No, Tom Brady gave me one when I helped him change a tire on the side of the freeway while he banged Gisele in the backseat. That's how I got this scar on my hand when the jack fell. I warned him to be gentle…but he gave me the ring, so it's all good." "Are those rubies?" "Diamonds actually. My hand was still bleeding pretty bad when I tried it on the first time. Wasn't thinking clearly. I'll get it cleaned out some day."

Will Brett Favre force himself to retire now? True, he had just one of his best years when there are a few coaches in the league younger than him. True, he could probably play like a Pro Bowl quarterback until that last big hit on the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field shatters his torso…and he'll still play until the end of the drive, at least. However, is he going to have the same kind of shot at a Super Bowl next year? Probably not. Does he have any more passing records to break? None that I can think of. Why does he still play? Because he wants to. So if he still wants to play, I'm not gonna be the one to tell him no. I think the man is a Living Legend. Why? He was born and bred in Kiel, Mississippi. Went to college at Southern Miss. Remember that chapter in "To Kill A Mockingbird" when the kids see snow for the first time…and they make the snowman out of mud…and put like a quarter inch of slush over it? Okay, that's what the man knew of snow…and cold. He was drafted by the Atlanta Falcons…but didn’t cut it as a backup there…so they traded him to Green Bay, Wisconsin. Over the next 16 years or so, he played EVERY SINGLE GAME playing on shimmering icy BLADES of grass where a gang of 300-pound men try to throw him to the ground some 50-60 times per game in temperatures that reach up to 30 degrees BELOW zero. Oh…and throw an oblong pigskin ball with pinpoint accuracy to men running at full stride in precise patterns in front of 100,000 screaming fans and millions watching across the globe. There's truly ice water in this man's veins…that lead down to his frozen blue brass balls. Yeah, I'm not gonna be the one to fire him because I think he might get hurt. He's too nice of a guy to kick my ass for suggesting it…but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he did. Hell, it would be an honor to get my ass kicked by Brett Favre. Anyway, I've talked about football too much already…and I know that probably bores most of you…so I'll move on to something else. Don't worry though, you probably won't have to hear about football for another two weeks until the Super Bowl gets here.

I literally had to dig my car out of the parking lot today to get to work. My shovel had mysteriously disappeared, so I used my ice scraper to excavate my Buick. At least the snow was still light & fluffy...because apparently it has been coming down pretty steadily since about 3 AM. I also got a call from my mom to check up on me (ask about the date tonight) and I also got a call from Mr. & Mrs. Wingman about our night of activity tomorrow. Apparently we're going to eat a lot of crab & watch movies. Awesome. They're going to get family pictures down today. That should be a fun hassle. Anyway, I'm at work now...so I'll get to the news.

R.U. Schittenmee? - Ten days after a Golf Channel anchor was suspended for her use of "lynch" in commentary on Tiger Woods, an editor was fired Friday for illustrating the controversy with a noose on the cover of Golfweek magazine. First off, the anchor was trying to be funny or something…and because she was an anchor for the Golf Channel, she had no idea what the hell she was doing. It happens. She immediately apologized…and Tiger Woods forgave her…so I'm cool with that. Now, for the editor of a major publication to do something like THIS. Here's the process of what more than likely happened. There's a staff meeting to plan next week's issue shortly after the comment is made and quickly resolved. "So what's-her-bucket said that stupid 'lynch' thing, is there a way that we can use that to increase sales?" "I don't know if we really want to do that. It's a simple mistake…and we don't want to further the stereotype that golf is a Caucasian sport." "Seriously, I mean…what the hell would we do for something like that anyway? Put a hanging noose on the cover? That's ridiculous. We could just have an interview with the anchor or something…or maybe we can get Mr. Woods to..." "Wo wo wo, what was that about a noose? Is that what lynching is? See, I didn't even know that. I was a little confused about what the whole controversy was about. I just thought it was some street slang like jumping a guy in the parking lot or something." "You didn't know that? Did you grow up in the suburbs or something?" "That's our angle. We could make it an educational piece about the history of our nation and…" "Stop right there. Are you guys serious? You want to put a hanging noose on the cover of a magazine? Remember a few years back when Charles Barkley was on the cover of Sports Illustrated in shackles and chains…and how much controversy that started? This is going to be about ten times worse than that."

