Drawn Together Season 3, Out May 13th

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

I was delighted to find out last night that Season 3 of "Drawn Together" (Winner of the 2007 $tevie for TV Show of the Year) is coming out on DVD on May 13th. Hopefully it won't work like it did last year…and delay another three months after the initial release date. I'm confident in Comedy Central though. Still waiting on that Duckman DVD collection…but luckily, still not holding my breath.


Speaking of which, I went shoe shopping this morning at a local mall with three shoe stores. I searched the displays, found some that I liked (that didn't look ridiculously shiny), and then asked if they had them in size 14's. Lo and behold, they did not. "I've get them in an eight-and-a-half." "Hmm, that's almost 60% of what I asked for…probably not going to work. That's cool. Thanks man." So it went for about an hour at the various shops…so either size 14's are in high demand and all the basketball players beat me to that mall…or they simply don't care about the big man. Apparently, I'll just have to order them online instead…without trying them on first…which could be interesting. Oh well, now I simply have to special order ALL my clothes…not just pants & slacks.


After shopping, I returned home and watched "Toys" with Robin Williams, Joan Cusack, LL Cool J, and Robin Wright (before she got Penn'd). I like that movie a lot. Sure, it's a little corny and silly…but that's why I like it. Robin Williams is funny…and he charms the pants off Robin Wright with a bad Texan (?) accent. It's a great little flick…especially for kids. I think it's PG, even though there's an occasion swear word & innuendo in there. I know, I was as shocked as you are. After that, I went to work to train. Which brings us to now…and the news...


Tax Day is Tomorrow - By the way, Tax Day is tomorrow for everybody out there who hasn't done them yet. Just a friendly reminder. Here's a brilliant idea that I rolled upon the other day that I think could spread like wildfire…a certified public accountant who travels to various bars and does taxes while patrons relax & drink. Carmine Sodora founded Tavern Tax in 2005. For 10 weeks leading up to the April 15 deadline to submit U.S. income tax returns, he brings his tax-filing services to bars on weekday nights and weekend afternoons. He didn't know of anyone else offering such a service. "I was looking to expand my personal tax business. It's primarily to go after a demographic -- yuppies (young urban professionals). I've seen a 75 percent repeat, year after year." Though currently trolling Manhattan & Hoboken (birthplace of Sinatra), I can see smart young CPAs doing this all across the country quite effectively. Hell, I would. Maybe that can be my new career (for the first quarter each year), travel to bars, do some taxes, have a few drinks once the business day is through. "That'll just about do it, Ms. Jones. I'm going to need your phone number…in case I need to verify a few things." "Like what?" "Like what you're wearing at that particular time. Could I interest you in a Red-Headed Slut?"


Doing A Little Hard Time - The general manager of a Shanghai chemical company was jailed for two years on Thursday for selling fake tablets of the male impotence drug Viagra on the Internet. Yu Bohuai made a profit of over 60,000 yuan ($8,585) in 2006 and 2007 by selling 14,030 fake tablets to clients abroad and in Shanghai. He was arrested last July. There's really not much else to this story. I mentioned it because I was proud of the pun headline. I do that from time to time.


Caught With Your Hand in the Cookie Jar - Police in Cincinnati say a trail of candy and wrappers led them to suspects a few blocks away from a break-in at a downtown candy store. Four people have been charged with breaking and entering. One of the four also has been charged with child endangering. Police say 19-year-old Christine Ruther had her 7-week-old daughter with her when she and three others broke into Peter Minges & Son candy store Thursday. They are accused of taking about $400 in candy. This raises a few questions with me though.

1. Who takes their 7-week-old daughter on a robbery? You couldn't even find a babysitter for THAT. I would take that as a sign that you really don't need to do this.


2. Who robs a candy store? I'm sure that most of us have done a little five-finger discount here and there…but to actually ROB a candy store. Why? That ain't meth inside of that Snickers bar, it's nougat…and it's delicious…but not THAT delicious.


3. How many much candy is $400 worth? My guess would be a LOT. Sure, it's different if it's one of these haughty-taughty chocolatier places where it's designer chocolate cost a $10 for a bar or something…but I'm thinking it would take several shopping carts at Wal-Mart prices. No wonder there were four people involved. Heck, the shopping cart probably had a baby seat for the seven-week-old.


4. Is everybody familiar with the term "Orgy of Evidence"? It's when, for example, there's a trail of candy & wrappers…that lead you directly to where the suspects are camping out…and all of the evidence points at them. Now, you have to be kind of skeptical sometimes when that's the case…because if you're following a trail of candy & wrappers…either this is the stupidest heist in the history of crime…or you're walking into a trap. Keep your guns high and out.


5. Can you imagine the surprised look on the peoples faces…as they're gorging themselves on thin mints, turtles, chocolate bars with almonds, jelly beans, and everything else…then the police come busting through their front door with a battering ram? "FREEZE!!!" "Dagumit, I done told you we shoulda waited 'til we gots here to start eating the bounty. The wrappers lead 'em right to us…either that or the diaper when we stopped to change."
   

Last note of business, for those of you who don't know…my 27th birthday is coming up soon…and I'm kinda wondering what I want to do in honor of becoming three cubed. This time last year, I went to Vegas…but already have that planned for a few weeks later with my dad…so I was thinking Wendover might be cool for a quick stop…but not really that cool. Then again, I've also mentioned that a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese would be bitchin' too…and it would…but it's also expensive…and I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one I know that'd show up. I could invite some friends to a bar…but I'm not much of a bar guy. Could just have a barbecue at the Cooliseum too. The lame thing is that a lot of my friends that would come…have moved away. I don't know…but I'm open to ideas. Oh, and since I know you were going to ask, here are a few presents that you could get me…even though I really don't want or need any presents…

Bettie Page Cutout (Not the Blowup)

Best Buy Gift Certificates (or cash works too)

Size 14 Basketball shoes (black preferred)

Great Paying Job in Las Vegas

A Hug or High Five

#1 Gift - Donate to the Autism Research Institute, Make-A-Wish Foundation, National Multiple Sclerosis Society, or some other charity. That'd really make my day more than any of that material stuff. Well, feel free to throw in a hug or something too.

That'll do it for me today. Have a great day everybody and I'll see ya tomorrow or something. Say hi to your mom for me!!!