My 4/20 Post

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, as most of you may know, today is April 20th...and for some reason, a lot of my friends think it's a big deal. Not exactly sure why...but they were a lot of shirts with these green ferns on them and listen to Bob Marley all day...so it's kinda cool. Then I was also informed that it's the birthday of a great military leader and a man ahead of his time. True, history has given him a less than positive appearance...but you can't deny his impact on the human race. Of course...I'm talking about Mr. Sulu (George Takei). Also, that assburger Hitler apparently seeped out of his mother's glory hole on this day...but who cares? Carmen Electra, Joey Lawrence (Wo!!!), Don Mattingly, Jessica Lange, Luther Vandross, and Joan Miro also celebrate birthdays today.

Also, yesterday was my buddy Russ' birthday and we celebrated by...well, trying to surprise him at Piper Down. We all showed up early to surprise him...and apparently, as he was walking through the parking lot, he recognized a LOT of the cars...but he was still surprised to see how many friends he had. It was a great night. Captain Monty, Brooklyn, Erica & Ruben, Nikki came in from Denver, and I even saw my buddy Quinn for the first time in about three years. I don't think she'd ever seen me without glasses...but apparently I'm still recognizable (height). Everybody had a great time...and as usually, I was one of the first in and last out (my own designated driver and people kept buying me shots for some reason). You know me, I'm not going to drive drunk...so I had to wait a long time...and drink a lot of water. By the way, they have TVs in the urinals...which is really convenient if you're semi-interested in the Spurs or Jazz score...yet you're having too much fun with your friends. Anyway, happy birthday again Russ!!!

Note to Self - A judge sentenced defense attorney Adam Reposa to 90 days in jail on Tuesday for making a lewd gesture and simulating masturbation while standing before a County Court-at-Law judge in March. At a contempt hearing Monday, Judge Jan Breland said Reposa, 33, rolled his eyes and looked at her while motioning with his right hand. Reposa said the gesture came from near his hip and was aimed at a prosecutor while discussing plea negotiations in a drunken driving case. Reposa's attorney asked for a sentence of one day in jail. Visiting State Judge Paul Davis, however, said it was his "honor to uphold the integrity of the judicial process" and sentenced Reposa to 90 days. The attorney was led from the courtroom in handcuffs. Today's lesson - Don't simulate masturbation in a judicial setting. Honestly, it probably would be less of a sentence to actually masturbate…then to simulate it. Ninety days may seem a little harsh…but you have to look at the situation. It was in Texas, before a female judge, and the appeal was handled by a gentleman judge defending her honor, and the guy apparently used offensive language in court on a regular basis…so there's a little context in there. Still, just don't do it. Wait until you're in the privacy of your own home…or do some other gesture that would simply confuse the judge.

For STARING??? - An Italian man was given a suspended jail sentence for staring too intensely at a woman sitting in front of him on a train. A judge sentenced the man in his 30s, whose name was not revealed, to 10 days in prison and a 40 Euro ($63) fine after a 55-year old woman filed a complaint for sexual harassment. The two met on two separate occasions in 2005 on a commuter train going from Lecco, a town in northern Italy, to Milan. The first time, the man sat next to the woman but she felt he had moved too close for comfort. The next day, the man sat in front of the same woman and according to her complaint, stared at her for the whole journey. The two did not even speak to each other…and the sentence is being appealed. Wow!!! Is this what it has come to? Ten days for allegedly staring at a woman? Maybe he was just sitting there thinking about something and zoned out…because he was on a train. It happens. All the time. Who is this 55-year old woman? Sophia Loren? She doesn't seem to mind. I'm sure she's gorgeous and all (being Italian) but you can just say something like "Scusi, would you mind not staring at me? You're making me uncomfortable." "Oh scusi principessa. I have a lot on my mind." Situation over. Nope, we're taking it to court. I thought it was just America where frivolous cases were opened.

Psychics Didn't See It Coming - Fortune-tellers, mediums and spiritual healers marched on the home of the British prime minister Gordon Brown on Friday to protest against new laws they fear will lead to them being "persecuted and prosecuted." Organizers say that replacing the Fraudulent Mediums Act of 1951 with new consumer protection rules will remove key legal protection for "genuine" mediums. They think skeptics might bring malicious prosecutions to force spiritualists to prove in court that they can heal people, see into the future or talk to the dead. Psychics also fear they will have to give disclaimers describing their services as entertainment or as scientific experiments with unpredictable results. "If I'm giving a healing to someone, I don't want to have to stand there and say I don't believe in what I'm doing," said Carole McEntee-Taylor, a healer who co-founded the Spiritual Workers Association. The British Humanist Association, a charity which campaigns against religion and supernatural beliefs, said stricter regulations were overdue because the current laws don't work. Chief Executive Hanne Stinson said, "It is misleading for spiritualists to claim that, as religious' practitioners they should not be regulated under consumer laws. The psychic industry is huge and lucrative and it exploits some very vulnerable, and some very gullible, people with claims for which there is no scientific evidence."

So who's right in this argument? Sad to say it…but in my opinion, the government. Why? Even if I don't think that most psychics are hustlers, I recognize that they provide a service. They provide a different way for their customers to view the world, offer some treatments to help them with their ailments (whether mental, physical, or spiritual), and a gamut of other things…but so does a hospital…or a brothel for that matter…and regulations are there to make sure that nobody gets hosed. Yes, I expect many frivolous lawsuits brought against them because…well, it's really hard to prove spirituality and the cosmos and other dimensions and all that stuff in court. However, there's a simple phrase that provides an ample solution - "For Entertainment Purposes Only" and it's up there in my book, like allegedly. As far as being a religious practitioner and not being under consumer laws, that's not going to work either…because all churches are regulated unless their in a backwoods area of Kentucky charming snakes or something…and even then, once they're found out, the government steps in. Oh…and they're selling crafts & cookies & crucifixes and stuff like that…not one-on-one conversations with the late great JC. I'm down with psychics for the most part…because I understand that they provide a much needed service to help many people find closure and gain hope for the future…but I also know that a lot of people are swindled by con men (and women) posing as psychics. I don't like to see people getting taken advantage of. With a few of my friends & family members being really into this stuff, I'm a little skeptical…part of being protective, I guess…but as long as it makes them happy, I'm happy. You'll never hear me claim to know everything about everything…so I'm respectful of other people's beliefs…but just respect my belief that Karma comes back around. Just remember, for entertainment purposes only.

