Charlton Heston & Jodie Foster

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Unfortunately, I have to start today off on a sad note because the great American actor Charlton Heston passed away last night at the age of 84. Though most people probably know him more nowadays as the crazy President of the NRA from 1997-2002, he has also the consummate leading man in motion pictures for about forty years. His performances in movies like "The Ten Commandments", "Ben Hur", "Omega Man", "Planet of the Apes", and "Wayne's World II" are still some of the single greatest performances in history…and he just seemed like a really cool guy. He also had political influence and protested and took a lot of guff from a lot of people (mostly comedians & fellow protestors) but he stood for something…and there's a lot to be said for conviction like that…and you can't deny the charisma. My condolences to his family and I wish them the best.


My little no-Mountain Dew experiment is officially reaching the end of Day Two…and all is well. I'm fine with drinking water and I'm jogging 2-3 times a day now…but only for about twenty minutes at a time. Just whenever I get bored at home with nothing better to do, I'll go for a little jog or do some sit-ups & pushups or whatever. Nothing major…but I'm already feeling a little better just doing stuff as opposed to sitting on my backside (get plenty of that at work). That being said, I did watch two movies today…between joggings.


It was kind of a Jodie Foster day. I watched her new release "The Brave One" with her & Terence Howard. It's about a woman who's with her fiancé…and they're jacked by some jackasses in Central Park. Well, they get away, she wakes out of a coma a few weeks later, and her fiancé is dead. Obviously she goes into depression, then rage, then decides that she should be a superhero and rid the world of bad people…and Terence Howard is the detective investigating her scenes. It's actually really well done…and my summation is really basic…but I figure that if you've seen the preview, you know what it is. I thought it was really good if you're into that kind of movie…and it brings up a few points about Justice and Revenge and coping with lost Love and all that…and how people respond to events in their lives.


After that, I jogged, then returned to watch "Taxi Driver" with Jodie, Robert DeNiro, and Harvey Keitel for the first time in a decade or so. Weird thing was…I was watching this movie…and hearing the narration about how Travis (DeNiro) couldn't sleep and how he basically decides that all girls are crazy and he should focus on honing his body & mind…and I thought to myself, "My God, is that what I sound like on my blog? Am I going a little crazy too?" Granted, I've thought about taking a girl to a dirty movie on a date…but not the first one. Besides, that's what the Cooliseum is for. Anyway, the movie's a classic, DeNiro's a God, Jodie's jailbait, Harvey's a pimp, it's all good Scorsese stuff. Check it out if you haven't already. Now for the news...


Good to be Hova - Well, it appears that rap mogul Shawn Carter a.k.a. Jay-Z has truly made it completely. From selling drugs in the Marcy Projects of Brooklyn to steadily rising the ranks of the rap music game to having a top-selling clothing line to his own vodka to President of Def Jam / Roc-A-Fella Records to part owner of the NBA's New Jersey Nets (bringing them to Brooklyn) and now in the same week, he is apparently about to sign a ten-year, $150 million business deal with promoter Live Nation Inc AND married his girlfriend of six years (and twelve years his junior) R&B singer Beyonce Knowles in a small, secret ceremony on Friday. I actually watched this show yesterday on BET (Black Entertainment Television - still think the name's a little racist, but I still watch it occasionally) about the "Evolution of Jay-Z" and it's simply incredible. The man knows how to succeed. Congratulations, Mr. & Mrs. Carter!!! Wish you the best.


Mariah Passes Elvis - Mariah Carey's newest chart-topping hit "Touch My Body" (which I have yet to hear…but sounds intriguing) is her 18th such single. This moves her past Elvis Aaron Presley's 17 #1 hits into second on the all time list…behind the Beatles and their twenty #1 hits. Now, I like Mariah Carey. She has an amazing voice…and I think it stems from those amazing lungs of hers…and the stems ain't bad either. Do I think that she's the second greatest recording artist of all time? Not at all. I do think that she's a beautiful woman with a beautiful voice who was once married to Columbia Records exec Tommy Mottola, learned to adapt to the changing music scene, had a hell of a team of publicists, marketers, and an entire team of individuals bent on making her one of the top performers of our time. I'm pretty sure that she doesn't even write songs…but I may be wrong, it happens. Congratulations to Mariah and her success!!! You're no Elvis…but you're still awesome…and if I were a rapper, I'd probably have a shot at ya…but I'm not. We can both be sorry for that. Hopefully she's still doing okay after that emotional breakdown stuff a few years ago. If not, gimme a call. We'll talk it out. Or send the jet. That'd work too. Always glad to help a lady.


