Big Gulps, Huh?

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Apparently, also on Thursday, the basement at my dad's house was flooded because of a broken water pipe. This being the day after his birthday. Certainly a day of surprises, it was. Nothing really out of the ordinary happened yesterday except a lot of work-related stress (which hopefully I'll be able to cut down in a few weeks when everything about our 'transition' is ironed out) and getting to hang with the Mad Scientist, Bubbles, & JL Clyde for a few hours during my shift. I also had a little chat with the Boss Lady about my date the previous night. She gave me some very judgmental looks…but in the end, I think she gave me some good advice. I say I think…because it really doesn't become good advice until it's used, right? I don't know. It was appreciated…and that's what's important. Oh…and don't worry I'll keep you posted as much as I want to about my dating life. Unfortunately, there's very rarely anything to report that is interesting. Also, if I’m sworn to secrecy, it will be upheld. Just so you're aware. It's only fair.



What are my plans for the weekend you ask? Nothing really. I do have today off...so I may go see my brother & his family...but I'm also going to call up my dad to see how I can help out with the basement if needed. I honestly just heard about it earlier tonight. Sunday, I work. I've been trying to cheer up around my area at work by playing funk music and keeping a big smile on my face...but I'm not going to lie. I make it look easier than it is. Damn downsizing and outsourcing. Why does it have to make such business sense? What I'm hoping for is that one of my friends who may be out of a job...will get a job with the airlines or something...then we can go jetsetting. That's right. I'm looking out for Numero Uno. Now, here's some news...


Who's Your Daddy? - This is an odd & kind of touching story. Enjoy. Tran Thi Kham, 40, traveled to Taiwan in 2005 hoping to find her biological father, who fell in love with her Vietnamese mother in Hong Kong in 1967. Tran's mother became pregnant but was forced to return home for family reasons. She died two months after giving birth to Tran, leaving the baby an engraved gold ring and a photo of her Taiwanese father, who did not know she existed. Tran was hired by Tsai Han-Chao in Taipei county to look after his paralyzed wife and was reassigned by an agency to a family on the offshore Kinmen island seven months later, after the woman died. After arriving in Kinmen, Tran realized that she had left a bag containing her father's ring and photo in her ex-employer's home and asked the local police for help, the police in Kinmen said. When Tsai opened the bag, he immediately recognized the items he had given his girlfriend. He wasted no time flying to Kinmen for a tearful meeting with his daughter. Nice, right? I thought so. It'd be a little weird to find out than an old boss was your father.


Stress That Can Help You Live Longer - So one day after reporting about Work Stress causing you to have increased heart conditions, I drop something on you saying "Spouses Who Fight Live Longer." According to a survey of married couples, husbands & wives who hold in their anger die earlier than more expressive couples. Researcher Ernest Harburg explains: "When couples get together, one of their main jobs is reconciliation about conflict. Usually nobody is trained to do this. If they have good parents, they can imitate, that's fine, but usually the couple is ignorant about the process of resolving conflict. The key matter is, when the conflict happens, how do you resolve it? When you don't, if you bury your anger, and you brood on it and you resent the other person or the attacker, and you don't try to resolve the problem, then you're in trouble." If you'd like to know more about the study, please hit the link for specifics…but I (of course) have my own theory about why expressive couples live longer…and it's a direct result of Make-Up Sex. Is there really any better way to resolve a conflict? The two of you say your piece, some childish name-calling may be involved, a few references to past indiscretions and family members, a request to keep the conflict current, compromisation of proposed ideas, followed by hot, passionate, angry sex. It's great for the cardiovascular system, makes sure fluids are correct, and relieves pent-up frustration, all while reaching a compromised result in a productive manner. What do I mean by productive manner? Well, from what I understand, this is how my little brother came about. Consult your physician (Dr. Love) about Make-Up Sex. Available anywhere you want to start a random argument with a loved one.