GO JOE!!! - There's a bunch of character photos out now for the upcoming "G.I. Joe" movie coming next year. These shots include Rachel Nichols as Scarlett, Channing Tatum as Duke, Karolina Korkova as Cover Girl, Marlon Wayans as Ripcord, Byung-hun Lee as Storm Shadow, Sienna Miller as The Baroness, Ray Park as Snake Eyes, and Dennis Quaid as Hawk. I like the form-fitting black on redhead look…and I almost didn't even see the Czech Victoria's Secret supermodel playing Cover Girl. Damn camouflage!!! Anyway, here are some pictures to satisfy your inner geek...

Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlett Leather

Duke...with Step Up grip

You put Karolina Kurkova in this role...

then dress her in camouflage?

What's next? Jessica Alba as the Invisible Woman?

"Aaaah sh*t, son!" It's Ripcord.

Unless there's a fight in the Great White North,

he'd better be a damn sneaky ninja.

Baroness is hot!!!

Ninjas with AK-47's

Gotta watch this movie

Hawk gives his mean look

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Hope you're all having a great weekend with a minimum of hangovers. I'm gonna go see my nieces & nephew...and get a physical tomorrow. Yay me!!! Have a great day!!!

A Lot of Dirty Jokes in the News

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Some reassuring news in the Love life. No, I haven't met anybody new. No, Maya hasn't called me...and based on recently disclosed information, probably never will. Her loss. Foxy? Nope. Chances are she has completely forgotten me (and possibly how to blink without looking at her hand for notes). No, my good news is far more speculative than anything like that. High Priestess Bubbles gave me a psychic reading on my Love life last night...and here's what I remember.


Past - Possession - Apparently I was a little greedy and just tried to amass as women as possible (tried...and failed horribly) or it means that I was too focused on my possessions. I'm not a High Priest. I have no idea exactly what it means.


Present - Ruin - You think? Yeah, this wasn't really a surprise at all. I was guessing the Tower Card...but this is close enough. This means that a lot of things are falling apart and past beliefs are crumbling...but you will build new ones.


Future - Queen of Hearts - Oh yeah!!! I shall meet up with a Queen of Hearts who will is often a healer or psychic and will make my dreams come true...and being of Hearts, you can probably guess that it's concerning romance, psychic powers, or the growth of a family. Here's a little ditty from the website about her: "Affectionate and loving, she is a "mom's mom" always there to hug, heal and bake cookies for her children. Her intuition is uncanny, her temper...well, it runs very deep and you don't ever want it turned against you. Talk about scary. Unfortunately, this is also a queen who can suffer from female hormonal problems, depression, moodiness, alcoholism, drug addiction, psychological problems." Interesting.


Fly the Freaky Skies - A German travel agency Ossi-Urlaub is taking reservations for a trail day trip from the eastern German town of Erfurt to the popular Baltic Sea resort of Usedom planned for July 5th. The twist is that it is a nudist celebration flight. Naturism, or "free body culture" FKK as it is known in Germany, was banned by the Nazis but blossomed again after World War II. The 55-passenger flight will require all passengers to be fully clothed in the airports and during boarding and unboarding…but when the doors are closed, the freaks come out. The trip costs 499 Euros (about US$735) but there's plenty of Schnitzel and Erdbeerbowle for everybody. Director Enrico Hess was quoted as saying "I wish I could say we thought of it ourselves but the idea came from a customer. It's an unusual gap in the market. (Was that a pun? Did that deserve a rim shot?) I don't want people to get the wrong idea. It's not that we're starting a swinger club in mid-air or something like that. We're a perfectly normal holiday company." You know what? I'm going to take it one step further when I start my own travel agency. Over the past few days, I've talked about the Mile High Club & Sky High Club…but watch out for the Mid-Air Swingers Club. Honestly, I'd prefer a flight where the stewardesses are in those Bavarian beer babe outfits rather than bucky naked. "Excuse me, Miss. I seem to have dropped my pen. Would you mind getting that for me? JESUS!!! Something winked at me!!!"


Rights for All Women…and Their Twins - Forty years after feminists threatened to burn their bras, British women have won another battle in the fight for equality. Asda, Britian's equivalent of Wal-Mart, says it will no longer charge women more for bigger bras in its George fashion range. Brand director Fiona Lambert (a.k.a. B-cup?) said, "We're putting an end once and for all to one of the last prejudices -- that of the bigger-busted woman. From now on, all bras at George will be exactly the same price from A cup through to F cup." Don't worry Jules, I'm sure they have H cups the same price too. The girls will be taken care of…even overseas. Now, many of you know…that I have a passion for chesticles of all size, curvature, and squeezability. Which reminds me, get routine mammograms…or ask your friends for help…preferably the dudes. They'll buy you dinner after helping you. Anyway, what was my point? Oh yeah, I don't know exactly what prejudice she was talking about (because sarcasm doesn't show when it's typed out), except perhaps for breast envy (kind of the female Napoleon complex) but the kind of prejudice that goes with having a massive rack…really isn't that bad. Am I wrong? Are there any big-breasted babes out there that feel an extreme prejudice? Perhaps large amounts of attention…but if that's the case, write me a note and we can discuss it privately…over dinner perhaps…this nice Italian place I know downtown that makes this manicotti that…anyway, write me a note. Be proud of your chest, ladies!!! Note: If you ever need to feel good about the girls, just ask any guy to tell you what they think about them. They may ask for a notary writ of permission before responding at work…but they'll gladly tell you…and you'll feel better about them…after possibly being creeped out a little. Just to show how strong of a support of breast awareness I am, here's a picture of me with the world-famous Bubini Twins.






I Am Just Happy To See You - McMinn County (TN) Sheriff's Deputy Rick Shadrick pulled into the church parking lot early Saturday morning after he spotted a car parked near the building. He found 35-year old Jennifer Hunt (sister of Mike) walking from behind the building, where she said she was going to the bathroom. When she was walking to her car to get her ID, a crowbar dropped from her pants. Upon further inspection, she was also in possession of a screwdriver…and the church doors had pry marks. She is currently being held on $2000 bond and being charged with possession of burglary tools. I think the first clue was when she was more than willing to say that she was baking brownies in the church steps…apparently a misunderstanding of when Martin Luther nailed his 95 Theses to the doors of a church on Halloween 1517 (Reformation Day). "Oooh, THESES. That makes more sense, officer." Go ahead and laugh it up…it's a religious poop joke…and one of my favorites. That kind of quick thinking can keep the cops off your tail. And no, I'm not carrying a crow bar. That's all $teve, baby.


