Happy Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day Ladies & Gentlemen,

I guess we'll start with my blind date last night...because I really didn't do much of anything except laundry & surveying my stuff for a future move. So I went to pick her up...and found her place a little earlier than expected, so about twenty minutes early. I ring the doorbell...and a few seconds later, a very petite girl (maybe 14 years old) answered the door. "Hi, is (date) here?" "That's me." "Oh! Well hello then, I'm $teve." Really? Well, okay. I've dated extremely petite girls before...and she had some nice eyes. We'll give her a shot...and I'll try to get over the feeling that I'm taking my niece to dinner or something. By the way, she's 24 years old...but just looks really young...just to get that out of the way...because as you may have heard, I've dated much younger girls before...but early bloomers.

Not knowing the city where she lives, I asked her if there was any place that she would recommend nearby...and she directed me to a Chinese restaurant. Along the way, we made small talk...but it was honestly VERY hard to hear her. She seemed extremely shy...and so only spoke in about the 20 decibel range. We get to the restaurant and continue our small talk...but she seems particularly stuck on discussing "American Idol" and specifically how much she thinks David Cook is super cute...and how she normally doesn't like facial hair, but his is different, and he plays guitar, and she's going to see him on July 14th, and...then I kind of blacked out for a few minutes...then regained consciousness in time to hear her talking about what she would do if she met him in person...and not nearly as hot as I was expecting. She seems extremely LDS...which is sweet & all...but may not be the girl that I'm looking for.

So I try to change the subject from American Idol to things that she does for fun. "Nothing really...just hanging with friends once in a while." "Cool, how about other shows that you like to watch?" "Friends, Seinfeld, I have all the seasons of Charmed, Supernatural..." basically listing off all the shows that I despise. "Nice, I've seen a few episodes of Charmed. How about cartoons?" "What do you mean?" "Like Simpsons, South Park, Family Guy, stuff like that?" "Oh man...I watch Simpsons once in a while...but then I'll see Homer choke Bart and his eyes bug out...and it's just stupid. Family Guy's even worse. It's not even funny." (Signaling to the waiter for the check) By the way, I ordered something that I had never seen before called Strawberry Chicken...and it's exactly what it sounds like.

After that, she continued to ramble on again about David Cook...and the brothers on Supernatural...and I was just laughing to myself but keeping her entertained by going along with it...and eventually dropped her off. Now, I may sound like a cold-hearted dude in simplifying this date...but yeah, we really didn't hit it off at all...and have absolutely nothing in common. She was a cute girl though...and I wish her the best. I also casually mentioned a few times during the date that I had spent the last week in Vegas looking for a job...so my exit strategy has been established. I'm guessing that she wasn't too impressed by me in any case. Great way to spend an hour though...and she had a great time. Even I had a good time.

After the date, I went to my brother's where he was having a barbecue...and let me tell you, nothing gets the taste of strawberry chicken out of your mouth like a brat with honey mustard and a few cold Bud Lights. His neighbor Harry Balzonia and his family was there too. He's a cool cat. Not sure if I mentioned him before...but he and my brother get along well. After a few hours there, I went up to my mom's house to spend the night...then we woke up, cooked up some sausage & eggs, and then she volunteered me to babysit my cousin the next few days while my aunt's having surgery. What are mom's for, right? She was sure to do it before telling me about it...so that if I said no, I would be the dick. My mom's a lot of things...but stupid isn't one of them...usually. Here are some pictures from my mom's home in Eden...and a tree that almost hit during the storms this past week.

The Gargoyle doesn't seem amused...

View from the backyard

My own waterfall...

The pictures don't really do it justice...

but you can see my Poor Man's Maybach

Then we went to my brother's and had another barbecue, hung out there for a few hours watching the X-Men animated series that I haven't seen since I was a kid, and then I drove home & had a nice conversation with Bubbles who's exhausted from her trip to Slick City this weekend. Tomorrow, I'm apparently babysitting a bit, then going to work, then I have Wednesday & Thursday off. Hopefully, I'll find out about the Vegas job one way or the other in the next few days now that the holiday weekend is over, so I'll keep you posted. Also, I'd like to thank all the past, present, & future soldiers out there for their service in protecting me over the past 27+ years. Memorial Day always makes me think of my Grandpa Love, who was a veteran of three wars...and unfortunately passed many years ago...oddly enough on the 4th of July. Thank you all so much for all that you do!!!

