Happy Birthday to my Baby's Mama!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I would like to start out by wishing a very special 32nd birthday to very lovely, very talented, and very pregnant Milla Jovovich. Most of you know her as an award-winning actress (I'm sure she's won a few somewhere) in movies such as the "Resident Evil" trilogy and "The Fifth Element" but she's also a supermodel (gasp), Grammy-winning musician & songwriter, and informed fairly recently...a fashion designer. If you're read this blog, you are probably aware that...well, I think she's just about the hottest woman on the face of the Earth...and if you're a newcomer to this web-based journal, now you know. Thirty-two years ago today, Milla was born to parents Bogdanovitch Jovovic, a Serbian doctor, and Galina Loginova, a Russian actress. Man, that must have been one hot socialist baby in the Ukraine that day. Of course, the story goes that she & her mother moved to California when she was young, somebody realized that she was really hot, offered her a modeling contract, got her some spots in movies & TV, lead role in a sequel of a modest hit like Blue Lagoon, get with a few directors, more lead roles, so on and so on...but all the while, taking somewhat risky roles to prove that she is first & foremost...an actress...who just happens to be really, really hot and ambitious. Now, she & fiance Paul W.S. Anderson are in post-production of their newest movie...and expecting a hot baby in the coming weeks. Sorry if you really thought that it was my child. We actually haven't met...yet. I do plan on directing a movie someday though...so who knows? Happy Birthday Milla!!! Potbellies are sexy...


This morning, after completing Medium difficulty on Rock Band, I was flipping through the channels...and stumbled upon "Snoop Dogg's Father Hood" on E!. I remember a show on MTV a few years ago that was a Snoop Dogg skit show called "Doggy Fizzle Televizzle" and it was okay...but didn't last too long. This show though, I just don't know. I only saw the last seconds of one episode, where it had Snoop Dogg cleaning up after his kids...and him basically saying that vacuuming is his place of total peace and reflection (really?) and the next episode was him trying to get his kids interested in soccer (good luck with that) and even involved him calling up David Beckham to try to come over and convince them (still probably won't work) and then they go have some American country breakfast. Unfortunately, his wife (oh yeah, he's married) is trying to get him to eat right...so she shows up at the diner where he & Beckham are eating...and gives him a salad instead of some good eats. After her speech, and she leaves, what happens? They switch plates...bend it like Beckham indeed. I may watch this show again...if I'm really, really bored. Not as gangsta as I was hoping...but exactly what I expected. Hell, if Flava Flav can have a few reality shows, why not Snoop D-O-Double Gizzle?


Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem - I know that I have voiced my eager anticipation for this movie since I found out about it. Yesterday, my brother sent me a video of a 5-minute trailer for the movie...and it has only made it worse. Here's a quick rundown of the plot (as if it were really necessary). At the end of the first Alien vs. Predator movie (which if you haven't seen, you should, unless you have no idea what I'm talking about when I say Alien and/or Predator, then I'll send you a list of movies to check out), it ends with an alien pupa bursting out of the chest of a Predator...so now, there's a new Alien / Predator hybrid...or an Alienator, if you will. It starts killing Predators on the Predator ship in orbit around Earth, shots are fired, it crashes near deer hunters (ironic because Predators are intergalactic hunters), now everything is running amuck and the human race is in some serious trouble. From here, I have no idea where it goes...but I can't wait until Christmas Day to find out. Another thing for my interest, the first AVP was rated PG-13...and just the preview for this one...is rated R. Oh yeah, there will be green, acidic blood spilled for certain, probably some cool supergadgets that the Predators always use, superstrong intelligent hybrids of the most vicious creatures in cinema history, oh yeah, me likey. I mention this just in case you were wondering how I was going to celebrate Jesus' birthday...by watching extraterrestrials rip each other apart...and the humans reign victorious once again. Oh holy night indeed.


Raise your hand if you're surprised - Remember two months ago when the stars of the two most famous scandalous celebrity videos of all time, Pamela Anderson & Rick Salomon, married a few days after Pam paid off a gambling debt paid for by Rick for 'services rendered' in Vegas? No? Well, I did blog about it. Well, surprise surprise, they're filing for a divorce. Who knew that this couple that was destined to be together (in a video) would have their relationship end so badly? Not that I really care one way or the other about celebrity marriage...but I really just wanted an excuse to put up a picture of Pamela Anderson. Don't judge me. You would too. Don't lie...or else a pixie loses its wings.




GO EAGLES!!! - I just wanted to give a BIG congratulations to the Philadelphia Eagles for destroying the Dallas Cowboys yesterday. Now, the Eagles' playoff hopes can be completely shattered by a Vikings win tonight (or one of seven other teams winning in the next two weeks or if they happen to loss either of their last two games) but where there's a will (and a LOT of luck) there's a way. Let's go Eagles!!! WOOOOO!!! Also a big congratulations to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who after over 30 years as a franchise, finally got their first kickoff return touchdown. It only took them 1,865 returns to finally have one go all the way. Here's to many more down the road, fellas. AAAAARGH!!!


Movie Monsters


Medal Winners - These are MY favorite scary movie characters. You may be scared of different things...and that's cool. I'm not afraid of clowns, vampires, or those things...and to be honest, not terrified of aliens either...but these are my favorite scary characters to watch in movies. Obviously inspired by a certain movie coming out on December 25th at a theatre near you.