Immune to Pain…but Still Looks Like A Penis - Pictured here is not an entirely too vivid picture of Woody McForeskin with Photoshopped teeth but rather a rare animal called the Naked Mole Rat (no relation to the Naked Pole Cat, also mentioned occasionally on this blog with reference to my gentlemen's club visits). These sausage-like creatures live in cramped, oxygen-starved burrows up to six feet deep inside sweet Mother Afrika (sounds a little dirty…but it'll get worse). Truly unique creatures in that they're hairless, cold-blooded, bucktoothed rodents…and they apparently feel no pain…with regards to acid or the sting of chili peppers (so no burning sensation). "They're the nicest, sweetest animals I've ever worked with — they look frightening (compared to a Trouser Snake maybe), but they're very gentle," said neurobiologist Thomas Park. Scientists knew the mole rats were quite sensitive to touch to help replace their almost useless eyes. However, after probing their skin, Park and his colleagues unexpectedly discovered the rodents lacked the chemical Substance P, which causes the feeling of burning pain in mammals. This research may eventually lead to more help with regards to chronic pain in the field of human anatomy…but in the meantime, it hopefully made you giggle with a picture of an odd animal and a slew of double entendres.


Three-Foot Spitting Worm…but Not Another Penis Joke - When taxonomist Frank Smith discovered the giant Palouse earthworm in 1897 by, he described it as "very abundant." Nowadays, however, sightings of the worm are rare. The only recent confirmed worm sighting was made in 2005 by a University of Idaho researcher. Before that, the giant worm had not been spotted in 17 years (John Holmes?). This worm reportedly grows up to three feet long and has a peculiar flowery smell like that of lilac flowers. This cream-colored or pinkish-white worm also lives in permanent burrows and spits at attackers. Steve Paulson, board member of the conservation group Friends of the Clearwater, said "This worm is the stuff that legends and fairy tales are made of." I must have missed that story growing up…you know, the one about the mythical three-foot long, pinkish-white worm named Palouse that saved his people by going deep into the Milky Thy Pass to meet with the wise nymph Kletorus. However, shortly after they met, the nomadic Krabb tribe attacked and he fought them off with powerful lunging attacks and spitting into their eyes. Yet the Krabb people still came in droves…with their fiery pinchers. When it seemed that all hope was lost…and Palouse could spit no more, his sweet scent of lilacs gave Kletorus strength and with a mighty, pass-quaking moan she flooded out the invaders…never to be seen again…and nursed Palouse back to health. Yeah, I must have missed that one. Does anybody have a cigarette?


"Monster" Movies - Recommended by the lovely Bone Junior


Medal Winners

Gold - Gremlins (1984-90) - This qualifies because it was released in Germany as "Kleine Monsters" (Little Monsters), so there. Written by Chris Columbus (the director, not the mass murderer), this story of a mystical little furry creature that a boy buys at a local shop…and the three simple rules of upkeep: No water, no food after midnight, and no bright light. When these rules are violated, hellish hysterical mayhem is unleashed on a small Midwestern town…and the sequel takes place in Manhattan. Great flick…starring Corey Feldman and Phoebe Cates. If you haven't seen it already, check it out. It's a hoot and/or holla.



Silver - Monsters, Inc. (2001) - Great Pixar family flick featuring the voices of John Goodman, Billy Crystal, Frank Oz, Jennifer Tilly, John Ratzenberger, James Coburn, Steve Buscemi, Bonnie Hunt, and others about the working class monsters that do their business in the closets and under the beds of our children…and business is good…until one particularly desensitized little girl follows them home. It's a cute, heartwarming tale…and I just realized…that though all these movies have monster in the title, they're not scary at all. Maybe we should look forward to a scary movie with "Monster" in the title.



Bronze - Monster Squad (1987) - Honestly haven't seen this movie in probably twenty years…but it was highly recommended by Bone Junior (and therefore on the way courtesy of Blockbuster) but what I vaguely remember was pretty good. From director Fred Dekker ("Night of the Creeps" & "Robocop 3") and co written with Shane Black ("Lethal Weapon" & "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang"), here's the story. Twelve-year-old Sean Crenshaw and his best friend Patrick are die hard monster fanatics. Along with their friend Horace (nicknamed Fat Kid), junior high tough guy Rudy, Sean's kid sister Phoebe, and little Eugene they come together and talk monsters. But when Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolf Man, the Gill Man, and the Mummy come to their small town to get an amulet to control the world, Sean leads his friends into action to protect their town from the forces of evil. It's the ultimate nerdy kids against the forces of Evil story. Can't wait to see it again.



Suggestion - My Pet Monster (1986) - This was a straight to VHS kids show that I vaguely remember watching thousands of times as a kid (because it was only like 30-40 minutes long). Basically, a kid goes with his class to a museum and sees a cool creepy statue from an ancient civilization. If I remember right, he's there alone, I think they're struck by lightning and therefore he transforms into a furry pink & purple Monster and has super powers…and growls…and walks really fast…and body slams or something. It's been about twenty years for this one too. I think there's a scientist after him too. Oh yeah, I watched the Saturday morning cartoons, had the plush toy, a few of the children's books, even handed out the Valentines in First Grade.



Flush It - Monster-In-Law (2005) - Watch this movie on a monsoon rainy day on a pirated DVD in China purchased by a hot girl on the trip…and still felt like I had wasted two hours of my life (followed with a pirated copy of "Striptease"). This movie stars J-Lo and Jane Fonda along with…who really cares? The movie sucks. It's a lame romantic comedy with massive amounts of estrogen-induced drama and cattiness thrown in with no humor to help it out. At least J-Lo didn't sing in this movie. I was waiting for a hot, steamy, sweaty catfight between the hardest working ass in show business and Barbarella...but it never happened.

