Dallas Adventure

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

My mom spent the evening at my place last night so that I could wake up early and drive her to the airport. I woke up and glanced at the clock at precisely 4:44 AM, a few seconds before the alarm was set to go off. Am I the only one that does that? Anyway, I was up and ready to walk out the door by 4:48 AM…but we left when my mom was ready around 5:08 AM. She's living it up in Cleveland, home of LeBron James & the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame among other things. Why am I not with her? I was only in this state 8 days in the month of November…and I miss my peeps. Yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Now, here's the down low on my trip this past weekend to Dallas (clap clap clap clap) deep in the heaaaaart of Texas.

Day 1 - Go Packers!!!

I woke up around 5 AM to pack (that's right, I do last minute packing when it's just clothes for a weekend) then went to my dad's to have him drive me to the airport. I don't think I say it enough on this blog…or in his presence, but I love my dad. He's a cool cat…and I really do appreciate him. He's a good Wingman too…except he doesn't get me laid. Oh well, maybe some day he will. Anyway, he dropped me off (after telling me how jealous he was that I was going to the NFC game of the year). Three months ago, when the ticket was first offered to me, it was just another game. Sure, the Cowboys are my least favorite team…but Brett Favre was going to be there…and we'd expect two 4-7 or 5-6 teams playing each other…not two 10-1 teams with their divisions locked up. Man, this was gonna be good. No, Adriana Lima wasn't waiting for me at the airport…but there was a surprise waiting for me at the other airport.

The flight over there was extremely uneventful other than I noticed a lot of passengers in either Cowboys or Packers attire. Then towards the end of the flight, I was on the last row so a stewardess had her fold-down seat right next to me (small plane) and we got to chatting how cramped the seat must be for me. "Ah nah, this flight's nothing. It was the flights to Barcelona last week that sucked." We got to chatting about Dallas, what there is to do, the football game tonight, all the usual blah blah blah. She wasn't flirting or anything, just bored…and I was my usual charming self.

When I met up with my companions at the airport (other flight for them), this were the surprise came in. Several months ago, the idea of a rental car was brought up…and I thought it would be rather silly because public transportation is pretty good in Dallas…and a cab could take us to further destinations for just as much, if not less. "So…apparently you need to rent the car…because you're over 25 and have a credit card. I called back when I booked it and they said it wasn't a problem…but it is." Of course it is. You're renting a car. They're not going to give you the keys to a car without A) a method of payment if you total it; B) Insurance to reimburse a damaged vehicle; C) Somebody of age to have some kind of credit rating to destroy if it happens. Rental companies aren't retarded, that's why they're still in business. So why did I agree to it? Because it would be just as much as taxis around (except I'd have to be designated driver) but if were going somewhere, it would have to be somewhere that I wanted to go. Karma had my back if push came to shove.

To reiterate who I was going with, it was a female coworker Cat and two of her friends. Because I'll probably only see them on this trip to Dallas, we'll call them J.R. & Sue Ellen. I had met J.R. & Sue Ellen once before for about an hour to discuss the rental car (and lack of actually needing one) among other things. They're pretty cool cats. J.R. is a typical guy who loves dirty jokes, beer, and usual guy stuff. Sue Ellen seems like a typical girl. However, it was the afternoon and we were hungry, so we hopped into our rental Chevy Cobalt and looked for food. By the way, my lanky ass in a Cobalt is like that tall guy on the Simpsons. "Do you find something comical about me in my automobile?" Also, the street of Dallas (or anywhere in Texas I've found) basically are a bunch of spaghetti bowls and loops…which are completely different from the simple grids that are here in Utah. We'd only get lost a few times that first day though.

Dickey's on Harry Hines - Our first stop was to get food…and we got a little lost after driving past Texas Stadium but exited on Harry Hines Blvd (funniest name at that point) and stopped at a barbecue place called Dickey's. I had the pulled pork dinner with Mac & cheese and fried okra. It was pretty good. Not the best but definitely not the worst. I got a good feel for the friends' sense of humor as our conversation was quite comical about the Texas-theme of the restaurant…and included thoughts of a midget that hung out in the bathrooms folding napkins. We assumed the midget's name was Dickey…and he had been folding since the place opened.

