Black Day in Love

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,


The past few days have been absolutely gorgeous. It was even eighty degrees yesterday…and the sun was shining…and the birds were chirping…and people were gardening, simply incredible weather. So why the f**k is it snowing today? Welcome to Utah - Don't like the weather, wait a few hours. The morning was even pretty good weather for this time of year, as I jogged to pick up my new movie rentals…but by the time I headed to work, there was snowfall. Awesome.



One of the movies that I checked out was "Juno" with Ellen Page, Michael Cera, Jason Bateman, and Jennifer Garner. Of course I had heard the hype about it being absolutely awesome and nominated for Best Picture…and it didn't disappoint. It was clever (though obviously written by a fellow smartass, kudos to Diablo Cody) though a little sappy at times. It's a romantic-comedy, what do you expect. Oh, so for those who don't know, it's about this 16-year old girl Juno (Page) who has a one-night fling with long-time friend Bleeker (Cera) and she's pregnant…but instead of getting a schmushmortion, she decides to go through with the pregnancy so that a wonderful couple (Garner & Bateman) can have a child.



Watching the movie, I found myself wondering, what if I were in a situation like that at age sixteen. Not the being pregnant part, because I don't even feign to think about that kind of stuff (my psychiatrist agrees it's a good idea) but what if I were…say Bleeker (the sweet, quiet, awkward, geeky kid who played sports and wore short shorts...yeah, that was pretty much me) and I had one night of awkward teenage intercourse, then BAM I've got a kid on the way. Again, it's that "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it" motto that I try to live by. I'm pretty sure that I could handle it now…but at 16, probably not. I mean…I was a mature kid…but I worked at a grocery store. I would have had a lot on my still-growing mind. "Paper or latex?" "What?" "Sorry, ugh…paper or plastic bags?" Anyway, it's a funny movie and I think you should all check it out. Loved the soundtrack throughout the movie by the way. It's amazing how beautiful music can be with just an acoustic guitar, the human voice, and sincere words. Anyway, here's some news...



Black Day of Love - Did you know that South Korea celebrates Valentine's Day? Me neither. The twist…local custom dictates that women give gifts to MEN. Now, before you get all uppity about how that's sexist and blah blah blah, let it be known that a month later, on March 14th, they celebrate White Day and the favor is returned by guys giving gifts to their loved ones. However, on April 14th (yesterday) is Black Day, where people who have not found love dress in dark colors and commiserate over meals of black food, with the dish of choice being Chinese-style noodles topped with a thick sauce of black bean paste. At universities across the country on Monday, students without lunch dates ordered black noodles, dined with other lonely hearts and searched for companionship. Wait, there's more…and you can tell that marketers live in Korea…because they've hatched special days on the 14th of EVERY month to create twelve days a year of this stuff. For example, on August 14th is Green Day, when couples are supposed to drink cheap liquor that comes in green bottles and walk in the woods…and I'm sure they listen to Grammy-winning punk-rock music too. Billie Joe, Tre Cool, and Mike Dirnt have to be involved somehow. Anyway, I like the idea of Black Day. Not because it's making fun of or single-out those who don't have that special somebody in their lives…but because they usually end up hanging out in big groups, eating noodles with nasty bean paste on them, talking about how lonely they are, and I guarantee that at least ONE hook-up was made…even if just for pity sex. Maybe this'll spread to the U.S. some day. I'd better get me a black shirt or something in that case.



Full of Hot Air - Blowing through one nostril at a time, 13-year-old Andrew Dahl inflated 213 balloons within an hour Friday — a feat that has been submitted for review by Guinness World Records. His father, Doug Dahl, measured the balloons to make sure each was at least 20 centimeters, the minimum diameter, and his mother, Wendy Dahl, kept the tally. Andrew's first attempt (184 balloons in February) was rejected because his father tied the balloons. This time he tied them off himself. It's always great to see a family working together in order to…well, I guess get their name into a book of records. Honestly, do they really release the full book of records anyway? How would you look this particular record up anyway? "Let's see…under Physical Feats…Human Beings...Timed and…in One hour. Okay, we've got Running, Jumping, Sucking, AHA Blowing…oooh, a list of orifices, we'll go with Nasal…aaand Balloons, right above Balls tehehehe…okay, we've got Andrew Dahl of Blaine, Washington blowing 213 Balloons in One Hour with his Nose. I'll be damned, that kid we hung up on the flagpole really was in the Guinness Book of World Records. Good for him. What page was that picture of the World's Biggest Boobs?"



World's Biggest Cookout - Another World Record set this week was in Montevideo, Uruguay where more than a thousand barbecue fanatics grilled up 12 metric tons (26,400 lbs) of beef on Sunday, setting a new Guinness world record while promoting the country's top export. Army personnel set up a grill nearly a mile long and firefighters lit six tons of charcoal to kick off the gargantuan cookout. Some 1,250 people grilled the beef and about 20,000 spectators cried with joy when a Guinness judge confirmed the barbecue record had been broken. "I'm very proud to be Uruguayan. We have the best beef and now we have the world's biggest barbecue," said one of the volunteer cooks. That dirty mother lover!!! Do you believe that? He claimed that Uruguay, not the U.S. of A. has the BEST beef…AND the biggest barbecue. Are you just gonna sit there and take that? Texas? Nebraska? America? That sounds like a challenge to me. Twelve tons? I think I've seen that much at a Cowboys pre-game party…and we don't even need help from our military. Anyway, just thought I'd throw that out there…maybe ruffle a few feathers (clap clap clap clap) deep in the heaaaart of Texas to see if we could one-up Uruguay. I'm sure it was some delicious barbecue…what with some tropical fruit sauces or something. Who knows? Maybe it is the BEST barbecue on this planet…but there's only one way to find out, that's all I'm saying.



Jennifer's Body - Speaking of a hot, succulent piece of meat that I'd like to sink my teeth into, Megan Fox's new movie "Jennifer's Body" sounds fairly interesting. Directed by Karyn Kasuma ("Aeon Flux" & "Girlfight") & written by Diablo Cody ("Juno"), this horror-comedy is about a gorgeous cheerleader (Fox) possessed by a demon and she starts feeding off the boys in a small Minnesota farming town. According to producer Jason Reitman, Fox also gets into a fight with costar Amanda Seyfried (Sarah on "Big Love") in their underwear…and will be appearing topless in a scene in which she has lured a guy into the woods. She'll be wearing a skirt and apparently her hair will cover some parts…but I have a vivid imagination. Anyway, no need to thank me, just pay it forward. This will at least hold you over until "Jack & Diane" comes out. You remember, right? The story of lesbian werewolves in New York? Here's the link to that one.


That'll do it for today. Still waiting for suggestions to celebrate the anniversary of my birth…and a big thanks to Alisa for coming into work today to say hi, show off her beautiful baby boy, and give me some delicious sugar cookies shaped like alligators and flamingoes. Oh…and she suggested Taffy Town, where they give out free fudge samples and have some allegedly amazing Cran-Raspberry Taffy for my birthday. I'll definitely have to keep that in mind. You rock, Alisa!!! Have a great day everybody!!! Here's a lovely thought from Megan Fox to send us off...