Being Dr. Mookie Love

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Still no word on Vegas, so I'll just get that out of the way. I've decided that if I haven't heard from them by Monday, then I'll give them a call to see what's up. Sorry I couldn't report with happier news than that. Last night, work was the usual. Surprise, surprise, the Lakers & Celtics are in the NBA Finals. A lot of people asked me about the job...and I think they can sense that I want to know more than they do. I drove one of my coworkers Angie home and she & I talked about a few things. Great gal. We basically decided that if the Vegas thing doesn't go through, we'll run off to San Diego or something. Oh yeah, she's about twice my age...but she's a sweetheart...and she'll definitely be invited to a going-away party.

I was also surprised last night after I got home by a late night call from Bubbles. She went to a benefit as her boss' date (her boss is a lady) to keep her company...but the entire benefit was in Spanish...and she only knows the vulgar words of that language. After about three hours and a few drinks, they decided to leave. She called to tell me about this experience...and that she thought of me being there to entertain her (in English with a bad Spanish accent probably) and she misses me and thanked me for helping out her mom and all that other wonderful stuff. Great call to get...even late at night...kind of like a dream. I hope she's feeling good this morning though. She may have had a few too many drinks last night to be thinking of me.

This morning, I watched "Being John Malkovich" in its entirety for the first time. I had seen most of it in bits and pieces on TV and stuff...but never the whole thing...and never in one sitting obviously. I like this movie. It's quirky. It's a little crazy (though not too crazy so you have a hard time following it). Great cast. I mean...John Malkovich is in it. "Who the f**k is John Malkovich?" "He's one of the greatest American actors of our time." "Yeah? What movies has he been in?" "Well...he was in that jewel thief movie...you know, the one..." Anyway, it's a great flick about a puppeteer (John Cusack) who stumbles upon a portal that takes you into John Malkovich's mind. He tells his wife (Cameron Diaz) & his coworker hussy (Catherine Keener) about it...and the craziness ensues...and John Malkovich is in it...as John Malkovich. You owe it to yourself to check it out if you like zany movies. Now here's some news for this last day of May...

White Jesus - Drugs smugglers are certainly an ingenious bunch of people. Customs officials in Laredo (clap clap clap clap deep in the heaaaaart of Texas) seized a small statue of Jesus "El Savior" Christ when sniffer dogs alerted them. Why? It was made of plaster with cocaine mixed into it. The border police arrested a 61-year old Mexican man who's accused of offering a Mexican woman $80 to carry the statue in her trunk to the bus station in downtown Laredo. The average price of a gram of pure cocaine in the United States is around $130, according to U.S. government data. So even if there was only about a kilo mixed into the three kilo statue, that's about $130,000 of product. Apparently they also smuggle stuff in beer cans and stuff like that too. I wonder if they have some kind of reward for people that come up with these great ideas…like if they have a brainstorming session in Cartagena and if you have a good idea that works, you get a few thousand dollars. "How ugh…how about we make little Jesus statues out of the yayo? Then they won't want to mess with them…because they're Jesus." "Raul, that is a brilliant idea!!! If they destroy it, that would be sacrilegious. Ahahahaha, tell the factory to start the process. And you, you my friend…for having this brilliant idea…can have your gatto back." "Ah thank you El Guapo. I have missed my Senor Whiskers so much."

Living in the Closet - A 57-year old unemployed Japanese man who was mystified when food kept disappearing from his kitchen, set up a hidden camera and found an unknown woman living secretly in his closet Wednesday. Pictures were sent from the camera to his cell phone…so he called police. Officers rushed to the house and found a 58-year-old unemployed woman hiding in an unused closet, where she had secreted a mattress and plastic drink bottles. Police suspect she may have been there for several months. That…would be weird…but then again…

Salt Water? Are you sure? - A woman told Cincinnati police that she heard a noise and then felt something cold on her feet. Police said a man crawled under a table at a University of Cincinnati library and used a syringe to spray saltwater onto the woman's shoes. Dwight Pannell, 43, of Columbus, was booked on charges of voyeurism, assault and criminal trespass, court records show. Pannell was silent (probably best for everybody) in his court appearance on Thursday. His attorney argued that Pannell's alleged actions didn't warrant the charges against him. Bond was set at $75,000. Now, you may be asking yourself, "Why would somebody do that?" and I frankly don't have an answer for you. Maybe it's a foot fetish…and in that case, I'm not entirely sure that was salt water on her shoes…but definitely a salty liquid of some sort. As for the syringe, that's just really creepy…and probably why bail is two good years salary…but then again, half a Jesus statue made out of cocaine. Think about that one for a minute. Actually, it's probably better that you don't. Just forget this news story entirely. Not sure why I mentioned it now.

