Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen.
Last night was a fabulous 12-hour day at work...but at least I got my Chia Bart and he's soaking in water as we speak. I didn't know this...but they have to be submerged in water for 24 hours so the clay can soak up water, the element of life. Just in case you didn't know that. I didn't. Ch-ch-ch-chia!!!! After that day, I went straight to bed. It was been cold...really, really cold this morning. After only 6 hours of sleep (because I'm an idiot with no concept of time), I went to the Red Cross to donate a pint of my blood. Remember Cami from my last time at the Red Cross? The redheaded vampire? Yeah, she walked me through the paperwork again this time. She's about four months along now. The nurse that actually drew my blood though, her name was Toni...and she was a sweetheart (not really like Bettie Page...but read on). She was making little jokes and stuff the whole time...and you know how I play with that. Best part - When she was prepping my arm, my arm was out and she bent down to get something, breast totally in my hand, and my primal instinct is to squeeze it a little bit...every 3-4 seconds (it's what you're supposed to do when giving blood...not just when a breast is in your hand) but I didn't. That could have been awkward...but it certainly got my out of my morning coma. By the way, not a fistful or anything...but still nice...and it was cold in there.
"Sorry about that, $teve."
"Ugh...no biggie, I mean...no problem. Anytime."
"No biggie, huh? Well, you do have big hands." She smiles at me.
"That's not what I...best part of my day. Can we just draw my blood already? My comfort level is plummeting here."
"(Giggle) Ah, I'm the best part of your day? That's cute. Well, it is still early. You've probably got a hot date tonight or something." By the way, not hitting on me. She mentioned her daughter earlier.
"(Laughs out loud, mumble to myself) Yeah, maybe next year..."
"What was that?"
"Daredevil has no fear."
"(Giggle) Wow. Not what I was expecting."
"That's how I roll...and I'm not even a pint low yet."
"Well, if you feel lightheaded, just let me know."
"Lightheaded? Are you taking my blood or giving me a Blonde Tranfusion?"
She was a brunette, "Hahaha, that's hilarious. That's honestly the first time I've ever heard that."
"Yeah, me too. I surprise myself sometimes."
Speaking of blondes, I know that it's a horrible stereotype and needs to be stopped, no matter how funny it may be, but did any of you catch former American Idol r'tard Kellie Pickler on "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?" It just goes to show that looks can get you far in life. I'm pretty convinced that I could Pickler if ever met her...simply by a little trickeration.
"You know, Kellie. It has been proven that the semen of extremely tall men can increase mental capacity and give your skin a healthy glow."
"For reals? Seriously? That's amazing. If only there were a tall guy 'round here."
"Kellie, my face is up here. You're looking at my shirt. Look up, sweetie."
"OH...MY GOD, YOU ARE TALL!!! Do ya think y'can help me out?"
"Well, I'm a little drained from Jessica Simpson and Miss South Carolina earlier today...but I think we can work something out..."
Anyway, the vein was tapped, blood was drawn, we kept BS'ing about whatever...and the other nurses were getting in on it. After words, I went to relax and enjoy some Welch's white grape peach juice (smurfin' delicious) to wash down my Fig Newtons (also smurfin' delicious). As usual, I did get a little lightheaded...but after about 30 minutes I was good to go...so I went home and watched movies while drinking plenty of fluids. Here's a rundown of some of them.
Wonder Twin Powers ACTIVATE!!! - The other night, I watched "Secretary" starring Maggie Gyllenhall and James Spader. This came highly recommended by the Mad Scientist because he overheard me say something along the lines of "That Maggie Jelly Balls is one attractive woman. I wonder if she and her brother Jake are going to be the Wonder Twins in that Justice League movie that's probably never going to happen." "Well, $teve. Have you ever seen "Secretary"? I think you would like it because...well, it's a little..." "I get to see Maggie's Gyllenhalls?" "Exactly." "Hmm, I may have to give this a gander."
Allow me to sum up the plot of "Secretary" if you don't mind. A young woman (Gyllenhall) was just released from an institution because she cut herself...you know, the razor blades on her thighs and stuff...just for the rush. To get back into the swing of society, she tries to get a job...as a secretary...for a slightly eccentric isolated lawyer (Spader). He's a little strict with her and she starts to hate her job...but the lawyer has kind of a voyer thing where he quietly peeks around corners and stuff...and checks out the backside when she's bent over to pick up something, you know...stuff that would normally get you a Sexual Harassment suit in an office environment. Then, he notices that she's cutting herself occasionally at work...so he brings her in, tells her that she's never going to do that again, takes a Polaroid of her smiling, and like that...she's falling in love with him. Then, there was a spanking scene about paper typos which...was quite hot...and probably got my hopes up for the rest of the movie. It takes a slightly different turn though...and I'm not going to spoil it for you, except for this...yes, you do get to see the goods...and they're okay...but most importantly, it's artistically done (therefore not as hot as you would expect...and no funky soundtrack). I say give it a gander...it's kooky...and I like kooky.
