It is now officially the last week before Christmas...and I have most of my Christmas shopping done...but I've left out some of the most important ones so far, like my mom, my stepmom, Jesus, and a step-aunt that I'm supposed to get a present for a family thing. How do I solve this dilemma with only a few days? Go to the Dancing Crane for the ladies to get something cool and/or shiny. Jesus is always a toughy though. I mean...the man has everything. I'd get him a movie like my father (who also has everything) but when you're the star of the "Greatest Story Ever Told" it's kind of hard to appreciate "Balls of Fury" and it's pointless to get him a movie with some shameless nudity...because he was there when it was made. It's like giving an artist a painting that they painted. Oh well, I'll think of something I'm sure. He is a carpenter. Maybe he could use some of those new tools like the electric leveler or a automatic hammer or something. I smell a stop by the Home Depot.
Eagles Season is Officially Over - With the Minnesota Vikings winning last night, the Philadelphia Eagles are no longer eligible for the NFL's postseason. So no fancy Wild Card run through the Seahawks, Cowboys, Packers, and Patriots to win their first championship since gas was a nickel a gallon or something like that...just anxiously awaiting their mid-first round draft pick...probably a wide receiver who will eventually suck...but hey, I've been surprised before. Will they bail on Donovan McNabb? Will Brian Westbrook step in at quarterback...since allegedly he's the only good player on the team according to ESPN sportscasters? Will Andy Reid finally shave the moustache and reveal to the world his true identity...George Wendt? So many questions...only time will tell...
Dicky V Has Surgery, Baby!!! - Dick Vitale, the most prominent college basketball broadcaster of the last thirty years or so had surgery on his vocal cords today in Boston. For the first time in 28 years with ESPN, Dicky V will miss an assignment...but is planning to make a full recovery by February, just in time for March Madness, the NCAA college basketball championship tournament. Say what you will about his "Diaper Dandies" and seemingless endless string of random metaphors for some great basketball players...but the man truly seems to love his job...and we should all be so lucky. His sincere enthusiasm, even at the age of 68, is something we should all exhibit in our daily lives. "HEY!!! Great hustle on that TPS report, Jan!!!" "Look at Ron winning over the board in his presentation. It's AWESOME, BABY!!!" "That Sylvia in accounts receivable is a real Diaper Dandy. In only her first year, she's gone from the mail room to executive assistant to managing her own department. UP, UP, UP & AWAY!!! Breakin' through that glass ceiling with the heart of a champion."
Charity Request for the Day - Dick Vitale is also an avid fundraiser for the V Foundation, a cancer research foundation named for his departed close friend and former college basketball coach and broadcaster Jimmy Valvano. Coach Valvano was an inspiring individual and his story of heart, passion, perseverance, determination, and above all Love is one that transcends sports and television. If you find that you have a few extra dollars this year from your Christmas bonus or something, please feel free to donate to the V Foundation...and if you're ever thinking that something is too hard and you feel like quitting, just remember his simple...yet effective message. "Don't give up. Don't EVER give up."I really don't have much else to talk about. JL Clyde has a new purple phone. Bubbles & I are having a Movie Night tomorrow if you're interested. Not sure what we're going to see...but a fun time will be had by all. My brother asked me if I was getting "The Simpsons Movie" for Christmas. "Why would I know this? If it's a gift, I'm not going to know." "Oh yeah...but...okay, I'll check with Mom & Dad...and like, don't buy it or anything. Okay?" "Okay. Deal." Now I have to practice my surprise face. That's really stretching for info to share right now. I have to pee a little. Too much?
Now, I didn't think it was possible...but I have been accused of having an overactive imagination at times. Now, I do a fairly good job of keeping reality and fantasy separated (unfortunately) so when I was checking my MySpace account and stumbled upon this quiz (along with many Friend Requests from deleted profiles and promiscuious women) about imagining myself as various objects, I thought it would be fun...and here are the results...
Imagine you're...
A Landmark: The Grand Canyon - People would be amazed at just how vastly hollow I am
A Sport: Basketball - I've always wanted to get a tattoo of a basketball on my heart. That's kind of a lie. Otherwise, wouldn't I already have that tattoo?
A Holiday: Thanksgiving - Only change I would make...usually I eat the pie before enjoying the stuffin'
A Food Group: Sweets & Phats - Everybody calls me sugar or says I'm sweet...until they get to know me too much...then I make them sick. I also go straight to your hips.
An Energy Drink: Rock Star 21 - Full of energy and probably the same alcohol content
An iPod: ??? One of those 80GB big boys that know a wide variety of songs...but country would be left out
A Song: "Slow Jamz" by Twista, Kanye, & Jamie Foxx or "Me & My Monkey" by Robbie Williams (Tip: If you've never heard "Me & My Monkey" check it out on my MySpace page)
Type of Cosmetic Surgery: Switching faces with John Travolta? I look tired sometimes...then I sound like Nicolas Cage
A School Subject: Marketing 6900: Advanced Pimpology III - Dozens of Prerequisite courses...but this is your actual fieldwork. Course will focus on Mathematics, Persuasive Tactics, the Art of Standard Lessening of Attitude Procedures (S.L.A.P.), Style (special substitute teacher JL Clyde), and special attention paid to where your game may be lacking. The course is fairly intense...and you must pay all cover charges at the club...but upon completion you will received your honorary Ph.DD (the extra D is for a Double Dose of this Pimpin'). Can you dig it
A Piece of Paper: Probably one of those penis drawings from "Superbad" or some doodling by Picasso in his mid-twenties where there was some girl-on-girl action
Type of Clothing: Terry Cloth Robe - Thick, soothing, and I'll keep you warm on those cold winter nights
A Form Of Communication: Hand Gestures - A peace sign, the Finger, hang loose, sign language, so much can be communicated without saying a word.
