The Softer Side of $teve

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Today, I'm going to take a slight departure from my usual entries of toilet humor, football, frontal nudity, and American Gladiators…and focus on the softer side of $teve. Oh yes, there is a softer side. You may have seen glimmers of it here & there, mostly when talking about family and kittens and stuff…but it doesn't show up that much…so I thought that I'd just let it run wild today (as best I can) and devote this entry to that softer side. Don't worry, I'm sure by tomorrow I'll be back to my usual self. This is just a warning for anybody that may be looking for the usual…but it's probably still worth a gander. There's no particular reason for this shift in focus…other than I thought it might be different. Enjoy.

Babies

Yesterday, my buddy Laquesse told me that she had a nightmare about having a mutant baby (think Toxic Avenger) and it was because of me…somehow, but I blame hormones. The really interesting thing is though, that shortly after that…she told me about this thing that I didn't even know existed called Pica…or non-food cravings when pregnant. Oh yeah, she's pregnant by the way. I probably should've mentioned that before. Sorry, it's like I'm telling a bad joke. Anyway, she sent me this link…because basically, it says that obviously pregnant women have these odd cravings every once in a while like pickles (by the jar in my stepsister's case) and ice cream & stuff like that…but with Pica (Spanish for "Magpie") it's when they crave stuff with little or no nutritional value. No, not licorice & Ho Ho's or that stuff. We're talking about stuff like dirt, chalk, rocks, CHARCOAL, burnt matches, coffee grounds, baking soda, and cigarette ashes. Now, the extreme cases are very rare but sometimes they are related to an underlying physical or mental illness. Anyway, if any of you out there are having these cravings, it is suggested that you inform your health care provider, monitor your iron intake along with other minerals, and inform a friend you can help distract you from these cravings. Anyway, I thought it was odd…especially with the accompanying photo on the link of the burning charcoals.

Breasts

Breast Cancer: The Sexy Killer - Olympic Gold Medalist Dorothy Hamill is undergoing treatment for breast cancer. The prognosis is favorable but the 51-year old (51? Really? Nice.) ice skater says she will miss some of the "Broadway on Ice" tour during her treatment. This is just a friendly reminder to get routine mammograms…because if it can happen to America's sweetheart, it can happen to anyone. Remember, as was mentioned during the partnership between the WNBA, Yoplait yogurt, and the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, "Together, we can lick breast cancer." Guys, it's not just for the ladies. Make sure you get your checkups too. I'm sure there are plenty of amateurs that'd help you look for lumps if you ask nicely.

Babies & Breasts

Last night, I received a wonderful text from my sister-in-law saying "Vinny gets to meet the booby bottle tonight at 8:30. I'm excited." You see, little Vinny has been fed intravenously since he came out…though the first time she held him, he allegedly went straight for the milk melon (he IS my nephew) but they thought it best to wait for some reason. Anyway, it was Day Three of the A.B.V. (After the Birth of Vinny) era, so they thought he might be ready. Time passed and around 9 PM, I sent a text saying simply "So how did he do? He took like a fish to water, didn't he? We Loves love titties." She wrote back shortly after, "He did AMAZING for a solid five minutes." That's my nephew. Well on his way to carrying on the family name.

Self-Reflection

You are a wonderful human being!!! Take the time to look back on what you've done…and be proud of your accomplishments. People enjoy talking to you. Sure, your schedule may be full of meaningless, tedious tasks that seem routine and appear to take up your entire day…but during the downtime from your hectic schedule, take a few deep breaths, maybe sing a little song to yourself, and just think positively about all the blessings that you have. Repeat if necessary.

Napping is Great for your Health - New research conducted by brain researcher Avi Karni of the University of Haifa in Israel explores the possibility that naps help lock in sometimes fleeting long-term memories. A 90-minute daytime snooze might help the most, the study finds. Long-term memory refers to memories that stay with us for years, such as "what" memories — a car accident that happened yesterday — or "how to" memories, such as one's learned ability to play the drums or tear it up in a game of soccer. So yeah, feel free to take a nap and not feel the least bit bad about it. You'll remember where you left your car keys.