Future Watch - Monster (2003) - The reason that I'm looking forward to the future with this…is because I honestly haven't seen it. "But $teve, it stars Charlize Theron as a bisexual prostitute turned serial killer…and Christina Ricci is her lover? She won the Academy Award for it. How could you have possibly NOT seen this movie?" I was warned. That's why. Never really had an urge to see this movie. It's basically the same reason that I haven't seen "Monster's Ball" (2001) though there's a Halle Berry love scene in it. Taking it from Billy Bob Thornton, she deserved that Oscar too. Too bad it didn't work for Angelina…but then again, that wasn't a movie. I have no reason to watch "Monster House" (2006) but with the nephew & nieces growing up, I may check it out some day. We shall see.


Well, I guess that'll do it for today. Sorry for all the genital jokes…but that's where my mind's at…always…and don't try to tell me you weren't thinking the same thing when you saw that Naked Mole Rat thing. Have a great night!!!

The Softer Side of $teve

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Today, I'm going to take a slight departure from my usual entries of toilet humor, football, frontal nudity, and American Gladiators…and focus on the softer side of $teve. Oh yes, there is a softer side. You may have seen glimmers of it here & there, mostly when talking about family and kittens and stuff…but it doesn't show up that much…so I thought that I'd just let it run wild today (as best I can) and devote this entry to that softer side. Don't worry, I'm sure by tomorrow I'll be back to my usual self. This is just a warning for anybody that may be looking for the usual…but it's probably still worth a gander. There's no particular reason for this shift in focus…other than I thought it might be different. Enjoy.

Babies

Yesterday, my buddy Laquesse told me that she had a nightmare about having a mutant baby (think Toxic Avenger) and it was because of me…somehow, but I blame hormones. The really interesting thing is though, that shortly after that…she told me about this thing that I didn't even know existed called Pica…or non-food cravings when pregnant. Oh yeah, she's pregnant by the way. I probably should've mentioned that before. Sorry, it's like I'm telling a bad joke. Anyway, she sent me this link…because basically, it says that obviously pregnant women have these odd cravings every once in a while like pickles (by the jar in my stepsister's case) and ice cream & stuff like that…but with Pica (Spanish for "Magpie") it's when they crave stuff with little or no nutritional value. No, not licorice & Ho Ho's or that stuff. We're talking about stuff like dirt, chalk, rocks, CHARCOAL, burnt matches, coffee grounds, baking soda, and cigarette ashes. Now, the extreme cases are very rare but sometimes they are related to an underlying physical or mental illness. Anyway, if any of you out there are having these cravings, it is suggested that you inform your health care provider, monitor your iron intake along with other minerals, and inform a friend you can help distract you from these cravings. Anyway, I thought it was odd…especially with the accompanying photo on the link of the burning charcoals.

Breasts

Breast Cancer: The Sexy Killer - Olympic Gold Medalist Dorothy Hamill is undergoing treatment for breast cancer. The prognosis is favorable but the 51-year old (51? Really? Nice.) ice skater says she will miss some of the "Broadway on Ice" tour during her treatment. This is just a friendly reminder to get routine mammograms…because if it can happen to America's sweetheart, it can happen to anyone. Remember, as was mentioned during the partnership between the WNBA, Yoplait yogurt, and the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, "Together, we can lick breast cancer." Guys, it's not just for the ladies. Make sure you get your checkups too. I'm sure there are plenty of amateurs that'd help you look for lumps if you ask nicely.

Babies & Breasts

Last night, I received a wonderful text from my sister-in-law saying "Vinny gets to meet the booby bottle tonight at 8:30. I'm excited." You see, little Vinny has been fed intravenously since he came out…though the first time she held him, he allegedly went straight for the milk melon (he IS my nephew) but they thought it best to wait for some reason. Anyway, it was Day Three of the A.B.V. (After the Birth of Vinny) era, so they thought he might be ready. Time passed and around 9 PM, I sent a text saying simply "So how did he do? He took like a fish to water, didn't he? We Loves love titties." She wrote back shortly after, "He did AMAZING for a solid five minutes." That's my nephew. Well on his way to carrying on the family name.

Self-Reflection

You are a wonderful human being!!! Take the time to look back on what you've done…and be proud of your accomplishments. People enjoy talking to you. Sure, your schedule may be full of meaningless, tedious tasks that seem routine and appear to take up your entire day…but during the downtime from your hectic schedule, take a few deep breaths, maybe sing a little song to yourself, and just think positively about all the blessings that you have. Repeat if necessary.

Napping is Great for your Health - New research conducted by brain researcher Avi Karni of the University of Haifa in Israel explores the possibility that naps help lock in sometimes fleeting long-term memories. A 90-minute daytime snooze might help the most, the study finds. Long-term memory refers to memories that stay with us for years, such as "what" memories — a car accident that happened yesterday — or "how to" memories, such as one's learned ability to play the drums or tear it up in a game of soccer. So yeah, feel free to take a nap and not feel the least bit bad about it. You'll remember where you left your car keys.

Sports

Nothing that you would care about happened.

Spirit

Last night, High Priestess Bubbles gave me an eleven-card psychic reading, which allegedly is more accurate & specific than my three-card reading last week. The reading was done…and I was unaware that I was supposed to be thinking of a specific question…but we'll just say that it was about my Love Life…and here are the cards that I got…with a link to a website with their meaning…and some translations that may help if the language is a little vague…or something. Thanks again for the reading, Bubbles.

Card 1 - Me (Innermost Desires) - The Sun

Meaning: A positive card, it promises the Querent (one who is questioning, I checked) their day in the sun. Glory, gain, triumph, pleasure, truth, success. As the moon symbolized inspiration from the unconscious, from dreams, this card symbolizes discoveries made fully consciousness and wide awake. This is science and math, beautifully constructed music, carefully reasoned philosophy. It is a card of intellect, clarity of mind, and feelings of youthful energy. And, yes, the child/children in this card can be taken literally if other cards in the spread seem to suggest it. Your Querent can be informed that a wanted and most welcome babe will soon be on the way. Likely a boy, or twins.

Translation: I am making discoveries while awake and have clarity of mind, yet like to have fun. Apparently, there is also a new baby (likely a boy) entering my life soon…like maybe three days ago. Fairly accurate I'd have to say.

