Why I'm Not a Mechanic, Part 2

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

My friend Bubbles asked me to jump her in the parking lot tonight...so naturely my first thought was "Okay but what will your boyfriend think?" I obviously didn't ask this out loud...because then that might kill the mood. As we walked out to the parking lot, she said, "Aren't you going to get your car?" "We only need one...and I think my shocks are blown anyway...so there's a little more motion." "What? Don't you need jumper cables?" Ding ding ding. "OOOOH!!! Yeah, jumper cables. Right. I'll be right back." For the record, I really did know what she meant (sadly) but I just thought that I'd get a cheap laugh out you before I really did something stupid.

I pull the car alongside and attach the cables to my battery...then I notice that her engine compartment and battery isn't illuminated and I can't really tell which end is the ground. The wires were fairly dirty, the terminals were corroded, and it was again dark, but had I been thinking clearly, and not in a rush (supposed to be working & only person at that hour), I might have done the car mechanic equivalent of adding two to two...and looked for the ground wire connected to one of the terminals...but I went on the basis of "This wire looks lighter, so it's probably the red one. Der der deeer." I attached them (and yes, the spark might have been a hint too...but that has happened before with corroded ends. Anyway, after a few seconds, she turns the key and nothing happens. Not good, right?

Then I notice a little smoke out of the corner of my eye on a distant parking lot light. "Snaps!!!" This means that I put them on backwards and it's possibly shorting out the batteries...and causing the jumper cables to heat up at a rapid rate. I have seen what this can do before (back when I was a REAL novice with cars and not my fault but the friend showing me) and the cables can catch fire, so I quickly reach down using the fleshy part of my fingers and quickly remove the cables from the batteries. Oh yes, they'll probably blister a bit come morning...but the lesson was learned...and that's what's really important. Okay, the fiery truck picture is a bit dramatic...but still. It's really the worst when you can't blame anybody except your own dumb ass. Also, Bubbles got home safe. For those of you who don't know the proper way to jump start a car (apparently, I need a refresher course), here's a good link for a step-by-step...because Dr. Love is all about spreading the knowledge...and telling the stories that show what can happen without the proper knowledge. It's also a good idea to know how to change a tire, change your oil, and other standard car maintenance procedures to add years to the life of your car.

Anyway, just wanted to put the word out there of my stupidity...so that you can avoid future embarassment. Join us next time when I talk about other idiotic adventures, mishaps, random ramblings, and probably through in a movie list or something.

Also, while I have you here...check out my ClustrMap. I seem to be getting about 40 hits a day on average...and that's awesome to me. Allegedly, I have a strong fanbase in Utah and repeats in places like LA (Lala), Texas (Jlee), Seattle, Denver (Shayboarder), Miami, Chile, Philly (Bone Junior), South Carolina, Chitown (probably not Kanye), and I've had a few hits in Portugal, Poland, & Iraq. Big ups to the armed forces overseas!!! We love y'all madly!!! Come home safe!!! Have a great night everybody!!!