After lunch, we headed to Texas Stadium to check out the pregame rituals of the Packers / Cowboys game. To my surprise, about a third of the fans in the stands were actually Packer fans. Far more than I had anticipated. There were also a multitude of Mixed Couples. That is, couples or families that wore both Packer jerseys & Cowboy jerseys. You could also kinda tell who the Fairweather fans were (wearing #9 Rhomo jerseys) and the long time fans were (wearing #92 Reggie White jerseys. GO EAGLES!!! RIP Minister of Defense). What was I wearing you ask? Well, I can proudly say that Dee's Nuts were in Texas Stadium…shortly before they tore it down. Here are some pictures of the pregame stuff…

Five hours before gametime...already crazy...

RIP Reggie White, the "Minister of Defense"

Husband, Father, Preacher, Eagle

This guy may have just been confused who to cheer for

A Cheese Cowboy Hat?

I sure could go for a Pepsi right now...

Dee's Nuts in Texas Stadium

$teve, Cat, Sue Ellen, & J.R.

I don't mean to point out the obvious...

but your roof has a huge hole in it.

I feel so...dirty. Won't come clean...

Take that, Star!!!

Now I'm crushing the Star!!!

Oh my God, it's Deion Sanders!!!

Remember the Mixed Couples comment earlier?

"Oh my God, it's Brett Favre!!!

Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod..."

"WHAT TIME IS IT??? GAMETIME!!!"

The seats were in the upper bowl…but it was still an impressive experience. The National Anthem was sung by Los Lonely Boys, tremendously. The crowd gets so loud you can feel the ground shake (probably why they're building a new one in Arlington) and it was quite intense. Throughout the game, I was cheering for the Packers…and there was an incredibly unpleasant tone in my voice whenever Terrell Owens was involved…but he really wasn't a factor until the 4th quarter or so. As mentioned yesterday, he & Courtney Love would top the list…if I had a list of celebrities that had to go…but luckily I'm not really that vindictive or anything. Karma will get them. Sadly Brett Favre was hurt…but Aaron Rodgers did a good job filling in and it was a pretty close game up until the end.

At least I'm in the right section...

"Dude, don't touch that!!! It's hot!!!"

Halftime Show - Honoring of the

1977 & 1992 championship Cowboy teams

including Staubach, "Too Tall", Randy White,

Aikman, Emmitt, Irvin, and others.

"Rhomo goes back to pass..."

Final Score - Cowboys 37, Packers 27

After the game, we made the journey back to our car listening to drunken Cowboy fans make vulgar remarks about the "Fudge" Packers…and the obvious response was either "Incredibly mature, guys" or "Skithickers!!!" There was a point where one fan throw a football and accidentally hit Cat in the face. "Oh crap, I'm sorry. You okay?" She didn't reply…but I did softly "McNabb would have made that throw" and I think it just confused him…because he didn't say anything audible after that. Probably thinking something along the lines of "McNabb? What the hell does he have to do with anything?" Go Eagles!!!

The drive to the hotel was…well, it took an hour-and-a-half because of the construction, lack of good signage, and traffic from the stadium. We called the hotel for directions. "Yeah, um you take 183 East towards Dallas." "Yeah, I've got that but there's only signs for 183 West on this highway. How do we get going East?" "Well, East is on the other side of West." "Ugh…wow, really? (You must have gone to school during the Governor Bush years) Awesome. Thanks, see you in a few." We were all getting a little snippy because of being tired (and lost) but eventually we made it to our room for the night at the Marriott Suites Market Center. It was a pretty nice hotel. Honestly didn't spend much time there…but the bed was okay. The suite that I got was better than the room that the other three had to share…so I let the couple use my room and I stayed in the double-bedded room with Cat…because I'm a nice guy like that. Oh yeah, we stopped by Whataburger for dinner at 1 AM before going to bed. Probably not the best idea digestively…but we were all hungry.

