How to Stop Global Warming?

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, I took some walks, ran some errands, basically getting psyched about the possible move to Vegas soon (kind of expecting them to say "Can you start on Monday?" when they do call) but other than that, nothing much going on with me this morning. My back's still a little sore...but it's a little better. Luckily, I have magic hands so I just have to self administer a rub-down...as self-gratifying as that sounds.


I would also like to take this time to adjust my Sylvester Stallone Movie List with a new Flush It, having caught the last fifteen minutes of "Rhinestone" on TV. The story is that an aging country singer (Dolly Parton) tries to teach her new protege to be the next big thing in country music...and it's a New York taxi driver (Sylvester Stallone). Now, that's all I know about the story...and the ending is...well, it's Stallone singing...country music. Sure, Dolly Parton's a little easy on the eyes...but it doesn't make up for the full Rambo-esque assault on the ears from the Italian Stallion. Sorry Sly, but there's a reason you make movies & not going on tour opening for Ashlee Simpson.


Now, I'm watching one of my favorite satire movies "EdTV" starring Matthew McConaughey, Woody Harrelson, Ellen DeGeneres, Jenna Elfman, Martin Landau, Dennis Hopper, Liz Hurley, and directed by Ron Howard. It's about a reality show that basically shows the life of video store clerk named ED (McConaughey) on TV 24 hours a day...becoming an overnight sensation. Now with his newfound celebrity, he's trying to get with Dharma...er, Jenna Elfman but the paparazzi interfere. I consider this movie great research for my future celebrity status...and how to handle it gracefully. It's actually a really good, funny movie but didn't get a whole lot of publicity & respect for whatever reason. I guess everything on TV hadn't become a reality show quite yet when it came out in 1999. Check it out if you haven't. Good times. Now for the news...


Life Going Down the Shitter? - Sometimes, we all feel a little depressed...and feel like the world is just so much to bear...but please remember, it could always get worse. For example, rescue crews had to cut apart a portable toilet to rescue a man who got stuck naked inside the potty. Authorities say the 31-year-old man used his cell phone to call 911 on Sunday from inside a portable toilet. Police say the man had been drinking and had taken off his clothes. Somehow, he immersed himself in the holding tank. (The imagination wanders...) The man was charged with public drunkenness and creating a health code violation. Which brings up the moral question...if you were to walk into a port-a-potty and there was a man stuck in there...would you help him out? Certainly you may call for somebody to come help them...but would you reach down in there & help the guy out? Or would you just pretend that you couldn't hear him and do your business? Now, before you answer...it's the only port-a-potty in sight...and you've been holding it in for like an hour before you finally found this one. Now what do you do?


How Much to Battle Global Warming? - A report by the Paris-based International Energy Agency envisions a "energy revolution" that would greatly reduce the world's dependence on fossil fuels while maintaining steady economic growth. The report says that in order for the world to HALVE greenhouse gas emissions by the year 2050 (closer than you think), the world would need to invest $45 TRILLION in energy...or just over a trillion dollars per year. A U.N.-network of scientists concluded last year that emissions have to be cut by at least half by 2050 to avoid an increase in world temperatures of between 3.6 and 4.2 degrees above pre-18th century levels. Scientists say temperature increases beyond that could trigger devastating effects, such as widespread loss of species, famines and droughts, and swamping of heavily populated coastal areas by rising oceans. You all know this...and I think that we should start on it...but yeah, I don't have $45 trillion. How much is $45 trillion? Well, about $100,000 per American man, woman, or child...but over the course of 40 years...so about $2500 per year per American. Bring in other countries (like ones with money not invested in war) and that number drops significantly. However, I think that I know the real reason for Global Warming...


One Step with Laundry - Xeros, which has been spun out of the University of Leeds, said on Monday that new washing machines would use less than 2 percent of the water and energy of a conventional washing machine. Plastic chips are used to remove dirt and stains from clothes, leaving them dry and reducing energy consumption as there is no need to use a dryer after the washing cycle. The firm, which recently secured investment of almost 500,000 pounds from IP Group, told Reuters the price of the new machines was "not expected to be dramatically different from (conventional) washing machines." Washing machine usage has risen by 23 percent in the past 15 years. The average household uses almost 21 liters of water daily on clothes washing or roughly 13% of daily household water consumption. A typical washing machine uses about 35 kilograms of water for every kilogram of clothes, in addition to the power needed to heat the water and dry the clothes. Not a bad start...but I like my idea of just being naked all the time...and at least one other person agrees with me...


Fox in Heat - As any reader of this blog may know, Megan Fox is really really hot...and named the Sexiest Woman in the World by FHM magazine last month (and predicted to be a big star by me when I watched Transformers last year). Is she and other ladies out there like her the reason for Global Warming? Well, now, she just got hotter. In an interview with FHM, she was quoted as saying, "I really enjoy having sex, and that's offensive to some people. Women are the quickest to call other women sluts, which I think is sad. I haven't met a lot of men who have said, 'You like having sex? What a dirty whore you are.' I'm young and have a lot of hormones—I'm always in the mood! But I like sex with one person when I'm in a relationship. Sex with random people who I've met at clubs is not really my thing. I have the libido of a 15-year-old boy. My sex drive is so high. I'd rather have sex with Brian (boyfriend Brian Austin Green) all the time than leave the house. He doesn't mind." Yes, that Brian Austin Green from Beverly Hills 90210. He's 35 (and shares my brother's birthday oddly enough) and she's 22. Well, at least we share similar views on sex...which is really hot...and I'm sure that 90% of you are thinking the same thing. Brian Austin Green is one lucky mother lover to have a Fox like that.


Anyway, enough about saving the environment and the gigantic costs ($45 trillion...perhaps, but an unsatisfied woman...simply too much), I think I'll see what my dad's up to & hang out with him during his last week off before going back to work. I'm sure that I've mentioned it...but he's basically fully recovered and doing fix-its and errands around the house. He's a great guy...and I hope to be like him someday. Fix stuff around the house for his family, always there if you need somebody to talk to, great sense of humor & perspective on life, loving husband & father, sounds like the sweetest gig that you'll never get paid for...except for a silly tie once a year. That's right, this is a plug for Father's Day this Sunday. Don't forget. I have no idea what I'm going to give him...but I did take him to Vegas a few weeks ago. We'll see what else he gets. Suggestion for the day - Call your dad / stepdad / husband / male role model up a little early...and tell them how much you love them. They'll greatly appreciate it. Trust me. There's nothing a guy likes to hear more...well, not much anyway. Have a great day everybody!!!