A Sin: Lust - I actually have no idea what second place would be
An Exercise: Squat Thrusts...and lots of 'em
A Pair of Underwear: Loose-fitting Silk Boxers with Dollar bills on them - If you ask nice, I just might show them to you
A Store: Wal-Mart - One day, this world will be MINE!!!
A Drink: NyQuil - Just take me 'til you doze off
A Pair of Shoes: Black Converse High Tops with white logo
A US City: Vegas - I try to put forth this family-friendly image...but take the kids to Anaheim or Orlando, this is where the adults have fun
A Toy: Wii - To explain why, please enjoy this video
A Piece of Jewelry: Jewel-studded Grill - Because I'm just f**king ridiculous...
A Season: Spring - I'm not that hot...but still quite pleasurable
A Form of Transportation: Time Traveling DeLorian - Flux Capacitor, Mr. Fusion, Stainless Steel body, a Lightning Rod, that has me written all over it
A Color: Blue - The sky, the ocean, lovely eyes, Boise State's football field, B.B. King's music, lots of beautiful things... "You're my boy, Blue!!!"
A Dummies Book: Blogging for Dummies - Talk about boring daily stuff, throw in some clever metaphor (perverted if possible), ramble about some badass celebrity's birthday, see if there's anything in the news worth rambling about, maybe do a top 10 list (or 5 if you don't have enough fingers...like me), close with a picture of a hottie when on a sour note. That'll be $12.95 US / $15.95 CA through PayPal
A Summer Activity: Sweating - You don't even have to be thinking about me for me to get you wet...
A High School Stereotype: Undersexed Clever Nerd - Think "Superbad" meets "Revenge of the Nerds"
A Chore: Picking Up Broken Glass - If I don't get done soon...somebody could get hurt
A Reason for Being Pulled Over: Overuse of "Your Mom" Responses - "I wasn't aware that there was legislation passed, Officer. Your mom didn't tell me. Oh my God!!! I'm so sorry. I have this condition. I think your mom gave it to me. CRAP!!! I need help!!!"
A Girls Name: Anita Lover - True statement...and author of "The Devil's Diet"
A Game: Strip Two-Hand Touch & Naked Wrestling - It's really just a fancy way of saying foreplay & rough sex (The Safe Word is...Statutory)
A Form of Giftwrap: Wrapped in a Newspaper - Admit it!!! You have NO idea what it is under the Classifieds (unless I have it circled)
A TV Channel: Comedy Central - Only the cool kids know I exist
A Bad Habit: Masturbation - The only reason I wouldn't do it is if somebody else did. It's a tribute to my work ethic.
A Fear: Arachibutyrophobia - Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. I should do more Fear things like I did back in the day. I think I only got to letter G.
A House: Playboy Mansion - Why not?
A Book Genre: Romance Novels - Some day, I might share my little short story that I wrote for a ladyfriend who was reading a Danielle Steele novel...and a book about Popes...at the same time. I call it "Forbidden Love - The Story of Pope Stephano X"
An Accent: Southern U.S. - I have a bit of a draw and people think I'm slow...but it'd have to be a Texas accent because you can make out some of the words
An Oral Procedure: Smiling - It's what I live for
A Type of Candy: Sucker - All the way down to the soggy white stick
Yeah, I guess that'll do it for tonight. Have a great day everybody...and let me know if you're interested in Movie Night tomorrow. Donate to the V Foundation if you can. Together we can make a difference. Now, I have a four-day weekend where I may or may not blog...so until then, get that Christmas shopping done...but more importantly, let the good people out there know how much you love & care for them. Peace!!!
10 comments:
We hope you find a really good present for Jesus. Hope yours and Milla's baby is healthy and we suggest staying away from Bart Chia's eyes until you get some. Look forward to reading your blog after your vacation. Have a happy Christmas.
You have a wonderful Christmas as well, your Majesty. Let me know if you need anything before I retire for the day. Our baby is doing okay...but I'm just not sure how she's going to break the news to Paul (fiance). Oh well, not my problem...yet. I'm thinking Lelu if it's a girl...but Milla thinks it's corny. What are your thoughts?
"I also go straight to your hips."
Funny line, Dude.
Thank you sir. I have my moments. :)
Lakisha, Queen, Yolanda or Roseboretha those are some of our suggestions. If Milla doesn't like those then get rid of her you could do so much better anyway. Let us know which ones your favorite.
Oh, by the way Princess. Your identity is not longer a secret. I saw your picture frame today in your special fortress of solitude. I will briefly consider those other names...but since I want a sun named King...maybe Queen isn't that bad. I'll let her know the options. Thank you for your support.
You know those "obvious" names was our Christmas present to you. And we would like to know what frame your referring to? There are a few different ones ya know. After all we do have an abundance of photos around here, we are stars.
The frame was next to where I was sitting yesterday during the Christmas party (complete with named individuals) in kind of a pile...but that's when it all clicked. True, I'm no Columbo...but I do have just one more question. Weren't those some good grilled cheese sandwiches yesterday?
Oh Mookie, grilled cheese, pile of pictures??? No idea what you are talking about. We thought at first you may have had it but we are thinking now you don't, and how could you confuse us with someone who does not have true princess blood running through their veins. Disappointment is in our thoughts. We thought those names would be enough but guess not. Let's try again. If you were to put us two princesses together you would have Shakira [blood line] speaking.
M'kay. I thought you were Princess of the Homies but apparently there was a miscommunication somewhere...or at the very least a misinterpretation. Like I said, no Columbo.
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