Birthday Eve

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

First off, a very happy birthday to Alfredo James Pacino today as he turns 68. He's one of greatest actors of all time...and the list of movies include "The Godfather" trilogy, "Scarface", "Scent of a Woman", "Dog Day Afternoon", "Serpico", "Heat", "Carlito's Way", "Insomnia", "Any Given Sunday", "Devil's Advocate", "Donnie Brasco", "Ocean's 13", even "Dick Tracy" as Big Boy. His newest "Righteous Kill" comes out soon, costarring Robert DeNiro & 50 Cent. Should be another classic. Anyway, have a great birthday buddy!!! I hope they don't make you work 18 hours today filming that Salvador Dali biopic.






Last night, I watched Guy Ritchie's latest movie (director of "Lock, Stock, & Two Smokin' Barrels", "Snatch", etc.) called "Revolver" starring Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Andre Benjamin (Dre 3000 from Outkast) and others. It's about a former con man (Statham) who spent 7 years in jail for taking the fall...and is now looking to get paid. That's about all that I'm going to tell you at this point...because from there, it gets really awkward at times...but I would definitely recommend it, especially if you like Guy Ritchie (Mr. Madonna) movies.





Test Tube Meat - See what I miss when I'm too busy at work? Stories like these BEG me to make fun of them. The animal rights group PETA is putting up a million dollar reward for anyone who by 2012 can grow in-vitro meat that looks and tastes like the real thing. "In-vitro meat production would use animal stem cells that would be placed in a medium to grow and reproduce. The result would mimic flesh and could be cooked and eaten," PETA said in a statement. The million-dollar reward will go to the participant who manages by 2012 to put test-tube chicken into commercial production and successful sell it in at least 10 US states at a competitive price. The New York Times revealed Monday that the scheme almost triggered a civil war within the headquarters of the organization dedicated to fighting for animal rights but PETA argued the move would help avoid unnecessary suffering. "More than 40 billion chickens, fish, pigs, and cows are killed every year for food in the United States in horrific ways. In-vitro meat would spare animals from this suffering. In addition, in-vitro meat would dramatically reduce the devastating effects the meat industry has on the environment. Humans don't need to eat meat at all" since many people continued "to refuse to kick their meat addictions, PETA is willing to help them gain access to flesh that doesn't cause suffering and death."




Okay, so PETA's giving approval for stem cell research…as long as it's using animal stem cells. Aren't they some of the advocates for stopping stem cell research on humans? Actually, probably not…because humans aren't that important to them, right? Sorry, I'm not too familiar with PETA. Maybe somebody can shed some light for me. Too lazy to go to their website…and I don't want the government following me more than they already do. (Shhhhh, they're listening) Anyway, how do you make meat…without making the animal? Really? Is it going to be like the episode of South Park I saw the other day, where they grow ears (and other appendages) on the backs of rats…but instead of cartilage, it'll be a T-bone? I guess that's literally the million-dollar question. I like the idea of a PETA civil war over this though. "Now we're talking about growing test tube steaks? I thought we were trying to turn the world vegetarian." "No, don't you see? If they're in a test tube, they won't feel pain…and we'll be distracting scientists from finding cures for diseases…and instead finding an other other OTHER white meat." "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." "Oh yeah, well I've got a test tube steak for ya right here, granola boy!!!" Slap fight ensues. $teve laughs at the thought. Hahaha!!! Besides, I'm a big fan of stem cells, as you may know from my occasion updates in the world of science…such as they can now turn stem cells into heart cells. Yay scientists!!!




Penis Theft in the Congo - I couldn't make this sh*t up if I wanted to. Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft. Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur. Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure. Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs. The 27 men have since been released.




Holy crap!!! So much disturbing information to take in those few sentences. Mother Afrika, I love ya…but you are one crazy place to live. Sure, here in America we tease little kids with "Oop, got your nose" and they enjoy it…but apparently it's universal that if you even pretend to take away a man's hood, they will lynch you. Even the police chief said, "I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke but when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it?" The Power of Suggestion, ladies & gentlemen. It's an incredible thing. Or maybe there really are mystics in the Congo shrinking heads & shafts and turning silverback gorillas into vicious killing machines…or maybe that was just a movie. Regardless, I'm glad that the police stepped in to save them…for now. Now there are three things that scare me…nuclear war, carnies, and penis theft.




Going Undercover - A police officer was forced to resign on Wednesday for having sex with a prostitute at a building he had been sent to investigate to see if it was a brothel. The police sergeant, who was not named, had "engaged in sexual activity with a sex worker" while on duty in east London in December 2005, the Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC) said. He was supposed to be finding out if the premises were being used for prostitution. You know, I'm not an officer of the law…or a lawyer or anything…but I would say, "Mission Accomplished!!!" That's what I call good police work. Going undercover, into enemy territory, infiltrating the trust of the organization, learning all the ins & outs of the operation, obtaining leads into subsidiaries and other markets, gathering evidence to be used in a court of law, and catching the perpetrators red-handed…or I guess, lotion-handed or whatever they were into at the time. All while earning a measly worker's salary and even offering to investigate when he wasn't "on the clock" as they say. Going above and beyond the call of duty. I say good show, sir. I'm sorry that your fellow (jealous) officers don't feel the same way. Oh well, I'm sure they'd hire you on at the brothel as a bouncer or something. Maybe it's a change for the better.




She's a Fox - According to FHM Magazine's annual 100 Sexiest Women in the World poll, star of "Transformers" Megan Fox is the world's sexiest woman. Honestly, I really can't argue with that. She's…absolutely gorgeous…and has those sexy eyes, bangin' smile, rockin' tatas, and…yeah, I'll go with that. I mean…nine million votes can't be wrong, right? Rounding out the top ten on the list were Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Elisha Cuthbert, Scarlett Johannsen, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Hilary Duff (WHAT???), Tricia Helfer, Blake Lively, and Kate Beckinsale. Friends of the blog made the list as well, like Angelina at #12, Adriana Lima was #36, Amanda Beard at #71, and my buddies Lindsay Lohan made the list at #16 & Li'l Shaky at #55, but in the biggest publicist move of all time - Britney Spears at Number 100. Oh...and Milla Jovovich didn't make the list...instead Meg from Family Guy did (Mila Kunis). That's almost as bad as Hilary Duff getting Number 7. Oh well, it's not my list…but yeah, can't argue with Megan Fox on top though…in any situation. She kind of reminds me of somebody…hmm…

"This is a nice V6 engine you've got here."

"You should see my straight 8."

"Do you HAVE to go to work today?"

"F**k that, I just quit."

It's a good thing that she has an extensive library...

Because as mentioned before, I understand "King Lear"

Anyway, that'll do it for me for today…my Birthday Eve. I'm doing some laundry now…but I'm going to hang with my dad & stepmom for the day, have some dinner, then my mom & the rest of the family are coming down tomorrow…so if you don't hear from me, don't worry. I'll just be having fun…and celebrating the 27th anniversary of my birth. Oh yeah, this just in, guess how I'm going to celebrate my birthday. I'm going to Chuck E. Cheese with my nieces and nephew and my family. If any of you want to come along & are going to be in Sandy tomorrow night, let me know. We can get you some tokens or something. Wow, I'm officially three cubed years old now. Awesome. Have a great weekend everybody!!! Call me if you wanna hang out Saturday night!!! I'm sure that the old people and kids will be going home before dark.