Return to the Fortress of Solitude

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Let's see, Thursday night was Movie Night...and Bubbles, JJ, and I watched "Intolerable Cruelty" starring George Clooney & Catherine Zeta-Jones. I think the feeling surrounding the movie was unanimous. All three of us thought "Wow, this is kind of funny" and "Michael Douglas? Really?" The question came up...and with a few examples in the movie of "Why does that hot girl want to marry that stupid, ugly, rich man?" Knowing full well the answer, I replied, "Wait, stupid, ugly, what man?" "Oh. Ooooh. Okay, I got it now." Of course you do. (Mumble to myself) Great, funny flick though...and oddly fitting since earlier that day, Sir Edmund Hillary passed away...and there's the key scene in there where George talks about him & his sherpa guide Tanzig Norgay. You will be missed, Sir Hillary. After Bubbles left, JJ & I watched the first two episodes of "Big Love" and now, I think she's hooked on it.

Friday morning, I felt like it was a good day to escape to my Fortress of Solitude to relax and gather my thoughts. By the way, just on a side note, it amazes me how much I hold back sometimes compared to what I think. I'm quite scatterbrained...and I also find myself, nearly in every situation, catching myself from saying something or doing something that I might later regret...or I might not...or I just think it's unnecessary...whatever, it gets held back. Sometimes though, I wonder why I do. Oh well, back to the Fortress. This is my mother's house in the beautiful mountain sanctuary of Eden. Again, not a more fittingly named city in the world in my opinion. Here are some pictures that I took this weekend of it...

The Backyard

The Front Yard

The Driveway (yes, that's a Nova in the middle)

The Telephone

The Living Room

The Outhouse

I spent the afternoon with my mom just catching up and relaxing. I like to go here just to wind down...and oddly enough be disconnected from others. Not that I don't appreciate each & every one of you...but sometimes I just need to sit back...in a place where my phone doesn't get reception. So if I didn't reply to your text message or something on Friday, now you know why. It's beautiful, my mom's there, and I just love that place...and I hadn't been there in about six months. Besides, didn't my cards the other day say something about taking time to reflect?

While there, I found out that Carlos Mencia is going to be performing at the Peppermill in Nevada's Armpit, Wendover on Saturday, February 23rd. If you think you might be interested in an overnight swing out to Wendover, let me know and we can set up carpools to go see Carlos and get some high-point drinkin' on. Tickets start at $25.

That night, my mom & stepdad invited me to dinner plans with Rich & Shell...and I hadn't seen them in a few years either. They're good people. We ate at Goodwood Barbecue and it was pretty good barbecue. They kept saying that the waitress was flirting with me too...but honestly, she was just smiling. It's what they do. I had a wonderful blue cheese salad, pulled pork, german sausage, and steak fries...and a half rack of my mom's ribs...because her eyes are bigger than her stomach. During dinner, Rich was telling us old stories from working for the government over in Germany (recently retired...and now has a daughter getting married on the fly in a week). Good times.

After dinner, my sister-in-law called and sounded like she was being...very hormonal, which she is. I'm not just being mean. So we offered to babysit my niece Kairi so that she & my brother (who doesn't go to bed until 6 AM and gets mad when he's awoken at 9 AM) could get some sleep...and so we could hang out with the cutie pie. Here are some pictures of that too...

Here she is tugging on Santa's Balls

Here's what you get when you ask for a pouty look

Saturday, we had pancakes for breakfast...and as you know, I heart pancakes. Kairi didn't particularly like them...but I think it's a texture thing for her right now. I thoroughly enjoyed them. All of them. After a few hours, I loaded up a car seat in my Poor Man's Maybach and drove down to my brother's. Along the way, I played Freddie Jackson's Greatest Hits...and I've sung to Kairi a few times before to get her to go to sleep...and this time was no different. Out like a light. As for me, I was singing right along. She probably thinks her uncle $teve has a sexy, smooth baritone...and she'd be right.