Also recommended...and also starring Maggie briefly was "Donnie Darko" starring her brother Jake in the lead role. The only other movies I had seen him in were "Day After Tomorrow" and "Zodiac" but I was told this was the movie to see him in...and it didn't disappoint. Donnie Darko is a kid with some psychological issues...but to be perfect honest, he seemed like an average teenager to me...just a little aggressive is all. For example, in the therapist's session he's asked, "Tell me about your life." "I think about f**king...all the time." "How about school? Do you like school?" "I think about f**king all the time at school." "Okay, how about your family? Tell me about them." "Gross, I don't think about f**king my family." Which I can't understand with Maggie as a sister...but whatever. Anyway, it takes place during the month of October 1988 and Donnie has an episode where he is told by Frank, a 6-foot tall creepy bunny that the world is coming to an end in 28 days, 6 hours, 4 minutes, and 12 seconds. He then awakes on a golf course, then finds out that a jet engine went through the roof of his house and smashed into his bedroom. Creepy, right? I'm not going to tell you any more. I want you to go check this movie out tonight and watch it over the weekend. It's kind of a dark comedy meets a psychological thriller with a dash of suspense thrown in. Also, it really helps to have donate a pint of your blood then watch the movie...just make sure that you stay warm and drink plenty of fluids...and whatever you do, don't listen to Frank. Don't like my summary, here's a comic strip.
Last night was a fabulous 12-hour day at work...but at least I got my Chia Bart and he's soaking in water as we speak. I didn't know this...but they have to be submerged in water for 24 hours so the clay can soak up water, the element of life. Just in case you didn't know that. I didn't. Ch-ch-ch-chia!!!! After that day, I went straight to bed. It was been cold...really, really cold this morning. After only 6 hours of sleep (because I'm an idiot with no concept of time), I went to the Red Cross to donate a pint of my blood. Remember Cami from my last time at the Red Cross? The redheaded vampire? Yeah, she walked me through the paperwork again this time. She's about four months along now. The nurse that actually drew my blood though, her name was Toni...and she was a sweetheart (not really like Bettie Page...but read on). She was making little jokes and stuff the whole time...and you know how I play with that. Best part - When she was prepping my arm, my arm was out and she bent down to get something, breast totally in my hand, and my primal instinct is to squeeze it a little bit...every 3-4 seconds (it's what you're supposed to do when giving blood...not just when a breast is in your hand) but I didn't. That could have been awkward...but it certainly got my out of my morning coma. By the way, not a fistful or anything...but still nice...and it was cold in there."Sorry about that, $teve."
"Ugh...no biggie, I mean...no problem. Anytime."
"No biggie, huh? Well, you do have big hands." She smiles at me.
"That's not what I...best part of my day. Can we just draw my blood already? My comfort level is plummeting here."
"(Giggle) Ah, I'm the best part of your day? That's cute. Well, it is still early. You've probably got a hot date tonight or something." By the way, not hitting on me. She mentioned her daughter earlier.
"(Laughs out loud, mumble to myself) Yeah, maybe next year..."
"What was that?"
"Daredevil has no fear."
"(Giggle) Wow. Not what I was expecting."
"That's how I roll...and I'm not even a pint low yet."
"Well, if you feel lightheaded, just let me know."
"Lightheaded? Are you taking my blood or giving me a Blonde Tranfusion?"
She was a brunette, "Hahaha, that's hilarious. That's honestly the first time I've ever heard that."
"Yeah, me too. I surprise myself sometimes."
Speaking of blondes, I know that it's a horrible stereotype and needs to be stopped, no matter how funny it may be, but did any of you catch former American Idol r'tard Kellie Pickler on "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?" It just goes to show that looks can get you far in life. I'm pretty convinced that I could Pickler if ever met her...simply by a little trickeration."You know, Kellie. It has been proven that the semen of extremely tall men can increase mental capacity and give your skin a healthy glow."
"For reals? Seriously? That's amazing. If only there were a tall guy 'round here."
"Kellie, my face is up here. You're looking at my shirt. Look up, sweetie."
"OH...MY GOD, YOU ARE TALL!!! Do ya think y'can help me out?"
"Well, I'm a little drained from Jessica Simpson and Miss South Carolina earlier today...but I think we can work something out..."
Anyway, the vein was tapped, blood was drawn, we kept BS'ing about whatever...and the other nurses were getting in on it. After words, I went to relax and enjoy some Welch's white grape peach juice (smurfin' delicious) to wash down my Fig Newtons (also smurfin' delicious). As usual, I did get a little lightheaded...but after about 30 minutes I was good to go...so I went home and watched movies while drinking plenty of fluids. Here's a rundown of some of them.