Donnie Darko Sequel - I had no idea about this…but apparently Chris Fisher is directing a sequel to 2001's "Donnie Darko" called "S. Darko" about Donnie's little sister Samantha (Daveigh Chase from the original) turning 17 and she and her best friend Cory (Briana Evigan from "Step Up to the Streets") having bizarre visions (Frank the Bunny?). The big news though…is that Elizabeth Berkley ("Showgirls" & "Head of the Class") has signed on to play "a speed freak-turned-Jesus freak obsessed with cleansing the world of sin and infatuated with her dreamy pastor." That's one hot Halle Berry-like junkie. Another great thing…is that they're filming in Utah. Oh yeah…may have to take a drive up to filming country to see if I can get me a picture with Nomi Malone.

I may just head over to hang with my dad today. There's a funeral party tonight that I was invited to...so I may do that too...but something about a party in honor of a dead uncle seems...well, kind of depressing. Then again, I did walk through a cemetery for an hour or so the other night...and I'm sure there'll be plenty of booze. Have a great weekend everybody!!! Hopefully I'll have some great news for you in the next few days. Drive safely!!!

I Like Walks at Sunset

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night as I was blogging, JL Clyde gave me a call and was bored out of her mind. Luckily, I was also bored...so we decided to hang out. We decided that we were hungry...so we went to Skippers, which is conveniently located near my house. Oh...and for those unfamiliar with Skippers, it's basically a Long John Silver deep fried frozen seafood place...because I live about a thousand miles from an ocean. That's right, the Great Salt Lake can't sustain life larger than brine shrimp...which don't even taste good deep fried...which is amazing, because you can deep fry rusty nails and if you dip them in barbecue sauce, they're palettable...but not brine shrimp. Anyway, Skipper's was its usual deep fried deliciousness.

Afterwards, what do we decide to do for fun? Go wandering through a cemetary around sunset. As you may be aware, this past weekend was Memorial Day Weekend...and if there's a good thing about living near a cemetary, it's that it's quite a colorful, beautiful, yet still depressing sight during the Holidays. Here are some pictures...

Really liked this one...

Is that what I think it is?

That's one way to sway graverobbers

She was a hundred years old...and a mother

Not sure of the tragic tale of this 14-year old girl

but I'll bet it was delicious...

I've decided that leaving diet Mountain

Dew is kind of like the Utah way of

"Pourin' out some liquor for the homies"

The sun is almost set...the zombies will come soon...

After our stroll (and the sun went down so we ran away from the zombies), we decided to watch movies...in particular, scary movies...obviously inspired by Night of the Living Dead. Luckily, I had that movie...but it was part of a collection that I bought with nine other classics (by classics, I mean black & white...and not bloody). So she looked through the collection...and we decided to start it off with "Nosferatu" instead. For those who don't know, this is a 1921 German-produced silent film that is the original good Dracula / Vampire movie. Of course, instead of being scared, I was laughing the entire time. It wasn't the movie's fault really, because given that it was made in 1921, it was a great film...but it was the same story line as "Bram Stoker's Dracula" and the part of John Harker was dressed like Lord Fontleroy...and because it was a silent film, I gave him a voice similar to a sissy Keanu with a German accent...and Nina Harker had Victorian Dreadlocks...and every other character in the movie looked like they were played by John Malkovich. Oh...and the soundtrack with comical too...but yeah, check it out. It's a classic. You may just not want to watch it with me...unless you enjoy laughing your ass off through a horror flick. Some people like that.

Next was the original 1959 "House on Haunted Hill" with Vincent Price. Now, I'm sure that most of you have seen the 1999 remake (and probably confused it with "The Haunting" like I seem to do) starring Geoffrey Rush in Price's part, Famke Janssen as the super hot wife, Chris Kattan as the paranoid housekeeper, and Ali Larter & Bridgette Wilson as additional eye candy...but this one is less star stricken...but Vincent Price makes up for it...because he's the Gary Oldman of his generation. Anyway, the story is that an eccentric millionaire is hosting a party for his beautiful fifth wife, who he doesn't trust. (Gasp!) He invites five strangers to the party, offering them $10,000 each to spend a night in a haunted house...which they will be locked in...and the ghosts may or may not eat their SOULS!!! JL Clyde & I agreed on the best part of the whole movie...and I think that you will too...but you'll have to see it to find out. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! (By the way, that last laugh was a creepy Vincent Price laugh)