Sports

Nothing that you would care about happened.

Spirit

Last night, High Priestess Bubbles gave me an eleven-card psychic reading, which allegedly is more accurate & specific than my three-card reading last week. The reading was done…and I was unaware that I was supposed to be thinking of a specific question…but we'll just say that it was about my Love Life…and here are the cards that I got…with a link to a website with their meaning…and some translations that may help if the language is a little vague…or something. Thanks again for the reading, Bubbles.

Card 1 - Me (Innermost Desires) - The Sun

Meaning: A positive card, it promises the Querent (one who is questioning, I checked) their day in the sun. Glory, gain, triumph, pleasure, truth, success. As the moon symbolized inspiration from the unconscious, from dreams, this card symbolizes discoveries made fully consciousness and wide awake. This is science and math, beautifully constructed music, carefully reasoned philosophy. It is a card of intellect, clarity of mind, and feelings of youthful energy. And, yes, the child/children in this card can be taken literally if other cards in the spread seem to suggest it. Your Querent can be informed that a wanted and most welcome babe will soon be on the way. Likely a boy, or twins.

Translation: I am making discoveries while awake and have clarity of mind, yet like to have fun. Apparently, there is also a new baby (likely a boy) entering my life soon…like maybe three days ago. Fairly accurate I'd have to say.

Card 2 - Present Condition - Wheel of Fortune

Meaning: The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. Almost every definition of this card indicates abundance, happiness, elevation, luck. A change that just happens, and brings with it great joy.

Translation: I thought I was going to get on the game show to meet Pat & Vanna…but I definitely like the concept of getting lucky soon. Sweet!!!

Card 3 - Obstacles (Potential & Actual) - Eight of Wands (Signals)

Meaning: A lot of things are going to be happening fast, and the Querent is going to revel in and handle all of them. This will likely include trips - and the Querent will want to drive or fly him/herself, likely. Fast. No need to slow down or be impatient, with this card, you can really move, change, do. Do it & do it now.

Translation: VEGAS BABY!!! Who's coming with me??? After that, who knows? The world is my To-Do list.

Card 4 - What is Beneath You (Foundation) - The Hanged Man

Meaning: The Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes. This is a time of trial or meditation, selflessness, sacrifice, prophecy. The Querent stops resisting; instead he makes himself vulnerable, sacrifices his position or opposition, and in doing so, gains illumination. Answers that eluded him come clear, solutions to problems are found. He sees the world differently, has almost mystical insights. This card can also imply a time when everything just stands still, a time of rest and reflection before moving on. Things will continue on in a moment, but for now, they float, timeless.

Translation: My foundation is a Hung Man. That can't be a bad start. So my foundation or past was really about meditation, selflessness, and prophecy (predications?) but I must be on the verge of illumination? Is that right? Anyway, that's how I'm going to take it.

Card 5 - What is Behind Me (Past Conditions to Present) - Three of Hearts (Celebration)

Meaning: Three maidens with three overflowing cups celebrate. The creation here, springing from the relationship in the two of cups, is happiness, togetherness. Two cups pour into a third and it overflows with love and joy, enough for all. This is a card of parties, weddings, anniversaries, baby showers, birthdays. Any time that families get together and reunite in celebration of something new.

Translation: There have been a lot of celebrations lately that I've been able to attend. My cup overfloweth.

Card 6 - Way I Want Things to Go - Three of Wands (Opportunity)

Meaning: The person has invested their passion in something - a new career, a big move to a new city (remember wands signify travel as well), maybe they've even thrown their hat into a political ring - and now something is coming back. It is a card of progress, of the first hint that the dream can be made real. The tests are coming back, and it looks to be positive. This card also indicates that, like a newly pregnant mother, or a politician hearing that the first round of votes are for him/her, the Querent might rightly be feeling a little proud, even powerful.

