I Am McLovin!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night after work, I watched an extremely funny movie called "Superbad." Perhaps you've heard of it. I believe it's one of the dozen movies out this year from the makers of "40 Year Old Virgin" and "Knocked Up." If you like penis jokes...and chances are if you're reading this blog, you do...then this movie is the one for you. It's also an homage to those teenage years, where everything is awkward, confusing, and it seems the only thing that's certain is that vulgarity is going to come out of your mouth. Based on my observations, guys will like this movie a lot more than girls...but several of my female friends said that they liked it as well. The soundtrack (and wardrobe) is a funky collection that mirrors my own life and really gives the sense that this is a timeless story about adolescence, the tireless pursuit for alcohol and intercourse, crushes that you're too scared to do anything about, and most importantly - Friendship. I highly recommend it to anyone who likes a good teen movie...and don't be surprised at the amount of penis jokes. You have officially been warned.

This morning, I awoke to a gloomy and chilly day outside...so I decided to have a house cleaning day before going to work the late shift. First things first though, I needed to get some trim...quick. So to do so, I went to my local Super Cuts and they hooked me up. When I arrived, there was only one specialist on duty and the guy she was helping was obviously trying to flirt with her (they only had fashion magazines so I was eavesdropping between text messages). After he was done, he gave her $40 for a tip. She smiled and said "See ya in a few weeks." As he left, an elderly lady walked in and said she needed a cut. "It'll be about fifteen minutes. I just have this gentleman here (me)." "No, that's okay. Ladies first. I don't have anywhere to be."

Five minutes later, another stylist showed up, also attractive, and said "I can do you right here when you're ready." So after choosing my responding words carefully, "Sounds great." I refrained from any perverted innuendo...this time. While she was shorning my flowing locks of mahogany beauty, she & the other stylist were talking about other stylists and dates and their fiances/boyfriends and then it came up, "My regular was just here. He left me a forty dollar tip again. He was just here like two weeks ago." "Creepy." "No, he's a nice guy. I mentioned my fiance like a dozen times like I usually do. I guess he just likes to talk (and look) or something."

So I threw in my two cents since I was there, "It's a lot cheaper than a psychiatrist." They laughed, "Yeah, I guess so." "Hell, if I needed somebody to talk to and wasn't very social, this'd be a nice place to come say howdy and meet some lovely ladies." So then the topic switched to me (my favorite) and they asked me about where I work, if I skiied, travel, all that stuff...then before I knew it, so fresh so clean I was done. "Thank you ladies. It's been a pleasure." I left a THREE dollar tip. So my stamp of approval for Super Cuts, ladies & gentlemen. Good people...and I got my trim.

After that, I watched "Bender's Big Score" the full-length feature movie of Futurama (really like an hour and ten minutes) and it was okay. Nothing out of the usual Futurama...just longer. Then I watched "El Mariachi", the first movie from director / writer / producer / cameraman / editor / best boy / caterer / cowboy Robert Rodriguez and the first movie of the Mariachi trilogy with "Desperado" and "Once Upon a Time in Mexico." It was really good. Having seen the other two movies first (this was the low-budget movie that shot him to superstardom), I really knew what to expect...but it was still pretty good. There's guns, guitars, mayhem, Mexicans, confusion, danger, betrayal, Spanish, and anything else you'd expect from a Robert Rodriguez movie...and all for pennies on the dollar.



What else has happened? Oh yeah, yesterday I was at work and walked by the breakroom where I thought I heard a cat in a rock tumbler on the television. Luckily, no felines were hurt in the taping of this episode of "Montel" but rather it was famous talk show psychic Sylvia Browne. Now, I'm going to express my opinions of Sylvia Browne...and I'm going to try my best to do it without A) Swearing incessently; B) Offending anybody who has any, if not all, of her books; or C) Resorting to childish namecalling. Here it goes. I believe that she is a bullspit artist...and worst of all, not any good at it. I've seen a few Montels & Sally Jesse Raphaels & Jenny Joneses in my day...and she has been on a few of them...and usually when one of these crackpot psychics are on TV, they at least do a half-ass John Edwards kind of "I'm getting a name...that starts with an M. Do you know somebody who's name starts with an M?" "Der, yeah, my dad." "Yup, it's your father. He's saying...something about the money?" You've all seen the South Park episode. You know the carnival game that I'm talking about...except apparently Sylvia Browne.

"Hello Sylvia, I'm from South Dakota...and all my life I've thought that I've had a twin sister watching over me..."
"You had a twin in a past life."
"No. I have a twin sister. I just haven't seen since I was a child and..."
"That's what I said. You had a twin in a past life...and this one."
"What? Can I finish my sentence before you blow smoke up my..."
"Your father was an alcoholic."
"What? Listen (beep), my father was an architect and a great man who..."
"Yes, the man that raised you was an architect...but your biological father was a drunk."
"What the (beep) are you talking about? Don't nobody talk about my daddy..." This is where Montel steps in to end this conversation before it gets violent and they go on to the next phone call.

"Hello Sylvia? My name is Rachel and I'm from South Carolina..."
"You are an African-American woman."
"Wh...no. No, I am actually of Italian descent but my ques..."
"That's what I said, you're a African-Italian...basically Creole."
"Montel, I thought you said this lady was a psychic."

This usually goes on for the entire show (minus commercial breaks). Now, besides that facts that I don't believe she's a true psychic in any sense of the word and she sounds like she either smokes four packs a day or eats gravel with her pancakes, I just don't like her for some reason. It's a feeling I get from her. I understand why you'd want to make some serious money by making books about being a psychic...because there's definitely a market out there for it...and seriously, you've all read my blog, I can ramble on for hundreds of pages about nothing (just ask my teachers in college) but I'm just tired of seeing all these fakes on television. Not actors, fakes. I don't like fakes. Especially when they're claiming to be dead serious...or afterlife serious or whatever. Anyway, that's my word. I don't have anything against all who claim to be psychics...just Sylvia Browne. Don't agree with me? Do you have three or more of her books? Is it just me?

Anyway, that's really all I have for today I think. I just talked to Foxy (formerly Box Girl) and I asked her how the probing was. She seemed a little confused (probably not the best way to start a conversation) but she didn't make it to Movie Night a few weeks back because she didn't have a ride...and apparently didn't think I was willing to give her a ride...or go and pick her up. She has been notified. Coworkers were present for the conversation, so I'm sure that'll get spread around real quick-like. I'm just awkwardly smooth in my own way, I guess.

However, I will leave you with some super cute baby panda pictures that were sent to my email. Why? Because I love the Pandas...but in a purely non-beastial way, just to avoid those rumors. Here you go, the first 120 days in the life of a Panda cub...

Have a groovy night everyone!!!