The Eclectic Eccentric: Starts Out Lame But Stick With It

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Today is a big day for celebrity birthdays!!! First and foremost, I would like to wish a very special 69th birthday to one of the greatest singers of all time, Mr. Marvin Gaye. A two-time Grammy winner (Fergie has three), he began his singing career in 1961 as an artist on Motown Records and then quickly became their most popular entertainer during their most popular time. His mix of R&B, doo wop, contemporary soul, and straight baby-makin' music has inspired (and spawned) generations. Yet amid his inspiring songs and harmonious melodies, was a sensitive man devastated by personal demons and tragedies. In the late 60's, he teamed with the beautiful singer Tammi Terrell and released a few outstanding records. However, during a performance in 1967, she collapsed into his arms on stage…and was later diagnosed with a brain tumor. Over the next three years, she died slowly before Marvin, causing him great depression. Then shortly after her death, he released his most popular album, "What's Goin' On?", a landmark album…as it was probably the first concept album and is still a pinnacle moment in soul music. He had continued success over the following years and by 1983 was winning Grammys for another of his signature tracks "Sexual Healing" but was battling depression and a cocaine addiction. Health problems came from those…and he eventually isolated himself by moving into his parents' house. Apparently, he threatened to commit suicide after bitter arguments with his Reverend father, Marvin Sr. The day before his 45th birthday, an argument started over misplaced business documents…and his father shot Marvin…proving fatal. A tragic ending. We've all heard the classics. Hell, "Let's Get It On" was my first karaoke track (Camb was there) and his greatest hits have been present on a few makeout sessions. His songs of Love, heartache, change for the better, they are still as popular today as they were nearly a quarter-century ago…and I'm proud to have them on my iPod. So when you lay that special someone down tonight, don't be afraid to tell them how you feel…and if you can't come up with the right words…let Marvin help you out. "Baby, I'm hot…just like an oven…and I need some lovin'. Baaaaaby, I can't hold it much longer. It's getting stronger…and stronger…and when I get that feeling, I want sexual healing. Sexual. Heeeealing. Oh baby, makes me feel so fine…and it helps to relieve my mind." You may need to ad lib a little bit and really act it out…using hand gestures and whatnot…but the message is clear.

Also celebrating posthumous birthdays today are Alec Guinness, the actor who played Ben Kenobi in the original Star Wars trilogy who would be turning 94 and Buddy Ebsen, the actor who played Jed Clampett on "The Beverly Hillbillies" & Barnaby Jones would be a solid century old this day. Famous fairy tale author Hans Christian Andersen would be 203 years old…if he were a warlock of some sort. Man, I'm kind of bummed talking about dead celebrities now. Sorry about that…but still pay tribute to Marvin tonight if you can…and maybe get a little bundle of joy out of it. It's the Circle of Life.

Putting the Fun Back in Funeral - Have you ever wanted to attend the funeral of a loved one…but just couldn't make it due to work, flight schedules, or some other obstacle? Me neither. However, in Britain, Wesley Music is setting up a sort of pay-per-view funeral webcast for those unable to attend these solemn events…yet can't make it…for a one-time fee of 75 British Pounds (about $150). Director Allan Jeffrey says, "Families are dispersed across the world these days and sometimes it's the case that someone cannot get home in time for a funeral. For those who need it, this is a very important service. It means that rather than being excluded, they can at least witness and be a part of a funeral as it happens. In a time of stress this is something that can ease the pain." On the real, it's not really that bad of an idea…and fairly cost effective given what funeral homes & crematoriums charge for other services…but yeah, not my cup of tea. Why do I mention it then? It's an interesting concept in a weird sort of morbid way…and it kind of went with the previously mentioned birthdays. I just pray that none of you will ever have to use it. Anyway, let's get some funny stuff out here now.