Because the other movies were just over an hour long, we watched one more movie...and it was again Vincent Price starring in "The Last Man on Earth" from 1964. Now, JL Clyde had never seen any of these movies...or Charleton Heston's "Omega Man" or Will Smith's "I Am Legend" but this movie got her interested in seeing the other two now...because I told her that they were similar...but different...and good. This is the first movie about the story of Dr. Robert Morgan trying to find a cure for some worldwide zombie vampire plague and being the last man on Earth...is mankind's last hope. That's right, mankind's last hope is STILL creepy...even when he's crying in frustration...in fact, I'd dare say MORE creepy. Feel free to check this movie out too...because I'm not going to tell you any more about it. It's THAT good.

Michael Bay Takes on Ouija - Okay, so remember a few months ago when all of the rights to the board games were sold so that they could make movies...and apparently Ridley Scott wanted to do the "Monopoly" movie? Well, here's a link...just in case you don't (still think Stallone could rock a Jenga movie). Well, allegedly Michael Bay, director of "Transformers" and all those other Bruckheimer action flicks, is very interested in doing a movie based on the hellish board game Ouija. How hellish is that game? Well, legend has it...that in the mid 90's, Mr. Bay himself used to mess with the powers of the Ouija board...and consulted it for career advice...and the powers that be suggested that he make a movie that would...just be horrible. So blame Pearl Harbor on Ouija. Hopefully the movie about this incident will be much more entertaining. As long as it has one of my ten key words involved, I'm there.

So yeah, still no word from Vegas as of this point...but believe me, I'll be happy to share one way or the other once I'm informed. Really anxious to find out...but in the meantime, I'm just enjoying the stuff that I'm going to miss a bit - Friends, family, mountains, rain, grass, all that kind of stuff. The best thing is that I'll still be able to see the stars at night depending on where I live. Worst-case, I just have to take a quick five minute drive to an undeveloped patch of desert...and chill there. Have a great night everybody!!!

Giving Blood - Part 5

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

First & foremost, as of this moment, I have heard nothing from Vegas...and it's starting to bug me...but I'll get over it. Not much has gone on today except that I donated blood again. This time was a little different...for several reasons. One, I actually got some good sleep last night. Two, it wasn't done first thing in the morning...but around 3 PM. Third, I didn't get dizzy at all afterwards...and that might be because of the first two reasons...or that I've been jogging since last time...or just plain luck, who knows? I also met a nice six-foot tall nurse named Carrie, we talked about basketball and people assuming that we play...yet we do, so it's okay. Then I met Whitney, who sucked me thoroughly & completely professionally...so I had to stir it up a bit. Apparently, I kind of looked like I was zoning out at one point, "Are you tired, $teve?" "What? Oh no, I just ugh...don't like needles and all, so I just try to think about other stuff. Anyway, how long have you been doing this stuff?" "About eight months. Well, that's nice of you to donate being scared of needles and all." "Oh, not scared. Just don't like 'em. Besides, those people effected by the earthquake in China need my blood...so that they can save pandas and make toys for my future children." "(Laugh) Wow, that's ugh...that's great." "Yeah, but on the real, I assume this is going to help somebody else...and everybody that I help will probably help somebody else and so on and so on...and I think Karma will come back around." "Oh, so you're a hippie? (Laugh)" "Hey, I prefer granola child, Whitney." So yeah, that went well...and I donated. Now for other thoughts...

NBA Conspiracy? - Is there anybody else out there that thinks maybe...the NBA wants the Lakers & Celtics in the Finals? Or that they're having the referees call the games a certain way to make that happen? Now, I had my inklings into this conspiracy last year...when LeBron (the future) could simply do no wrong (and shoot 20 free throws a game) up until the NBA Finals when the Spurs stopped him...but disregarded it because, why would the NBA want the San Antonio team (like 25th largest market in the league) to win the championship if that were the case? Now, after watching a lot of playoff games...and the inconsistencies in charges, intentional fouls, and just ticky-tack touches, I think that there may be something more to it. Especially since it's been 20 or so years since the last Lakers (largest market in league) vs. Celtics (4th largest), Bird vs, Magic matchup (before Bird hurt his back & Magic got HIV). Funny thing, I'm sure that at least half the NBA's players weren't even in elementary the last time that happened. Heck, do you realize that some players weren't even born when Jerry Sloan became the head coach of the Jazz?

