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Also in this movie, there's a particular scene where Tucker is listening to Jackie and the evil hot girl through a door…and he thinks that Jackie is taxin' dat ass like he's the IRS…but instead they're having a heated kung fu battles where she has an assortment of knives & stabbing weapons…while he has wit & 50+ years experience in beating down bad guys. I'm sure that any of us who have had neighbors with adjoining walls have had the situation that I want to make an after hours game show called "Fight or Fornication?" You hear the neighbors talking…then screaming…maybe a broken glass is involved…then there's a moment of silence (safe…but creepy at the same time…like the calm before the storm), then you hear it. Is it a domestic disturbance? Is it the makeup sex? There's really no rhythm…so if it is the latter…it's poorly executed…then again, natural instinct & rhythm aren't necessarily the same thing. More broken glass, the lady's screaming now, saying something…but you still can't make out what. Do you call the cops? You run the risk of either saving a damsel in distress or clockblocking your neighbor. What do you do? Well, when I had a girlfriend, we'd fight fire with fornication…even though she wasn't much of a screamer (more into holding her breath to enhance her giggidy…and of course, I saw that as a challenge). It would make for an interesting game show, I think. How about you?
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- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris can charge a cell phone by rubbing it against his beard
- One Chuck Norris Roundhouse kick can power the country of Australia for 44 minutes
Panda News of the Day - Scientists in China may use a police dog to teach pandas to fight after the first artificially bred panda released into the wild was apparently killed after a battle with other animals. The 5-year-old male named Xiang Xiang, was found dead in the snow early this year after less than 12 months out of captivity. Scientists believe he fell from a high place after getting into a fight with wild pandas or other animals over food or territory. China is now preparing to release a second batch of up to four artificially bred pandas. Many or all would be females, which may be less prone to becoming involved in fights…but the police dog is supposed to help them out just in case. I know the real reason that they're teaching the pandas to fight…and I know that you're already assuming that it's about some kind of animal fighting organization where giant pandas fight to the death…like sumo wrestlers with teeth, claws, and flashy fur coats instead of diapers until a Yokozuna is crowned…but you'd be wrong…and it's partly my fault. Allow me to explain…
Over two years ago, I spent a month in China, one of the great experiences of my life. I was there on a Study Abroad program at the University of Shanghai…and part of this was to comprise a quick 5-minute oral presentation (BS session) about something fascinated me about my studies over the first two weeks in Shanghai. I decided on the topic of Preserved History in a Modern World…but being an insatiable smartass…and wanting to get everybody's attention in the early morning, I had to start with something memorable. Well, my teacher, the seven other students, and the Dean of the Study Abroad program of the University where there. The Dean was in a suit. So I start my report, "My report is about the ongoing research into an army of super intelligent animals such as Pandas, Tigers, and Monkeys by the Chinese government that I stumbled upon earlier this week…" The Americans laughed. The Dean did not. Not at all. In fact, he gave me one of the iciest stares that Man has ever witnessed. I believe it was the legendary Pu Gei Dong…or "Shit Eye" to us Westerners. After a few seconds (that seemed like many seconds), he finally smiled and laughed a little bit…then back to the Pu Gei Dong as I continued, "I'm sorry, that was just to break the ice. My real report is about how the People's Republic of China blah blah blah…"Now, I know the Truth. They really are researching into this army of super intelligent animals. If not before my horrible smartass remarks, then certainly afterwards. Could it be possible that I gave them the idea…much like the idea of Panda Porn…to teach the normally peaceful creatures to be vicious blood-thirsty killing machines? Dear God, what else did I tell them when I was over there? Let's see…I thought their idea of the barber/brothel was great. I mentioned that it was funny that I was a solid six inches taller than the University's center on the basketball team…but Yao Ming is the tallest guy in the NBA. I did mention the idea of producing a starting lineup twenty years down the line with some lovely female members of the English club…but I don't think they caught my drift. Do you think they could have been playing dumb & later expressed this to the Dean too? Oh man, I've gotta check my journal (pre-blog years) to see what I else I may have told them. If this conspiracy turns out to be fact, then allow me to apologize to those I may have put in danger with my overactive imagination…and mouth.
Anyway, before I got to check on that, I would just like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas…and I'll check back with you in a few days with pictures of my adventures & presents galore from loved ones…and probably a few amusing anecdotes too. You never know what this blog holds…only that it's slightly insane…and has poor stagnant, rambling grammar. Merry Christmas to you & yours. Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease!!!
P.S. Bart Update - Genesis 7:69 - "And $teve said, 'Let there be LIFE!!!"
4 comments:
Merry Xmas $teve! Make sure to catch all the great Xmas flicks, "A Christmas Story", "Elf" and "Christmas Vacation" !
Thanks Jlee!!! You have a Merry Christmas too...and check out "It's a Wonderful Life" :)
Merry Christmas, Steve. All the best to you and your family.
Thanks Whitenoise!!! You too!!! Happy birthday to you too, Jesus!!!
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