Being Dr. Mookie Love

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Still no word on Vegas, so I'll just get that out of the way. I've decided that if I haven't heard from them by Monday, then I'll give them a call to see what's up. Sorry I couldn't report with happier news than that. Last night, work was the usual. Surprise, surprise, the Lakers & Celtics are in the NBA Finals. A lot of people asked me about the job...and I think they can sense that I want to know more than they do. I drove one of my coworkers Angie home and she & I talked about a few things. Great gal. We basically decided that if the Vegas thing doesn't go through, we'll run off to San Diego or something. Oh yeah, she's about twice my age...but she's a sweetheart...and she'll definitely be invited to a going-away party.

I was also surprised last night after I got home by a late night call from Bubbles. She went to a benefit as her boss' date (her boss is a lady) to keep her company...but the entire benefit was in Spanish...and she only knows the vulgar words of that language. After about three hours and a few drinks, they decided to leave. She called to tell me about this experience...and that she thought of me being there to entertain her (in English with a bad Spanish accent probably) and she misses me and thanked me for helping out her mom and all that other wonderful stuff. Great call to get...even late at night...kind of like a dream. I hope she's feeling good this morning though. She may have had a few too many drinks last night to be thinking of me.

This morning, I watched "Being John Malkovich" in its entirety for the first time. I had seen most of it in bits and pieces on TV and stuff...but never the whole thing...and never in one sitting obviously. I like this movie. It's quirky. It's a little crazy (though not too crazy so you have a hard time following it). Great cast. I mean...John Malkovich is in it. "Who the f**k is John Malkovich?" "He's one of the greatest American actors of our time." "Yeah? What movies has he been in?" "Well...he was in that jewel thief movie...you know, the one..." Anyway, it's a great flick about a puppeteer (John Cusack) who stumbles upon a portal that takes you into John Malkovich's mind. He tells his wife (Cameron Diaz) & his coworker hussy (Catherine Keener) about it...and the craziness ensues...and John Malkovich is in it...as John Malkovich. You owe it to yourself to check it out if you like zany movies. Now here's some news for this last day of May...

White Jesus - Drugs smugglers are certainly an ingenious bunch of people. Customs officials in Laredo (clap clap clap clap deep in the heaaaaart of Texas) seized a small statue of Jesus "El Savior" Christ when sniffer dogs alerted them. Why? It was made of plaster with cocaine mixed into it. The border police arrested a 61-year old Mexican man who's accused of offering a Mexican woman $80 to carry the statue in her trunk to the bus station in downtown Laredo. The average price of a gram of pure cocaine in the United States is around $130, according to U.S. government data. So even if there was only about a kilo mixed into the three kilo statue, that's about $130,000 of product. Apparently they also smuggle stuff in beer cans and stuff like that too. I wonder if they have some kind of reward for people that come up with these great ideas…like if they have a brainstorming session in Cartagena and if you have a good idea that works, you get a few thousand dollars. "How ugh…how about we make little Jesus statues out of the yayo? Then they won't want to mess with them…because they're Jesus." "Raul, that is a brilliant idea!!! If they destroy it, that would be sacrilegious. Ahahahaha, tell the factory to start the process. And you, you my friend…for having this brilliant idea…can have your gatto back." "Ah thank you El Guapo. I have missed my Senor Whiskers so much."

Living in the Closet - A 57-year old unemployed Japanese man who was mystified when food kept disappearing from his kitchen, set up a hidden camera and found an unknown woman living secretly in his closet Wednesday. Pictures were sent from the camera to his cell phone…so he called police. Officers rushed to the house and found a 58-year-old unemployed woman hiding in an unused closet, where she had secreted a mattress and plastic drink bottles. Police suspect she may have been there for several months. That…would be weird…but then again…

Salt Water? Are you sure? - A woman told Cincinnati police that she heard a noise and then felt something cold on her feet. Police said a man crawled under a table at a University of Cincinnati library and used a syringe to spray saltwater onto the woman's shoes. Dwight Pannell, 43, of Columbus, was booked on charges of voyeurism, assault and criminal trespass, court records show. Pannell was silent (probably best for everybody) in his court appearance on Thursday. His attorney argued that Pannell's alleged actions didn't warrant the charges against him. Bond was set at $75,000. Now, you may be asking yourself, "Why would somebody do that?" and I frankly don't have an answer for you. Maybe it's a foot fetish…and in that case, I'm not entirely sure that was salt water on her shoes…but definitely a salty liquid of some sort. As for the syringe, that's just really creepy…and probably why bail is two good years salary…but then again, half a Jesus statue made out of cocaine. Think about that one for a minute. Actually, it's probably better that you don't. Just forget this news story entirely. Not sure why I mentioned it now.

Donnie Darko Sequel - I had no idea about this…but apparently Chris Fisher is directing a sequel to 2001's "Donnie Darko" called "S. Darko" about Donnie's little sister Samantha (Daveigh Chase from the original) turning 17 and she and her best friend Cory (Briana Evigan from "Step Up to the Streets") having bizarre visions (Frank the Bunny?). The big news though…is that Elizabeth Berkley ("Showgirls" & "Head of the Class") has signed on to play "a speed freak-turned-Jesus freak obsessed with cleansing the world of sin and infatuated with her dreamy pastor." That's one hot Halle Berry-like junkie. Another great thing…is that they're filming in Utah. Oh yeah…may have to take a drive up to filming country to see if I can get me a picture with Nomi Malone.

I may just head over to hang with my dad today. There's a funeral party tonight that I was invited to...so I may do that too...but something about a party in honor of a dead uncle seems...well, kind of depressing. Then again, I did walk through a cemetery for an hour or so the other night...and I'm sure there'll be plenty of booze. Have a great weekend everybody!!! Hopefully I'll have some great news for you in the next few days. Drive safely!!!