Sorry, I'm getting off point. Anyway, it seems that Kobe can now do no wrong...and he's a great player, don't get it twisted...but now it's contagious to his team...and when I see Bruce Bowen getting called for fouls for looking at a guy intensely...and then Derek Fisher can jump on Brent Barry's head in the closing seconds of a close game...and nothing is called. Then the next day, the league says "Yeah, a foul obviously should've been called...but it wasn't...so suckiteasy" and it was conveniently the first game back for official Joel Crawford...who threw Tim Duncan out of a game for sitting on the bench (apparently Mr. Crawford's having an old man's nervous breakdown...but he has tenure) then one just has to question this stuff a little bit. I even went with the Chicago Bulls (I think 3rd largest market) having a one in sixty chance of winning the NBA Draft Lottery...and they get it...when there's a Chicago-raised top draft pick that might bring back thoughts of MJ (Derrick Rose) and Miami (7th largest market but they admittedly gave up about halfway through the season) gets the second pick so that they can get an inside scoring presence being compared to legends like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar & Bill Walton already at the age of 19 (Michael Beasley). Maybe I'm just a little bit of a conspiracy theorist...like a tall Mel Gibson. Well, it's raining outside so that means that the black helicopters are closing in...so I'll just get off my milk crate for a minute. Just thought that I'd share a few thoughts with you. Maybe see what you guys thought if any of you watched basketball.

I Love the 80's...Action Stars - Anybody who's read this blog over the past week may now that I really like Sylvester Stallone and the movies that he's been in (okay, so I haven't really seen the "Italian Stallion" stag film that he was in...but still, any movie star with one of those in his portfolio gets respect from me). However, it may amaze you to the amount of 80's action movies that I have seen over the years. My dad LOVED all of them...and I kind of took to them too. Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Charles Bronson (though technically 70's), even the lesser films of Dolph Lundgren & Steven Seagal have all graced the Love household...and my dad actually has a pretty good collection of them. Sure, the plots may be questionable...but that's why there are terrorists & bullies in the world...so that they can take over a small town in the Midwest, a naval ship, the world, the future, whatever the situation calls for...and then it comes time for a quiet man, who's conveniently trained in the art of death...but just wants a quiet life to become the hero and single-handedly drop hundreds of bad guys...and you know they're bad guys because they wear bandanas and don't shave...as well as carry guns yet aim poorly. So with that in mind...and Sly's impressive line of work over the last thirty years, here's today's Movie List...

Sylvester Stallone Movies - By the way, did you know his middle name is Gardenzio? Just found that out.

Medal Winners

Gold - Rocky (1976-2007) - Sly wrote & starred in this Best Picture award winner & the ultimate Underdog Story. He even directed a few of the sequels. The story of the Italian Stallion (the boxer, not the porn star) Rocky Balboa who, as Fate would have it, gets a chance to fight the Heavyweight Champion Apollo Creed (Carl Withers) despite only fighting in boondock matches and being muscle for the Philadelphia underworld. He meets up with Mick (Burgess Meredith), an aging trainer who takes a liking to Rocky and tries to convince him that he has a chance...all he has to do is train...and apparently start a diet where he eats raw eggs, eats lightning, and craps thunder. Will Rocky win the fight? You'll have to watch the movie to find out...but I'll give you a hint. There are FIVE sequels...including one made last year where a sixty-something Rocky fights Antonio Tarver. Classics. There's the original, the Rematch, the one with Mr. T, the one where he fights Communism, the one where he was too old, and the one where he was REALLY too old. Watch them all His birthday's coming up on July 6th. What a great day to watch boxing movies for about 12 hours.

Silver - Demolition Man (1993) - The Prophecy has already begun...with Schwarzenegger being named Governor...and possibly President one day (try to look surprised). However, this tale of an officer falsely convicted of killing innocent people is cryogenically frozen for about thirty years...and brought back in a pansy future to stop the fiercest criminal of his time, Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes). Teaming up with the unstoppable team of Sandra Bullock, Benjamin Bratt, Denis Leary, and Rob Schneider, he must save San Angeles from Phoenix and his goons (Bo Jackson, Jesse Ventura, etc.). The hilarity and action ensues. I can't wait for the day that every restaurant is a Taco Bell...but I still have some questions about the three seashells. Be well.

