My New Year's Eve was fairly eventful despite working until 1 AM. Heater was there to keep me entertained…as well as plenty of good old fashioned busy work. By the way, I call her Heater because you don't really appreciate her until she's not working. After being free of my prison, I was invited to JL Clyde's party at her new crib…so I saw this as an opportunity to see her new living arrangements, get my drink on, and have some fun. All three were accomplished. Her house is cool. I had a shot of Sambucca (spelling?) because I didn't plan on staying that long and was driving home. I also met a few of her friends and hung out with friends that I already knew. We had incredible & deep conversations as always including:
"Who do you think would win in a fight? A 45-year old ninja…or a 7-year old girl with a gun?" Then there were the follow-up questions such as "What kind of a gun…and does she have past experience in handling said weapon?" "Is this in a WWE style cage match…or the UFC Octagon…or some random open location?" Then I had to throw in, "You know, Jet Li is forty-something. I think if he were a properly trained ninja instead of focusing on his acting…he could take that little girl down in any environment." By the way, I only know how old he is because we have the same birthday. I also mentioned something about a Panda with Judo training fighting a Grizzly with Greco Roman training (probably the only effective fighting styles given their limited reach with their legs) and that was briefly discussed.
American Gladiators - Heater confirmed earlier in the evening that they are not only bringing back American Gladiators as previously blogged…but that it starts in FOUR DAYS now…and it will be hosted by Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali (daughter of the Greatest, Muhammad Ali). This was incredible news to me. I have truly been slipping if I somehow missed this…but alas, I did. This was also mentioned during my time at JL Clyde's. Apparently, we all loved the show back in the early 90s as kids. You all remember the events - Joust, Power Ball, Pyramid, the Gauntlet, Hang Tough, the Wall, and of course, The Eliminator…but the Gladiators look to be quite awesome too. Some even rockin' the old school mullets in a tribute to past Gladiators, I'm sure. The ladies…are even hot (except Hellga & Stealth, didn't care for them much). It should be awesome. I particularly like Wolf among the guys…because he looks like an evil super villain behemoth. Awesome.
Rambo Returns - Also coming out soon is another Rambo movie entitled "Rambo" (Gasp). Sylvester Stallone is reprising his role as everybody's favorite psychotic special ops Vietnam post-traumatic stress disorder suffering militant badass. If you like violence, check this movie out. I'm sure there will be plenty of it. What I'm really hoping for down the road though…is Rambo to be an honorary Gladiator. Can you imagine him firing tennis balls in the Assault? "YRAAAAAAAAGH!!!" Then when he runs out of ammunition, the attacker sets up for his "Ballzooka" shot but nobody's on the tower. "Where the heck is Ram…UGH!!!" Bowie knife to his throat, "You thought you could attack MY tower?" "Hey man, it's just a game. You win, okay? Game over." "IT'S NEVER OVER!!! (Slice)" Yeah, maybe that's why they aren't going to invite him. Stallone is a method actor. I wonder if they'll do celebrity Gladiators…like football players or WWE guys or something. That'd be sweet. Oh…but yeah, Rambo. It might be cool for an action movie.
Dragon Nut Z - Okay, I also heard about this the other day…and I can't wait to see how much it sucks. My brother is a HUGE fan of the anime show Dragon Ball Z including having over a dozen video games of it. I personally can't stand the show. Now they're making a live action movie about it…and I know that he's going to want to watch it opening day…and I don't look forward to that conversation. "Yeah…I've gotta work that day. Sorry." "You don't work that day." "But I plan to…because I'm not going to watch that movie…and that seems like a good excuse to me." He'd understand, believe me. That's the equivalent of me asking him to go check out a Jane Austen adaptation movie with me entitled "The Faberge Egg" and it's about…who cares, probably something British and lame. Anyway, Chow Yun Fat is going to be in it (which put him down two cool points…but luckily he has over a million) as Master Roshi and Emmy Rossum is playing Bulma and it's directed by James Wong ("Final Destination 1 & 3" and "The One", last movie with Jet Li & Jason Statham together before "War"). Who knows? It could be a good movie…but I honestly am a little frightened by the idea. Anyway, now you know…back to something else.