Mile High Ambitions - According to a survey of over a thousand Australian, almost HALF said that they wouldn't mind joining the prestigious Mile High Club (which for those who don't know, is to have sex in the lavatory of a plane flight) while another 12% are already card-carrying members. Last November, Singapore Airlines asked passengers on its new super jumbo Airbus A380, which had its maiden voyage from Singapore to Sydney, NOT to seek Mile High Club membership in first class cabins, which have a double-sized bed in them. (Why else would you have it?) Now, as you may have guessed, I am NOT a card-carrying member. I know, it's hard to believe. Then again, I have a difficult time standing to take a leak in an airplane's lavatory. It usually requires me to press my forehead against a wall while leaning back and arching the stream into the bowl. Don't worry, I have INCREDIBLE aim from years of experience and always clean up any misses…but I've thought about the concept of joining the Club…and it would take some planning. Planning that I'm willing to do…but planning nonetheless. Many positions would have to be immediately dismissed due to certain laws of physics. Oh well, first things first. Apparently, one of the major rules of joining the Mile High Club is that there's TWO people in the lavatory. Found that one out the hard way.


Fly Me to the Moon - Okay, first I want to say that I have never masturbated on an airplane…but hopefully that got you to laugh. Secondly, I'm really excited that Virgin Galactic unveiled their new model of SpaceShipTwo, the vehicle that they hope will be able to take passengers on suborbital joy rides with preliminary test flights beginning within the year. The twin-fuselage airplane, called the White Knight Two, will carry SpaceShipTwo high into the sky beneath a single 140-foot wing. The spacecraft would then separate from the plane and rocket into suborbital space, where as many as six passengers and two crew members could unbuckle themselves and experience weightlessness and an unparalleled view before gliding back to Earth. Passengers would get about 4.5 minutes of zero-gravity time…and cost about $200,000 per seat…or nearly $1000 per second of weightlessness. My question is who will be the first to join the Sky High Club? I assume that they won't have lavatories on these flights (I can only imagine the effect of weightlessness on fecal matter) but then I really get to wondering…have astronauts or cosmonauts already joined the Sky High Club? I mean…they spend months and months at space stations. Only one other person within hundreds of miles. They get to know each other really well. Maybe they think their Russian accent is really sexy. They get into a heated discussion about their last calculations and how it's putting the whole space station in jeopardy…then they look into each other's eyes…and makeup. Who knows? Things happen. Or do they have some kind of 'device' or advanced sexbot that helps them to relieve those urges. You know, for medical reasons. Anybody who has a buddy that works for NASA, please check on that for me. I'll try sending them an email…but I sincerely doubt that I'll get a positive response. You know, classified information and all.


Nothing To Do With My Date Maya - Mayan priests in the city of Chichen Itza in the Yucatan peninsula sacrificed children to petition the gods for rain and fertile fields by throwing them into sacred sinkhole caves, known as "cenotes." Archeologist Guillermo de Anda from the University of Yucatan pieced together the bones of 127 bodies discovered at the bottom of one of Chichen Itza's sacred caves and found over 80 percent were likely boys between the ages of 3 and 11. The other 20% were mostly adult men. So according to these findings, the ancient Mayans sacrificed young men rather than young virgin women…which honestly makes a lot more sense anyway. I'm not just saying that because preference to hot, young women rather than those trouble causing dudes…but for an ancient people who developed calendars, city infrastructure, irrigation systems, and so many other brilliant concepts still used today to sacrifice women…who are the key to their future generations, just doesn't make sense. Now, don't start talking about how sacrificing young men doesn't make a lot of sense…because that's their religious beliefs…but you're right. Oh well, I just thought that you might like to know that. Apparently to appease the gods, they sacrificed boys. They saved the women for Kong.


That's going to do it for me today. I'll let you know how everything goes this weekend...and be sure to check out the Mad Scientist for his review of a movie that I'm particularly excited about seeing one day, "Choke" starring Sam Rockwell that's premiering at Sundance right now. I should go to Sundance one of these years...but I'd rather do it when I have a movie...then the paparazzi will be hounding me...and my many ladyfriends that I'll have under my arms...and on my back...and wherever else they'll fit. Have a great weekend everybody!!! Party on!!!