Card 2 - Present Condition - Wheel of Fortune

Meaning: The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. Almost every definition of this card indicates abundance, happiness, elevation, luck. A change that just happens, and brings with it great joy.

Translation: I thought I was going to get on the game show to meet Pat & Vanna…but I definitely like the concept of getting lucky soon. Sweet!!!

Card 3 - Obstacles (Potential & Actual) - Eight of Wands (Signals)

Meaning: A lot of things are going to be happening fast, and the Querent is going to revel in and handle all of them. This will likely include trips - and the Querent will want to drive or fly him/herself, likely. Fast. No need to slow down or be impatient, with this card, you can really move, change, do. Do it & do it now.

Translation: VEGAS BABY!!! Who's coming with me??? After that, who knows? The world is my To-Do list.

Card 4 - What is Beneath You (Foundation) - The Hanged Man

Meaning: The Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes. This is a time of trial or meditation, selflessness, sacrifice, prophecy. The Querent stops resisting; instead he makes himself vulnerable, sacrifices his position or opposition, and in doing so, gains illumination. Answers that eluded him come clear, solutions to problems are found. He sees the world differently, has almost mystical insights. This card can also imply a time when everything just stands still, a time of rest and reflection before moving on. Things will continue on in a moment, but for now, they float, timeless.

Translation: My foundation is a Hung Man. That can't be a bad start. So my foundation or past was really about meditation, selflessness, and prophecy (predications?) but I must be on the verge of illumination? Is that right? Anyway, that's how I'm going to take it.

Card 5 - What is Behind Me (Past Conditions to Present) - Three of Hearts (Celebration)

Meaning: Three maidens with three overflowing cups celebrate. The creation here, springing from the relationship in the two of cups, is happiness, togetherness. Two cups pour into a third and it overflows with love and joy, enough for all. This is a card of parties, weddings, anniversaries, baby showers, birthdays. Any time that families get together and reunite in celebration of something new.

Translation: There have been a lot of celebrations lately that I've been able to attend. My cup overfloweth.

Card 6 - Way I Want Things to Go - Three of Wands (Opportunity)

Meaning: The person has invested their passion in something - a new career, a big move to a new city (remember wands signify travel as well), maybe they've even thrown their hat into a political ring - and now something is coming back. It is a card of progress, of the first hint that the dream can be made real. The tests are coming back, and it looks to be positive. This card also indicates that, like a newly pregnant mother, or a politician hearing that the first round of votes are for him/her, the Querent might rightly be feeling a little proud, even powerful.

Translation: When Bubbles read from her book about this card, it said stuff like "Look for playmates for a happy enterprise", "Be Practical" and "Now is the time to sow the seeds for a future harvest." I've had a lot of ideas for future careers…including politics, radio jobs, etc. but just convinced me…that now is the time to start my polygamist compound. Anybody interested in joining?

Card 7 - What's Before You (Short-Term Future) - Eight of Pentacles (Craftsmanship)

Meaning: This is the apprentice card. It is a card of starting over, doing something new or perhaps just expanding. Apprenticeship can be scary or demoralizing, like in all those clichéd movies where the Kung Fu youngster has to carry water and sweep floors before he can do the real stuff. Similarly, this card predicts, if not a tough time, a time of learning and mistakes, doubts and just hard work. The Querent needs to be told to keep up their courage, to either make this move into a new job or to stick with it if they've already made the move. Being an apprentice (or an apprentice again) will teach (or re-teach) them how to persevere.

Translation: I'm going to learn how to handle my new relationships. Again, in the book, it said to "Pay attention to detail. Think about what you're doing and not the reward." I kind of took this as an enjoy every moment for what it is, a learning experience. Don't think about stealing second base or anything like that. She will teach me what I need to know in due time. The time will come…and so will you both.

Card 8 - Personality - Four of Wands (Completion)

Meaning: The ships have come in, and the Querent can sit back and enjoy them. This card, with its four wands holding up garlands, implies the foundation of a house, literally and figuratively. Whatever the Querent has been building, they have established it, strong and solid. They can take a moment to admire what they've done, enjoy the first rewards it has brought them, and bask in their initial success. Sometimes this card suggests marriage; once again, laying the foundation for the future.

Translation: Enjoy my job well done…which is cause for a great celebration. As the card would imply, this means a House Party y'all!!! As for the marriage thing…I have no idea…but apparently I've done a good job establishing my personality. Sweet!!!

Card 9 - How Others See Me - Princess of Hearts

Meaning: When no children seem to be involved (the person you're reading for is childless, has no friends with kids, etc.), then the Pages can indicate that the Querent is about to receive a message. The purpose of a page, after all, is to deliver messages. If a Princess, it's likely a female young person. For Hearts, it is a message of love, romance, heart-break or family. Don't be too naïve.

Translation: Some sweet young thang is going to bring me a message of Love (or heartbreak, yeesh). My only question, is it going to be the letter writer or the delivery girl that brings me this message? We shall see.

Card 10 - Hopes & Fears - Queen of Swords

Meaning: When Queens appear they signal a time of growth and development, a time when the Querent is making things real. The Queen in the one that will make it real. For Swords, it involves developing a speech, making real a story, working on a debate, or just spreading news. She's a walking encyclopedia. Any information you want, this woman has it, and as such she can mingle with almost anyone. She can talk science with the scientists, history with the historians, literature with the poets. She knows obscure facts, strange tid-bits, and she seems to love nothing better than to pour it all out, give it away like gifts to help people. In fact this woman is likely to be involved in a job that includes talking: psychology, politics, radio, or information gathering, like the sciences. She absorbs information, and is able to relate it back succinctly, clearly, simply, so everyone can understand and use it; men who aren't threatened by her (and many are!) gather round to listen to her beautiful voice, fascinated. You can always pick out this woman in a crowd as she is always stylish in her own, unique way; almost eccentric in dress. The problem? These queens can be the most "queen-like." Aloof, even cold. They believe the right facts can fix any problem, and will offer that instead of sympathy or warmth. They also like to know everything, and are likely to listen in on conversations, read diaries. Worse, they might well spread what they've learned thinking it will do good. They mean well, but their need to know and solve problems often outweighs other considerations.

Translation: My blog will grow…and some awesome lady who gets the same obscure references that I through out will help me to get a radio gig. Yeah, I think it's something like that.