New Year's Day was spent at my home. I slept from about 4 AM to 9 AM, then loaded a bunch of songs on my iPod (up to over two thousand now) while watching some great college football bowl games…including the Capital One Bowl which featured the two teams that I thought would be in the National Championship, Michigan & Florida…but after disappointing season on both ends, they were matched up against each other. Michigan came so close to winning a championship last year and had NFL-bound seniors decide to return to college including star running back Mike Hart, quarterback Chad Henne, and left tackle Jake Long…but after losing their first game of the year to Appalachian State, the championship dream was over…and coach Lloyd Carr was basically fired after that game…but they waited until a few weeks ago to officially announce it. Florida won the title last year…and was returning with basically the same team…but with a new quarterback, Heisman trophy winner Tim Tebow…but they lost three games…so they weren't going for a championship. It was a great game though. You should check out the highlights. Final Score - Michigan 41, Florida 35. Lots of offense…and it was honestly the first time that I saw a team turn the ball over four times…and still win the game when their opponent didn't turn it over at all. Anyway, that's enough football though there was more.
Even though Bubbles flaked on me (understandably) for Movie Night, the Mad Scientist & I started the evening by watching "Resident Evil: Extinction" while splitting a six-pack of Killian's Irish Reds. The movie starts out SPLENDIDLY…with Milla Jovovich lying naked in the shower (though strategically draped with a shower curtain to avoid full nudity. The rest is comprised of standard zombie movie clichés (and the Mad Scientist & I laughing about every stupid thing) then having the greatest ending ever. Don't worry, I'm not going to spoil it for ya. You may be asking, "$teve, why haven't you done one of your patented Movie Lists for Zombie Movies?" If so, allow me to answer with…they all suck honestly…from a movie making standpoint. I mean…I like the Resident Evil ones because of my baby's mama Milla. 28 Days Later started with a cool "Last Man on Earth" premise…but then sucked (by the way, haven't seen "I Am Legend" yet). "Night of the Living Dead" was a great low budget thing…then it was remade a million times. "Dawn of the Dead" and all it's versions are entertaining…but they're all the same illogical hogwash…yet still entertaining. Two year ago, I'm such a zombie nerd that I even went to Max Brooks' seminar on surviving a zombie attack at SLCC…and totally picked his theories apart. Apparently, he might have been going for comedy (being Mel Brooks' son) but that's what most zombie movies are to me…gory comedy. Why do zombies want to eat brains? Oh…and in this movie, they like to go for the nipples for some reason. How do these zombie metabolize…and at a fast enough rate that they can run after you, even up stairs, and having no food for months…when they're already dead? Yeah, if I shut down the logic, then zombie movies can be scary (and sometimes in the way they're shot…but most human characters are idiots in the movie and deserve to die) or with the logic on, they're hilarious. For example, again in this one, they have zombies in a bulletproof chamber in a compound so they won't escape…but what's keeping thousands out of the compound? A chain-link fence. We had a theory about the aluminum steel alloy being the zombie kryptonite…but that was later disproved. Anyway, great flick. I definitely suggest seeing the first minute and last minute…over and over. She's just so hot. Even when covered in blood. Oh…and she has the Force now.After that, we put in "Shoot 'Em Up" but the first preview was for the new "Harold & Kumar" movie…and the Mad Scientist said that he had never seen the original…so we watched "Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle" which is a classic…and leads me into my Movie List for the day…
Stoner Movies - First off, I have never smoked marijuana. However, I will be the first to say that some crazy stuff can happen when associate with individuals that do…and movies centered around that can be really really funny. Public Service Announcement - Say Nope to Dope, kids.
