The Eclectic Eccentric: That's Prophetic!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Okay, so last night I watched "Planet Terror" (touching love story) and "Transformers" with my buddy JL Clyde...and had a few Mike's Hard Cranberry Lemonades. So I had this dream last night that I actually remembered, so bear with me for just a few moments. We're just going to take a deep dive into my psyche.

So it starts out that I'm at a high school reunion or something (I think for some reason it's at BYU, but I've never been there, there's a temple like Temple Square though) and I run into an old acquaintance from high school Kelly. He says, "Hey $teve, how's it going? How you been?" "Pretty good. How about you?" "I just have one more semester then I'm done." "That's cool. I finished..." and he walks away...as I think to myself "You always were a prick." Then I start walking around this luxurious ballroom area where the reunion was...and I realize that everybody is blonde, blue-eyed, slim-bodied, and really flighty, like I walked into Romy & Michele's High School Reunion starring the Playboy Mansion. Being fully emersed in the ditziness, I stepped out of the room to catch my breath and I was looking over this map of the place (still not sure where/what it was).

While I was out there thinking...well, something I'm sure, a familiar voice says to me, "$teve, it's been a while." It was my favorite elementary teacher, well into her 70's by now. "You seem confused about why you're here. Let me tell you something that I've learned. Emotion, passion, desire, Love, all are great fuels to get where you're going...but they're lousy drivers. You have to use your mind to help guide them." "Wow, that's some deep stuff." Then I hear an engine rev up in the distance...and it gets louder...and then I wake up because the prick a few houses down is driving his muscle car at 80 MPH down the street in the morning again. So yeah, that was a pretty memorable dream...and I'll have to look up the old teacher and see how she's doing. Wouldn't it be f**king creepy if she had passed away a few days ago? Holy crap, that'd be wicked awesome. I'll have to give the school a call or something. Just in time for Halloween too. (Shivers) Anyway, that's about it for new occurences in my life. Now, back to the news...

Fellow $teve Running for President - Host of Comedy Central's The Colbert Report, outspoken narcissist, future award-winning author, wrist activist, and possible reader of my blog Stephen Colbert announced on his show last night that he is running for the Presidency of the United States...in his homestate of South Carolina. After his book "I Am America (And So Can You!)" hit bookstore shelves last week and soared to the top of the charts, he has used the publicity from this literary masterpiece (of course I haven't read it yet) to charge his political career. By the way, has anybody else seen "Man of the Year"? Okay, just checking. So now, in an already jam-packed assembly of Presidential Candidates in the field, the questions on everybody's minds are:

Will another great $teve be seriously considered for a run at the White House?
Will the media try to shut down his campaign by suggesting that it's a farce?
When will Schwarzenegger announce his candidacy?
Can an Austrian-born muscleman become Head of State in America...yet?
Is there a funnier talk show on TV than "The Colbert Report"?

Stay tuned for occasional updates on the Colbert campaign trail and it's progress.

Potty Mouth - In Scranton, PA (Home of Dunder Mifflin paper products), a woman could face up to 90 days in jail AND a fine of up to $300 for shouting profanities at her overflowing toilet within earshot of her nosy ass neighbors. Dawn Herb (yes, that's her real name) told the local newspaper, "It doesn't make any sense. I was in my house. It's not like I was outside or drunk. The toilet was overflowing and leaking down into the kitchen and I was yelling (for my daughter) to get the mop." Unfortunately, her neighbor was a nosy ass off-duty police officer who was probably trying to get some sleep...so to be bitch/bastard (to be politically correct) they called the cops instead of possibly offering to help out. Luckily, she'll probably not have to pay a dime or see a jail cell...but then again, Justice has been messed with in the past. At least the toilet is taken care of though, right?

Things You'll Find in the Philippines - No, not underage prostitutes and STDs undiscovered by modern science known to the locals as "The Melting Mountain" but rare aquatic wildlife has been found recently in the Philippines. Here are some pretty pictures because I'm a sucker for aquariums.

This is the rare Black Jellyfish.

Years of violence between seemingly identical schools of these jellyfish have left their numbers depleted...but several outspoken representatives have been able to propose that they be referred to as African-American Jellyfish. Let Freedom swim.