Ad I saw at Papa Murphy's that amused me

I spent the day at my brother's, doing what else? Playing video games...and we watched the new "Alvin & the Chipmunks" movie. It was...exactly what you would expect. That evening though, the time finally came...where I was meet the Messiah once again...and possibly hold my little nephew Vinny. First though, Ash needed to feed him...so I waited in the NICU lobby with my niece and took these pictures...

The "Get Away from Me" Paparazzi pose

Kairi Lee Jeans

"Cuz you're a big girl now"

The last one made me realize...that she's going to be a big girl one day...so I took her up and looked her in the eyes. "Kairi, I want you to pay attention to your Uncle $teve for a minute, okay?" She shook her head yes. "Okay, now I'm going to go see your brother here in a second...and tell him that I'm going to teach him to play basketball when he gets bigger...and the same offer goes to you. If you need help with homework or anything, you can always come to your Uncle $teve. I want you to promise me though...that you'll never do drugs. I don't care how cool you think your friends are...or if Snoop Dogg himself comes up and asks you, you just remember that Uncle $teve is cooler than any of them...and that he loves you, okay?" She shook her head yes...and then leaned forward and gave me a slobbery, open-mouth kissy sucky thing...on my nose. It's was incredibly cute. "Thank you sweetie...and when the time is right, I'll help you with your aim for that too...but not until you're ready...and have two college degrees."

Shortly after, it was my turn to go see Vinny. I scrubbed my hands to the point of pinkness and had my camera ready to go. I walked in and Ash was holding him...and the nurse was there too to find out who I was...but she figured that I was my brother's brother...by height alone. He looked so small in my sister's hands. "Is he awake?" "Yeah, he just finished eating. Do you wanna hold him?" I was scared. Seriously, scared...to hold my nephew. He had the tube going in his nose...and a bunch of sensors and stuff hooked up to machines that I saw a lot of wavy lines like on "ER" or something. He was so small next to my sister...and she's so small next to me...but I had to suck it up and hold him. So I took a deep breath...sat down in the chair...and nervously take him into my bosom. He really seemed to like it. It was really weird to feel his body heat on my chest and everything. It's almost like...I didn't really knew that he really existed until that moment. Sure, I saw him and all...and people had told me about him...but when I was holding that little dude in my hands, that was when it finally clicked "Holy crap, this little dude is really my nephew." The same thing happened with Kairi...and really, I think that's what hugs are really all about. We just need to make sure that these loved ones of ours are really real every once in a while. So hug more.

Are my hands that big? Or is he really that small?

The answer: Yes!!!

Look at this little guy hugging his Uncle $teve

The most awkward smile ever!!!

I was so f**king nervous.

The nurse came and gave us a two-minute warning before visitor hours would be over. So I got these last pictures of him...and I didn't get it...but after I put my camera away, that guy finally opened his eyes ever so slightly...he saw me...and he gave me a big smile.

It was only for a moment...but it was definitely a smile...either caused by seeing me or a successful bowel movement...but it was a smile. I didn't know how to react other than to smile back and say, "There's those baby blues I was told about." He then stretched out his arms and legs in a bit of a fuss...and he's going to be HUGE. "Alright buddy, you just get better...and in a few years when you're ready, Uncle $teve's gonna teach you to ball with the best of 'em. See ya soon." They then put him in his personal tanning salon...and I got this picture before we left.

Anyway, after that I hung out with my brother for a while after Ash went to sleep...then I drove home. Today, I'm going to watch the Giants destroy the Cowboys at Iggy's with some friends...then who knows? The day is young and I feel refreshed. Oh yeah, the Mad Scientist is quickly becoming a Wingman. He sent me a text last night to see if I'd be interested in a double date. I was. Apparently a coworker of his girlfriend was probably coaxed into it...but we'll see. It should be fun. I'm excited for it. Well, that should do it for today. I've caught you up on my weekend thus far. Join me tomorrow when I fill you in on today's activities...and maybe check out the news. Remember to let me know if you're interested in a Carlos Mencia / Wendover trip. Have a great day!!!