Bronze - Rambo Movies (1982-2008) - John Rambo (Stallone) is a mentally unstable Vietnam vet who gets messed with by small town cops (including that badass David Caruso) and then starts a one-man war with them in "First Blood." Then, three years later, he comes back for a top secret mission...and a higher body count in "Rambo: First Blood Part II." Then another three years later, his C.O. Colonel Trautman (Richard Crenna) is kidnapped in Afghanistan...so now he has to go in to get him. Then in the latest one...well, here's my review of it from a few days ago. Lots of guns, explosions, and badassery. I think Stallone works out too.

Suggestion - Nighthawks (1981) - Not the Edward Hopper painting...but rather an action flick. Wulgar (Rutger Hauer) is an international terrorist that has brought New York City to its knees. Who can stop him? How about the unstoppable team of Deke DaSilva (Stallone) and Matthew Fox (not Matthew Fox but Billie Dee Williams)? Through in the Bionic Woman (Lindsay Wagner) as eye candy...and Rutger Hauer just being creepy...and a few twists and turns...and Sly yelling "You're (bleeping) dead!!" a few dozen times...and you've got a great flick. "Tango & Cash" (1989) was a great action comedy with Kurt Russell and Jack Palance as a bad guy. Oh...and Teri Hatcher's in it too. Check it out. Let's see, this millennium, "Driven" (2001) was a pretty good Renny Harlin movie...about Sly as a race car driver. Gina Gershon and Estelle Warren were in it for eye candy. I also liked "Cliffhanger" (1993) because it has rockclimbing and "Assassins" (1995) because it was badass...and had assassins oddly enough. Check them out too...but I'm rambling.

Flush It - Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot! (1992) - Too easy to make fun of this movie...based solely on the title. Basically, Sgt. Joe Bornowski (Stallone) is going through a tough time, so his mom (Estelle Getty) comes to meddle. Along the way, she helps him out...as only a Golden Girl could...very annoyingly. I was also a little disappointed with "The Specialist" (1994) but I'm not sure why...because I got what I was looking for (Sharon Stone naked) but there was also a lot of explosions too. Oh...and James Woods was the bad guy. Nothing too spectacular...but check it if you want to see a steamy scene with Sly & Stone. "Daylight" was pretty lame too...but still action packed.

Future Watch - Notorious (2009?) - Apparently, he was really into doing this feature about the murders of 2Pac & Biggie...but is losing interest in it...and it's in jeopardy. Probably because he's trying to bring Gabe Walker back in "Cliffhanger 2" (2010?). I really think that the real reason though...is that he's taking the next step in his life...and looking to be "Senator Sly" (2012) and he may have a shot at it in Pennsylvania. I mean...he has a statue there already. I'd hate to run against somebody that already has a statue...even if I was the encumbant. Anyway, we'll see. If he were to join forces with Chuck Norris...he would be UNSTOPPABLE!!!

Another new sponsor idea...was the great Stephen Colbert...because I figured that he would jump at the opportunity to sponsor a fellow $teve...and I talk about him almost as much as he does. Okay, so that's pretty much impossible...but still, great South Carolinian dude with an ego similar to mine...and maybe if he needs a guest on his show down the line...we can talk about how great we are. It'll be fun. Anyway, that's probably at least weeks down the line. Have a great day everybody!!!

Adventures in Babysitting 2 - Sit Harder

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night was an average day at work...and then I thought I'd do a good deed and drop a coworker off at her house, so I got back to my house just before 1 AM...to find that my mom had volunteered my bed to my 11-year old cousin Alicia (already larger than my date the other night). Splendid. Again, I would look like the dick if I were to kick her out...so I just slept awkwardly. Too damn nice.

I woke up this morning around 6:30 AM when a crying woman called me. It took me a minute to realize who it was...Bubbles' mom. As you know, I like her mom and just think that she's bat crackers crazy...so I went and picked her up. She wanted me to take her to a shelter so that she can start to get her life in order...and how can you say no to that? So I spent my morning talking to her, reassuring her, driving her across town, and walking around the seedy parts of downtown trying to get her set up. Again, too damn nice...but I know that she, Bubbles, and their whole family appreciate it. I really hope that she figures it all out. Feel free to say a little prayer for her. I'd appreciate it greatly.