Gold - Predator - Since he first made his presence felt on the big screen (by skinning soldiers and hanging them by their ankles in the Amazon), he has been the ultimate hunter. Searching the galaxy for new and more powerful prey that may stand a chance to his cat-like reflexes, keen intellect, savage brutal nature, and a wide array of cosmic weapons that is ever growing. If not for a scandalous sex video with Paris Hilton, he may have been Senator Predator now and be the third elected government official from his debut film (after Jesse Ventura & Arnold Schwarzenegger). Instead Jesse "The Body" Ventura, Bill Duke, Carl Weathers, King Willie, Bill Paxton, Lance Henriksen, even Gary Busey have all felt his wrath since then in a murderous rampage spanning three movies. Honestly, favorite part about the first movie...as it is with many of my favorite horror suspense movies...is that you don't see him for the first 2/3 or so of the movie...only what he sees and the path of destruction that he leads. The imagination wanders...but one thing is for sure...he is one ugly mother lover.


Silver - Alien - Ridley Scott, James Cameron, David Fincher, Jean-Pierre Jeunet, some of the great directors of our time have made some great movie about this creature (and Alien 3, which sucked). Probably the most frightening thing about the Alien is not it's appearance (like something out of a opiate-induced trip gone wrong) but rather it's simplicity and savagery (if that's a real word). It starts as this scorpion-looking thing that jumps on your face and plants its seed down your throat and into your body. Shortly after, the parasite grows...and burst out your chest. Oh, it ain't over...the scurrying little creature that bursts out your chest will also grow (at an incredible rate for not really eating anything that I've seen) and become a gigantic insect-like thing who uses their tongue (also a mini head) to puncture your skull...and if you injure them, their blood is highly concentrated acid. They're not dummies either. They attack in coordinated packs...are surprisingly silent...and unless you've got Ripley on your side, you're F-U-K-T. Even she has died a few times trying to survive them...but just wait until she's faced with the Alienator. (Sniff sniff) What's that I smell? Another sequel? With Space Marines, Predators, Aliens, and maybe some Battlestar Galactica robots just in case? Yeah, that would be awesome (patent pending).


Bronze - Hannibal Lechter - Brian Cox originally played him in Michael Mann's "Manhunter" but it wasn't until Sir Anthony Hopkins took the role of this doctor of...distinguished taste that he became one of the most frightening characters in movies...and apparently literature (Based on a book? Really? Damn my illiteracy!!!). What is so frightening about this seemingly harmless old man (Lechter, not Hopkins), well...there's the creepy cunning stare, hinting mischievious wit, the incredible intelligence & maticulous attention to detail, the mind games that he'll play on you until you snap & do something foolish, the savage and brutally ironic coordinated deaths of his victims, and not only that...but he'll f**king eat you. There's something to be said about the fear of being eaten. He could eat your brain...while you're still alive...and not only that...but feed it to you...so you're eating your own brain...and enjoying it. Just ask Ray Liotta. Also, on a personal note, I think that anybody that knows a great wine to compliment any human organ served...is probably evil. (Insert that creepy tasting thing he does that I can't type out)


Suggestion - The Hitcher - If you haven't seen the timeless classic about picking up a hitchhiker who turns out to be a traveling axe murderer (or whatever else he can get his hands on) then I suggest checking out the original with the always creepy Rutger Hauer or the remake last year with Sean Bean in the title role. Have you ever been stranded on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere...and it seems like nobody will pick you up...even in the middle of the day? Blame this movie. This movie (and probably "The Hills Have Eyes") is the reason that you had to walk five miles to the nearest gas station in the middle of the desert in triple-digit heat. However, after you've seen this movie, perhaps you'll understand why. Next time, carry a case of Bud Light along with your empty two-gallon tank. You may get lucky. "But honey, he has Bud Light."


Flush It - Chucky - At least the last few "Child's Play" movies have made not of the fact that they're a running joke. The soul of a voodoo-practicing serial killer gets put into a child's doll...and goes on a killing spree...so that he can be reincarnated in the body of the boy. Okay, I get your premise...but he's still a doll. He weighs two pounds, the head is detachable, and I think the only way that I'm going to be mortally wounded by a doll is if I die laughing as I watch him run after me...unless I turn around and kick him 40 yards...or just stomp on him until I simply can't anymore. He's a doll. That should scare nobody...ever, unless the doll just arrived from China containing GHB...then you may have the Seed of Chucky before you know it...but when could that ever happen?


Future Watch - Chucky vs. Lucky (2010?) Yes, in the theory of making movies like Alien vs Predator and Freddy vs. Jason, I want to make a movie called Chucky vs. Lucky which puts a doll against the Leprauchaun (played by Warwick Davis, of course). Is that wrong? Yeah, probably. If you're going to make a bad horror movie, why not make it a REALLY bad one, then you can say that you're just spoofing the genre. Right Wes Craven? Other than that, just waiting for Christmas Day...because Hollywood's giving me a present. YAY!!! Again, happy birthday to Milla Jovovich!!! Have a great day y'all!!!



P.S. Today is also Day One of the Chia Bart Era. Here is a status photo. Also, it may just be me...and it may be the sexual frustration talking...but don't Bart's eyes look like perky breasts to anybody else?