Sunday Rainy Sunday

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yesterday was a good day. First off, I didn't work. I like those days. Secondly, I went to see my mom for the day in the beautiful city of Eden. I completely forgot that it was fall...and even though the weather was gloomy & rainy, it was absolutely gorgeous with all the browns, golds, oranges, reds, and the reflection off the lake on the drive over there. I would recommend the drive to anybody, but please do it soon. We had our first hint of snow last night, so the colorful leaves will probably fall off soon (hence the season) and I blame Al Gore. I didn't have my good camera...but I did take this picture on my phone. I hope that it gives you an idea...and convinces you that Utah is a beautiful place that everyone should get out & see if they get the chance...before it's too late.


My mom's is a calming place for me. Whenever I'm feeling a little stressed and just need to get away for a day or something, I know that I can go there and talk with her...as she has me do manual labor that she's been procrastinating or that my stepdad simply won't do. Luckily, she didn't have any tasks this time. I wasn't particularly stressed or anything. I just wanted to say howdy & hang with her for a few hours. Also, my niece Kairi was up there...and she's a lot of fun. I also watched a little football and want to thank the Philadelphia Eagles for FINALLY winning a game...and in convincing fashion over the previously undefeated Detroit Lions, 56-21. Not only that, but they did it wearing probably the most God-awful uniforms ever designed. It was like the Michigan outfit...but with UCLA colors. Great job guys!!!


For dinner, she made me my favorite dinner, Danish Pork. Basically, it's a pound or so of pork tenderloin covered in flour, then fried in a half-stick of butter. Add mushrooms. Make a creamy sauce of half & half with a few squirts of ketchup. Simmer a bit. Serve on top of rice...or asparagus is also pretty good with it. It's really the one really good slightly exotic meal that I know how to cook and it's delicious. I have used it more than once to impress the ladies...and they like the fact that I'm willing to cook them a healthy meal using vegetables like asparagus (forgetting that they saw me simmer tenderloin in butter & make a creamy sauce). I have a few other specialties...but my mom makes Danish Pork the best.


After dinner, I said bye to my mom and drove my niece home to my brother's and hung out there for a few hours before driving home in a torential downpour. Good times. When I got home, I felt like watching a movie...so I threw in one that I recently rented from Blockbuster that looked promising, "DOA: Dead or Alive." Yes, it's based on a cheesy video game...and an even cheesier sequel where the characters play volleyball...but this movie was actually pretty good. I've never played the video games...but I've seen the commercials and I recall my brother renting it once & telling me about it. The movie was actually very good...considering the material. It your usual "Fighting tournament held on a remote island with an evil mastermind hosting it" format...and the cast is pretty good. Jaime Pressley is Tina Armstrong, a southern belle wrassler and Kevin Nash (WWE) plays her father, Bass. There's also a lot of other hotties like Devon Aoki (Sin City), Holly Valance (Prison Break), Sarah Carter (really hot), Natassia Malthe, and others. Not only that, but Eric Roberts (named Donovan) is an evil mastermind, Mark Marsden (Cyclops) is a thief, and even video game movie veteran Robin Shou (Lui Kang in Mortal Kombat) has a cameo as a pirate. Full of great action scenes, some wit, and one of the coolest deleted scenes ever where Donovan has a conversation with his computer genius Weatherby and makes a reference to a cheat code that my brother told me about.


Donovan: "This Kasumi (Aoki) is a most interesting specimen."
Weatherby: "Would you like me to make her naked? I can do that."
Donovan: "Weatherby! We are scientists. We are conducting this experiment in the pursuit of... yeah, make her naked."


I like it when a movie sticks to the video game for the most part...no matter how far-fetched the storyline may be. So without further ado, here is my prognosis of movies made from video games. Enjoy!!!


Video Game Movies


Medal Winners


Gold - Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) - Don't judge me. It's actually a great movie. I'm a big fan of Indiana Jones, the Librarian, Goonies, even National Treasure and all those treasure hunting movies. Then you throw in robots, wiseass assistants, a butler with a shotgun, ninjas (okay, a legion of evil minions in black), and an Angelina Jolie shower scene. My friend, you have earned yourself a gold medal from this blogger. Oh yeah...and lest I forget the stunningly hot female ass-kicking character with an okay British accent, lots of guns, fully loaded ti...I mean clips, a bit of a wiseass in her own right, and sticking to the source material faithfully. Oh yeah, this is a great movie...and the sequel "Cradle of Life" (2003) had King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) in a role where he doesn't yell everything. Great flicks...check 'em out.