Translation: When Bubbles read from her book about this card, it said stuff like "Look for playmates for a happy enterprise", "Be Practical" and "Now is the time to sow the seeds for a future harvest." I've had a lot of ideas for future careers…including politics, radio jobs, etc. but just convinced me…that now is the time to start my polygamist compound. Anybody interested in joining?

Card 7 - What's Before You (Short-Term Future) - Eight of Pentacles (Craftsmanship)

Meaning: This is the apprentice card. It is a card of starting over, doing something new or perhaps just expanding. Apprenticeship can be scary or demoralizing, like in all those clichéd movies where the Kung Fu youngster has to carry water and sweep floors before he can do the real stuff. Similarly, this card predicts, if not a tough time, a time of learning and mistakes, doubts and just hard work. The Querent needs to be told to keep up their courage, to either make this move into a new job or to stick with it if they've already made the move. Being an apprentice (or an apprentice again) will teach (or re-teach) them how to persevere.

Translation: I'm going to learn how to handle my new relationships. Again, in the book, it said to "Pay attention to detail. Think about what you're doing and not the reward." I kind of took this as an enjoy every moment for what it is, a learning experience. Don't think about stealing second base or anything like that. She will teach me what I need to know in due time. The time will come…and so will you both.

Card 8 - Personality - Four of Wands (Completion)

Meaning: The ships have come in, and the Querent can sit back and enjoy them. This card, with its four wands holding up garlands, implies the foundation of a house, literally and figuratively. Whatever the Querent has been building, they have established it, strong and solid. They can take a moment to admire what they've done, enjoy the first rewards it has brought them, and bask in their initial success. Sometimes this card suggests marriage; once again, laying the foundation for the future.

Translation: Enjoy my job well done…which is cause for a great celebration. As the card would imply, this means a House Party y'all!!! As for the marriage thing…I have no idea…but apparently I've done a good job establishing my personality. Sweet!!!

Card 9 - How Others See Me - Princess of Hearts

Meaning: When no children seem to be involved (the person you're reading for is childless, has no friends with kids, etc.), then the Pages can indicate that the Querent is about to receive a message. The purpose of a page, after all, is to deliver messages. If a Princess, it's likely a female young person. For Hearts, it is a message of love, romance, heart-break or family. Don't be too naïve.

Translation: Some sweet young thang is going to bring me a message of Love (or heartbreak, yeesh). My only question, is it going to be the letter writer or the delivery girl that brings me this message? We shall see.

Card 10 - Hopes & Fears - Queen of Swords

Meaning: When Queens appear they signal a time of growth and development, a time when the Querent is making things real. The Queen in the one that will make it real. For Swords, it involves developing a speech, making real a story, working on a debate, or just spreading news. She's a walking encyclopedia. Any information you want, this woman has it, and as such she can mingle with almost anyone. She can talk science with the scientists, history with the historians, literature with the poets. She knows obscure facts, strange tid-bits, and she seems to love nothing better than to pour it all out, give it away like gifts to help people. In fact this woman is likely to be involved in a job that includes talking: psychology, politics, radio, or information gathering, like the sciences. She absorbs information, and is able to relate it back succinctly, clearly, simply, so everyone can understand and use it; men who aren't threatened by her (and many are!) gather round to listen to her beautiful voice, fascinated. You can always pick out this woman in a crowd as she is always stylish in her own, unique way; almost eccentric in dress. The problem? These queens can be the most "queen-like." Aloof, even cold. They believe the right facts can fix any problem, and will offer that instead of sympathy or warmth. They also like to know everything, and are likely to listen in on conversations, read diaries. Worse, they might well spread what they've learned thinking it will do good. They mean well, but their need to know and solve problems often outweighs other considerations.

Translation: My blog will grow…and some awesome lady who gets the same obscure references that I through out will help me to get a radio gig. Yeah, I think it's something like that.

