Basketball's Christmas 2008

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, yesterday was the 2008 Edition of Basketball's Christmas, toys for tots style known as the NBA Draft. "Okay, first person in line step up, grab one present, then open it up back at your bunk. (Whistle blows)" but this still turns out to be kind of heartwarming in a way because you get to see the all the single mothers break down to tears when their baby gets drafted to play basketball and they know that a new house is on the way once the paperworks finished. Always gotta show Love for mama. However, I didn't see the draft. I went to the Utah Arts Festival during that time...but more on that tomorrow. Here's a brief yet important summary of the NBA Draft and some of the future stars...in my humble opinion...

1. Chicago - Derrick Rose - Guard from Memphis - I like this kid. He seems like a great guy. That being said, I don't think he's a #1 pick kind of player...at least yet. Now, I know that he's 19 and playing point guard...and he's from Chicago so that's what gave him the extra bump...and he's a good player now. However, I watched a few Memphis games last year...and he was nothing spectacular...until the NCAA Tournament. I mean...he was like the 3rd best player on his team for most of the year (behind Chris Douglas-Roberts and Joey Dorsey easily) then he had a great run in the tournament. He was the pick that Chicago had to make...but because he has great size & skills, I think that he'll be really good someday...just not right away like Chicago's hoping. Also, now the Bulls are going to have to get another big star via trading off their former point guard Kirk Hinrich and a lot of those mediocre forwards on their roster, maybe to get a center. Best of luck with that. Da Bulls!!!

2. Miami - Michael Beasley (right) - Forward from Kansas State - I think this guy is going to be great. He's also 19 but already seems to be able to hold his own in the NBA. Not sure exactly because it seemed like he was playing against less than worthy opponents...but that may just be a testament to how great a player he is. Everybody talked about the "attitude problems" that he had...but I have no idea what they're talking about...because have they looked at the NBA recently. Oh, did he say something conceited & cocky? Did he make a mistake? Hang out with the wrong crowd? He's 19. That stuff happens. I did the same thing at that age...and I was a good kid...with similar game but no team. He, Dwyane Wade, & Shawn Marion (if they don't tradehim) may be staples in South Beach for a long time to come. Perhaps another Celtics-like 30 game turnaround next year? Only if they stay healthy. They also drafted the guy that kept Derrick Rose from getting his NCAA championship, Mario Chalmers (#34) from Kansas for a long distance bomber. Great picks, Pat!!! Maybe you'll show up to half the game this season...

3. Memphis (from Minnesota) - O.J. Mayo - Guard from USC - Now, I was curious what O.J. stood for (suspected Orthell James being born a few years before the whole O.J. Simpson murder trial, more like when he was doing Hertz commercials & Naked Gun movies) but it stands for Ovinton J'Anthony Mayo. Easily the most original...and probably ridiculous name that I've heard in a while. I tried to figure out what it means (other than something that sounds odd) and the closest I can find is that it's Not Nivo backwards...and for some reason there's a J in front of Anthony. Regardless, this guy has a LOT of hype surrounding him...and he seems talented...but at least in the games that I saw, not worth ALL the hype. I hate to say it...but he brings back thoughts of another former guard from USC named Harold Minor. Remember "Baby Jordan" who won the Slam Dunk contest...and then disappeared? Don't worry, few do. Hopefully O.J. will prove me wrong. Also, through the trade that brought him to Memphis, the Grizzlies also acquired former All-Star & random 3-point bomber Antoine Walker and the future Mr. Adriana Lima, Marco Jaric. I think the couple will like Memphis better than Minneapolis. Things are already changing for the better for them since their engagement.

4. Seattle - Russell Westbrook - Guard from UCLA - Seattle had SIX draft picks to start the day...and honestly, picking Westbrook was a surprise that I wasn't expecting. I was certain they were going with Jerryd Bayless (#11) but that's why they make the decision. He's a great point guard who may not be a superstar...but will be a consistent defender & distributor to last year's Rookie of the Year Kevin Durrant for years to come. The Sonics needed...well, just about everything except a two-guard (Durrant) and I think they did a GREAT job by getting one of my favorite players from last year, D.J. White (#29) and also getting Sasha Kaun (#56). White is just a great, surprisingly good player who knew his role at Indiana, grab all the rebounds from your teammates misses & put them back in...and he did it well. Instead of college teammate Eric Gordon (#7), now it's going to be Kevin Durrant throwing up the "passes" to D.J. (Dewayne White Jr.). He's not the biggest guy...but he plays with heart...and I like that stuff. KAAAAAAUN is a seven-footer from NCAA champion Kansas who didn't play big minutes or anything...but you can't teach size & he can block shots and grab boards...which again are exactly what the Sonics need. He's apparently been offered a HUGE contract by a Russian team so he may opt for there (why he lasted to #56) but again, the Sonics had six picks...so it was worth a shot to get his rights. They actually got some other great talent with California center DeVon Hardin & 19-year old Spanish forward Serge Jonas Ibaka Ngobila...or just Serge Ibaka. The Sonics may be pretty good if they get all their young talent working together with last year's rookies Durrant & Jeff Green...and their few veterans too.

5. Minnesota (from Memphis) - Kevin Love - Forward from UCLA - My brother from another mother Kevin Love is going to the Great White North (not racist, it's just snowy up there) and I think it's great. As you know, I think K-Love is a great player and will make any team better. Great shooter, great passer, decent defender, breaks backboards, hit full-court shots, great fundamentals all around, and seems like a great dude. He's also a great compliment to emerging superstar Al Jefferson and the other players up there. Also, with the trade that got them Love, they also acquired sharpshooter Mike Miller and a solid rebounder Jason Collins (from the last set of twin centers to come from Stanford University a few years ago...but more on that later in the draft). Randy Foye, Corey Brewer, and Rashad McCants are great young talent too. They should at least do better than last year...when they traded Kevin Garnett away. Good luck, T-Wolves!!!

6. New York - Danilo Gallinari - Forward from Italy - Coach Mike D'Antoni has some BALLS!!! However, I like the pick for a few reasons. It's a win-win-win-win situation. First win, he was probably the best talent available despite being young (again 19) and having only played in Europe...also known as the big guys with funny accent, no-touchy league...and in the video of those games, he seems like a decent player with lots of potential...and you know how I like potential. Second win, coach D'Antoni played in that league with his dad, Vittorio Gallinari a few decades ago...so it's like doing a HUGE favor for an old friend. Third win, no matter who they selected with this pick...the Knicks fans were going to bitch & moan about it. It's just what they do...especially since Boston sports teams keep winning EVERYTHING...and they're not the most gracious winners. However, the Knicks tried to trade up to get a higher pick...but they have NOTHING to deal with. "Yeah, what are you going to give us? Quentin Richardson? The guy that married Brandy? Is he still in the league? Who the hell is Renaldo Balkman?" So no dice there...however, if he turns out to be "the next Dirk Nowitzki" like some people say, then he seems like a genius. Fourth win, if Gallinari turns out to be the next Darko Milicic...then the Knicks buy out his coaching contract in two years & he walks away into the sunset with millions of dollars...and retires to Lake Como. Sounds like a great choice to me.

7. L.A. Clippers - Eric Gordon - Guard from Indiana - I like Eric Gordon. I almost feel sorry that he has to go to the NBA's wasteland, the Clippers. He's a great talent that I watch...and he just seems to be the next Allen Iverson. He's scrappy, tough, talented, and basically throws up shots that you think have absolutely no chance of going in...swish. He's drawn a lot of comparisons to AI as well as Isiah Thomas (happens when you go to Indiana) but he's not quite there yet. However, I say keep an eye on him. As long as he can stay healthy, he has potential for great things...but being a little guy, you never know. Not sure if he can...or rather should, run the point like the Clippers are hoping...but we shall see. Not a lot of help on that team...but they also drafted center DeAndre Jordan (#35) who many thought would be a top 10 pick...until they saw him play...and realized that they were just basing that on the fact that he's big. Sad thing is...that nobody wants to play for the Clippers...and for good reason. Sure, I would play for the Clippers...but that's compared to my other options...which are to play for the Taylor 3rd Ward Seniors Church League. "T3 BABY!!! THIS IS MY HOUSE!!! Oops...sorry God, my bad!!! (Kiss to the skies)"

8. Milwaukee - Joe Alexander - Forward from West Virginia - I've only seen Joe play once this last year...and I was impressed. He seems like a great kid with fundamentals and a sweet mid-range jumper. The Bucks also traded to get All-Star forward Richard Jefferson to go along with current All-Star sharpshooter Michael Redd and emerging stars like Andrew Bogut (GO U!!!), Charlie Villanueva, & Desmond Mason. Their other pick was Luc Richard Mbah a Moute (#37) from UCLA and he's a pretty good player too. So they may not have a superstar face to the franchise...but an ensemble of B-list players that if they click...can do good things.

