A Child's Halloween

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Due to a last-minute scheduling change brought upon by the ailing hands of a coworker, I am reporting to you live from my place of work (Area 51, but shhhhh, don't tell anybody). Yesterday, I went to my niece's 1st birthday party in Ogden. I thought that I would arrive early because I'm delusional and thought that I'd be able to relax and hang out with my brother & sister-in-law (when she's not at work). Why do parents go ass-crackers crazy for a child's 1st birthday party? I have $20 cash that says that my niece Kairi doesn't remember a damn thing about the party yesterday...but I remember helping set everything up in the few hours that I had to drive an hour out of my way each way...and then see her open presents a few hours late...then leave before cake for the adult Halloween portion of my night. I'll tell ya why parents go ass-crackers crazy...these...

Behold the birthday girl Snow White

and my mom, the Wicked Stepmother?

Here's my other niece Kelaudri

She doesn't get the concept of "Stand back sweetie"

Here's some girl I've never seen before.

Her name is Scarlet and she's a Monkey Angel.

Here's my brother as some kind of French Darth Maul.

By the way, the shirt says, "I'm not too BIG, you're too small."

Here's the woman I'm going to Europe with next week.

She's had 17 children. Now you've met the Legend.

After that, I met with Mr. & Mrs. Wingman, along with their three youngest kids at Cornbelly's Corn Maze & Pumpkin Fest in Thanksgiving Point. Now, I know what you're thinking. "A grown man going to a corn maze...as a 5th wheel? Sounds really boring." Well, you thought wrong. I would recommend this to anybody looking for a good (non-alcoholic) time...but it is a little kid oriented obviously. They have kettle corn, hot chocolate, haunted hayrides, pig races, singing chickens, pedal carts, pumpkin cannons, corn mazes, swings, slides, trains, a giant jumping pillow (that they luckily allowed adults on), duck races, and a giant creature that you could walk inside.

That's just the stuff that we had time to do. The kids enjoyed it...and so did I. In case you didn't know, I'm the kind of kid-at-heart that LOVES to go to zoos, dinosaur parks, and all that other kiddie stuff. Not because I have some kind of 'lost childhood' complex or anything, but because that stuff is fun...and you can see other kids having a good time too. What's not to like? Here are some things that I found out during my adventures last night:

• If you can get hot cocoa for fifty cents, you can't POSSIBLY go wrong
• Lunchables are incredible. I was skeptical at first. However, if you're looking for a quick, complete, and delicious meal to enjoy at an establishment like this, you really can't beat a Lunchable. Ham & Cheese is my Lunchable of choice. They're actually quite filling too.
• On that same note, Macaroni & Cheese is great too. Add chili...and you've got a fully hearty winter meal. Tell all your friends...and then invite me over.
• I miss having a trampoline - That giant jumping pillow reminded me how much fun they are...and the adults were probably happier than the kids...and I didn't think that was possible.
• We should all ride pedal carts to work - They're good exercise, good for the environment, and if you get a flat tire, they weigh like 50 pounds. Just strap it onto your back and take it to the gas station...or work, whatever's closest. I'm gonna get a larger one than I used last night though. My foot kept hitting the tire...but was a very effective braking system.
• If you ever have the chance to launch pumpkins out of a cannon for a BUCK, do it. You won't be disappointed.
• Kids are cute...but then they grow up to be prick teenagers...and then become too cool for corn mazes...and then realize they're really not...so they take kids to corn mazes. It's the circle of life...or something like that.
• Here's a picture of Mrs. Wingman buried in an area that we affectionately call "The Corn Hole"

We finished up there and I got back home around 11 PM. With all the activity, I'm not going to lie, I was a little bushed. So I decided NOT to call around and find out where the drunken debauchery was going down...but relaxed at home and played a little PS3 before heading off to bed. Yeah, pretty lame...but whatever. I got a new costume option out of the day. My mom made me wear a costume for my niece's birthday party...and she gave me the outfit...but she claimed that I wasn't wearing it correctly...you be the judge.

Did you notice the Power emitting from my body?

That's not Photoshop people...just a sensitive camera phone.

No Love for Original Costumes - A suburban Long Island high school has banned all Halloween costumes after three senior girls showed up last year dressed as the underwear-baring subject of a series of best-selling children's books. Three female seniors (a.k.a. Jailbait) dressed up as Captain Underpants, which required beige leotards and nude stockings under white briefs and red capes. Now...take a minute to think about that. Mmm... Okay, so the principal banned Halloween costumes. He's catching a lot of flack for it. Say what you will about freedom of expression or whatever...but there's just some places that you don't wear the slutty Halloween outfit...and school is one of them. That's how you get stuff banned...like at my work. Luckily, they've relinquished a ten-year ban at my job because of a guy dressing up as a mermaid. (Shivers) So now, I can dress up as a Wookie if I wanted to (and have) or as my Devil...but I can't dress up as Adam or the Jolly Green Giant (I checked) and have a cucumber hanging from my fig leaves...at work. However, I CAN wear the slutty outfit to the adult parties. It's just common sense. Oh well, they're teenagers. It's like Alanis said, "You live, you learn." Hmm, now that I think about it, she also said, "You Oughta Know." Anyway, there's a time and place for the edgy costume...and it's called college.

The End of Baseball? - At least for this year maybe, when the Boston Red Sox take on the Colorado Rockies in Game 4 of the World Series tonight. The Sox are up 3-0 and I don't really care who wins...but I was hoping the games'd be a little closer...since this is the only time that I ever think about watching baseball on television. The coolest thing I can think of to say about it is that last night, Japanese pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka became the first Japanese pitcher to play and win a game...but also, one of three pitchers to ever drive in two runs in a World Series game. The other two players? Babe Ruth and Cy Young. Even if you don't know baseball, you've probably heard of those guys (or at least awards named after them). Do I think this guy's going to be as legendary as them? No, probably not...but who knows? Anyway, enough about that.

That'll probably do it for me tonight. Not a whole lot to talk about after all that. Movie Night's still in the air. Feel free to voice your opinion about whether I should dress up at work as Chewbacca the Wookie...or Lord Satan. I have the hair and equipment for both. Hope you're all having a groovy and safe Halloween week!!! Peace!!!