Sabrina, Don't Just Stare At It. Eat It.

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night, I watched the latest episode of the Venture Brothers (love that show) then went to bed. I had a lot of errands that I needed to run...but really wanted to sleep in...because I needed some rest to get over this bug that I've had the past few days called heat exhaustion. However, if I slept in, that would mean that I'd have to do all of this running around in the heat. So I woke up around 7 AM and by the time I finished polishing my car & running around to get her registered & grocery shopping it was 10:30...and I sat down at my house...and basically passed out. Fifteen minutes later, Brooklyn texted me...but I was already feeling better with my Power Nap. I used to do those ALL the time when I was going to school & had an hour in between class & work...but it had been a while since I really needed one like that. It's also a good thing Brooklyn texted me...because who knows how long I would have slept? Anyway, now I'm at work...and have more stuff to do tomorrow...but I may just have to sleep in & postpone those plans another 24 hours. I needs me some sleep.

Just got into work...and found out why there have been some problems with the new job application. Apparently, I'm no longer certified to be a manager (though I've pretty much been one for the last five years) so I have to do another mass interview (3-4 other managers asking me questions) some time soon. Loads of fun...and it's really odd because I've applied for a lot of internal jobs where I work...and it was never brought up. Explains a lot. Anyway, enough of my bitchin', that's not what you came for. Here's some news.

Slick City Siblings - Sadie and Pyper Vance (brother's name is Bagger) have had just about enough of high gas prices. The sisters are still years away from being old enough to drive, but that doesn't mean the $4 per gallon price tag isn't hitting them as hard as anyone else. Why are they protesting? Their parents had to cut Cable TV to compensate for the cost of gas. The girls marched through downtown Monday chanting and carrying signs made from old campaign signs. "All of my mom's monny goes to the gas tank!" Pyper's sign read. Sadie carried a sign asking drivers to honk to lower gas prices — adding that her mom had to cut "cabel." You know…these kids really aren't aiding their cause. Sure, everybody already knows that gas prices are higher than usual…but they're really just speaking out on illiteracy when misspelling words like "Monny" and "Cabel" on city streets. Maybe it's a good thing that they don't have cable…so they can focus on their studies. "But $teve, it's summer vacation. What else are we supposed to do?" Read a book. Learn an instrument. Play (sigh) soccer. Mow the lawn. Do the dishes. Recycle. Chalk the sidewalk. Plant a garden. Get a job. Go cut me a switch. The possibilities are endless. I admire your spirit, Sadie & Pyper (Seriously? With a Y?) but perhaps you should focus your efforts elsewhere…like finding a solution to this whole gas dependency thing. We could use a fresh new perspective on the subject.

How Golf Should Be - Sure, I have my views about Golf…and have expressed them before. I want there to be a lot of stuff that makes it more exciting both for the fan & the player…but there are a lot of conservatives out there that don't share my view…and I respect that. Sure, high grass with booby traps & shoe-hungry wildlife may not be good for the safety of your shoes. Sand traps with quicksand may lead to lengthy delays as they try to free the golfer from a slow, painful death. Additional water hazards like sprinklers, class three rapids, shaky rope bridges, and alligators may not be necessary. Even your opponent being allowed to count to ten-Mississippi while you're teeing off…before he/she is allowed to tackle you…may seem a little extreme. However, I didn't even consider strippers until this story came out. At the Gold Crown Junior Golf Association tournament Monday, youngsters aged 7 to 12 were just finishing up their rounds when scantily clad women spilled out of a limousine. The women were part of Shotgun Willie's Charity Golf Tournament to benefit breast cancer (the sexy killer). The strippers were to serve as caddies to patrons of the strip club. A club manager said there were 144 golfers and 70 caddies. A woman told KUSA-TV the event drew curious questions from her children, who asked her why the men joining the strippers had water guns and why the women wore only their underwear. Course manager Evelyn Koch says the women were forbidden from going topless and that they were just flirting with the men. "I cannot tell you the girls didn't flash out there but it wasn't a free-for-all." That's what golf needs…partial nudity while raising money for a noble cause. My hat's off to Shotgun Willie's and their groundbreaking tournament. Because it doesn't matter what you shoot, everybody's a winner.

Twin Peaks - An American hiker stranded in the Bavarian Alps for nearly three days was rescued after using her sports bra as a signal. Berchtesgaden police officer Lorenz Rasp said that he helped lift 24-year-old Jessica Bruinsma of Colorado state to safety by helicopter on Thursday after she attracted the attention of lumberjacks by attaching her sports bra to a cable used to move timber down the mountain. "She's a very smart girl, and she acted very resourcefully," said Rasp. "She kept her shirt and jacket for warmth, but thought the sports bra could work as a signal." An Alpine rescue team, including five helicopters and 80 emergency workers, had been searching for Bruinsma since she went missing June 16 after losing her way in bad weather while hiking with a friend near the Austrian border. She fell about sixteen feet to a rocky overhang, where she spent the next 70 hours on the narrow ledge, sustained by water that she found by breaking into a supply box on the ledge. She badly bruised a leg and dislocated a shoulder in the fall, and the cliff was too isolated for her to climb free. "She did so well because she is in very good shape," Rasp said. "She has been training for a marathon (in the Alps?). Her goal is to finish in 3 hours and 10 minutes." Bruinsma told Rasp that she has scrapped plans to stay in Berchtesgaden to learn German and plans to return home to Colorado Springs with her parents. He said she still plans to run the marathon, if she recovers in time to keep training. Wow. Best of luck to you. Just goes to show ladies, taking off your bra may save your life one day. I'm pretty sure that was the moral of the story.

Did you say your name was Buck? - A New Mexico appeals court ruled against a man trying to legally change his name to "F**k Censorship" on Friday. Judge Nan Nash ruled that the proposed name change was "obscene, offensive and would not comport with common decency." Here's a little background on the applicant though. In 2004, there was a similar situation in which the court had to clarify the law when concerning name changes. In that case, it was decided that the man had the right to call himself whatever he wants, unless there's fraud or misrepresentation involved but once he seeks court approval for a name change, the court has the authority to turn him down on several grounds, including if the name is offensive to common decency and good taste. The funny thing is…that it was the same guy who then changed his name from Snaphappy Fishsuit Mokiligon…to simply Variable. Now he was trying to change it from Variable to F**k Censorship. Suddenly Frank Zappa seems like father of the year. I mean…I'm not 100% sure if Snaphappy Fishsuit Mokiligon was the name that his parents gave him…but if so, they need their breeding license taken away.

Ninja Makes the News - Public schools in Barnegat, New Jersey were locked down briefly after someone reported seeing a Ninja running through the woods behind an elementary school. It turns out the ninja was actually a camp counselor dressed in black karate garb and carrying a plastic sword. Police tell the Asbury Park Press the man was late to a costume-themed day at a nearby middle school. I mean…obviously it was a false alarm…because a real ninja wouldn't have been seen…until it was TOO LATE…then vanished without a trace. I truly wish there were more ninjas in the news…but then they wouldn't be ninjas. Real reason for mentioning this…was just so that I could put up a picture of a ninja.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Please have a wonderful day & enjoy the wonderful weather outside...but drink plenty of water...or else. Just kiddin'...but not really, be safe out there having fun!!!