Fast forward a few days…and it reaches the editor. "What the f**k is this? You see the small type under the title where it says 'Preferred by Serious Golfers' and yet we have an article calling some Jason Day kid, the latest wonder from Down Under. That's cliché…but I'll let it slide." "There's…nothing else you see a little odd about the cover?" "Well, I don't like that rope thing covering the title…but you can't really change that now. Print it!!!" I have no idea how something like this happens in this day & age…but it did. The guy was fired for incompetence. It's quite ridiculous. I mean…really. That was the best these guys could come up with? Is that how boring golf is? That we have to resort to racism to sell copies? I'm telling ya, my idea of Extreme Golf is sounding better every day. I'm sure it'd help Brett Favre to retire a little sooner if he knew that he could still be competitive in a semi-violent sport played on Sundays. He'd get to travel all over the world too. That's the only reason I could consider being a golfer. That and the phat paychecks that they get. Is there some kind of rule against heckling the other golfer…or just some kind of common courtesy thing? I may have to look into that.

Send In the Clowns - There's still hope for clowns…which apparently all developed countries are not amused by. Turkmenistani President Gurbanguli Berdymukhamedov (Seriously?) reversed his predecessor's ban on operas and circuses, saying that with increasing development in the Central Asian nation, it deserved to have such artistic performances. The ban was imposed in 2001 by then-President Saparmurat Niyazov (still hard to pronounce), who criticized opera and ballet, among other things, as being foreign to Turkmen culture, and allowed funding for state-sponsored circuses to dry up. In more than two decades as the country's leader, Niyazov, who called himself Turkmenbashi, of Father of All Turkmen, crushed dissent and instituted a range of often quixotic rules and laws as well as creating a vast personality cult. Since Niyazov's death in 2006, Berdymukhamedov has softened some of Niyazov's most draconian policies. He also has moved to court foreign energy companies and outside investors to tap the poor, desert nation's natural gas reserves, which are some of the largest in the former Soviet Union. So now performances like Cirque de Soleil, Don Giovanni, and Bohemian Rhapsody can return to Turkmenistan. This is major news. Perhaps now, some people may be able to point this country out on a map of the globe. Just so you know, it's the country directly north of Iran…so stay tuned to your local news to see if it's mentioned more, wink wink.

Which One's the Bitch? - Grace Saenz-Lopez, mayor of the city of Alice, TX has been indicted on two felony counts of tampering with physical evidence. She faces losing her public office and serious jail time for these charges. What did she do? She stole a Shih Tzu that she was dogsitting for some friends…and then covering it up. Saenz-Lopez had agreed to take care of Puddles while Rudy Gutierrez and Shelly Cavazos were on vacation over the summer. A day after they left, she called to say the dog was dead, but three months later a relative of Cavazos saw Puddles (renamed Panchito) at a dog groomer. Puddles' family sued and filed a criminal complaint, but the case took a new turn Monday when the mayor filed a police report saying the dog was missing. A television crew found the dog 10 miles from Alice in Ben Bolt, at the home of Saenz-Lopez's twin, Graciela Garcia. Garcia said a "mysterious lady" had found the dog and dropped it off. So now, her twin sister may go to jail too. You just can't trust politicians, I guess. Even with your pet. Best part: Her attorney said "She loves that little dog. She told me that if she were a single woman, she would not care if she went to jail for the rest of her life before she would give the dog back." Well, she may not have a choice. (Bad Pun Warning) See the Shih Tzu get into when you trust your pets with the wrong people? Okay, now the 4th installment of the TV movies list…

TV Drama Movies

Medal Winners

Gold - The Untouchables (1987) - I think this was mentioned in my Kevin Costner list a few months back…but a great flick by Brian DePalma ("Scarface" & "Carlito's Way") based on the incredible TV series that ran from 1959-63 starring the one & only Robert Stack ("Unsolved Mysteries") as Eliot Ness, the role played by Mr. Costner. With Sean Connery & Andy Garcia among his supporting cast…they were set to go to war against Al Capone (Robert DeNiro). They're actually in talks to make a prequel, also directed by Brian DePalma…and starring Gerard Butler ("300") in Sean Connery's role of Sam Malone. Can't wait for that one to come out too. Rumor has it that Nicolas Cage was interested in playing Al Capone…but I think that rumor was stopped…so I'm going to restart it.