9. Charlotte - D.J. Augustin - Guard from Texas - Great point guard...but being around six-foot believe it or not is a little undersized. It's okay though...because the reason the Bobcats drafted him...was because the four players from UNC that declared from the draft decided to go back to school. Also, D.J.'s full name is Darrell Gerard Augustin, jr. Last I checked, that's D.G. Well, I guess the Darrell Junior thing works. Anyway, he should be a good fit for them and now Raymond Felton can move over to his natural position of undersized two-guard.

10. New Jersey - Brook Lopez (left) - Center from Stanford - The first real big guy of the draft...and one of the Lopez twins from Stanford (remember Collins mention earlier?), he may be the steal of the draft. Of course, he may also be the Spencer Hawes of this year's draft...but I think positively...and he really has no competition in the Eastern Conference to be a dominant center except Dwight Howard & KG. The soon-to-be Brooklyn Nets also traded to get Chinese superstar Yi Jianlian (who finally got his & his nation's wish of a bigger market than Milwaukee) and drafted Memphis' best player last year, shooting guard Chris Douglas-Roberts a.k.a. CDR (#40) so they could be pretty good. I say that about a lot of teams...but it depends on chemistry & health. I think the Nets stepped up though...and they also freed up some cap space so they can try to convince a LeBron or Gilbert Arenas to go to Brooklyn. I mean...think about it...Brook Lopez in Brooklyn. Add in the Chinese market, CDR, a possible new superstar, AND Vince Carter's already there. part-owner Jay-Z's got himself a great team...if not just from a marketing standpoint. "IT'S THE ROC!!! HOLLA!!!"

11. Portland (from Indiana) - Jerryd Bayless - Guard from Arizona - My prove to be the steal of the draft because I was sure that he was going to go at #4 to Seattle...but he joins a great team that just missed out on the playoffs in the West...along with last year's #1 overall pick Greg Oden who has yet to play an NBA game...but even if he does turn out to be the next Sam Bowie, he at least has a few good years in him & with a top young center AND point guard coming in on a decent team with emerging superstars like Brandon Roy & Lamarcus Aldridge, the Blazers could be a team to watch.

15. Phoenix - Robin Lopez - Center from Stanford - The other Lopez brother joins a team that is in transition with a new coach, a few personnel changes (possibly dropping Shaq?), and a lot of expectations. It's a good pick for Phoenix because it gives them a more mobile option at center with still great size...but I honestly think that his brother got the better deal in Jersey.

17. Indiana (from Toronto) - Roy Hibbert - Center from Georgetown - I was hoping that he'd fall a bit so that the Spurs could get him...but I like Roy Hibbert. He's big (and you can't teach that), he's got a few moves, fills the lane on defense, and the Pacers lucked out to get him.

23. Utah - Kosta Koufos - Center from Ohio State - Because Hibbert didn't fall, they went with the best available center who is actually a pretty solid player from THE Ohio State University. Little surprised that the Cavaliers passed on him at #19 but should be a decent player. Just in case, they also drafted a 7-1 Croatian center named Ante Tomic (#44) who I'm told has decent skills.

26. San Antonio - George Hill - Guard from IUPUI - Just in case you were wondering too, IUPUI stands for Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis...which seems redundant to me...but apparently he averaged over 20 points a game last year in college and if the Spurs picked him...he's pretty good. I mean...for the first time in a decade or so, they picked an American in the first round. Then again, last time was Leon Smith straight out of high school...and they traded him immediately. Oh well, we shall see. They also got a forward from Maryland named James Gist III (#57) a.k.a. JG3 or something. Is that Brazilian guy Tiago Splitter from last year going to play for them yet?

27. New Orleans - Darrell Arthur - Forward from Kansas - Projected as a Top 10 pick by many, then drafted by New Orleans at #27, then traded to Portland, then Houston, then Memphis...all on what was to be the greatest day of his life. It's a little sad to hear...but honestly, this guy's really good. There was a lot of concern about some alleged kidney ailment...but he's a seven-footer with great athleticism and skills...and now, a chip on his shoulder from 26 teams (including the Spurs for some reason) saying "No thanks...we're gonna go with this guy". Not only that...but because of the trades, he has specific teams (all in the Western conference) that said, he thinks these specific guys and/or future draft picks are a better fit than you. Honestly, I hope this guy goes on to be an MVP one day. He's already an NCAA champion. Perhaps the matching of him & Mayo will be something great for a long time. Oh also, on that whole kidney thing...he reminds me a lot of another guy who had a similar situation by the name of Alonzo Mourning...who can still find work after fifteen years in the league. Prove 'em wrong, Mr. Arthur!!! I'll be rooting for ya...unless you're playing the Spurs...or the Jazz because they grow on ya.

42. Sacramento - Sean Singletary - Guard from Virginia - My only mentioning specifically of the second round...because I think the Kings got a few good'uns in this point guard and also Georgetown's Patrick Ewing, jr. (#43) on back-to-back picks. Singletary reminds me of the great Mookie Blaylock and though Pat Junior isn't as tall or dominating as Pat Senior was, he's still a pretty decent role player that should fit well in the system...which is the key to most players drafted after...say pick number ten in the draft.

Anyway, that's about it on this draft. I'm sure there are more free agency, sign-and-trades, straight up trades, and stars coming from out of nowhere to come this year. I love basketball. I like to think that I know a thing or two about it...but it's all about how you play the game...and I wish all of these guys the best of luck...and congratulations on their big day. Since I'm on a sports kick today, I think I'll get a few other things out of the way...since most of you may have stopped reading already.

Becky Hammon - For those of you who don't know, Becky Hammon is an incredibly cute girl-next-door from South Dakota, who played at Colorado State, went undrafted into the WNBA, and now happens to be an amazing basketball player for the WNBA's San Antonio Silver Stars (formerly Utah Starzz...damn you Larry Miller) placing 2nd in MVP voting last year. Well, she wasn't even considered for the USA Olympic team in the upcoming Beijing Games...so she signed a big contract with CSKA Moscow (all the girls play overseas in the WNBA's offseason) and became a naturalized Russian citizen...and is going to play on their Olympic team. This apparently has caused some controversy because people (including Hall of Famer Ann Donovan) say that it's unpatriotic, all about the money, and I didn't think of it first...or something like that. I think it's great. I obviously have a bit of a crush on Becky (call me) but I honestly don't care if she wants to play for the Russian team. If she has dual citizenship & isn't breaking any rules, then I wish her nothing but the best...which would be a Silver Medal because I've got to root for the USA (Sue Bird & Diana Taurasi). Still, I think you're great...and Russia's lucky to have you...just please, please, pleeeease come back with a sexy Russian accent to go with that fantastic smile. I know you like to keep pretty elite company...but I think your friends'll like me. GO SPURS!!!

Ana Ivanovic Upset at Wimbledon - Top-seeded women's tennis player Ana Ivanovic was knocked out in the third round of Wimbledon today by 133rd-ranked Zheng Jie of China. Ivanovic, who took over the No. 1 ranking after winning the French Open earlier this month, slumped to a 6-1, 6-4 loss to the wild-card entry and doubles specialist. "It's a surprise for me," said the 24-year-old Zheng, who won the Wimbledon doubles title in 2006. "Thanks to Wimbledon, (which) gave me a wild card. I just tried my best and had to keep going, going." Now for the important part...whose shoulder is there for Ana to cry on? I'd like to offer my services Ana. Call me...or send me a plane ticket...even coach. I'm here for you. You're still amazing. Keep your head up & rest for the next tournament.

Odd thing, though I've babbled on about sports all day...and requested a few gorgeous girls to call me...but do you know who's going to call me...probably my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister-in-law, maybe Bubbles, a few text messages, and if anything...a call from one of the new draft picks...