After that, I returned home to find my mom & Alicia waking up...and of course my cousin wants to play "Rock Band" because it's awesome. The only thing is...she only knows three of the songs on the entire game...so that's all she played...for about three hours. Luckily, I took a nap for the last half (either that or passed out from holding back my anger about being put in the situation of babysitting all day). When I awoke, my mom wanted to go to the hospital (and probably escape my cousin) so I took her (after she got me some breakfast...because I'm cheap, but I'm not free) and then I was faced with the task of trying to find out what to do with an 11-year old. "What do you want to do?" "I don't know." "Okay...so nothing? It's a beautiful day. It'd be a shame to waste it...but if that's what you want." "Well, I did want to see Indiana Jones...but I haven't seen the first ones." "Well then, how about we head back to my place and watch them?" "OKAY!!!" Awesome, having the originals just saved me $30 that I probably would have slept through anyway.

We got back to my place...and somebody is apparently borrowing my Indy collection. Dammit!!! "Well, sorry but I have lots of other movies if you wanted to see any of them..." "Do you have the Simpsons?" "Only ten seasons and a movie. Do you think that'll be enough?" "I don't know." "Sarcasm, Alicia. Google it." She's kind of a sheltered girl...but still alright because she likes the Simpsons. So we watched season three for about two hours, laughing all the way...then she played "Simpsons: Road Rage" and a merry time was had by all...because I typed this entry.

JL Clyde sent me a text earlier today suggesting that I speak with a corporation to get them to sponsor my blog...so that I can make a few bucks on the side for this rambling stuff. She suggested Hooters...and I like her choice...a lot. Who knows? If I don't get that Vegas job soon, I may just have to put in an application at the Hooters Hotel & Casino near the Strip. They do have comedian Bobby Slayton & the Rack Pack...but hopefully that won't be the case. They probably pay their employees in hot wings & hula hoops anyway. It might be worth looking into though. Who else would be a fitting sponsor for my blog?

Victoria's Secret (Adriana)?

World Wildlife Fund (Pandas)?

Popular Mechanics (Sexbots)?

The Travel Channel? As much as we both talk about Vegas, I'm surprised that they haven't called me up yet. Anyway, I'd like to hear your suggestions & ideas. Let me know what you think.

In the meantime, I'll be entertaining my cousin...and probably get con'd into doing something else for my mom...because nobody else will. Thank you all again for being so awesome...and I promise, as soon as I hear about the Vegas job, I'll let you know. Oh...and my blood donation was moved to tomorrow because babysitting a pint low could be dangerous for both of us...especially her...and my blood pressure. Have a great day everybody!!!

3-2-1 CONTACT!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

By the way, the title of this entry is because this is my 321st entry...and I loved that show as a kid. Anyway, last night I had a little bit of a scare. After I decided to call it an early night (wasn't feeling fantastic), I got a text message around midnight from my sister-in-law saying my nephew Vinny took a dive onto the floor. "Is he okay?" "He's acting like it. Nothing broken and pupils seem to be even. I'm a little freaked though." "Sounds like he just got a little curious...and found out that his head's still larger than his body. He'll be alright, you will be too. I dove out of my bed and off counters all the time and I still...OOOH, SHINY!!! ME WANT SHINY!!!" "Ha! Thanks dude, I needed the pep talk and the laugh." "No problem, it's what I'm here for...besides eye candy. Have a good night and give him a get better kiss from me too." "He raised his eyebrows. He would have smiled, but there is a boob in his mouth. Good night!" "I'll bet he would have. I always smile when I have a boob in my mouth. Peace out." If Vinny's anything like my brother & me were...he'll be climbing the cabinets to get to the cookie jar any day now. Believe me, my mom has plenty of stories about that kind of stuff...but you'll have to ask her. I hope Ashley's prepared for it. I know that Kiel is.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention that yesterday I watched "Pink Floyd's The Wall" for the first time since...well, I know that my dad loved this movie when I was a kid...and I kind of remember watching it with him when I was a little kid, like three or something...but yeah, first time as an adult. I ugh...loved the music, of course...because I was raised on Pink Floyd. The story was very jaunted and open to interpretation...but it's basically about the life of an English rock star named Pink (played by Bob Geldof of the Boomtown Rats) and his life is kind of told in a mixed-up timeline but basically, his father was killed in WWII, school was really messed up, drugs seemed like the answer, then it all kind of comes unraveled in crazy animation insight...and there's sexually active flowers, judges that speak through their anus, plenty of explosions and blood & guts, and smashing mirrors, and it's just a crazy movie...and I wasn't nearly as high as I should have been watching it. I did recognize a few of the actors though. Bob Hoskins ("Who Framed Roger Rabbit?") is the band manager and Michael Ensign is the hotel manager...as he was in "Ghostbusters" but yeah, it's a different kind of story...like a 90 minute music video. It doesn't have to make a whole lot of sense...because the money's for nothing and the chicks are free. Long live rock & roll.