Day 2 - City of Dallas & Fort Worth

Cat & I woke up because we wanted to see the city while J.R. & Sue Ellen slept in. There was a cute front desk clerk named Lauren who informed us of a complimentary shuttle that will take us within a five mile radius of the hotel (basically all of downtown). We gladly accepted that benefit and went to our first stop of the day.

Sixth Floor Museum at Dealey Plaza - Oh yeah, last December I went to the JFK Library & Museum in Boston and heard of this JFK Museum in Dallas at the site of his assassination. It was all there - a history of his presidency, video of his speeches, reenactments and models like I was in an Oliver Stone movie on the subject, the stacked boxes where Lee Harvey Oswald (allegedly) set up, windows facing the plaza, the road, the grassy knoll, and everything else that you'd see from the Zabruder film. No pictures or anything were allowed within the museum…but you'd be damn sure we were getting some pictures of that grassy knoll and the plaza. Had it not rained and made the ground muddy, you'd probably see $teve hop a fence and be that mysterious gunman…but it was not to be. Then we walked about town…

From that 6th story window, Oswald (allegedly) fired

The Grassy Knoll

JFK Memorial

Isn't that a federal offense, Cat?

The Old Red Museum - Not sure what's in there...

Breakfast was at Sonny Bryan's Smokehouse near the museum. It too was pretty good. We both had the Pig Out Platter (pulled pork, short ribs, roll, Mac & cheese, etc. After that, we walked around the city some more and found this place called Thanksgiving Square. For those who don't know, Texas is like the big shiny buckle of the Bible Belt…but then again, Sam Kinison was a preacher…so we took some pictures…

Pig Out Platter at Sonny Bryan's

Dirty Window Art

I like the first part "Eat Cookies"

but the second part is just mean...

Wild Wild West - "They'll blow you...away."

It certainly grabs my attention...

Thanksgiving Square

Apparently, God believes in mutual masturbation

A Special Message to all my readers...

If you were a tree, I'd hug you too

Flying Naked Horse Thieves

First United Methodist Church - Second to None

The Evolutionary link between Horses & Giraffes

Dallas Museum of Art - "Hell yeah we got culture" - This museum was actually one of my favorite that I've ever been to because of it's wide array of arts from different cultures…and it was genuinely interesting and entertaining to me at the same time. Here's proof of that…

Japanese Strongmen standing on smaller creatures

An Incredibly Shy Jesus

Picasso's "Eddie Van Halen"

Indonesian Gods...so small...

Originally, I was going to bounce a quarter

off that backside...but the museum guard

was watching me...and with good reason

Winston Churchill's Energizer Bunny, no joke!!!

That's why he kept going...and going...and going...

Modern Art - Sometimes I don't want to get it...

$teve chilling in the garden

Nasher Sculpture Garden - I like sculpture…especially modern art sculptures…because they're so easy to laugh about most of the time. Also, there was a special exhibit for Gaston Lachaise and his works entitled "Woman" so you know that I was interested…but unfortunately, pictures weren't allowed of this exhibit, so check out the link for more. Trust me, it's worth a gander…especially if you like fat bottomed girls like I do.

Don't worry, I gave her my coat

Inspiration for the hole in Texas Stadium

The artist's name? GOD!!!

This work had a message - Hedgeclipper Safety

Five bucks says this sculptor killed themself

What is Cat & that guy looking at?

It looks like it leads to nowhere but...

It actually leads into the hole of

the Prince Albert Building

We also ventured over to the hotel that I originally planned on staying at before 'cost' was an issue, the brand new Ritz-Carlton, Dallas. I was able to snap these pictures before making the mistake of asking permission…and being denied…but believe me when I say that this is a beautiful hotel…and if you ever get the chance, I suggest that you check it out firsthand.

"Mr. Dallas, the infection is spreading.

If we don't act now, we may have to

amputate the city of Irving."

After that, we met up with J.R. & Sue Ellen back on the other side of town and took the shuttle back to the hotel briefly before heading out to meet up with J.R.'s friend who lives in Fort Worth, home of the TCU Horned Frogs…and about an hour drive from Dallas. We met up with his friend and his new wife, we'll call them…Joe & Rosario, because Joe worked with the army and his wife Rosario was from Jersey…and sounded EXACTLY and looked a lot like Rosario Dawson. They were pretty cool cats too.