Caller: "Yo dogg, did you say that Ovinton J'Anthony Mayo is a stupid name?"
$teve: "No, just that it's ridic...you know, maybe if I knew the context of it, it wouldn't seem so...uniquely peculiar."
The New O.J.: "Ovinton was the name of my mother's D&D elf character when she was in high school...and I love my mother very much. J'Anthony is a mix of my two grandfather & father, Jay & Anthony. What now, bitch?"
$teve: "Cool, I had a grandpa named Jay too. That's cool man. I'm sorry to criticize your name...but yeah, believe it or not, O.J. is still more marketable...and if I were CEO of Best Foods, I'd already have you selling your own special brand of mayonaisse. Hey, I'm looking into a new career, what do you think? Need another marketing guy? Are...are we cool now? Sorry about the whole name thing, I just didn't understand."
O.J.: "Yeah, we cool. Sorry dogg, I got somebody else for that stuff. They've had my back (and bills) for a few years now. Thanks though. Not just because of that stupid idea...because your brother Kevin saved me from having to end up in f**king freezing Minnesota for the next decade. Be sure to thank him for me, would ya?"
$teve: "Ugh...sure. Will do. We're ugh...tight like that."

Have a great weekend everybody!!! Pictures & stories from the Utah Arts Festival tomorrow...because today was a sports day. I only do one of these a year...so it's done now. Enjoy the next 364 or so posts. Peace!!!

My Love of Brandy

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

So...how much do I love my Poor Man's Maybach, Brandy? How does one measure love? Is it a unit of volume...like liters of gallons sweat or blood spilled for her? Unit of distance...like how far you would physically go to make something better...or how far you'd travel with her (up to 210,000 miles now)? Unit of heat...need I say more with this heat wave going through Utah this past week? Well, since I didn't have proper measuring devices for those units, I think I'll just resort to the units of American currency that I've used this past week on her upkeep. Now, I realize that a lot of you pay hundreds of dollars per month on a car payment...but this is kind of a big deal to me...and keep in mind...that it would be a LOT more if I didn't have a great father, his great mechanic, and a newer car.

$350 - 6 months of full coverage insurance
$120 - Windshield
$350 - Air conditioning (a must for Vegas)
$180 - Fix steering wheel
$400 - Fresh new tires (Uniroyal Tiger Paws)
$100 - Safety, emissions, & registration
$100 - Tuneup (plugs, wires, belts, cap, rotor, etc)
$60 - Full synthetic oil change (every 3000 miles)
Grand total - About $1600 (and don't forget gas)

Sure, it's all needed...but still, hurtin' my pockets, son. It'll be like a new car though...and when all the work's done, I'll have to give her a good wash & wax so that she can bling in the summer sun.

NBA Draft Tonight - Basketball's Christmas 2008 Edition is later today...and my predication, a lot of trades...including the top picks. Why? It worked for the Celtics this year when they traded the #5 pick last year (Jeff Green) for a veteran (Ray Allen) and they ended up winning a championship instead of rebuilding. Don't worry, I'll save all of my insight & analysis until tomorrow when the draft is actually finished...but I think that my brother from another mother Kevin Love is being severely underrated in this draft...and just because he looks a little on the chunky side. I think he'll be a great player for a long time...and most mock drafts have him going around pick number ten. Keep your eye on that guy. More tomorrow...

Last night after running around, I met up with my mom, ordered up some Chinese food (still lots of leftovers), and get a few movies. The movie that I picked was "10,000 BC" starring Steve Strait ("The Covenant") and Camilla Belle ("The Quiet" & "When A Stranger Calls") and narrated by the great Omar Sharif. The story is...well, it's not historically accurate by any means...but it's about a tribe of mammoth hunters who are pillaged by a group of...I don't know, maybe Vikings...and they take a bunch of the people as slaves to unknown lands to the hunters. Yet because one of the girls taken is SUPER hot (and the prophecy says so), a small group of hunters go to save them. Along the way, there's African tribes, sabre-toothed tigers, giant moas (prehistoric birds that apparently act like raptors), the Egyptian pyramids, and a lot of other things...but as long as you are a master of disbelief & not history, it's quite the enjoyable movie. It's like a mix of "Apocolypto" and "Last of the Mohicans" (because it's mostly in English). It's a pretty good exciting flick.

The movie that we picked was "The Bucket List" with Jack Nicholson & Morgan Freeman. As you may have seen on the preview, it's about two elderly strangers who are about to kick the bucket, so they make a list of things that they want to do before that happens. It's a great movie with a few touching moments, a lot of one-liners from Jack, and a lot of trivial facts & narration from Morgan. I say check it out. It makes you think about the time that you have here & what you should be doing to make it better for yourself & others, a subject that I tend to think about a lot...but not do as much as I would like. Perhaps I'll have to put some thought into this & make a Bucket List of my own. I'll have to get back at you with that though.

One possibility may have already slipped away...as earlier this week, Adriana Lima was proposed to by her boyfriend Marko Jaric. Now, through the sweet power of delusion, I may think that I'm a better match than him...but as long as she's happy, that's what's important. Congratulations to both of you...and don't forget to invite me to the wedding. Can you imagine the lineup of bridesmaids? I wonder if they'll be wearing angel wings...and hideous seafoam dresses that look like something out of a sci-fi movie.

Well, that'll pretty much do it for today. More errands to run, more work on the car (and a few stops by the bank), going to the Arts Festival tonight, should be a fun little day. Have a great day everybody!!! Make the most out of it!!! Cross something off your Bucket List when you get the chance!!! Let me know if any of you want to go skydiving. I have yet to do that...and it's on the list.

Only Good Bug is a Dead Bug

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

So yesterday, I received a text message from my sister-in-law saying "Grant me the strength not to kill your brother!" So I responded the only way that I could, "KAZAAAM!!! There, it has been done. What's up with you guys today?" Apparently my brother was sick yesterday...so she didn't go to school & was home watching the kids (because they don't want sick kids too) and my brother, while playing video games, allegedly yelled at her because while she was vacuuming, a baby gate was opened, and Kairi pretty much tore it from the wall. You know, stupid stuff, right? Now, I'll be the last person to argue that my brother is not an asshole. In fact, when he's not being one, I question whether he's some kind of cyborg from the future...or wonder what the hell he wants now. So I just reassured her that she's a great mother, we all know it, he's just feeling horrible and taking it out on you, Kairi's almost the Terrible Two now, and if she needed somebody to talk to...I'm here all day. She thanked me and I'm assuming had a better day.

I also got a text message from Randy Randy that said he read the trailer for a new book in his book club that said, "A femmebot is humanity's last chance to live again" and thought of me. Apparently, he reads the blog. I wasn't able to find out the book online...but it's probably the first time that somebody did anything involving books...and thought of me.

Yesterday, I also watched one of my favorite bad movies of all time - "Starship Troopers" with Denise Richards, Neil Patrick Harris, Casper Van Dien, Jake Busey, and Dina Meyer (so hot). Why do I like this movie so damn much? I mean, it's got all the teenage drama of 90210, the patriotism of a Navy commercial, some of the greatest corny news clips ever (Would you like to know more?), a higher visible body count than I believe any movie ever made, Doogie, and a plot that just seems absolutely ridiculous. I mean...when the movie starts with a news clip about bugs hurling meteors at Earth from the other side of the galaxy, then you know there's going to be some disbelief involved. Oh...and the bugs don't really eat, just rip people apart...and there are some with flamethrowers...and others that blast gigantic plasma charges out of their anus...and not to be a bit of a spoiler...but there are some that literally suck the brains out of people's skulls...and gain their knowledge by doing so. However, I still watch this movie. I happen to know that it's one of my brother's favorites too. What are your feelings on this movie?

I also got to thinking...have I seen anything else that Dina Meyer has been in since "Starship Troopers" (I did mention that she was hot, right? Moreso than Denise Richards...and that's saying a lot). I remember her in "Dragonheart" because it was a bitchin' movie with a hot redhead and she was Kerry the Jigsaw Killer expert in the "Saw" movies. Other than that, a bunch of TV and straight to DVD stuff mostly...including a "Wild Things: Diamonds in the Rough" that can ONLY mean nudity. She's also apparently in a recently finished thriller called "The Lost" with Lacey Chabert and Armand Assante. I have no idea what it's about...but I wouldn't mind getting lost with Dina & Lacey.