Card 11 - Final Outcome - Five of Swords (Defeat)

Meaning: In arguments and battles of ideas there are going to be times when one just loses or has to surrender. The worst of these is when the winner is an awful person, a bully, braggart, a cheat, someone who used an unfair advantage to win. But it happens. The problem: "How can I win in an argument with this person?" The answer/prediction: "You can't. All you can do is not argue." This is the closest to a win one can come to in this situation. But if the Querent feels they must argue, then they need to be prepared to learn from it, not allow feelings of failure, anger or blame to overcome them.

Translation: Like my man Kenny Rogers always said, "You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away…and know when to run." Apparently, my handicap for needing to use logic in an argument will end in defeat…but perhaps I will have one of those John Hughes movie moments, where in defeat, I will win…in life. Anyway, again, thanks for the reading, Bubbles. I'll keep y'all posted on that.

Moment to Cry

Hillary Shows Emotion - A lot of people (and pundits) have been talking about Hillary fighting off tears during the primaries this week. Is it the first time that a candidate for the nation's highest position has been reduced to tears? No, of course not. Is it odd that it's creepier for Hillary to show that she's human…as opposed to being inhuman? No, that's ridiculous. We've all been in similar situations. Sleep-deprived, the weight of the world on our shoulders, so much pain & strife in the world, so many allergens floating around in the air, personal tragedies, and then you find out that they're all out of blueberry muffins when you get to Starbucks…and it all comes out of your tear ducts. It's okay. Crying is very therapeutic. I'm pretty sure that there's some kind of research correlating a direct correlation between an increase in crying sessions leading to a decrease in killing sprees. I'm proud to admit that I've cried…once. Okay, that's a lie. I've done it a few times…but they were manly tears…with trace amounts of blood in them. Tears of Vengeance really. Anyway, this leads me to my next movie list…

Movies That Make Men Cry - Some of these are universally true…while others are probably just me.

Medal Winners

Gold - The Godfather (1972) - When Marlon Brando cries, the world cries with him. In this classic movie, when the Mafia kingpin's eldest son Sonny (James Caan) is gunned down in his prim…and the news is delivered to him, he slowly and surely breaks down…thus causing men in the audience to break down while watching a badass and brutal drama. Also, when Michael has to seek revenge on his brother's killers...and is forced to turn away from the life he had been hoping to build while away at school, not his father's life...and leave Diane Keaton...and in the second movie when he finds out his own brother is trying to whack him...oh man. Great flicks.

Silver - Brian's Song (1971) - The timeless story of comradery, sportsmanship, perseverance, and friendship no matter what starring Billie Dee Williams as Gale Sayers, James Caan as Brian Piccolo, and Jack Warden as Coach George Halas is an emotional rollercoaster…by guy standards. For those who don't know, in the end, Sayers & Piccolo are best friends…but Piccolo dies of cancer…and there's a heart-wrenching speech at the end…and (sniff sniff). I'm sorry, this entry is over. There was a 2001 TV movie remake with Sean Maher & Mekhi Phifer…but it didn't have Billie Dee & James Caan. Man, I just realized when James Caan dies in a movie, guys weep.

Bronze - E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982) - When the flower wilts…I think we all cried (especially if we were young'uns)

Suggestion - Big Fish (2003) - What can I say? I'm a sucker for father-son stories…and this is one of the better ones. There was a time when I thought every story my dad told me may have had a bit of fluffery & exaggeration to it…so I can understand how the guy feels listening to the tall tales. Then when his dad passes, it really doesn't matter if the stories were true or not. He loved him. I cried like a baby…on my flight back from China when this movie was playing. It's okay though…because I missed my daddy. He was the first person I called when the plane landed. Great flick.

Flush It - Frequency (2000) - Okay, I feel like an idiot for saying that I cried at the end of this movie…again, because I'm a sucker for father-son stories (even when it involves radios being able to communicate through time because of the Northern Lights or something). Dennis Quaid & Jim Caviezel did a great job though. It's not a bad movie…but not one that I flaunt as being an emotional movie by any means.

Anyway, that's enough for tonight. We've probably gone through a whole box of tissues on this emotional journey…but it's okay. We made it through…together. Have a great night…and don't forget Movie Night on Thursday!!!