Silver - The Fugitive (1993) - Starring Harrison Ford & Tommy Lee Jones, this movie based on the TV series that ran from 1963-67 is about a doctor who's wrongly accused of murdering his wife…and must avoid U.S. Marshalls (title of sequel in 1998) in order to find the real killer, the one-armed man. Great intense chase movie with lots of cool twists and turns…and you really can't hate a movie that stars Han Solo and TLJ. "I DIDN'T KILL MY WIFE!" "I DON'T CARE!" Jump off the dam. Classic. The sequel was okay with TLJ, Wesley Snipes, and Robert Downey jr. but nothing like the original.

Bronze - Mission: Impossible (1996) - Based on the TV series that ran from 1966-73 starring Peter Graves, this movie was about an elite covert operations task force that got their missions via dissolving/exploding films, tape recordings, notarized letters, phone calls, picture booths, whatever necessary to get the job done. I REALLY liked the first movie (also by Brian DePalma oddly enough) even though it had Tom Cruise…but also starred Jean Reno, Jon Voight (Can you believe that man's seed produced Angelina?), Ving Rhames, and others. The first movie was real to the material…where Ethan Hunt (Cruise) was a vulnerable human being doing a tough job against impossible odds…and using his mind to get the job done. The second movie (directed by John Woo) turned him into an unrealistic superhero type impervious to bullets, explosions, and what-have-you…and there was entirely too much slow motion and doves flying out of orifices for my liking. I honestly haven't even seen the third one because of number two…and now that I know it's from the guy that directed "Cloverfield" (J.J. Abrams) I may just pass on it, unless one of you think that I should check it out.

Suggestion - The Saint (1997) - From 1962-69, Simon Templar was played by Roger Moore on the small screen so when they decided to bring it to the big screen, they decided to go with Batman instead of James Bond…and by that, I mean Val Kilmer. Through in the world's hottest babysitter Elisabeth Shue ("Adventures in Babysitting") and a strong performance by Rade Serbedzija as the villain…with a twisting plot, hot steamy scenes, lots of disguises, and set it in Mother Russia…then you have a great movie in my personal opinion. I seem to remember mentioning something a few months ago about another Saint movie in the works starring James Purefoy…but I can no longer confirm anything about that. Let's keep our fingers crossed though…and in the meantime, go rent this movie. You'll enjoy it.

Flush It - Miami Vice (2006) - Okay, this was allegedly based on the TV series that ran from 1984-89 starring Don Johnson, Philip Michael Thomas, and Edward James Olmos…but that show was a little campy and focused on being smooth in that 80's way with one-liners and pastel suits. The police work was almost secondary really. If you go in expecting that, you're going to be sorely disappointed. This is a Michael Mann directed film…and he doesn't do comedy…he does raw, gritty, real films with deep character development…and when you throw in Colin Farrell pairing with Jamie Foxx as the new Crockett & Tubbs, you're going to get a real cop drama. This is like a mix of "Bad Boys" and "Heat" without the jokes. Don't get me wrong, I liked the movie for what it was…but the title of "Miami Vice" and the character names of Crockett & Tubbs were the only thing to do with the original material. That's why it gets my flush it. That…and I didn't want to talk about M:I-2 again.

Future Watch - A-Team (2008?) - Director John Singleton ("Boyz in the Hood") is bringing the original badass mercenaries to the big screen. Right now, it's rumored that Ice Cube & Woody Harrelson will be starring in this flick…but it's obviously in the early stages. They're also in the works of making a "24" (2009?) movie that will bring Jack Bauer to a theatre near you. They're also making a "CHiPs" (2009?) movie with Wilmer Valderamma ("That 70's Show") attached to play "Ponch" but little else as of yet. Don't forget about that "The Untouchables: Capone Rising" (2008?) prequel either. It should be awesome when and if it ever gets done.

Well, that oughta do it for me today. Tune in next time when I hopefully recap a wonderful evening involving a blind double date. Even if that falls through, I'm sure that I'll have something either witty, entertaining, or completely insane to say. Maybe I'll take a few shots of NyQuil and at the very least document my dreams. Who knows? You may be the next random star in a wacky doodle of a fantasy. Keep your fingers crossed…and have a great night in either case.