Junior gets 600 - Back when I kinda gave a damn about baseball (long long time ago), my favorite player was Ken Griffey jr, then with the Seattle Mariners (went to a game as a kid and he hit a homer). He was an amazing player...and was supposed to be the guy that broke Hank Aaron's records and all of that. Then he decided to take a big contract to play for his hometeam the Cincinatti Reds...and then he unfortunately was injured for the next decade or so. He's a great guy, never involved with any of that steroid stuff, his dad played in the big leagues, Willie Mays is his Godfather, even when the Reds fans started to kind of turn on him for being injured all the time, he took all the responsibility on himself. I'm glad that he finally became the 6th player in MLB history to get 600 homers...and I can only imagine how many he would have if he hadn't been injured all the time. Congratulations Junior!!!

Vinny Del Negro is a New Coach - Former Spurs guard Vinny Del Negro (or Vinny the Black as I called him for many years) is the new head coach of the Chicago Bulls. He played college ball at NC State under coach Jim Valvano, then in the NBA for twelve years and five teams (including Spurs before the championships), and has been in the Phoenix Suns front office the past two years. Now he gets to take over the Bulls, who have a lot of young talent and the top pick in the NBA draft. Also this week, former Blazers guard Terry Porter was hired as coach of the Suns & former Pistons center Michael Curry has been hired as the Pistons new head coach. I wish you guys all the best of luck...but more to Vinny the Black...because he was a Spur. That's how I roll. Still confused why Avery Johnson doesn't have a coaching job yet. It's not his fault the Mavericks blew it.

Leo to Play Chuck E. Cheese - Paramount Pictures announced that they've picked up the rights to a biopic called "Atari" about Nolan Bushnell, one of the founding fathers of video games. He cofounded Atari in 1972, made arcade games, home counsels, computers, invented Pong, and started Chuck E. Cheese Pizza Time Theatre. Leonardo DiCaprio is producing and starring...once he's done with Scorsese's latest "Shutter Island." This should be an interesting movie...then again, maybe not.

Panda Update - Dreamworks new release "Kung Fu Panda" grossed over $60 million.its opening weekend which was a little less than I expected...but then again, it was going against the box office gold that is Adam Sandler with "You Don't Mess With the Zohan" getting almost $40 million. Apparently, it was the 3rd largest opening so far this year behind "Iron Man" and the new Indiana Jones movie. Why didn't I see it over the weekend? Because I promised somebody that I'd watch it with them...and the timing just isn't right. I can wait. Besides, if I wanted to see Angelina Jolie in a CGI film, I'll just watch "Beowulf" again...gladly. SKADOOSH!!!

Well, that'll about do it. Still no word this early from Vegas but we shall see. I'm going back to work for the first time in over a week...without a real vacation...except maybe that trip to my brother's. It's odd...but I really just haven't been in the mood anyway...and I took the past week off expecting to move anyway. Oh well, it's been relaxing and I've been able to get errands done. Have a great day everybody!!! Congratulations again to Ken Griffey, jr!!!

Giving Blood - Part 5

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

First & foremost, as of this moment, I have heard nothing from Vegas...and it's starting to bug me...but I'll get over it. Not much has gone on today except that I donated blood again. This time was a little different...for several reasons. One, I actually got some good sleep last night. Two, it wasn't done first thing in the morning...but around 3 PM. Third, I didn't get dizzy at all afterwards...and that might be because of the first two reasons...or that I've been jogging since last time...or just plain luck, who knows? I also met a nice six-foot tall nurse named Carrie, we talked about basketball and people assuming that we play...yet we do, so it's okay. Then I met Whitney, who sucked me thoroughly & completely professionally...so I had to stir it up a bit. Apparently, I kind of looked like I was zoning out at one point, "Are you tired, $teve?" "What? Oh no, I just ugh...don't like needles and all, so I just try to think about other stuff. Anyway, how long have you been doing this stuff?" "About eight months. Well, that's nice of you to donate being scared of needles and all." "Oh, not scared. Just don't like 'em. Besides, those people effected by the earthquake in China need my blood...so that they can save pandas and make toys for my future children." "(Laugh) Wow, that's ugh...that's great." "Yeah, but on the real, I assume this is going to help somebody else...and everybody that I help will probably help somebody else and so on and so on...and I think Karma will come back around." "Oh, so you're a hippie? (Laugh)" "Hey, I prefer granola child, Whitney." So yeah, that went well...and I donated. Now for other thoughts...

NBA Conspiracy? - Is there anybody else out there that thinks maybe...the NBA wants the Lakers & Celtics in the Finals? Or that they're having the referees call the games a certain way to make that happen? Now, I had my inklings into this conspiracy last year...when LeBron (the future) could simply do no wrong (and shoot 20 free throws a game) up until the NBA Finals when the Spurs stopped him...but disregarded it because, why would the NBA want the San Antonio team (like 25th largest market in the league) to win the championship if that were the case? Now, after watching a lot of playoff games...and the inconsistencies in charges, intentional fouls, and just ticky-tack touches, I think that there may be something more to it. Especially since it's been 20 or so years since the last Lakers (largest market in league) vs. Celtics (4th largest), Bird vs, Magic matchup (before Bird hurt his back & Magic got HIV). Funny thing, I'm sure that at least half the NBA's players weren't even in elementary the last time that happened. Heck, do you realize that some players weren't even born when Jerry Sloan became the head coach of the Jazz?

Sorry, I'm getting off point. Anyway, it seems that Kobe can now do no wrong...and he's a great player, don't get it twisted...but now it's contagious to his team...and when I see Bruce Bowen getting called for fouls for looking at a guy intensely...and then Derek Fisher can jump on Brent Barry's head in the closing seconds of a close game...and nothing is called. Then the next day, the league says "Yeah, a foul obviously should've been called...but it wasn't...so suckiteasy" and it was conveniently the first game back for official Joel Crawford...who threw Tim Duncan out of a game for sitting on the bench (apparently Mr. Crawford's having an old man's nervous breakdown...but he has tenure) then one just has to question this stuff a little bit. I even went with the Chicago Bulls (I think 3rd largest market) having a one in sixty chance of winning the NBA Draft Lottery...and they get it...when there's a Chicago-raised top draft pick that might bring back thoughts of MJ (Derrick Rose) and Miami (7th largest market but they admittedly gave up about halfway through the season) gets the second pick so that they can get an inside scoring presence being compared to legends like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar & Bill Walton already at the age of 19 (Michael Beasley). Maybe I'm just a little bit of a conspiracy theorist...like a tall Mel Gibson. Well, it's raining outside so that means that the black helicopters are closing in...so I'll just get off my milk crate for a minute. Just thought that I'd share a few thoughts with you. Maybe see what you guys thought if any of you watched basketball.

I Love the 80's...Action Stars - Anybody who's read this blog over the past week may now that I really like Sylvester Stallone and the movies that he's been in (okay, so I haven't really seen the "Italian Stallion" stag film that he was in...but still, any movie star with one of those in his portfolio gets respect from me). However, it may amaze you to the amount of 80's action movies that I have seen over the years. My dad LOVED all of them...and I kind of took to them too. Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Charles Bronson (though technically 70's), even the lesser films of Dolph Lundgren & Steven Seagal have all graced the Love household...and my dad actually has a pretty good collection of them. Sure, the plots may be questionable...but that's why there are terrorists & bullies in the world...so that they can take over a small town in the Midwest, a naval ship, the world, the future, whatever the situation calls for...and then it comes time for a quiet man, who's conveniently trained in the art of death...but just wants a quiet life to become the hero and single-handedly drop hundreds of bad guys...and you know they're bad guys because they wear bandanas and don't shave...as well as carry guns yet aim poorly. So with that in mind...and Sly's impressive line of work over the last thirty years, here's today's Movie List...

Sylvester Stallone Movies - By the way, did you know his middle name is Gardenzio? Just found that out.

