Surprise, Surprise

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Couple of big surprises yesterday. First, I got a call from Bubbles who works at my future employer...and apparently they announced at a meeting that they are start a hiring freeze until peak season (probably September). Now, I haven't heard anything from the HR director or anything...so it's not official...but more than likely that I may be staying here in Utah for the summer. We shall see. So we were both a little bummed about this turn of events...but it does make sense. They're in very slow season, the economy's in the toilet, everybody has financial issues & to bring on the amount of employees that would require an orientation just doesn't seem cost effective...even if they're a little shorthanded right now. I understand...and I can wait...but yeah, I just hope that I get to work for this company...because I like it a lot. I just don't wanna be stalled for a long time in the same job with nowhere to go. At least I have a job though...and everything happens for a reason, so I'm not worried. Being best buds, Bubbles & I consoled each other...and it's always good to hear her voice...as most men know, one of their favorite sounds in the word is to hear a woman sound a pitious "Ahhh...I'm sorry" when it's not even their fault to help cheer you up. But then another surprise came up...

I called my mom to tell her about this (unofficial) turn of events...and she mentioned to me that she was going to Mesquite on Friday the 13th...and she said it to me as if I had known this and was invited but said no...which never happened. "Well, can I go with you guys?" "Of course, I thought that I had already asked you." "Nope. Would remember something like that." For those of you who don't know, Mesquite is about an hour away from Las Vegas...so I called Bubbles & told her the news that I'd be nearby this weekend wondering if she'd come & pick me up so that we could hang out. She was overjoyed, of course. Then she mentioned a karaoke jam with her female coworkers Friday night & invited me...so it sounds like I'm going to have a fun little weekend in Vegas to overcome my grief from not having a job there until September-ish. Again, it's not official because I haven't heard anything from the HR director...but yeah, that's the situation. Who knows? I may just have to check out other opportunities in the area while I'm down there...but I really like that company. We shall see. It all happens for a reason.

Watching "Gangs of New York" on USA right now starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Daniel Day-Lewis, Liam Neeson, John C. Reilly, Cameron Diaz, and directed by Martin Scorsese. Now, when this first came out, I thought...gangs? In 1860's? DiCaprio? Whatever. No need to watch this one. However, let me tell you...it's a Martin Scorsese film at its finest. Blood, anger, guts, intrigue, drama, revenge, power, Daniel Day-Lewis screaming & slashing, great flick. Check it out if you ever get the chance. Put the kids to bed first though. It's not for them.

I also got to thinking (somehow) about movies that I used to watch as a kid with my parents. Now, my parents had movies like "Ghostbusters", "Back to the Future", "Romancing the Stone", "Revenge of the Nerds", "Ladyhawke", "Karate Kid", "Goonies" (tehehe One-Eyed Willy), and other movies that are more PG-13 at best. As you know, for the most part, movies geared towards children are:

1. Rated PG - I mean...do they even make G films anymore? Kids shouldn't be going to the movies by themselves anyway, right? I think a requirement for G films is no poop jokes or motions faster than 5 miles per hour...and that's just not going to keep kids attention these days.

2. The Stories are Ridiculous - This may just be the anime that my brother wants to show me every time that I'm near him...and I'm not 100% sure it's geared towards children...but if not them, who the f**k would watch this stuff? Now they're making a Dragon Ball Z movie. Can't imagine how much that's going to suck.

3. You Feel Like You're Forced to Watch It - While the little kids are fascinated by the vivid colors and screen flashes that may or may not lead to epilepsy, you're sitting on the couch trying to doze off...but the sound of children's laughter & Wanda Sykes' voice keep you up. Occasionally, the kids'll jump on you because they're so excited (or sense your comfort level has increased).

4. Have at Least One Annoying Comedian Voice - On the Wanda Sykes kick, there's usually an Andy Dick, Robin Williams (at least he's funny most of the time), Rosie O'Donnell, Ellen DeGeneres (funny too), David Spade, or some other I can't think of off hand (mental block) that just gets more annoying than the cameraman on "Cloverfield" after a while...and that's saying a lot.

5. I'm sure there are more...but by this time, I'm giving the kids back to my brother & running home to have some Me & Milla time. However, I thought that I'd help out...and give you a list of kids shows that you can watch with them...and enjoy the experience with them more...because you'll enjoy the movie's subtle innuendos and just little jokes that you may come up with (or have been told to you by others such as myself if we watch them together). So here it goes...

Kid's Movies Adults Can Enjoy Too

Medal Winners

Gold - The Little Mermaid (1989) - Disney animated features as a whole are usually pretty good...well, fifty-fifty. "The Lion King" is a f**king classic. "Beauty & the Beast", "Aladdin", "Hunchback of Notre Dame", "Snow White & the Seven Dwarves", "Sleeping Beauty", "Jungle Book", "Peter Pan", "Bambi", "Robin Hood", on & on, usually have a pretty good moral story, singable soundtrack, a little bit of comedy...and a hot princess never hurt anybody. So why out of all of these do I suggest The Little Mermaid? Lion King was very close...but I had to give the nod to the story of a teenage redhead runaway who learns the valuable lesson that the way to win that Prince Charming is to get a nice set of legs, lose the crabs (and other sea creatures), don't talk, feel free to walk around naked (or with a seashell top), and enjoy your body as much as he does. Oh...and watch out for witchy whores that steal your thunder...and your man. Love that movie. Now please go watch it with your kids. You'll enjoy it a little bit more.

Silver - Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (1988) - Now, the story of this is really PG-13 and you can't deny the raw sexual appeal of Jessica Rabbit's body with Kathleen Turner's voice (What the f**k happened to her? Please, take her as a warning to not smoke & do drugs. Such a tragedy...) The story of an animated rabbit framed for murder...and his alliance with an alcoholic dick (private investigator) whose brother was killed by a toon to prove his innocence. Throw in cameos by nearly every Disney or Warner Brothers characters, animated-live action interaction, great sexual innuendo (I've always loved to play patty cake), Christopher Lloyd as a villain, and you've got a great show that kids & adults will enjoy more & more. It would be gold...but it had to go to Disney...in hopes that they would sponsor my blog someday. Now, if Robert Zemeckis wants to sponsor me, I'll switch it up...since I talk about "Back to the Future" & "Forrest Gump" enough. Think about it, Bobbie Z. Have your people call my people (who may not exist).

Bronze - Shrek Trilogy (2001-07) - Mike Myers is funny. Eddie Murphy is usually funny. Antonio Benderas is funny whether he's a puss or a bee on Flonase commercials. These movies...are just funny. Sure, it gets a little disgusting at times...but it's the whole gross factor with the kids (Remember Double Dare? You Can't Do That on Television...with Alanis Morisette? GAK in general? Playing football in the mud...or cow pastures where I grew up?) and they love that stuff. Love that it makes fun of other kids stories & fairy tales too. "Do you know...the Muffin Man?" "The Muffin Man?" "The Muffin Man!!!" "Yes, I know the Muffin Man. Who lives on Drury Lane?" Oh why did John Lithgow have to be eaten by that dragon? Oh, sorry if that's a spoiler to one of the four people in America who haven't seen that movie. My bad.

Suggestion - Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend (1985) - Yet another movie that I was raised on...and I'm sure that I've talked about it before...but it's the great story about a couple who journey into war-torn Western Africa in search of a dinosaur...and find a family of three...and find them just in time for local warlords to kill the father, capture the mother, and now they must watch over the little one and free the mother. It's like Blood Diamond meets Jurassic Park...only more kid friendly. Well, there is one line in there were William Katt ("Greatest American Hero") is talking with an African pilot about arguing with his wife Sean Young ("Blade Runner") and the pilot responds, "If it was me...I'd smack the bitch." I never even realized it was said until I watched it last year...and couldn't stop laughing. Also, check out "Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest" (1992) with voices like Christian Slater, Samantha Mathis, Robin Williams, Tone Loc, Cheech AND Chong, and the great Tim Curry. It's about the devastation of the rain forest...and really rings true to today's environmental awareness...and there's even a hot brunette fairy. Nice. Think I'll throw in a picture...


Flush It - All Those Damn Unnecessary Sequels (???) - Now, I think Aladdin really started it back in the early nineties...but do we really need all these sequels? To EVERY Disney movie? I mean...the one that I keep coming back to whenever I think about it is "Cinderella II: Dreams Come True" and it's basically about Cinderella adjusting to her new life (so I've read because I refuse to watch it). However, my idea for a sequel to Cinderella goes a little more like this...

Scene: Prince Charming is walking into the kitchen the morning after their wedding night. Cinderella’s trying to cook an omelette…but not doing too well.
Prince: "Bon Giorno Principessa. Last night was amazing. I think you drained me out."
Cinderella whispers: "Yeah, it didn’t take too long either."
Prince sips coffee and spits it out: "What are you talking about?"
Cinderella: "Nothing…I just…have you ever…you know…before? I only ask because last night I timed you and I think you broke some kind of landspeed record a few times? I was feeling magic gravy before I even got my pantiloons off. Are you on the juice or something?"
Prince: "Are you serious? I’m Prince Charming. I’ve nailed half the village. Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Repunzel, Princess Ariel, Red Riding Hood…"
Cinderella: "What? You had sex with Little Red Riding Hood?"
Prince: "Hey, she’s 18…she’s not little anymore!!! Besides, I’m sure that you’ve had a few in your day. Rumplestiltzchen, the Hunchback, Dopey & Doc, you tag-teaming hussy."
Cinderella: "Well, I hope your mermaid whore gave you crabs…that could sing & dance."
Prince: "Yeah, well it’s a shame you never learned how to make a good cup of coffee…or an omelot…you smell that? I think the chimney’s clogged. Why don’t you make yourself useful? I’ve got people to do & places to see."
Cinderella: "You bastard!!! How could you be such an asshole?"
Prince: "Well, I guess we should have gotten to know each other for more than a day before we got married. This is who I AM sweetie. I’m a Prince." Can you tell that my parents divorced? Not exactly a heart warming tale...but please, when the story's done...let it be done.

Future Watch - Kung Fu Panda (In Theatres Now) - Can't wait to see this movie. Who knows? Maybe I'll see it this weekend, maybe not. Martial Arts, Pandas, Angelina's voice in a tiger (of course), can't really miss. Oh...and I look forward to spending time with my nieces & nephew when they're old enough to watch movies. Used to watch "Finding Nemo" with my nephew Canon all the time...but that was when I was babysitting him at my dad's house. Great kid. They're all great kids. Enjoy the movies.

Well, that'll do it for me for tonight. Have a great weekend everybody & I'll catch you up on Sunday or Monday or something. Wish me luck with the job situation...but like I said, it all happens for a reason. Maybe somebody out there's looking out for me. Who knows? It's the mystery & miracle of Life. Have a happy Friday the 13th too!!!