Card 11 - Final Outcome - Five of Swords (Defeat)

Meaning: In arguments and battles of ideas there are going to be times when one just loses or has to surrender. The worst of these is when the winner is an awful person, a bully, braggart, a cheat, someone who used an unfair advantage to win. But it happens. The problem: "How can I win in an argument with this person?" The answer/prediction: "You can't. All you can do is not argue." This is the closest to a win one can come to in this situation. But if the Querent feels they must argue, then they need to be prepared to learn from it, not allow feelings of failure, anger or blame to overcome them.

Translation: Like my man Kenny Rogers always said, "You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away…and know when to run." Apparently, my handicap for needing to use logic in an argument will end in defeat…but perhaps I will have one of those John Hughes movie moments, where in defeat, I will win…in life. Anyway, again, thanks for the reading, Bubbles. I'll keep y'all posted on that.

Moment to Cry

Hillary Shows Emotion - A lot of people (and pundits) have been talking about Hillary fighting off tears during the primaries this week. Is it the first time that a candidate for the nation's highest position has been reduced to tears? No, of course not. Is it odd that it's creepier for Hillary to show that she's human…as opposed to being inhuman? No, that's ridiculous. We've all been in similar situations. Sleep-deprived, the weight of the world on our shoulders, so much pain & strife in the world, so many allergens floating around in the air, personal tragedies, and then you find out that they're all out of blueberry muffins when you get to Starbucks…and it all comes out of your tear ducts. It's okay. Crying is very therapeutic. I'm pretty sure that there's some kind of research correlating a direct correlation between an increase in crying sessions leading to a decrease in killing sprees. I'm proud to admit that I've cried…once. Okay, that's a lie. I've done it a few times…but they were manly tears…with trace amounts of blood in them. Tears of Vengeance really. Anyway, this leads me to my next movie list…

Movies That Make Men Cry - Some of these are universally true…while others are probably just me.

Medal Winners

Gold - The Godfather (1972) - When Marlon Brando cries, the world cries with him. In this classic movie, when the Mafia kingpin's eldest son Sonny (James Caan) is gunned down in his prim…and the news is delivered to him, he slowly and surely breaks down…thus causing men in the audience to break down while watching a badass and brutal drama. Also, when Michael has to seek revenge on his brother's killers...and is forced to turn away from the life he had been hoping to build while away at school, not his father's life...and leave Diane Keaton...and in the second movie when he finds out his own brother is trying to whack him...oh man. Great flicks.

Silver - Brian's Song (1971) - The timeless story of comradery, sportsmanship, perseverance, and friendship no matter what starring Billie Dee Williams as Gale Sayers, James Caan as Brian Piccolo, and Jack Warden as Coach George Halas is an emotional rollercoaster…by guy standards. For those who don't know, in the end, Sayers & Piccolo are best friends…but Piccolo dies of cancer…and there's a heart-wrenching speech at the end…and (sniff sniff). I'm sorry, this entry is over. There was a 2001 TV movie remake with Sean Maher & Mekhi Phifer…but it didn't have Billie Dee & James Caan. Man, I just realized when James Caan dies in a movie, guys weep.

Bronze - E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982) - When the flower wilts…I think we all cried (especially if we were young'uns)

Suggestion - Big Fish (2003) - What can I say? I'm a sucker for father-son stories…and this is one of the better ones. There was a time when I thought every story my dad told me may have had a bit of fluffery & exaggeration to it…so I can understand how the guy feels listening to the tall tales. Then when his dad passes, it really doesn't matter if the stories were true or not. He loved him. I cried like a baby…on my flight back from China when this movie was playing. It's okay though…because I missed my daddy. He was the first person I called when the plane landed. Great flick.

Flush It - Frequency (2000) - Okay, I feel like an idiot for saying that I cried at the end of this movie…again, because I'm a sucker for father-son stories (even when it involves radios being able to communicate through time because of the Northern Lights or something). Dennis Quaid & Jim Caviezel did a great job though. It's not a bad movie…but not one that I flaunt as being an emotional movie by any means.

Anyway, that's enough for tonight. We've probably gone through a whole box of tissues on this emotional journey…but it's okay. We made it through…together. Have a great night…and don't forget Movie Night on Thursday!!!

2007 $tevie Awards

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen...and Happy New Year!!!

As we bring this year to a close, I'd like to reflect on the past year and the many wonderful things that have happened. This has been the longest non-leap year of my life...mostly because this time last year, I was on a booze cruise in Boston Harbor with an older lady from work, J-Dub watching fireworks go off over the skyline. It was great...and happened two hours earlier due to the time difference...but I probably spent that extra time this year waiting in the airport on my trips to Vegas twice (pre blog days), St. Louis, Memphis, New Orleans, Barcelona, Rupit, France, Florence & Rome, Naples & Sicily, back to Barcelona, and Dallas.

Tonight though, I'm here at work...but Bubbles & Foxy made it all worth while today...and I'm going to explain why. Bubbles, just by being herself...and partly because she partied a little hearty last night, has decided not to get trashed tonight...so we're having a Movie Night tomorrow. She also gave me a Tarot Card reading with her new set that Brooklyn gave her for Christmas. It goes a little something like this...in layman's terms...

Past - Eight of Swords - You seem to be restricted by your past. Decisions & situations make you feel restricted from future progression. Don't sweat the small stuff, see the big picture. Don't overanalyze.

Present - Four of Swords - Now is the time to look inward for self-reflection and self-examination (possibly for ticks). This will help you to heal and feel renewed for the coming events.

Future - Prince of Hearts - (That's right. The Prince of Hearts. You can guess how this one goes.) You are a romantic in every sense of the word. You are in love for Love itself. Many see you as a Casanova sweeping ladies off their feet and overpowering them with your charms. You are infatuated with "Comings & Goings of all kinds" (the first one, absolutely). Be in contact with feelings of young love. You are light and charming and a welcomed visitor. However, you may may be seen as a Don Juan of sort, where you would kiss and tell. (How did they know? On the real though, if you don't want me to mention stuff on the blog, I can be very discreet. Wink wink) So yeah, awesome reading, right? These cards are ten times better than that trick, Sylvia Browne.