Wonder Twin Powers ACTIVATE!!! - The other night, I watched "Secretary" starring Maggie Gyllenhall and James Spader. This came highly recommended by the Mad Scientist because he overheard me say something along the lines of "That Maggie Jelly Balls is one attractive woman. I wonder if she and her brother Jake are going to be the Wonder Twins in that Justice League movie that's probably never going to happen." "Well, $teve. Have you ever seen "Secretary"? I think you would like it because...well, it's a little..." "I get to see Maggie's Gyllenhalls?" "Exactly." "Hmm, I may have to give this a gander."
Allow me to sum up the plot of "Secretary" if you don't mind. A young woman (Gyllenhall) was just released from an institution because she cut herself...you know, the razor blades on her thighs and stuff...just for the rush. To get back into the swing of society, she tries to get a job...as a secretary...for a slightly eccentric isolated lawyer (Spader). He's a little strict with her and she starts to hate her job...but the lawyer has kind of a voyer thing where he quietly peeks around corners and stuff...and checks out the backside when she's bent over to pick up something, you know...stuff that would normally get you a Sexual Harassment suit in an office environment. Then, he notices that she's cutting herself occasionally at work...so he brings her in, tells her that she's never going to do that again, takes a Polaroid of her smiling, and like that...she's falling in love with him. Then, there was a spanking scene about paper typos which...was quite hot...and probably got my hopes up for the rest of the movie. It takes a slightly different turn though...and I'm not going to spoil it for you, except for this...yes, you do get to see the goods...and they're okay...but most importantly, it's artistically done (therefore not as hot as you would expect...and no funky soundtrack). I say give it a gander...it's kooky...and I like kooky.
Also recommended...and also starring Maggie briefly was "Donnie Darko" starring her brother Jake in the lead role. The only other movies I had seen him in were "Day After Tomorrow" and "Zodiac" but I was told this was the movie to see him in...and it didn't disappoint. Donnie Darko is a kid with some psychological issues...but to be perfect honest, he seemed like an average teenager to me...just a little aggressive is all. For example, in the therapist's session he's asked, "Tell me about your life." "I think about f**king...all the time." "How about school? Do you like school?" "I think about f**king all the time at school." "Okay, how about your family? Tell me about them." "Gross, I don't think about f**king my family." Which I can't understand with Maggie as a sister...but whatever. Anyway, it takes place during the month of October 1988 and Donnie has an episode where he is told by Frank, a 6-foot tall creepy bunny that the world is coming to an end in 28 days, 6 hours, 4 minutes, and 12 seconds. He then awakes on a golf course, then finds out that a jet engine went through the roof of his house and smashed into his bedroom. Creepy, right? I'm not going to tell you any more. I want you to go check this movie out tonight and watch it over the weekend. It's kind of a dark comedy meets a psychological thriller with a dash of suspense thrown in. Also, it really helps to have donate a pint of your blood then watch the movie...just make sure that you stay warm and drink plenty of fluids...and whatever you do, don't listen to Frank. Don't like my summary, here's a comic strip. 
Bubbles recommended that I watch this comedy called "Kickin' It Old Skool" starring Jamie Kennedy and Miguel Nunez. I knew it was a parody of "You Got Served" and I had no intention of watching it when it came out...but if Bubbles recommended it then it has to be good...and it was. Kennedy plays a breakdancing kid who puts himself into a coma trying to win a talent show at his school. Twenty years later, he wakes out of the coma...but is basically still 12 years old at heart...but Jamie Kennedy in body. There are dozens of great, zany characters, 80's references, a David Hasselhoff cameo, another one by Emmanuel Lewis, yet another by Vivica Fox, and plenty of funky fresh moves to keep you entertained...or laughing your ass of. Thanks for the heads up, Bubbles. Any child of the 80's should check this movie out, at least once.
That pretty much brings us to now...where I've decided to call in sick from work...since I work all weekend. Tonight, I might hang out with some friends...but I'll get the word when they get off work. Also, my brother & I plan on going to see "Alien vs. Predator: Requiem" when it comes out on Christmas Day. Anybody who may be interested in seeing it (and doesn't want to feel like the only sci-fi nerd going on Christmas Day) let me know and we can go as a group of nerds, a gaggle of nerds, or as I prefer...a Pride of Nerds. Then we can celebrate Jesus' birthday by watching a gruesome sci-fi monster movie where even the preview is rated R...then turn water into wine (or whiskey) after the sun goes down (at 4 PM). That's really about it. Nothing else to say at this point...but remember the passing of Ike Turner two days ago. Well, the internet has provided me with a hilarious headline that I want to share with you...
Also, I finally put up my Christmas decorations to start up the spirit...and I hope that it puts the spirit in you too. Merry Christmas everyone!!!
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