We had dinner at the nearby Hoffbrau Steakhouse. You'll never guess what I had. That's right, barbecue…but not just any barbecue…Dr. Pepper's Barbecue Chicken (with pepper jack cheese and steak fries). Say what you will about Dr. Pepper the beverage having 23 flavors…which still make it only one…and it's not good…but their barbecue sauce isn't that bad. It's tangy. Dare I say "Best in Texas"? Of course not…because I only tried a few…but still, pretty good.

Some neon for my buddy B.

After dinner, we went to the Dollartree (that's right, the dollar store) and did some shopping. Joe actually got quite a few necessities for his new place (spatulas, cooking ware, etc.) and I bought me a shot glass and a cool little Tiger sculpture. Not bad for a buck, right? Yeah, those were my souvenirs for the trip. After that, we went across the parking lot to the Movie Tavern, played some pool, drank some beer, then watched "American Gangster" with Denzel & Russell Crowe. FINALLY. It was a pretty good movie. There were also great smaller performances by guys like Armand Assante & Josh Brolin. However, if I don't get paid back in full for that rental car in the next few weeks…I may have to go Denzel on Cat, J.R., and Sue Ellen…

After the movie, we said our goodbyes and headed back to the hotel for the night. The drive back was MUCH faster than the drive to Fort Worth, now knowing where I was going…so much so, that I was afraid of getting a ticket a few times…but luckily it didn't happen. Sleep was had…no crazy dreams or anything.

Day 3 - Arlington

This Saturday morning, we woke up and got ready to drive about 30 minutes to the booming city of Arlington, where they're building the new Texas Stadium and already have Arlington Ballpark, where the Texas Rangers play baseball. We had lunch at Shady Oaks, another barbecue joint where I had Texas quesadillas and a pulled pork sandwich…along with a margarita. Cat & I went walking around the Courtyard that we were staying at, easily within walking distance to the venues…and a pretty nice park area in between (despite the somewhat gloomy weather and occasional sprinkling throughout the day).

The Nolan Ryan Expressway

New Cowboys Stadium in Arlington

I'll try to pretty that up a bit

Arlington Ballpark, home of the Texas Rangers

Covered with these mini-murals of their favorite

scenes from "Brokeback Mountain"

The ballpark was closed off...but I got this shot

before they hunted me down with the dogs

We stopped at the Arlington Visitors Center across the street from the ballpark to see what Arlington had to offer. We were greeted by three lovely elderly ladies who were more than happy to tell us what the city had to offer…but not before they asked the burning question on seemingly every Texan's mind - "How tall are you?" It wasn't enough that I was obviously pretty tall…but they needed an exact measurement. "Tall enough" wasn't going to cut it (clap clap clap clap) deep in the heart of Texas. Anyway, after answering "Six-foot-eight" they told us about all the wonderful antique shopping, children's play areas, baseball museums (across the street), and a bunch of other stuff that I kind of drifted in & out from because it involved shopping, not my favorite activity. Sweet ladies though. It's not their fault that I wasn't really interested in their city except for Six Flags.

On the walk back to the hotel, Cat & I discussed what we were to do for the three hours between then & when Six Flags opened (seasonal hours are 4-10). She wanted to drive back to the other side of Dallas to shop…and I didn't. Who won the argument? The one with the keys. She seemed like she could've used a nap anyway…especially when her response was a sarcastic whiny 12-year old girl's "Fine, we'll just spend all day at the hotel." That translated directly to me as "Fine, we'll just spend all day at the hotel." Which was a great idea, so we went with it…for the three hours until the park opened. I checked my email and watched TV.

I don't know what you guys think about these new Fathead.com commercials…but I like them. The straight-faced delivery of the announcer, the fire-breathing bear in the Urlacher jersey, the quality product, even the mention of a buy-one-get-another-half-off sale, it's hilarious marketing at its finest. Will I get one? I already don't have enough wall space…and they don't make Bettie Page or Adriana Lima fatheads yet. By the way, even though Bettie is eighty something now, I'd still love to have lunch with her or something. She can even preach the gospel to me, like she's been doing the last forty years, and I'd still die a happy man to have a meal with that curvy Southern belle.