Foxy, by saying at the workplace, "$teve, are you on break? I need some Meat." Obviously, my first thought (and therefore immediately response) was "Wow, are you in luck!!!" Also, all the ladies within earshot heard this announcement as well...and started with their wondrous comments like "Yup, $teve definitely the guy to talk to about that" or "Geez guys, wait until your shift is over" or my personal favorite, "Oooh, me next!!!" Allow me to give some background. There was a sandwich potluck tonight...and Foxy was supposed to bring the meat...but forgot (she may have a memory problem...but said she was having a bad day...which could mean anything). So, she saw me in passing...and, in her own quirky way, asked me if I could get some meat for her. She just has a problem with not thinking before she says stuff...like me.

Anyway, without further ado, I present to you...the awards show that you've all been waiting for...

The 2007 Stevies

Based on something sent to my MySpace account a few weeks ago that I thought I'd hold onto until it's officially 2008...so here it goes. By the way, just because you're not mentioned in the Stevies doesn't mean that I don't care about you. It's simply some stupid stuff that I threw together one night when I should've been out partying...but instead am working...for no apparent reason other than I'm a nice guy. Without further ado, this year's winners are...

DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR: Bubbles - Always there when I need a drink, makes work worth going, and always willing to watch stupid movies with me...while drinking. If she were there to hold my hair back the next morning, we'd practically be a couple.

LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend): Isaihia - Who's getting married in a few months and has been down since the 2nd grade. How many people can say that?

NEWCOMER AWARD: JJ - At the beginning of the year, she was admittedly afraid of me (somehow) but just in time for her to move away, she likes me. That's how I roll. Immediately after you start to like me, you leave the state.

HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR: Birthday party weekend in Vegas - My mom, Mr. & Mrs. Wingman, Laquesse, Filly, Rose, and myself celebrated the 26th anniversary of my birth in the traditional manner of cake, ice cream, party hats, the Ritz-Carlton, hot tubs, strippers, booze, and a little bow chicka bow wow. Best Birthday Ever!!!

LOW POINT OF THE YEAR: Drive back from Vegas with my brother and new wife in March (Their Honeymoon) - I got pulled over for speeding in Cedar City, then spent the night at a gas station in Historic Cove Fort during a blizzard, that didn't stop all night, didn't sleep a wink all night thanks to truckers & discomfort, then woke up with the morning sun, drove for three hours at about 20 MPH in the blizzard as truckers passed and tired skid on about six inches of ice under six inches of snow, then another three hours after the freeway was semi-cleaned, made it home safely just in time to make it to work for a twelve hour day. All in all, if that's the low point of my year, I'm glad to have it. I slept like a babe that night.

BEST HOLIDAY: Christmas - Most other holidays, I was at work...but I was glad to only work two days out of twelve during the Christmas season. I kind of wish that I was out partying to ring in 2008...but I'm sure there'll be parties going on when I'm outta here.

SONG FOR 2007: "American Gangster" by Jay-Z - The movie was even pretty good...but I'm glad to see Jigga coming out of retirement in a good way. The whole album is really good too. "IT'S THE ROC!!! HOLLA!!!"

MOVIE FOR 2007: Transformers - It could have been a LOT worse...and "The Departed" was last year, right?

VIDEO GAME FOR 2007: Rock Band - Obviously, I've played this a bunch in the past couple of weeks. I've probably already played it more than Madden 2008 & NBA Live 2008 combined. Mostly because of having time during the Holidays...but still great game that everybody can love to play.

TV SHOW FOR 2007: Drawn Together - The reason I got cable.

WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH: Rosie...and a bunch of chicks at work. I had a three-pound box of chocolates that I shared with my ladies. I'm such a PIMP...minus the sex...emphasis on the large hands though. That's why it's called National Single Awareness Day to me...but more on that when it rolls around here in six weeks, okay?

BEST RELATIONSHIP: Well, there was really only one...but it was still pretty awesome. Seriously? How often in one's lifetime can you have incredible sex with the little sister of someone you loathe? It's a high point of my life...not just the year.

HALLOWEEN COSTUME: Chewbacca and the Devil

RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR: Mélange at the Ritz-Carlton, New Orleans - They have this filet of beef with a creamy brenaisse sauce that is simply spectacular...plus the lobster bisque and beignets with three different dipping sauces. Absolutely fantastic!!!

BOOK OF THE YEAR: Stephen Colbert's "I Am American (And So Can You)" - I don't read books...but I do support Steves

BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR: To invite my mom to come to Vegas with us. You rock, Mom!!! Love ya!!!

PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR: Welcoming a Nephew into the world, maybe date a little, jet set across the globe, usual...

STUPIDEST IDEA WHEN DRUNK: "Hey, I should fill out this Boyfriend Application on MySpace"

BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR: Probably doing this blog...or being the World's Coolest Uncle

BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG AWARD: I didn't name this award...but I'll give it to Terrell Owens. I just couldn't think of anybody more deserving. I hate to be mean like this...but I'm kind of glad that he's hurt. It's really awful to say...but it's been said, so there. Courtney Love, as always, is the biggest loser in this category.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS:

• Travel more...or at least as much
• Find a good girl who likes me too
• Have more sex...preferably with a woman nearby
• Pursue another part-time job...maybe as a late night radio DJ
• Play more basketball. I miss our times together.
• Give more to charity & donate time, blood, plasma, sperm, hair, feces, whatever they'll take
• Dance more...preferably with a woman nearby
• Swear less (now that my nieces & nephews are getting spongier)
• Should I swear off Mountain Dew or something? Like Lent?
• Nah, maybe just eat healthier...or cook more
• Remember JJ
• Smack more asses (a.k.a. More forward with the opposite sex)
• Drive my Baby more
• Most importantly, make sure everybody out there knows how much I love & care for them
  

Have fun tonight...and a great 2008 everybody!!! Drive safely & drink responsibly!!! See ya next year!!! (Lame, I know...)

I Am McLovin!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night after work, I watched an extremely funny movie called "Superbad." Perhaps you've heard of it. I believe it's one of the dozen movies out this year from the makers of "40 Year Old Virgin" and "Knocked Up." If you like penis jokes...and chances are if you're reading this blog, you do...then this movie is the one for you. It's also an homage to those teenage years, where everything is awkward, confusing, and it seems the only thing that's certain is that vulgarity is going to come out of your mouth. Based on my observations, guys will like this movie a lot more than girls...but several of my female friends said that they liked it as well. The soundtrack (and wardrobe) is a funky collection that mirrors my own life and really gives the sense that this is a timeless story about adolescence, the tireless pursuit for alcohol and intercourse, crushes that you're too scared to do anything about, and most importantly - Friendship. I highly recommend it to anyone who likes a good teen movie...and don't be surprised at the amount of penis jokes. You have officially been warned.

