Kooky Dreams & Christian Bale

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

To start off this entry, I'm going to share with you a kooky dream that I had last night. So be forewarned. It started when I hopped in my dad's truck for "it's last great ride" down to Vegas. By the way, I kinda looked like Adam Sanborn from "Hot Rod" for some reason. Anyway, then there a quick montage of me in Vegas (in a suit) at the craps table, roulette wheel, strip club, hotel room party, all surrounded by beautiful women, then I groggingly drive back home and I glanced down at the speedometer as the truck jostles and smoke come from under the hood. There's a light that comes on that says "Out of Coolant" so I pop the hood and go check it out. I'm on a dirt road in a corn field. The hood didn't pop, so I walk back to the driver side door, and there's a pink & baby blue octopus with big eyes on the side screeching and throwing wrenches and various tools. So how do I react? Hit a high note like an opera singer, causing the octopus to rise up, then it stops screeching...and it goes back into the glove compartment. I know, wowzers, right?

So I need some coolant and I head back to the closest town, which oddly enough is about ten yards behind the truck. Convenient. I walk into the first store and there's a ten-year old kid behind the counter. "Sup buddy? Do you have any antifreeze?" "Yeah, but I can't sell you any." "Well, is there somebody here that can? Is your mom or dad or somebody here?" "Yeah." Silence. "Okay, do you know where they are?" "No." Silence. "Okay, so..." Then a long-haired hippie guy walks by, so I ask him, "Excuse me, sir. Is this your store?" "No, it's my brother's." "Would I be able to buy this bottle of antifreeze from you...and you could tell him about it?" "Sorry man, can't do it."

So I say funk it and head to the next store...which is apparently a modern art gallery...with antifreeze in the window. I walk in...and there's these bottles of antifreeze pouring out of many holes in the bottles and into other bottles, doing the same thing into a little koi pond. "Excuse me. Your bottles here are leaking. Do you have any ones that I could buy?" "Of course, this display is going for $50,000." "Yeah, good luck with that. I mean a gallon of antifreeze to put in my car...or perhaps the whereabouts of the owners of the gas station next door?" "Taw taw, this is an art gallery sir. I suggest you get some culture." "Can Culture keep my truck from overheating? How's that Arts degree paying the bills? No? Make sure to take one of these koi home for dinner tonight. Toodles." From behind me, "$teve, is that you?"

It was an old teacher of mine (not the same one from this dream, but from college) and she's a very short, round Japanese woman barely able to get her head over the counter, which is next to some weird pyramidic fishbowls with fish that won't move...and similar cages with cats in them. "Hey, how's it going?" "Good. So you need some antifreeze?" "Yes, do you know where I can get some?" From the side, "I do." Standing there was Graham Greene, the Indian guy from "Dances with Wolves" & "Maverick" but not in traditional garb, just standard clothes. "Graham, is that you? How you been man?" Then he goes into this old girlfriend that he used to have back in Slick City (apparently he moved out there...wherever it was after they broke up...oh yeah, and we were old friends...despite being about 50 years difference in age) so I try to convince him to come back with me...and we can settle this thing one and for all. Talk to her, confess his love, whatever...I'm just getting out of this town and he can come with me. So he says yeah, we put some antifreeze under the hood...and the octopus comes back screeching and throwing tools...then I wake up. WTF?

Speaking of random silly stuff, I like to end phone conversations with random stupid stuff. It makes me laugh. I think it started when my buddy Isaihia & I would go to Wal-Mart with my brother. While he's getting diapers and all that stuff, my buddy & I would try to make eachother laugh...and passerbys uncomfortable by saying random things like "Why do you never look me in the eyes when we make love?" "We've been over this. You're not an acrobat and there's no mirror in your kitchen" as some scruffy dude would walk past us in the cereal aisle. The first person to crack up...lost. Last I checked, I held a slight edge...but it's always a fun game...so we both win. You get points for the more people you get to look at you...and my strategy is to get families of five when I can. We also like to speak to eachother in a gibberish language that usually either sounds Eastern European or some African dialect depending on who starts the conversation...and we usually know what the other is talking about and like to point at people, talk gibberish to eachother, and then laugh wholeheartedly.

So now, unless I'm on the phone with my boss or something (She's calls me late at night to discuss new promotions. I may press charges some day...but I appreciate the attention now.) then I'll occasionally end the conversation with something like "Okay, have a good night. Monkeys stole my Ferrari." Click. Stuff like that...so it can turn a checkup call with your bank into the knowledge that you just made somebody stop and think for a second, "Did he just say something about Monkeys?" Anyway, it makes me happy...and that's what counts.

So the other day, I watched "American Psycho 2" starring Mila Kunis and William Shatner. Wait for it...don't jump to the conclusion that it's a horrible movie just because Captain Kirk & that irritating hot chick from That 70's Show are the stars. That being said, yeah, it was a pretty horrible movie, which is a bold thing for me to say...because I love Pootie Tang. The first "American Psycho" movie (and I'm told, the book) are about a Wall Street type who is a little crazy and kills people while rambling about 80's music...which is even better than it sounds. This straight-to-DVD sequel is about a twelve-year old girl who kills Patrick Bateman (star of first) and dreams of becoming the top FBI serial killer profiler her whole life. She gets into college...and Shatner is her teacher. She has some competition at being the top student...so she kills them...and it goes from there...and her ramblings are about...well, nothing...less than the nothing that my ramblings are about. Please, don't waste your time on this movie. That being said, watch the original "American Psycho" with Christian Bale.

Speaking of Christian Bale, apparently he's going to be in the next Terminator Trilogy as John Connor (I wonder if Eddie Furlong looks anything like Christian Bale nowadays) but won't be the main character. Instead, there's this "Riddick-esque" character named Marcus that'll be the main action star. Now, I'm glad that there are going to be more futuristic action movie with robots (if not RoboPandas) but the description as a "Riddick-esque" character strikes fear into my heart that Vin Diesel may play Marcus. Let us hope that this doesn't happen. Maybe he can picket and get Gerard Butler to be Marcus. "RUBBLIANS (people that live in the city of Rubble?), THE ROBOTS ARE AMONG US!!! BUT WE WILL NOT GO...WITHOUT A FIGHT!!! GRAB YOUR SHIELDS!!!" "Marcus, we don't have shields." "WHAAT???" "WE DON'T HAVE SHIELDS. WE HAVE GUNS." "OH YEAH, THEN GET YOUR GUNS!!! TONIGHT, WE DINE...IN HELL!!!" "That's not very reassuring." "WHAAAT???" It could be awesome.

New Dark Knight Trailer - Here's a new trailer with some actual movie shots with Christian Bale as Batman, Heath Ledger as the Joker, Maggie Gyllenhall as Bruce's Ladyfriend for the movie, and I think I saw Sir Gary Oldman as commissioner Gordon for a frame or two...but still no Aaron Eckhart as Two-Face or the rumored Cillian Murphy as Scarecrow again. Anyway, check it out.

Potterhead Fix - Here's a fun little ditty for all you Harry Potter fans out there. Enjoy!!!

Movie Night Tonight - "Witches of Eastwick" will be featured and drink will be had. Let me know if you're interested. There's also the party on Saturday for my Aunt Missy's birthday. Anyway, that should do it for the day. More tomorrow...or whenever. Hopefully we'll get to see "AVP: Requiem" tomorrow...but we'll see. I still prefer the Alienator name to the Predalien that they keep calling it...but whatever. Have a great day everybody!!!