Silver - Mortal Kombat (1995) - To me, Christopher Lambert will always be the Highlander...but they needed an actor with a great voice for a thunder god...and Billy Dee Williams or Alan Rickman weren't available...and Tim Curry isn't intimidating unless he has giant horns and a lot of red makeup. What was my point? I forget. It was an okay movie...and stuck to the video game (sometimes too much) but it was a lot of fun (especially as a young teenager) and Bridgette Wilson & Talisa Soto are really hot. I also thought that it was kind of funny that the movie had a lower parental advisory rating than the video game...but those kids are your target demographic. The sequel's okay too. James Remar has the Raiden voice. I think he's a smoker.


Bronze - Street Fighter (1994) - Again, this is purely MY list. I like the Jean Claude Van Damme movies, no matter how silly they are to everybody except him. I'm also a big Street Fighter fan (back when I played a lot of video games...before turning 15 and working & going to school full-time). Raul Julia is hilarious as M. Bison (Gomez Addams' dictator brother?) and Kylie Minogue is hot...and plays Cammy. There's action, super cheesy video game references, Jean Claude giving speeches in his Belgian accent, a Godzilla reference, stealth boats, and enough nerdy things to keep you entertained thoroughly...especially if you've played the video game...a lot. Jean Claude does a backflip kick too. Twice.


Suggestion - Silent Hill (2006) - This was actually a pretty creepy movie...despite occasional stupid lines like "It looks like there was a fire here" after they spent the first hour-and-a-half of the movie in a charred-out miner town. DERRR!!! Other than that though, it has a creepy atmosphere (from the director of Brotherhood of the Wolf) and a creepy storyline. Again, I've never actually played the game...but I assume it's a Resident Evil RPG mold. In case you were wondering why Resident Evil didn't make the list...it has been mentioned a few times...and I like to keep my blog fresh. By the way, The Mad Scientist says that Milla's newest movie Resident Evil: Extinction is worth the price of admission...and he would know...he's a scientist.


Flush It - Super Mario Bros. (1993) - Dennis Hopper may have been experimenting during this phase of his life. "So...you want me to play this giant lizard guy Koopa...and have blonde cornrows on my head...and say a bunch of stupid video game stuff, is that right? How much are you going to pay me? Oh, really? Well then, I think we have a deal." I do like how they make fun at the whole, "Your name is Mario Mario?" aspect but other than that...I check out my MySpace videos for a few better Super Mario videos than this. Don't worry, I'm not going to make fun of Bob Hoskins or John Leguizamo for doing it...because they could have used the work back then.


Future Watch - Hitman (2007) - Sure, it seems like a Transporter 3 with Timothy Olyphant at the wheel, but I don't care. I've never played Halo, or care to, so that's not anticipated by me. However, here are a few suggestions for future video game movies out there.

• The Adventures of Bayou Billy - Tell me this wouldn't work. Adventure, Louisiana, it's Crocodile Dundee...starring Matthew McConaughey. Tell me that you wouldn't go see this movie, ladies.
• Alien vs. Predator vs. Metroid - If you think that it's super cheesy that the humans always seem to win in the Alien & Predator movies, I say level the playing field. Let Samus come in with the vast array of weaponry and have to eliminate a alien species from the planet (video game plot). In the finale, everybody's wondering who played Samus...and it's a huge rumor secret...and the actor ends up being...Adriana Lima? Directed by Dr. Mookie Love.
• Mega Man - Christopher Walken as Dr. Wiley, Haley Joel Osment as Mega Man (Oh yeah, he's gotta be a man by now. Does he still act?), and a lot of predictable robots. You could even have Dennis Hopper as Bomberman or something...
• Grand Theft Auto - I wonder if this would be rated R...
• Tetris - Okay, this one is going to take further thought...but only because I'm trying to figure out how to work the car chase scene to the tune of Havah Nagilah as the blocks fall from the sky. Directed by Tony Scott. Any thoughts?

Anyway, those are my thoughts of the day. I'd love to hear what you'd like to see on a movie screen near you. Have a great night!!!