Happy Birthday Megan!!!

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

I'd like to wish a happy 21st birthday to my first real girlfriend (who I don't think even reads this blog) and I hope that she is doing very well. I honestly haven't heard from her in almost a year now...but that's okay. She's a good girl and she's gonna be on the Food Network one day. You just wait and see. Being her twenty-first birthday, I'm assuming there's some celebrating going on for her...so how did I celebrate? I went to a gentlemen's club for a few hours before heading off to work a few nighttime hours. I also finalized all my cruise activities, so I'm good to go in two weeks.


Gentlemen's Clubs - As I may have mentioned before, I like to visit gentlemen's club...especially with girls as my associates. So I was really glad the other day when two ladyfriends from work invited me to go along with them to Trails, a private club for members. When I'm 'in da club' I prefer a very laid back approach. Usually there's a beer in one hand and my other hand in my pocket...pulling out dolla dolla bills y'all...because cash rules everything around me. Anyway, back to the point. I try to keep a cool, calm, collected exterior...but it's like I'm in a Shredded Wheat commercial - "The adult in me likes the music, good food, and atmosphere..." "BUT THE KID IN ME LIKES TITTIES AND LOTS OF 'EM!!!" So I may seem like I'm dozing off...but it's only because blood is flowing away from my brain. Now, you ladies know.


One of the main things that I like about being the guy with girls at a club...is that the dancers are more likely to sit with you for a minute and say howdy...and the girls you're with have no problem with saying what you're thinking. They'll squeal and giggle and holler all the stuff that the kid in you is screaming to get out...and you can maintain your supercool, laidback persona...and giggle to yourself a little bit. I did think of the birthday girl a few times today, especially when one of the dancers seemed to be able to scratch the back of her head with her foot rather easily. Flexibility is never ever overrated.


One of the very few bad things about these clubs...is that not all the dancers are award-winning. Sure, it was kind of my own fault for going on a Monday afternoon...but I found my eyes being pulled towards the Colts / Jaguars game a few times. Not because it was an incredibly compelling game...but I just lost interest when a few dancers were up there. I didn't see any bullet wounds or anything (this time) but I just had to look away at times. Besides, I feel bad for staring...but then I think, "That's exactly what they're expecting, isn't it?" I guess it's like staring at the sun for too long. Also, one of the better dancers there had three Chinese symbols in that lovely area at the small of her back...and while her ass was gyrating, if my one semester of Chinese is correct, I believe it would translate to "No Change Given." I thought it was hot. Anyway, a fun time was had by all, then I had to come to work and that killed my buzz real quick.


I really really want to own a club though. The money must be amazing. You might be saying, "Oh, he wants it just so he can get with strippers all day" and first off, they're dancers. Secondly, I can keep my business straight when it comes to the ladies. When my money's involved, I can become a cold sum'bich. However, at the club today, I did give a lot of ones to my ladyfriends so that they could tip the dancers for me. You gotta keep the ladies happy...but they can buy their own drinks. Yeah, I had a dream of turning the Old Post Office in Ogden into a gentlemen's club (at least one floor) and call it the Lick 'n' Stamp (patent pending) but the downtown committe wanted something more "family friendly" so it's still a dream. It's a beautiful building...and it should be full of beautiful women. That's my opinion anyway.

Shopping is not my thing. I went to the mall today to find some shoes. In case I haven't mentioned it, my favorite shoes are the classic Converse high-tops, black with white logo, size fourteen. However, the tricky part is finding these shoes anywhere. I found some similar ones online but they're $70 plus...and sometimes the fit is funny. Also, I've found them at places like the supermarket for $20 before. So I went to the mall to find ANY Converse or similar shoes. The first two places (nameless to avoid negative publicity) didn't have Converse at all. Third place had some (four flashy pair) of the old school canvas ones but no basketball ones. A little peeved, I went to Payless to select from their six pair of size fourteens...and actually found a decent pair of basic black basketball shoes. That's all I need. I'm not TO or AI or T-Mac or anyother flamboyant superstar, I just need a pair of basic shoes that match everything. Hence, why shopping is not my thing.

I'll go shopping for what I need...or if I get to see a lady try on some sexy attire...but that hasn't been in high demand...but I'll give honest feedback...and find ways to entertain myself when I get bored. If you can't decide on which skirt goes with the shoes, while you're changing, I'll people watch...or I'll do something mildly entertaining to me, like dare kids to run out the door with a silky shirt (complete with purple dye pack)...or go to the register with a new pair of girl's jeans and say, "I'm sorry, I just thought that you should know...that these jeans are faded...and the knees are torn,,,and the pant legs are frayed at the end...seriously, I don't know which Goodwill store that you got these from...but you oughta be ashamed for selling them at $80 a pop. Ridiculous!!!" and then walk away...just in time for the next showcase. "Oh, I like how those jeans shape your ass sweety, lemme get a feel. (LOVE SLAP) Hell yeah." This may be one reason why I'm single too. Anyway, malls are just too fancy and I don't like paying for displays and marketing, so I usually shop at places like Wal-Mart and Target. Goodwill's cool too. That's where I get my Hawaiian shirts. Oh yeah, my fashion sense comes alive now, doesn't it? Don't lie. I know you're jealous. Anyway, time for the news again. Happy Birthday Megan!!!


Dumblebackdore - Okay, I'm sure by now that EVERYBODY has heard about author J.K. Rowling saying (more than likely joking) that master wizard Dumbledore from the Harry Potter books is a homosexual and prefers the company of men (Who doesn't?). However, with this in mind, I just found a new reason to watch the first few Harry Potter movies...and the latter ones again, just so that whenever Harry goes to talk to Dumbledore in his private chambers, it has a hilarious vibe...at least to me. "Tell me about your dreams, Harry. Are you stressed? Would you like me to rub your shoulders? Maybe some cognac?" Also, I've heard through the internet grapevine that there will be yet another new actor playing Dumbledore in the next movie...



Yes, I am aware that there is a very MAJOR difference between a homosexual and a pedofile...but this is what I have to do to make Harry Potter entertaining to me. Is it really MY fault or J.K. Rowling? Yeah, I'm going to Hell. Oh well, I'll go laughing along the way. Mwahahahahahaha...


Panty Protest - Women from several countries have begun sending their panties to Myanmar embassies in a culturally insulting gesture of protest against the recent brutal crackdown there. The group, Lanna Action for Burma, says the country's superstitious generals believe that contact with women's undergarments saps them of power. There's the link for the website (on Blogger) so check it out if you're interested in joining the movement...or just let me know and I'd be happy to ugh...forward them on for you in a package. Yeah...as the website says, "Send early, send often!" It's better than just throwing them away...and you'll be taking a major step towards Burmese freedom and women's rights.


Anyway, that's enough from me today. Again, a happy birthday to Megan as we approach midnight. Hopefully you're having a great time and getting home safely.