Study A-Broad - A German law professor was sentenced to three years in prison for giving students better marks in exchange for money and sex. The 53-year old admitted to accepting nearly a quarter-million dollars (though in Euros) for awarding doctorates to students who couldn't cut the grades…and for the female students, all it costs was a little bow chicka bow wow. The court convicted him of 68 counts of corruption (I would have admitted to one more just to get a mentionable number). The professor did so to pay off his substantial debts…and only having a 5000 Euro net monthly salary (which is a six-digit job last I checked). It's not amazing that a teacher has done this...but just that they have done this at that scale. Also, amazing isn't the right word...but mind-boggling seemed too much. I think the reason he got in trouble was because he wasn't an equal opportunity corruptor. Had he decided to charge the girls or gigoogidy the guys, there may have not been a problem. I don't know what it is with schools nowadays…but they're getting crazy. Like those nine-year old kids that were going to jack their elementary teacher, I'm sure you've heard about them on the TV. All this sex between students and teachers, I don't know…it makes me wanna get back into school a little bit…but not that much…because I don't have good luck with attractive teachers.


Is That A Snake in Your Pocket? - In Lansing, Michigan, a woman stole a boa constrictor from a pet store by slipping the snake down her pants. The 20-inch snake was worth $174 but the owner of the shop didn't seem to care about the money. "I am far less concerned for the person than for the snake." Perhaps the snake took a liking to the warm, moist environment presented to him/her…but for some reason, I sincerely doubt it. I've been to a few pet shops in my day…and the kind of ladies that would steal things out of there probably have a bunch of cats already. If I were that snake I'd find somewhere safe to hide…and constrict for dear life. I don't know what it is...but pet shop cashiers are usually really, really cute. Sure, they're usually card-carrying PETA members...but they seem like they'd have a freaky side. Anybody else feeling me on that? I'm picturing them with the snake...and it's something out of "From Dusk Til Dawn" meets "Across the Universe", by which I mean FIVE Salma Hayeks with snakes. Mmmm.....


Wanted: Drinking Buddy - Englishman Mike Hammond put an advertisement in his village post office reading "Wanted: Person to accompany elderly gentleman to the pub" for his 88-year old widowed father to have a drinking buddy. Since then, there have been quite a number of applicants…but here are the qualifications & benefits. The successful applicant must not be a woman, a teenager or "somebody who is just going to get wrecked. Dad is not a heavy drinker." His father likes women, he said, but it would be a little bit awkward going out to the pub with a lady he didn't know. (What's wrong with making an old man happy?) The job pays 7 pounds per hour (about $15/hour) plus expenses. I'll tell you what, if I lived in the area, I'd gladly apply to be a drinking buddy for $15 an hour plus expenses. However, there's also great potential in this. I haven't put a whole lot of thought into it quite yet…but this could be something pretty sweet. Somebody's just looking for a buddy to talk to…and I've been told by a number of people that "there's just something about you that makes me feel like I can talk to you for hours" and it's about time that I got paid for it…since I'm a non-profit psychiatrist / gigolo. By the way, the reason you feel comfortable around me…is because I'm a sweet guy who's usually genuinely interested in what you're saying…so I'm a good listener…and I think you're awesome…oh, and I'm a sucker for smiles…and that's what you get when you earnestly listen to people. I enjoy it…pro bono.


By the way, thank you Jlee for your input yesterday about my sister-in-law's tattoo…but I was able to find a pretty good website to find out what it means. When Ash told me about it, she said that it meant "Beautiful" but didn't know for certain…and I knew that the symbol on the left was "Woman" but couldn't recall the right symbol. So then we started thinking "Did you know this guy? Maybe it means Easy Woman or something like that?" We looked up "beautiful" on a few websites and it was different symbols…so that freaked her out a little bit more, so then I vowed to get to the bottom of it. Looked it up, sent her a text saying "I found out on the web what your tattoo means...and it's Complaining or Bitchy Woman. Sorry. That's what you get for not having a Chinese man do it." Don't worry, a few minutes later I sent her another text, "I'm just jerking ya…it means Beautiful. Just wasn't what we showed the other day." That relieved her. Here it is again, just for your own reference, a Chinese symbol for "Beautiful" pronounced yan…because I think you're all beautiful. Have a great night!!!