Last night, Bubbles was driving back late to Vegas with another load of boxes...and her full grown lab puppy Brutis. Around Cedar City, she was getting a little sleepy & knew that I was getting off work, so we kept each other entertained over the phone for a few hours (except for occasional breaks due to cellular phone service). Around 4 AM, she sent me a text that she had seen her new home in Vegas…and she loves it. She's moving in with a fellow coworker. It sounds like she's really enjoying her move to Vegas, which is great. Now she has her dog Brutis for company too…and a roommate…and her roommate's 6-year old daughter. She may want more privacy before she knows it…but we'll see. Hopefully it reduces her stress immensely. Now for some news...

Worst Possible Hiding Place - Two Buffalo police officers were checking out drug activity in a neighborhood late Monday night when they spotted 25-year old Bernard Fincher Jr. walk up to a doughnut box, pick up a white object, and place it in his pocket. Fincher walked away, then went back and placed a white object back in the box. The officers moved in and checked out the carton, which was empty of doughnuts but contained some crack cocaine. He was obviously arrested…but of all the places in your home and on your person to hide something from police officers, why a doughnut box? The fact that it was empty of doughnuts would only infuriate them. Maybe it's that whole hiding in plain sight thing. I don't know…but I know one thing's for sure. Like Buffalo born & raised Rick James said, "Cocaine's a hell of a drug."

Naked Kiwi Vengeance - An off-duty constable was asleep at his home in Balclutha, in the lower South Island of New Zealand, when his wife woke him in the early hours. When the policeman realized the sound his wife heard was someone attempting to start the couple's car, he didn't let the fact he was stark naked hold him back, bursting out the door with nothing more than a torch. The offender bolted with the officer in hot pursuit but was soon after picked up by a police patrol. This brought back memories of when my father (former cop) did something similar when my car was being broken into about seven years back. Needless to say, those thieves never came back to our house again. There was one major difference though. My dad had a baseball bat instead of a torch. I'm really just surprised that there was a lit torch ready to go. Granted, I've never been to New Zealand, so it may have been a farm community or something and torches are their only means of illumination…but still, there's something primally fearful about a naked man chasing after you with a large burning stick. Were I trying to steal his car, I'd probably shat myself as well.

Man Escapes From Jail, Nobody Notices - In San Antonio, Texas, law enforcement officials are trying to understand how a convicted felon managed to escape from a privately owned jail...across the street from the police headquarters...without anyone noticing his absence for a full day. 35-year old Esequiel Pena apparently escaped by pulling back chain-link fencing around a rooftop recreation yard and climbing down an eight-story fire escape. Not exactly the next season of "Prison Break" but okay. The U.S. Marshall Service wouldn't say why it took so long to discover that he was gone…but I have a theory. How many of you have been watching basketball recently? Sunday afternoon, the University of Texas & the University of Memphis basketball teams were playing a highly-anticipated Elite 8 NCAA tournament game (which Memphis eventually won 85-67). Also, Sunday evening was an NBA basketball game between two of the league's top teams, the San Antonio Spurs & the Houston Rockets (which the defending champion Spurs won 109-88). It was during this time…that Pena made his escape…while the guards were probably checking their March Madness picks and/or rooting for their hometown four-time world champion Spurs instead of doing their boring checks of inmate presence. It may be a lazy theory…but the answer is often the simplest solution. Moral of the story: Basketball will set you free. Just wait until the report is released. We'll see if I’m right. GO SPURS!!!

On a final note, I'm sorry for my kind of morbid start to this entry…and I thought I would make it up to you with some tasteful photography that I found courtesy of the latest issue of GQ Magazine (Gentlemen's Quarterly indeed) starring my destiny, Adriana Lima. Have a great night everybody…and don't be afraid to enjoy this proof of God's majesty (and the existence of Photoshop maybe). Woosaaaah...

"Oh $teve, come sit on beach with me."

"I shouldn't. You dating that one guy...Marko Polo or whatever."

Apparently, girls like the chase...