Medal Winners

Gold - Rocky (1976-2007) - Sly wrote & starred in this Best Picture award winner & the ultimate Underdog Story. He even directed a few of the sequels. The story of the Italian Stallion (the boxer, not the porn star) Rocky Balboa who, as Fate would have it, gets a chance to fight the Heavyweight Champion Apollo Creed (Carl Withers) despite only fighting in boondock matches and being muscle for the Philadelphia underworld. He meets up with Mick (Burgess Meredith), an aging trainer who takes a liking to Rocky and tries to convince him that he has a chance...all he has to do is train...and apparently start a diet where he eats raw eggs, eats lightning, and craps thunder. Will Rocky win the fight? You'll have to watch the movie to find out...but I'll give you a hint. There are FIVE sequels...including one made last year where a sixty-something Rocky fights Antonio Tarver. Classics. There's the original, the Rematch, the one with Mr. T, the one where he fights Communism, the one where he was too old, and the one where he was REALLY too old. Watch them all His birthday's coming up on July 6th. What a great day to watch boxing movies for about 12 hours.

Silver - Demolition Man (1993) - The Prophecy has already begun...with Schwarzenegger being named Governor...and possibly President one day (try to look surprised). However, this tale of an officer falsely convicted of killing innocent people is cryogenically frozen for about thirty years...and brought back in a pansy future to stop the fiercest criminal of his time, Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes). Teaming up with the unstoppable team of Sandra Bullock, Benjamin Bratt, Denis Leary, and Rob Schneider, he must save San Angeles from Phoenix and his goons (Bo Jackson, Jesse Ventura, etc.). The hilarity and action ensues. I can't wait for the day that every restaurant is a Taco Bell...but I still have some questions about the three seashells. Be well.

Bronze - Rambo Movies (1982-2008) - John Rambo (Stallone) is a mentally unstable Vietnam vet who gets messed with by small town cops (including that badass David Caruso) and then starts a one-man war with them in "First Blood." Then, three years later, he comes back for a top secret mission...and a higher body count in "Rambo: First Blood Part II." Then another three years later, his C.O. Colonel Trautman (Richard Crenna) is kidnapped in Afghanistan...so now he has to go in to get him. Then in the latest one...well, here's my review of it from a few days ago. Lots of guns, explosions, and badassery. I think Stallone works out too.

Suggestion - Nighthawks (1981) - Not the Edward Hopper painting...but rather an action flick. Wulgar (Rutger Hauer) is an international terrorist that has brought New York City to its knees. Who can stop him? How about the unstoppable team of Deke DaSilva (Stallone) and Matthew Fox (not Matthew Fox but Billie Dee Williams)? Through in the Bionic Woman (Lindsay Wagner) as eye candy...and Rutger Hauer just being creepy...and a few twists and turns...and Sly yelling "You're (bleeping) dead!!" a few dozen times...and you've got a great flick. "Tango & Cash" (1989) was a great action comedy with Kurt Russell and Jack Palance as a bad guy. Oh...and Teri Hatcher's in it too. Check it out. Let's see, this millennium, "Driven" (2001) was a pretty good Renny Harlin movie...about Sly as a race car driver. Gina Gershon and Estelle Warren were in it for eye candy. I also liked "Cliffhanger" (1993) because it has rockclimbing and "Assassins" (1995) because it was badass...and had assassins oddly enough. Check them out too...but I'm rambling.

Flush It - Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot! (1992) - Too easy to make fun of this movie...based solely on the title. Basically, Sgt. Joe Bornowski (Stallone) is going through a tough time, so his mom (Estelle Getty) comes to meddle. Along the way, she helps him out...as only a Golden Girl could...very annoyingly. I was also a little disappointed with "The Specialist" (1994) but I'm not sure why...because I got what I was looking for (Sharon Stone naked) but there was also a lot of explosions too. Oh...and James Woods was the bad guy. Nothing too spectacular...but check it if you want to see a steamy scene with Sly & Stone. "Daylight" was pretty lame too...but still action packed.

Future Watch - Notorious (2009?) - Apparently, he was really into doing this feature about the murders of 2Pac & Biggie...but is losing interest in it...and it's in jeopardy. Probably because he's trying to bring Gabe Walker back in "Cliffhanger 2" (2010?). I really think that the real reason though...is that he's taking the next step in his life...and looking to be "Senator Sly" (2012) and he may have a shot at it in Pennsylvania. I mean...he has a statue there already. I'd hate to run against somebody that already has a statue...even if I was the encumbant. Anyway, we'll see. If he were to join forces with Chuck Norris...he would be UNSTOPPABLE!!!

Another new sponsor idea...was the great Stephen Colbert...because I figured that he would jump at the opportunity to sponsor a fellow $teve...and I talk about him almost as much as he does. Okay, so that's pretty much impossible...but still, great South Carolinian dude with an ego similar to mine...and maybe if he needs a guest on his show down the line...we can talk about how great we are. It'll be fun. Anyway, that's probably at least weeks down the line. Have a great day everybody!!!

May Day

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night after work, I met up with my mom & stepdad and we had a wonderful dinner at Johnny Carino's Italian Restaurant. I had Chicken Marsala (I like chicken, I like chicken...) and some wonderful drink that my mom ordered me that was apparently a mix of a peach smoothie and Sangria, which was quite delicious...but could've used some alcohol in it. Not a lot, just enough to make it melt quicker. Then again, it was snowing in the valley at that time, so that may have had something to do with it. Love this Utah "Spring" weather. In the morning, it's a beautiful spring day...then a few hours later you're checking the calendar to make sure that it's May because it's snowing again. Anyway, dinner was great, went home to watch some basketball, chatted with Bubbles, helped my sister-in-law feel better (bad day and my brother has "GTA4" so he's been playing that the past few days straight), my buddy Spitso gave me the usual 85 minutes notice that he & Soulshakers Entertainment were going to be on the radio at 88.1 FM, then JL Clyde & I geeked out by watching some Mythbusters (really like Kari Byron, have I mentioned this?) and Battlestar Galactica.

I'm a little afraid to say it again...but while watching basketball, I flipped between that and "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" again. Two days in a row. Why? It's just a great movie. I thoroughly enjoy it. It's up there with "Fifth Element" and "Big Lebowski" and all those other movies that I can watch again & again...and it's just as entertaining. Sure, I may say it's because there's not much hotter than Angelina constantly being sexy and/or tough and/or strapped in a cocktail dress...because it's true. I also say it's because it's constant action & comedy from start to finish...because it's true too. I think the main reason that I really like the show...is that aside from all that...it's a great relationship story about true Love...and then they find out that each other has a dark secret...so they feel betrayed...and try to kill eachother (not the usual metaphorical sense, like most relationships though). During their conflict though, they hint that before they knew the secret, they really loved eachother...but to keep up public image (and professional focus) they don't tell each other how they really feel until they destroy their house. If they had just been open & honest (not about the spy thing, but how they felt about each other), then they wouldn't have to destory each other. What do I know about relationships though? I know that they're more complicated than that...for some reason...but still, I think my theory is true. If you really Love them, just tell them. Why does it have to be so complicated? Anyway, after Brangelina finally confess...then they can take on anything...together...even parenthood with an "It's a Small World" collection of parental & adopted children. "Ask us the sex question." Great flick. Now for some news...

Avery Johnson Fired - Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is going to regret this move. I can understand him firing former Spurs guard and now former Mavericks coach Avery Johnson after three years (where he won nearly three-quarters of his games...but after making it to the NBA Finals his first year, lost in the first round of the playoffs the last two years) but it's not going to help his team at all. You may recall earlier this year when I mentioned Avery's number being retired by the Spurs franchise but yeah...apparently internet billionairre Mark Cuban (who I really like as an owner with a lot of passion for his product...but think he's ass crackers crazy sometimes with his antics. We could definitely hang out and probably understand one another, I think) has a better coach in mind than this young prodigy. I don't agree with that thought...and according to this somewhat threatening picture, neither does Avery. That's okay though...because current Spurs coach Gregg Popovich may be considering retiring soon (like after getting a 5th championship this year, so he has a ring for the thumb) and I think that Avery would be a nice fit back in San Antonio for many years to come. Anyway, just my thought if Pops is looking for a retirement plan, this could be your year. Sorry that you got a pinkslip, Mr. Johnson...but I wouldn't be too worried. You're going to get another job...with a great organization if you're willing to be patient. In the meantime, enjoy yourself.

An Island of Lesbians? - Read carefully. You may just learn something about Lesbians. Three native of the Greek island of Lesbos (yes, there's really an island of Lesbos in the Aegean Sea) have taken a gay rights group to court for using the word 'lesbian' in their name. One of the plaintiffs said Wednesday that the name of the association, Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece, "insults the identity" of the people of Lesbos, who are also known as Lesbians. "My sister can't say she is a Lesbian," said Dimitris Lambrou. "Our geographical designation has been usurped by certain ladies who have no connection whatsoever with Lesbos." That may or may not be true depending on context, but the three plaintiffs are seeking to have the group barred from using "lesbian" in its name and filed a lawsuit on April 10. The other two plaintiffs are women. The Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece could not be reached for comment. Now for the history lesson on the word 'Lesbian' that I found interesting…and somewhat erotic.

Also called Mytilene, after its capital, Lesbos is famed as the birthplace of Sappho. Sappho lived from the late 7th to the early 6th century B.C. and is considered one of the greatest poets of antiquity. Many of her poems, written in the first person and intended to be accompanied by music, contain passionate references to love for other women. Very little is known of Sappho's life. According to some ancient accounts, she was an aristocrat who married a rich merchant and had a daughter with him. One tradition says that she killed herself by jumping off a cliff over an unhappy love affair. Lambrou says Sappho was not gay (probably played for both teams) "But even if we assume she was, how can 250,000 people of Lesbian descent — including women — be considered homosexual?" The island is a favored holiday destination for gay women, particularly the lyric poet's reputed home town of Eressos. Now you know…and knowing is half the battle.

Is this a frivolous lawsuit? Yeah, pretty much. If people could get certain words banned from organization, do you think we'd still have the Cleveland Indians or Washington Redskins? I'm sure the sound bits are even funnier than reading it. It's just a weird situation…and I'm sure that it'll be ignored…or who knows? Maybe Greece will force them to rename themselves as just the Homosexual Community of Greece or something. I'm just glad that they filed it because now I know the true meaning of one of my favorite words…and now I want to go on a vacation to the Greek Isles. I'll let you know when that happens. "Hello, my name is Markos. Welcome to Lesbos." "Thank you Markos. Say, are you from around here?" "Why yes, I was born & raised here in Lesbos." "Awesome, so you're a Lesbian trapped in a man's body too. That's great. We should hang out."

LSD Chemist Dies at 102 - Swiss chemist Albert Hofmann, who advocated the medicinal properties of LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide), the drug he termed his "problem child," died from a heart attack at his home in Basel, Switzerland on Tuesday. When a tiny quantity leaked on to his hand during a laboratory experiment in 1943, he noted a "remarkable restlessness, combined with slight dizziness" that made him stop his work. "At home I lay down and sank into a not unpleasant intoxication-like condition, characterized by an extremely stimulated imagination. In a dreamlike state, with eyes closed (I found the daylight too unpleasantly glaring), I perceived an uninterrupted stream of fantastic pictures, extraordinary shapes with intense, kaleidoscopic play of colors. After some two hours this condition faded away." Hofmann wrote in his book "LSD -- My Problem Child."

A few days later Hofmann intentionally took a dose of LSD and experienced the world's first "bad trip" -- slang for when the user suffers a disturbed reaction. "On the way home, my condition began to assume threatening forms. Everything in my field of vision wavered and was distorted as if seen in a curved mirror." Once home, the LSD continued to warp Hofmann's mind: "My surroundings had now transformed themselves in more terrifying ways. A demon had invaded me, had taken possession of my body, mind, and soul. I jumped up and screamed, trying to free myself from him, but then sank down again and lay helpless on the sofa. The substance, with which I had wanted to experiment, had vanquished me." Hofmann believed LSD to be a wonder drug that could help find out the mysteries of the mind…but it was banned in the 1960's thanks to the Hippies turning it onto a recreational drug. However, recent research has been done into it again to find out the medicinal purposes of LSD…so we shall see. In the meantime, my condolences to Dr. Hofmann's family. You may be asking what his secret was to living to be 102 years young. Well, the answer would be Swiss chocolates, Swiss cheese (probably with bacon), and Swiss LSD…you know, to cure the Alzheimer's and all. By the way, I would like to mention at this point that I do NOT condone drug use. I have seen the effect...and would not recommend it to my worst enemy (Courtney Love? I really don't have enemies). I just think it's interesting how the best laid plans of mice & men to find a cure for mental conditions can lead to a cultural revolution...and get a little perverted along the way.

Well, that'll do it for me today. The Wingmans just called me and said that they're coming into town tonight to pick up some of the kids (ex-wife has the three youngest...for now) and they're going to crash here at my place...because I'm the host with the most apparently and we can have a good fun time. Until then, the weather's a little bad but I'm still going to try to get some jogging in. Maybe go see my dad and hang out with him for a few hours. I'm truly lucky to be surrounded by all these great people in my life. I just want to thank all of you that read this for being my buddies...and for those who don't, I'll get around to telling ya, I'm sure. Have a great day everybody!!! Wish you all the best in everything!!!

I Need A Sex Tape

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Watched some more great basketball games last night…and the San Antonio Spurs have moved on to the next round to face the New Orleans Hornets. They're still obviously my pick to win it all…because they play basketball smart, have been together for a LONG time (especially by NBA standards), and just have talented role players from top to bottom…and three of the best in the game - Timmy Duncan, Manu Ginobili, and Mr. Eva Longoria himself, Tony Parker. VIVA PARKER!!! Oh yeah, during commercials I flipped back & forth between the game & "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" on FX again. I just like that movie. Funny, sexy, action-packed, Angelina, secret agents, even Vince Vaughn in small doses. Great flick. Anyway, not much else other than we have somebody from corporate visiting (my Boss Lady's Boss' Boss' Boss) and we get fed this afternoon. Oh…and I'm in my suit…with a new dress shirt. So fresh, so clean. My mom's coming into town for dinner tonight…but being my mom, she has no idea when or where…just that she's coming. Love ya, mom!!! Now for some news...


Voodoo Child Sex Tape - Vivid Entertainment (who I'm told is some sort of adult entertainment movie company…that I swear I've never heard of or am familiar with any of their stars) says that they have obtained…and therefore will soon be releasing another celebrity sex tape…and this one is Jimi Hendrix from forty years ago. I know!!! I was surprised that VH1 was going "Behind the Music" back in the sixties…but apparently they've been around for while. The 11 minutes of footage, reportedly shot in a hotel room about 40 years ago, allegedly features Hendrix engaged in various sexual acts with two women (That's it? Must have been a slow night). Vivid said they consulted with experts to authenticate the footage but Charles R. Cross, author of the Hendrix biography "Room Full of Mirrors," has seen the film and doubts the man is Hendrix. "This is somebody that looks like Jimi or is pretending to look like him, but it certainly didn't look like a dead-on match to me." Seattle-based representatives for Hendrix's estate declined to comment about the tape. As many of you already know, Jimi's been gone since 1970 due to the rock & roll lifestyle…and overdosing on it…but the reason I mention this stuff is just because it's good to hear him in the news once in a while. Even if it's an adult film company trying to make bank on his name…and probably will whether it's really him getting a Brazilian Snowcone or not. The point is…when you become a celebrity…and this goes for all of you out there…release a sex tape…but make sure that it's done professionally…and that you get the money in advance. That's just another entrepreneurial tip from a man who's just waiting to become a celebrity…and find a costar or two…because honestly, WWJD - What Would Jimi Do?


Monkey See, Monkey Do Do - I rag on Hogle Zoo here in Slick City a lot…because I've seen others. However, some interesting recent news out of there as doctors performed eye surgery on Eli, a 10-year-old howler monkey with a Biblical name. The zoo was first tipped to the bad eyesight by steadily increasing patron comments on Eli's poor marksmanship with his feces tossing. He can't follow an eye chart, of course, but Eli's caretakers believe he can see better for the first time in years. Doctors removed cataracts from Eli's eyes Monday and replaced his natural lenses with acrylic ones designed for children and should last for the rest of his life. Within an hour, veterinarian Nicole MacLaren says the monkey was "running around and acting like he can see." No word yet on whether or not this monkey will be the super advanced monkey that leads to the downfall of the human race…but I'll be sure to keep you posted…or at least try to get a picture of him next time I got to the zoo. Congratulations to Eli and the talented team of doctors that performed the procedure.


North Carolina Connection - As mentioned yesterday, the NBA's Charlotte Bobcats (most famous for being owned by the President of BET and part-owned by North Carolina alumni Michael Jordan) announced that they had hired North Carolina alum Larry Brown as their new head coach…to go along with assistant coaches Phil Ford (North Carolina) and Dennis Williams (South Carolina, just to be different). It's believe that Brown will help to maximize the potential of the team's young talent, including former UNC players Raymond Felton & Sean May) and experienced veterans like Jeff McInnis…of where else? UNC. Larry Brown was an Olympic caliber basketball player when he played at UNC in the 60's, then signed on to coach at Davidson (in North Carolina) only to quit before coaching a game to coach…the ABA's Carolina Cougars. Yeah, from there he basically stayed a few years with eight other NBA teams, coached college at UCLA and Kansas, and is now with his 9th NBA team…where he may stay for a few years…but I can understand because his mama lives in North Carolina.


The moral of the story: Go to North Carolina!!! Sure, you may have to wear baby powder blue clothing to show your affiliation…but you're basically guaranteed a job with the Charlotte Bobcats…which is the NBA's version of a fraternity. Okay, not really…but still, it's kinda funny, right? No? Alright, well…just a prediction…but watch the Bobcats during the draft this June…and see who they pick. They would have certainly taken NCAA Player of the Year Tyler Hansborough if he dropped to the 8th pick in the draft…but he decided to stay for his senior year (for some reason). However, there's still guards Ty Lawson, Wayne Ellington, & forward Danny Green…at least in the second round. Only time will tell...


Grand Theft Auto IV - My brother sent me a text message last night that said simply "Get It!!!" Bro, you know I've been trying…but I guess I'm just too picky…or too much of a prude or something. Of course, he wasn't taking about me getting IT…but rather the video game "Grand Theft Auto IV" which was released on the PS3 yesterday…and it made hella bank. According to a semi-reliable source (my brother), the game is "pretty f**king awesome." I told him to sell me on one text message…and he responded with "Bob Marley has his own radio station, darts & bowling using six axis, strip clubs & f**kin', great graphics, a lot of changes in controls, & bad ass cars." Not sure on his list of priorities…or what they really have to do with the game about an Eastern European immigrant who runs drugs, shoots cops and beats up prostitutes after falling in with a crime syndicate…but it could be a lot of fun. Here's the real question though, will I buy it? Possibly. Certainly not based on his award-winning sales pitch…because I already have a dart board, Bob Marley CDs, bad ass cars, lasik surgery that leads to great graphics, and strip clubs within walking distance. However, it's a lot of fun sometimes to just take up a bunch of guns, grenades, and prostitutes…and just go on an all-night shoot-em-up bender, blasting helicopters, SWAT teams, and innocent bystanders after a long day at work…and it'd be a lot safer for me if I were to do that on television rather than going out Scarface-style on State Street. Time will tell.


That'll do it for today. Mom's visiting, Filly has a play, JL Clyde's friend's band has a concert, Boss Lady's Boss' Boss' Boss is here, I'm lookin' supadupa fly. Should be a good day…despite the cloudy weather. Have a great day everybody!!! Feel free to gimme your opinion on the Jimi video…or anything else really.

$teve Bumps Hard

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Lots of great basketball action going on last night as the Lakers swept the Nuggets, Magic won their series against the Raptors (basketball players, not dinosaurs, or birds of prey), and the Hawks tied up their series with the Celtics. More great basketball going on tonight if anybody is interested…but you're probably not…otherwise you'd be checking out NBA.com about Larry Brown becoming the next coach of the Charlotte Bobcats instead of reading this…so I'll move on. Last night, Brooklyn, the Mad Scientist, & I were going to have an impromptu Movie Night…but that fell out…so we're probably going to reschedule for later in the week. It's been a while since we had one. Other than that, I went for a few jogs and a walk around sunset, talked to Bubbles about her adventures with a six-year old (learning different sounds of "U"), and watched basketball. No new embarrassing interview stories to share or anything like that…yet. The day is young though.

Colbert Bump Theory - Fellow $teve, adamant blog reader, & host of "The Colbert Report" Stephen Colbert hosted both Democratic Presidential frontrunners Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton while filming in Philadelphia last week. Why would both agree to be on this cable satirical news program? Because they want the Bump. Oh yeah…of course ladies like Mrs. Clinton ALWAYS long for the Bump from a $teve…but this is a different Bump, the Colbert Bump (patent pending). Colbert first coined the eponymous term on his show after John Hall won in a close election to become a representative from New York in 2006 after an appearance on the "Report." Hall defeated incumbent Sue Kelly, who had declined to make an appearance on the show. Colbert himself commented on this after the election: "And how did he beat Kelly? According to the American Prospect, quote, 'Her refusal to appear on cable's popular "The Colbert Report" may have also proved somewhat costly.'," Colbert reported, adding, "Somewhat? All what. She could've gotten the 'Colbert bump,' instead she got the 'Colbert dump.'" Now, they've apparently ran studies to see if "The Colbert Bump" is real…or just pompous fufa from another fast-talkin' $teve. Long story short, the results show some interesting trends supporting the Bump. However…as with all Bumps…there's not a scientific explanation to why they're so good. They just are…and must be felt. Anyway, the link has some data and blah blah blah if you're interested. I was…but I'm a nerd…who likes to Bump.

You're Welcome? - In Bentonville, Arkansas (Wal-Mart country), an inmate awaiting trial on a murder charge is suing the county, complaining he has lost more than 100 pounds because of the jailhouse menu. Broderick Lloyd Laswell says he isn't happy that he's down to 308 pounds after eight months in the Benton County jail. He has filed a federal lawsuit complaining the jail doesn't provide inmates with enough food. According to the suit, Laswell weighed 413 pounds when he was jailed in September. Police say he and a co-defendant fatally beat and stabbed a man, then set his home on fire. In his complaint, "On several occasions I have started to do some exercising and my vision went blurry and I felt like I was going to pass out. About an hour after each meal my stomach starts to hurt and growl. I feel hungry again." Dude, you killed somebody and set their house on fire. Then you get three square meals a day…instead of six…and you've lost a hundred pounds almost making you an above average sized man instead of "That's no moon" status. Oh...and that blurriness is called Life, I think. Now, I'm all for Prisoner's Rights…and innocent until proven guilty and all that…but shut the f**k up and enjoy the fact that you're being fed. You allegedly beat somebody to death…and set his house on fire…and you're made because you can't have extra gravy on your taters? It's really hard for me to give a damn…so I won't. Sorry. Hope your trial goes well and justice is served…cold.

Double Aces - Ted Kemp, a 12-handicap golfer from Muscatine, Iowa knocked in two hole-in-ones on back-to-back Par 3 holes at the Muscatine Municipal Golf Course. Kemp says the feat was more luck than skill, calling it "pretty unreal." He finished the day with score of 78…and one hell of a bar tab, I'm sure. A study by Golf Digest in 2000 said that the odds of getting two holes-in-one in the same round is 67 million to one. What does that mean? Basically, not much. If everybody tried, then a hundred people would do it with those odds. I love statistics. You can prove anything. ANY THING!!! "Babe, you're one in a million." "Oh, so there's 400 just like me in the continental U.S.?" "Yes. At least. That's exactly what I was saying." I'm such a charmer. That's why the ladies love me, I guess. Anyway, congratulations to Mr. Kemp. I never understood why the guy that hit the hole-in-one had to buy drinks for everybody though. "Screw that!!! I'm the one that did the astounding feat. You guys should pitch in to get me hammered for Cinco de Mayo or something."

Anyway, that's really about it for today. Lilie & I are just gonna hang out here at work, I guess. Tonight, probably more basketball…then going to be early to work early again. Good times. Really excited about Vegas though. Oh yeah, Bubbles talked with the HR manager I spoke with and explained the inside jokes in detail. She still thinks I'm "weird" but whatever. At least she knows ahead of time. I love America. We can sue anybody we want under any circumstances, we always find great ways to get other people drunk during sporting events, we're free to move about and make our own mistakes...then sue when it doesn't go our way, but the best thing about America...is that she always puts out when you really really need it. Have a great night everybody!!! I don't even have to ask. I know it was good for you too. It's the Magic...of the Bump.

$teve & the Real Girl

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Today was pretty mellow. Jogged a little, worked out a little, heard the Spurs whooped on the Jazz last night, talked to a fellow Spurs fan (my Boss Lady's former Boss Lady) about her future plans, watched a movie, and then came to work. Today is the last official day for the center…but due to scheduling and delays and what-have-you, we're still going to be working in the building for at least a few more weeks…but some people are leaving for good…and that sucks. It's all good though today…because I get to train loyal blog reader Lilie for a few hours. Yay! It's been a bothersome past few months with everybody moving away and migrating to greener pastures…but it's probably all for the best…and kind of a sign for me that I need to get off my ass and do something with my life. I've got so much going for me. What am I afraid of? Success? Hell nah. Making a mistake? Yeah, that's probably it…but you know what, I'm young. I'm allowed to make mistakes…lots of them…and I have them all saved up from my childhood…so it's time to start taking a risk. The wheels have been set in motion for Vegas…and now I'm just waiting for them to realize this golden opportunity presented to them, by hiring me…and showing me the money…and I'll show them what I do…which is basically show up, do my job, help others with theirs, make their day better, laugh a LOT, teach others to fish (metaphorically), and then go home with a smile on my face…usually. Your move, Vegas.

Anyway, the movie that I watched today was "Lars & the Real Girl" starring Ryan Gosling. I briefly mentioned it a few months ago just before it come out on limited release. It's about a very reclusive, quiet, fidgety 27-year old man named Lars (Gosling) who casually strolls from being anxious regarding personal interaction to complete delusion when he orders a half-Brazilian, half-Danish sex doll named Bianca and treats her as his girlfriend. His brother & sister-in-law play along with it (because the psychiatrist suggests it) and before you know it, the whole town is doing it because they want to help this nice guy. I couldn't really decide if this was a drama about delusion and coping with loss with a twist concerning Bianca...or a comedy because it wasn't that funny but it had it's moments…but that's probably why it was a limited release independent film…and it was really well done…and actually surprisingly touching for a story revolving around a sex doll. I would definitely recommend it.

Fellow Steve Retires from Football - Pro Bowl quarterback Steve "Air" McNair announced his retirement from the NFL after thirteen seasons. He has three years remaining on his contract…but due to a career full of injuries, he has decided to enjoy the health that he still has and spend time with his family…and you have to respect that. He may be a Hall of Famer one day…because he is one of three quarterbacks to have over 30,000 passing yards & 3500 rushing yards and the other two are Fran Tarkenton and another Steve, Young. Then again, he has no Super Bowl rings, so who knows? Anyway, thanks for the entertainment and athletic prowess over the years…and I wish you all the best, Mr. McNair. Sunrise, sunset.

Brother Love Goes Pro - My brother from another mother, Kevin Love of UCLA has announced that he will declare for the NBA Draft…and will probably be a top three pick. He's a big guy…and you can't teach height, great passer, jump shooter, defender, and has a great work ethic to match his natural skills. Besides, he can do this type of stuff. The 6-foot-10 center Love said he did not immediately plan to hire an agent, which would temporarily allow to keep playing for UCLA. "I want to maintain my eligibility in case something happens," Love said. He later added that it's "definitely a possibility" that something could prompt him to change his mind. What you ask? My only guess would be millions of dollars in cash from local boosters…or true Love. I'll keep you posted…but I expect him to be playing in the NBA next year. Congratulations on your decision brother Love. See ya at the reunion.

Make 'Em Say Uuuuug - Scientists at Florida Atlantic University have modeled a Neanderthal's larynx to replicate possible sounds it would make. The work is based on fossils found in France, the British journal New Scientist said on Wednesday on its website. The item includes an audio snippet in which a computer synthesizer replicates how a Neanderthal would say an "e" and compares this with the same sound as made by modern humans. A study published last October in the journal Current Biology found that Neanderthals carried the only human gene that has so far been linked to language. This implies Neanderthals had at least some of the genetic prerequisites for acquiring language. Even so, experts question whether Neanderthals had the necessary biological gear, such as fine nerves connected to tongue muscles and lips, that would enable them do more than just grunt. However, as rappers have proven, it seems grunting is sometimes all you really need to get your point across. Isn't that right, Master P? "Uuuuugh, uuuugh. Nana nana. Nana nana." Sure, Neanderthals may have not had spoken language…yet somehow they managed…and I'm guessing it had something to do with the large clubs that they carried around and some form of body language, fierce hooting, and possibly projectile feces…much like apes of today…or drunken frat parties.

The point is…who really cares? If a tree falls in a forest and there's nobody around, sure it makes a sound…but it's just as important to mankind as a caveman saying "Schpedoinkal" or "Giggidy" some 50,000 years ago. They could have constructed Time Machines back then made of mammoth pelts, flint, and pine cones…but until we find it preserved in a tar pit, it's not really effecting us…or is it? Okay, it's really not. It just goes to show that some 50,000 years from now…when people (or the next evolved animals) are digging us up…what will they find? What will they think of us? "Oh, these primitive ancestors used wads of flattened wood pulp to simply wipe their backsides. They didn't even use the three seashells. Myahahahahaha." My point - We all have a legacy…and it's how we make others feel around us…and raise our future generations to be...so please be kind to one another and show your kin how to live by example. My point doesn't really make a whole lot of sense with the Neanderthal thing…but still, it's like my buddy Master P says, there's more to life than bitches, weed, and Mercedes.

Don't Be This Chick - A tow truck driver unknowingly hauled away a car with a 7-year-old asleep inside before returning the vehicle minutes later and speeding away. The panicked parents of the missing boy watched the driver hurriedly unhook their car and take off as they met with authorities late Monday. Twenty-three year old Fidel Retana Jr. was pulled over a short time later and arrested on child endangerment charges but police expect to drop the charges. "It appeared that he did not intend to take the child," Dallas police Sgt. Brenda Nichols said. David Traylor, Retana's attorney, said his client noticed the boy only when he stopped to ensure that the car was hooked up properly. The car had been parked in a fire lane while the boy's mother ran upstairs to her apartment. Traylor said Retana left the second time in a hurry because he knew the parents were there and were probably angry. Authorities said the boy's mother was crying and vomiting outside when they arrived. The boy was still asleep when the car was returned.

Now, I've fallen asleep in the back of a car as a child a few times…and my mother will gladly share this story with you any time you hang out with us. Apparently, one time I was wandering around outside, hopped in the car, and fell asleep in the trunk area of a hatchback. She was obviously worried something fierce…and drove for hours trying to find me…and called family & neighbors…and I was asleep in the back of the car. She was at wit's end until I woke up, went inside the house when she was crying on the phone with my grandma or something, and I asked what was wrong. This however, is not really one of those stories. Why? The mother parked in the fire lane and "ran upstairs to her apartment" but it takes a while for a few things to happen…like somebody call a tow truck, they show up, hook up the car, and drive off. Even if there's a two truck on the premises and waiting…it probably takes a good ten to fifteen minutes depending on a few variables. Then, after the fiasco, she's "crying and vomiting" when he came back with the car. Now, I've been worried bad before…and unless she has some SERIOUS acid reflux, there's some other factors playing into that. Regardless of all that, here's my verdict - Charges obviously dropped on the tow truck guy…because of he's being charged with kidnapping, she's being charged with child abandonment. She's also going to pay the tow charge & have to go to one of those parenting classes. That's my ruling. Case closed.

Milla Update - Milla Jovovich will star in Gold Circle Films' thriller "The 4th Kind" according to The Hollywood Reporter. The fact-based thriller involves an ongoing unsolved mystery in Alaska, where one town has seen an extraordinary number of unexplained disappearances during the past 40 years and there are accusations of a federal cover-up. Jovovich plays a woman investigating the disappearances in the town. Olatunde Osunsanmi is making his directorial debut on the film, which he also wrote. Shooting begins late June. Not really much else to say. Good for her. Sounds like it could be a mix of "The X-Files" and "30 Days of Night" but I'm guessing something far more disappointing...except Milla is one hot Scully. Oh well, chances are I'll still watch it…because it was one of my ten requirements. Maybe the government's covering up time-traveling lesbian strippers that ride robot dinosaurs and feed only on panda bacon. What a twist!

Anyway, that should do it for me today. Hope you all enjoyed it. I may stop in tomorrow on my day off…but we shall see. I plan on hanging with my dad again. Thank you all for everything. You guys rock!!! The gals rock too…probably more so…I just say guys a lot…like dude…and cool cat. Anyway, have a great day!!!