This morning, I found out that I may not have to babysit until tomorrow because my cousin & mom will be showing up about the time that I'm leaving for work. So I thought that I'd celebrate a little bit...by watching a great action flick and getting my blood & guts fix for the day, by renting "Rambo" directed, written by, & starring Sylvester Stallone. Now, I'm a HUGE Stallone fan. Anybody who can become an international action superstar yet has no distinguishable form of verbal communication will always get my respect. When he directs, he does pretty good too. This movie was actually pretty well done. Yes, it's bloody as hell...and quite intense...but that's what you're expecting if you've seen the first three John Rambo movies. The story is...well, Rambo's a riverboat driver...and some missionaries want to go into Burma to give some relief aid in the midst of a genocide. Rambo drops them off...and they get captured. So now Rambo's asked to take some mercenaries (hiring by a church) to where he dropped them off...but of course, Rambo helps out. If you like action, check out this movie, it's got plenty of it...and a body count that rivals the latest natural disaster in Asia. Awesome to see Rambo kicking ass...even into his sixties. Kudos to Sly.

Then I showed up to work a little early to check with HR about a few things and the mail room to get some free boxes in case I need them soon. Obviously I'm getting a little overly optimistic...but I want to be prepared. I'd hate to be caught unprepared for something like this...and Vegas is obviously on my mind all the time for whatever reason. It just helps me with the anxiety & anticipation, I guess. I also had a wonderful ten-minute conversation over the phone with my stepdad about how to turn on my TV and PS3. Apparently it's more complicated than I give it credit for. "Okay, do you see the controller?" "I see a lot of remotes and stuff." "Okay, there's one connected to a big shiny black box by a cord, right? Pick that one up...and push the button in the middle." "Okay, nothing happened." "Okay, did you push the button?" "What button?" "The button in the middle of the controller?" "What controller?" "Just out of curiosity, what did you just do...that caused nothing to happen? I left it set up perfectly for you guys because I knew you now nothing about simple electronics." "Nothing." "(Silence) Okay. Did you turn anything on or off when you walked in the house?" "No." "Like maybe a light switch at the bottom of the stairs and then heard a bunch of stuff turn off?" "Ugh...no." "Are you sure?" "No." "Okay, well turn that switch back on...and I'll walk you through turning on my stuff." Good times. Here's some news...

Czech Modern Art? - A Czech artist was fined 60,000 koruna ( about $3,750) on Wednesday for replacing the glass in pedestrian crossing traffic lights with stencils of comical and vulgar figures. David Brudnak, 33, was also ordered to pay an additional 82,000 koruna by the Prague court for the damage done to around 50 traffic lights by his stunt in the capital in April last year. Pedestrians were confronted, for example, by an illuminated figure dangling from a hangman's noose and a legless man. Brudnak, along with other artists, was already facing criminal proceedings for inserting images of an atom bomb explosion into a public television weather and tourism broadcast in June last year. So the guy was basically fined ten grand for tampering with traffic lights. Now, the explosion on the weather & tourism broadcast, that would be a little funny...until I realized that it probably scared the hell out of some people. That poor meteorologist. "Tomorrow the skies are going to get a little cloudier with a 50% chance of rain...leveling off in the evenings with just some light sprinkles over here in the Eastern regions of GOD IN HEAVEN!!! DUCK UNDER YOUR DESKS!!!" Then a few seconds later. "Are we...are we live? (Clears throat) Ladies & gentlemen, my apologies for...the incident earlier. I was obviously startled over the images on the screen. Please forgive my outburst...and to the crew here at the studio, please forgive the smell. Anyway, looks like it's going to be a beautiful weekend after all...and now we're going to send it over to Vlad for the sports update. Vlad..."

That should do it for me today too. Really excited about the possibilities for Vegas...but yeah, just ready & waiting for the answer. I'll hopefully find out in the next few days. In the meantime, work until midnight tonight, baby-sit tomorrow, probably start packing up stuff just in case, and that's really about it. I'd also like to thank Amelia for writing me back...after silence for a few months. It's okay. You still rock!!! Have a great day everybody!!!