Oh yeah, the fathead thing was mentioned because I was back at the hotel watching ESPN after lunch…and that commercial came on during the Evel Knievel thing that I mentioned yesterday (remember, the balls bitten off the lion by his great-great-great-great-great-grandfather story).

When Six Flags Over Texas, Arlington opened, we drove about three miles to the parking lot (I covered parking because they were winning about $4 a pop being too much) and went into the park. The amusement park was great…as the pictures will show…

Where cartoons come alive...

I found my REAL parents...

The intelligence and playboy attitude of Batman

The raw sex appeal and kinky side of Wonder Woman

I'll tie you up AND put you in rubber

I always thought Shaggy was supposed to be the tall one...

This confused me...even more than the talking animals

This sign says "France" but directly below it...

is a Mariachi, a Senorita, a map, and Ms. Pac-Man

This ride kicked ass!!!

As did this one - a pitch-black roller coaster

This too kicked ass - The Titan!!!

This ride did not - A log ride where you couldn't get wet

Wile E. Coyote - Super Genius

Speedy Gonzalez - "Aribaribaribariba!!!"

Tehehe, Porky is riding an ass...

On the way back, there was a little bit of drama with the sleeping arrangements…but it was settled. Luckily, I wasn't really involved…because I had MY room. Watched a little "Unleashed" on TNT before dozing off.

Day 4 - Back to Slick City

It was really an uneventful trip back. Because of the previous night's drama, it was very quick and quiet drive back to the airport. We dropped off the rental car…and went our separate ways (different flights again). On the flight back, I sat next to the same family as the flight there, still decked out in both Cowboys & Packers attire. We talked a little about the game and what we did in Dallas. Apparently, the father had been there a few times so they just went to restaurants I had never heard of and the wife did shopping. I liked my trip better.

The flight into Utah was beautiful outside the window. Since I had left, there had been a few snowstorms, so now the Rockies were covered with ice set against craggy peaks and drop-offs. I love the mountains…like, more than a friend. That's why I travel all over the world…but still come back to Utah when it's all said and done. That…and my family and friends. Speaking of which, my dad picked me up at the airport and we watched football the rest of the day. There were some questionable calls during some of the games (including the Cowboys/Packers one) but all in all, a great day for football. I'm starting to rhyme and I like it.

After a home cooked meal of chicken noodle soup (my step mom can cook some good soup & chili among other things) and biscuits, I went back to my house to relax for a few and watch "I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry" with Adam Sandler, Kevin James, and Jessica Biel. Not Sandler's best…but still pretty good.

Movie Night Tonight - Anybody who's interested, there's another movie night…and no, I haven't seen Box Girl since last Movie Night…so she very well may still be on the Mothership Funkatron with all my ancestors in the sky getting probed like crazy…because I know what they like. Tonight, we watch "A Perfect World" starring Clint Eastwood, Kevin Costner, and a distant relative, T.J. Lowther as the little kid. I've never seen this movie…but hear good things. The second movie, I'm hoping will end up being "Superbad" which came out today on DVD and I rented it from Blockbuster.

Disclaimer of the Day - By the way, it has been requested from time to time that I reveal the identities of some of my mentioned associates…such as Box Girl, Mr. & Mrs. Wingman, Bubbles, Spitso, The Mad Scientist, JL Clyde, Cat, J.R., Sue Ellen, the Second Gunman, Baby Lindbergh, and others…but for their privacy, I cannot disclose this information. However, I'm sure if you ask them directly, they may be willing to share that information…but until then, I shall use their silly nom de plumes (if that's really the plural French form). Also, at this time, I have decided to officially change Box Girl's identity to simply Foxy. It's easy, similar, and it doesn't involve that "gladly put anything you want in your box" story from a few months ago as reference…besides, it's Foxy. Quite fitting.

Anyway, that should be enough for today. I've already jammed a Texas-sized weekend into one blog…so have a great day and I'll see you all tomorrow. Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel...