Unsolved Mysteries

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I would just like to thank everybody who may or may not donate for Breast Cancer Awareness and Research for my birthday present…and apparently Carl's Jr. is getting in on it too. Well, not specifically for my birthday, I'm sure, but apparently they're giving away a great gamut of coupons for dollar donations to breast cancer awareness. Kudos to you, Carl's Jr. What are some of these coupons? For one, a dollar off any breakfast burrito (paid back already…and the money's still going to a worthy cause), free Western burger with purchase of another (that's like $4 saved), and many others. I think there was a shake involved for all you ice cream fanatics out there. That's right, I'm promoting fast food…to save the tatas. Also, not a big fan of Paris Hilton with Carl's Jr. but I couldn't find the hot truck driver girl in plaid on the internet. My apologies. Still, as long as she's not talking, Paris is almost tolerable. Like the city, as long as you don't have to smell it.


This morning, I walked out to my car…and luckily, it had rained overnight and into the morning, so there was a wonderful crisp, clean feeling in the air, which always makes for a good morning. I hopped in my car…and my seat was wet. Mother lover. I checked the window to see if it had been cracked open…but it was sealed up…and there wasn't any indication that it seeped through the window gaskets or anything…so why the hell was my ass wet now?



I could almost hear Robert Stack's baritone over the background piano music, "Slick City, Utah. 10 AM. Non-profit gigolo, Dr. Mookie Love walks out to his car on a beautiful clear day. He sits within his Buick Park Avenue…and realizes…that his ass…is now wet. Confused & hungry, he inspects the car for defaults…or any explanation of his newfound moistness…but there's no evidence. Carla Smith, a nosy bitch who lives near Dr. Love who asked not to be identified, said that there had been a few instances of DSD…or Driver's Seat Dampness reported in her sewing circle over the past few months. What could have caused it? Global climate? Shotty automobile design? UFOs? A jealous ex-lover (I wish)? Condensation? Ritual animal sacrifice? If you…or anyone you know has any information about Dr. Love's soaked backside, please call us here at Unsolved Mysteries at 1-800-876-5353. There may be a reward for your information…and don't forget to Save the Tatas."


Nerd Alert - So my brother called me last night to inform me that he had seen a preview for a new fighting game coming out called "Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe" where apparently you can fight as some of the favorite MK characters…against DC Superheroes. Though it's still in the early stages, some of the matchups could be really kick ass. Who doesn't want to see Scorpion versus Superman? Sub Zero versus Batman? Lui Kang versus the Flash? Or my personal favorite, Wonder Woman versus…Wonder Woman? Anyway, no real details other than internet rumors at this time…other than it's apparently going to happen…allegedly this fall. I'll be sure to keep you posted…because you may think that I'm a nerd now…but in junior high, I was a super nerd. I know, hard to believe. I actually drew up and made lists of synchronized commands for a fighting game…that brought a bunch of fighting games together like this…but it was just about all of them (Street Fighter, MK, Marvel, DC, Weaponlord, Darkstalkers, King of Fighters, Samurai Showdown, Killer Instinct, etc.) but yeah, then I kinda went away from all of that. It's all good though. I'll leave it to the professionals for the video games…and bringing that many corporate entities together would have just been a bother anyway.


Nerd Test - I scored just under 19%. Feel free to take the test for yourself…but I'm going to warn you, it's a little long…but you'll get used to it. Tehehe, if I had a nickel for every time I've said that…


Also, big thanks to Filly for cooking me up some kick-ass chicken alfredo last night as we watched new South Park episodes. Congratulations on your graduation next week!!! I hope your computer starts working soon...so yeah, this shout out's pretty worthless...but yeah, I told you last night. Congratulations!!! By the way, I loved the South Park episode where Cartman is teaching underpriviledged kids how to cheat...and it's a great parody of "Stand & Deliver" with Edward James Olmos. Check that out if you can. "How do I reach these keeeeds?" "I mis-interpreted the rrrrrules." Lots of stabs at the New England Patriots too.



Anyway, that should do it for today. I'd better get back to work or something because God knows this place won't run as smoothly without me. (Fingers crossed, hopefully Vegas comes calling soon) Have a great day everybody!!!