This morning, I awoke to a gloomy and chilly day outside...so I decided to have a house cleaning day before going to work the late shift. First things first though, I needed to get some trim...quick. So to do so, I went to my local Super Cuts and they hooked me up. When I arrived, there was only one specialist on duty and the guy she was helping was obviously trying to flirt with her (they only had fashion magazines so I was eavesdropping between text messages). After he was done, he gave her $40 for a tip. She smiled and said "See ya in a few weeks." As he left, an elderly lady walked in and said she needed a cut. "It'll be about fifteen minutes. I just have this gentleman here (me)." "No, that's okay. Ladies first. I don't have anywhere to be."

Five minutes later, another stylist showed up, also attractive, and said "I can do you right here when you're ready." So after choosing my responding words carefully, "Sounds great." I refrained from any perverted innuendo...this time. While she was shorning my flowing locks of mahogany beauty, she & the other stylist were talking about other stylists and dates and their fiances/boyfriends and then it came up, "My regular was just here. He left me a forty dollar tip again. He was just here like two weeks ago." "Creepy." "No, he's a nice guy. I mentioned my fiance like a dozen times like I usually do. I guess he just likes to talk (and look) or something."

So I threw in my two cents since I was there, "It's a lot cheaper than a psychiatrist." They laughed, "Yeah, I guess so." "Hell, if I needed somebody to talk to and wasn't very social, this'd be a nice place to come say howdy and meet some lovely ladies." So then the topic switched to me (my favorite) and they asked me about where I work, if I skiied, travel, all that stuff...then before I knew it, so fresh so clean I was done. "Thank you ladies. It's been a pleasure." I left a THREE dollar tip. So my stamp of approval for Super Cuts, ladies & gentlemen. Good people...and I got my trim.

After that, I watched "Bender's Big Score" the full-length feature movie of Futurama (really like an hour and ten minutes) and it was okay. Nothing out of the usual Futurama...just longer. Then I watched "El Mariachi", the first movie from director / writer / producer / cameraman / editor / best boy / caterer / cowboy Robert Rodriguez and the first movie of the Mariachi trilogy with "Desperado" and "Once Upon a Time in Mexico." It was really good. Having seen the other two movies first (this was the low-budget movie that shot him to superstardom), I really knew what to expect...but it was still pretty good. There's guns, guitars, mayhem, Mexicans, confusion, danger, betrayal, Spanish, and anything else you'd expect from a Robert Rodriguez movie...and all for pennies on the dollar.



What else has happened? Oh yeah, yesterday I was at work and walked by the breakroom where I thought I heard a cat in a rock tumbler on the television. Luckily, no felines were hurt in the taping of this episode of "Montel" but rather it was famous talk show psychic Sylvia Browne. Now, I'm going to express my opinions of Sylvia Browne...and I'm going to try my best to do it without A) Swearing incessently; B) Offending anybody who has any, if not all, of her books; or C) Resorting to childish namecalling. Here it goes. I believe that she is a bullspit artist...and worst of all, not any good at it. I've seen a few Montels & Sally Jesse Raphaels & Jenny Joneses in my day...and she has been on a few of them...and usually when one of these crackpot psychics are on TV, they at least do a half-ass John Edwards kind of "I'm getting a name...that starts with an M. Do you know somebody who's name starts with an M?" "Der, yeah, my dad." "Yup, it's your father. He's saying...something about the money?" You've all seen the South Park episode. You know the carnival game that I'm talking about...except apparently Sylvia Browne.

"Hello Sylvia, I'm from South Dakota...and all my life I've thought that I've had a twin sister watching over me..."
"You had a twin in a past life."
"No. I have a twin sister. I just haven't seen since I was a child and..."
"That's what I said. You had a twin in a past life...and this one."
"What? Can I finish my sentence before you blow smoke up my..."
"Your father was an alcoholic."
"What? Listen (beep), my father was an architect and a great man who..."
"Yes, the man that raised you was an architect...but your biological father was a drunk."
"What the (beep) are you talking about? Don't nobody talk about my daddy..." This is where Montel steps in to end this conversation before it gets violent and they go on to the next phone call.

"Hello Sylvia? My name is Rachel and I'm from South Carolina..."
"You are an African-American woman."
"Wh...no. No, I am actually of Italian descent but my ques..."
"That's what I said, you're a African-Italian...basically Creole."
"Montel, I thought you said this lady was a psychic."

This usually goes on for the entire show (minus commercial breaks). Now, besides that facts that I don't believe she's a true psychic in any sense of the word and she sounds like she either smokes four packs a day or eats gravel with her pancakes, I just don't like her for some reason. It's a feeling I get from her. I understand why you'd want to make some serious money by making books about being a psychic...because there's definitely a market out there for it...and seriously, you've all read my blog, I can ramble on for hundreds of pages about nothing (just ask my teachers in college) but I'm just tired of seeing all these fakes on television. Not actors, fakes. I don't like fakes. Especially when they're claiming to be dead serious...or afterlife serious or whatever. Anyway, that's my word. I don't have anything against all who claim to be psychics...just Sylvia Browne. Don't agree with me? Do you have three or more of her books? Is it just me?

Anyway, that's really all I have for today I think. I just talked to Foxy (formerly Box Girl) and I asked her how the probing was. She seemed a little confused (probably not the best way to start a conversation) but she didn't make it to Movie Night a few weeks back because she didn't have a ride...and apparently didn't think I was willing to give her a ride...or go and pick her up. She has been notified. Coworkers were present for the conversation, so I'm sure that'll get spread around real quick-like. I'm just awkwardly smooth in my own way, I guess.

However, I will leave you with some super cute baby panda pictures that were sent to my email. Why? Because I love the Pandas...but in a purely non-beastial way, just to avoid those rumors. Here you go, the first 120 days in the life of a Panda cub...

Have a groovy night everyone!!!