Medal Winners
Gold - Half Baked (1998) - Basically, it's the perfect stoner movie. Four friends' worlds are rocked when one of them is thrown in jail for killing a cop (police horse with diabetes) because he was high and gave Buttercup snacks. Now, the other three have to raise $100,000 before their friend's sweet virgin ass is jeopardized. How can you make that much money? No, not rob a bank. Sell weed. The hilarity ensues. David Chappelle & Neal Brennan ("Chappelle's Show" writers) wrote this bad boy and with a great ensemble comedic cast and cameos from Willie Nelson to Jon Stewart to Bob Saget to Tommy Chong to Janeane Garafolo they made movie history. Director Tamra Davis ("CB4" & "Billy Madison") did a great job here too. Clarence Williams III is a tremendous drug kingpin in the comic world as well as "American Gangster" (briefly). Every scene is absolutely hilarious and this movie begs to be watched over & over again.
Silver - Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle (2004) - Harold (John Cho) and Kumar (Kal Penn) are two stoners who end up getting the munchies. What they crave the most after seeing a TV advertisement, is a trip to White Castle. So from here, follows a journey for the burgers they require. On their way they will encounter many obstacles including a raccoon, a cheetah, racist officers, Jesus-freak swingers, and a horny Neil Patrick Harris. More cameos in this one as well with Ryan Reynolds, Fred Willard, Eddie Kaye Thomas, and some superhotties. Again, you'll probably want to watch it over & over…if not just to see Neil Patrick Harris snort coke off the ass of a stripper.
Bronze - Cheech & Chong's Up in Smoke (1978) - The Godfather of Stoner movies with Cheech Marin & Tommy Chong and their adventures when they unknowingly smuggle a van made entirely of marijuana into the United States. Even thirty years after it was made, it's still funny…and it spawned over a dozen really bad movies with Cheech & Chong along the same lines. My guess is that you've probably all seen this movie too many times…as I have…but if not, and you're a little curious, check it out. Why not? It got a Bronze.
Suggestion - Grass (1999) - This is basically a documentary narrated by everybody's favorite bartender Woody Harrelson about the American government's war on marijuana in the 20th century. A must-see for any stoner out there. However, be warned, it's not nearly as hilarious as the other movies mentioned. This is the educational suggestion…because knowledge is power. Think of your brain as a bong…and the knowledge as a chunky nugget of the stickiest of the icky…and your sharing of this knowledge with our friends…as the passing of the doobie to the left hand side. Don't break the cycle. Bogart if you must…but don't break the cycle.
Flush It - Homegrown (1998) - From director Stephen Gyllenhaal (father of Jake & Maggie Jelly Balls) comes this tale about marijuana growers in the backwoods somewhere…and they harvest…and people get shot…and it turns out bad. Not a funny stoner movie at all…as we kind of hoped the movie would entail by title…and a cast that includes John Lithgow, Judge Reinhold, Jamie Lee Curtis, Hank Azaria, and Jon Bon Jovi. However, it was a drama with the non-Bad Santa Billy Bob Thornton and the always tough emotional whiny guy, Ryan Phillippe. Watch it if you want…but it's honestly really hard to feel bad for them…so the drama is lost there…and you got swindled out of three bucks because you thought it'd be a funny movie. See? I just saved you money. No need to thank me…just pay it forward.
Future Watch - Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (2008) - I am pretty excited about the sequel to the classic. I am a little bummed that it won't be set in the Mecca of Stoners, Amsterdam…but I am intrigued that Maria (Paula Garces, one of the superhotties) as well as the Neil Patrick Harris will be in it. Apparently, picking up from the last movie, they're on their way to Amsterdam following Maria…but because Kumar has a tan, he's mistaken for a terrorist…and Harold being possibly of Korean descent, they're thrown into Guantanamo Bay. Don't worry, I'm sure it gets better. If not, you'll certainly hear about it on this blog. Just remember, when in doubt, ask yourself "What would Doogie do?" Oh…and still waiting for Dave Chappelle to make a "Half Baked 2: Fully Baked" sequel…but we'll see if that ever happens.Anyway, that's enough for tonight. Tune in tomorrow when I ramble about…whatever. Until then, drive safely, tell your family & friends that you love them, and cross something else off your Bucket List. Have a groovy night!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment