Dr. Love at Your Service

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yesterday, I didn't do much for myself...as far as Christmas shopping, cleaning around the house, or any of that other stuff...but Christmas is the time for Giving...so I gave some of my time out to some of the lovely ladies that make this time of year so great. It was the least that I could do...and it was quite fun.

I got a call from a friend, we'll call her...Filly (she likes horses), and she wanted to go see a movie with some of her friends...which included me. I had nothing better to do...and she was willing to cook for me, so I went down there. I had to stop by my work to pick up my Christmas present for her...and while there, I thought I'd say hi to my buddy JL Clyde, who was having a little bit of a rough day at work, so I chat-chitted with her for a few minutes to get a smile on her face (I'm a sucker for smiles, as you know) and then made my way to Filly's. Unfortunately, along the way out of the building, I ran into my buddy Bubbles, who was having a really bad day...so I tried to make her smile during a quick smoke break (I don't smoke but that's like Dr. Love's treatment room for some people) and was rather successfully for just a few minutes.



Filly made me a nice steak, potatoes, and green beans in bacon dinner...but unfortunately her other friends flaked out on her (sarcastic surprise gasp) so we basically just decided to watch movies at her place. We started with "Suspect Zero" starring Aaron Eckhart, Carrie Anne-Moss, and Sir Ben Kingsley. It was an incredibly average movie. As usual, Filly & I just ended up laughing our asses off half the movie...and it's a serial killer hunter thriller. That's how I am with movies...especially in groups with giggly girls. Kingsley did a great job being a creepy killer...but surprisingly, Eckhart was lackluster. To see a good Eckhart movie, check out "Thank You for Smoking" or wait until he's Two-Face/Harvey Dent in "The Dark Knight" this summer. Carrie Anne-Moss was her usual typecast "Bitch of an ex-lover" role and Harry Lennix ("Mo Money", "Ray", "The Matrix Reloaded") was his usual typecast "Nerdy Black Corporate Guy who doesn't listen to other people and thinks your ideas are ridiculous". Average...but we made it humorous.



After that movie, we decided to watch "Garfield & Friends" Season two. Please...don't give me that look. I remember as a child waking up at 6 AM on Saturday mornings to see this show...so I thought I'd give it a shot. You know, a little throwback to the youth or something. However, this show was extremely funny to me...and no, I wasn't high. Memories of Garfield, Odie, Jon, Orson, Roy, Booker & Sheldon, and my personal favorite, the loveably annoying, pun-spitting Binky the Clown. "HEEEEEEEY CAT!!!" If any of you watched this show as a kid, I'd suggest checking it out again. It's worth it. Really, it's clever...especially by kid's show standards. Had I an offspring or two, I would rather have them watch "Garfield & Friends" than Bratz or any of this other swaller on the television for kids nowadays.



Speaking of crazy kids stuff, my brother called me yesterday and this conversation ensues (slightly paraphrased...but not much).



"Hey $teve, that sucks that you're not coming down today...but if you're out Christmas shopping or something, could you help me find a gift for Kelaudri (3-year old niece)?"
"Sure bro, what are you looking for?"
"Okay, it's called a Baby Alive Wet & Wiggles doll...and we want the infant sized one because...well, it's for Kelaudri."
"Okay, are they just sold out everywhere or what?"
"Dude, I've tried like four stores that said they had them online...then I went there and they were gone. Some places like eBay are selling them for $50-60 but they're normally only $25."
"It's called supply and demand...but I'm not going into that right now. Have you tried Amazon or ordering it through the Baby Alive website or something?"
"That's a good idea. (Checks quick) Sold out, back order for 2-3 months."
"Do these dolls cure disease or something? What's so different about these dolls from the millions of other Chinese-made disease-ridden dolls on the market?"
"Well, this doll...has a penis."
"(Silence) And?"
"That's it. It's one of those dolls that wets itself and cries and all that stuff...like it's a real baby...only it has a penis, it's anatomically correct."
"(Stunned silence) Wwwwhy...(How do I put this lightly? Oh screw it, it's my brother) why in the world would you want your three-year old daughter to have a doll with a penis? She doesn't need to know about that stuff until she's AT LEAST five. If you want to show her a baby penis sooner than that, you can show her Kiel junior's when he comes out in a few months...and she won't have a problem seeing it...or check this, if you don't want to pay the $50-60 for one, buy one of those other wetting dolls for $20 or whatever, bring it by and I'll stitch a little mushroom head on there for ya. How about that?"
"Dude, I don't care about this doll. Ashley (sister-in-law) really wants it for her for some reason."
"Put her on the phone. I've got some questions for her." Similar discussion, she still wants the doll for some reason...so if you know where I can score a Baby Alive Wet & Wiggles infant male doll for about $30, please let a brother know. If not, I may have to stitch on Frankenstien's Frank & Berries onto another doll. I have no problem with it...but Kelaudri may have issues down the line. By the way, Ashley also texted me last night to tell me that Kairi (one-year old niece) motorboated her last night. Apparently, Uncle $teve has taught her well...maybe too well.



Anyway, after Filly's, I knew that I was driving by work again on the way home, so I thought I'd check in with Bubbles to see if she was okay and wanted some company. She was...and she did, so I stopped by to say howdy and make sure she really was doing okay. Luckily, she was...so I could just joke around with her and get those smiles outta her (it had been a few minutes and I needed my fix) and before I knew it...two hours had passed. Time flies, right? So then I went home, slept, and woke up to type this up.



I really enjoy my semi-therapeutic sessions with my lady friends. Why? First and foremost, it usually ends up making their day...and they let me know. The way I see it, if you make just one person's day each day, then that day wasn't wasted. Also, I can get smiles out of them...so I don't have to resort to medicine, drugs, or autoerotic asphicsiation or anything to get my endorphines running. I can't thank you ladies enough for that. You're my drug. Besides, if all I have to do is lend a sympathetic ear, tell a stupid joke, do a silly dance, make a poop joke, tell you what a great person you are, give a hug, slap a high five, give 'em a throw, do a little motorboat, or some other little act of kindness to make your day or just make you smile, then I'd be a damn fool not to. That's just how I feel. So if you're ever having a bad day, come on by and see me or something. Oooh, look at the time. It looks like our session is over for the day...but I'll see you (checking schedule) oh, it looks like you have another appointment with me tomorrow. Nice. Well, until then, have a great day...and I'll see you then. Please pay the voluptuous receptionist on the way out...

Oh I seem to have a message, thank you Maggie Jelly Belly!