Happy Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day Ladies & Gentlemen,

I guess we'll start with my blind date last night...because I really didn't do much of anything except laundry & surveying my stuff for a future move. So I went to pick her up...and found her place a little earlier than expected, so about twenty minutes early. I ring the doorbell...and a few seconds later, a very petite girl (maybe 14 years old) answered the door. "Hi, is (date) here?" "That's me." "Oh! Well hello then, I'm $teve." Really? Well, okay. I've dated extremely petite girls before...and she had some nice eyes. We'll give her a shot...and I'll try to get over the feeling that I'm taking my niece to dinner or something. By the way, she's 24 years old...but just looks really young...just to get that out of the way...because as you may have heard, I've dated much younger girls before...but early bloomers.

Not knowing the city where she lives, I asked her if there was any place that she would recommend nearby...and she directed me to a Chinese restaurant. Along the way, we made small talk...but it was honestly VERY hard to hear her. She seemed extremely shy...and so only spoke in about the 20 decibel range. We get to the restaurant and continue our small talk...but she seems particularly stuck on discussing "American Idol" and specifically how much she thinks David Cook is super cute...and how she normally doesn't like facial hair, but his is different, and he plays guitar, and she's going to see him on July 14th, and...then I kind of blacked out for a few minutes...then regained consciousness in time to hear her talking about what she would do if she met him in person...and not nearly as hot as I was expecting. She seems extremely LDS...which is sweet & all...but may not be the girl that I'm looking for.

So I try to change the subject from American Idol to things that she does for fun. "Nothing really...just hanging with friends once in a while." "Cool, how about other shows that you like to watch?" "Friends, Seinfeld, I have all the seasons of Charmed, Supernatural..." basically listing off all the shows that I despise. "Nice, I've seen a few episodes of Charmed. How about cartoons?" "What do you mean?" "Like Simpsons, South Park, Family Guy, stuff like that?" "Oh man...I watch Simpsons once in a while...but then I'll see Homer choke Bart and his eyes bug out...and it's just stupid. Family Guy's even worse. It's not even funny." (Signaling to the waiter for the check) By the way, I ordered something that I had never seen before called Strawberry Chicken...and it's exactly what it sounds like.

After that, she continued to ramble on again about David Cook...and the brothers on Supernatural...and I was just laughing to myself but keeping her entertained by going along with it...and eventually dropped her off. Now, I may sound like a cold-hearted dude in simplifying this date...but yeah, we really didn't hit it off at all...and have absolutely nothing in common. She was a cute girl though...and I wish her the best. I also casually mentioned a few times during the date that I had spent the last week in Vegas looking for a job...so my exit strategy has been established. I'm guessing that she wasn't too impressed by me in any case. Great way to spend an hour though...and she had a great time. Even I had a good time.

After the date, I went to my brother's where he was having a barbecue...and let me tell you, nothing gets the taste of strawberry chicken out of your mouth like a brat with honey mustard and a few cold Bud Lights. His neighbor Harry Balzonia and his family was there too. He's a cool cat. Not sure if I mentioned him before...but he and my brother get along well. After a few hours there, I went up to my mom's house to spend the night...then we woke up, cooked up some sausage & eggs, and then she volunteered me to babysit my cousin the next few days while my aunt's having surgery. What are mom's for, right? She was sure to do it before telling me about it...so that if I said no, I would be the dick. My mom's a lot of things...but stupid isn't one of them...usually. Here are some pictures from my mom's home in Eden...and a tree that almost hit during the storms this past week.

The Gargoyle doesn't seem amused...

View from the backyard

My own waterfall...

The pictures don't really do it justice...

but you can see my Poor Man's Maybach

Then we went to my brother's and had another barbecue, hung out there for a few hours watching the X-Men animated series that I haven't seen since I was a kid, and then I drove home & had a nice conversation with Bubbles who's exhausted from her trip to Slick City this weekend. Tomorrow, I'm apparently babysitting a bit, then going to work, then I have Wednesday & Thursday off. Hopefully, I'll find out about the Vegas job one way or the other in the next few days now that the holiday weekend is over, so I'll keep you posted. Also, I'd like to thank all the past, present, & future soldiers out there for their service in protecting me over the past 27+ years. Memorial Day always makes me think of my Grandpa Love, who was a veteran of three wars...and unfortunately passed many years ago...oddly enough on the 4th of July. Thank you all so much for all that you do!!!