Guess Who's Back, Back Again

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

I have successfully returned from Las Vegas, Nevada after a wonderful five day / four night vacation where the temperature steadily rose from 55 degrees when we left Utah in the morning to 90 degrees around noon that same day in Vegas to 110 degrees as we got to the airport leaving (officially 106 but car said 114, so I averaged to get 110). Unfortunately, I'm typing up the details of this odyssey through the desert…and then adding pictures, so it won't be up until tomorrow probably.

The night before leaving, I watched that "P2" horror flick with Rachel Nichols (future Scarlett in G.I. Joe movie) and Wes Bentley (creepy videotaper kid from "American Beauty") and it was exactly what you expected. The story is that the lovely young business woman (Nichols) is running a little late leaving her building on Christmas Eve…and the security guard (Bentley) is a little lonely. He tries to be flirty and smooth, but botches it up…and she's not interested…so he lets it go. Oh wait, he sneaks up on her, kidnaps her, tries to share a creepy Christmas dinner with her, and the rest of the time she's running around an empty parking garage trying to escape. There was one thing that I noticed. I think there was something in the screenplay where they mention HAVING to show one of two things every 45 seconds...and oftentimes simultaneously...and that is a painted P2 on a support pillar (occasionally changed to P3 or P4, etc.) and Rachel Nichols knockout cleavage. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying. Then I didn't get good sleep that night. Not because the movie was scary...but because it was like Christmas morning...so I basically napped...and then woke up around 3:30 AM ready to go. Then I went to Vegas…but that'll be for tomorrow…in the meantime, here's some news.

Brilliant Idea - Leave it to the Belgians to come up with this fascinating new video game idea. Now, we've all gotten those emails about the research done by placing a small fly in the porcelain of a urinal…and how because the man has a target to aim at while he urinates, the urinals (and floor) are up to 90% cleaner because it focuses their attention on the task in hand (rim shot). Two Belgians have taken this research to the next level…Competitive Pissing. Werner Dupont, a software developer, and Bart Geraets, an electrical engineer, got the idea while drinking Belgian beers. "This thing had to be invented by Belgian people and that's what we are," they said. The 'Place to Pee' booth is designed for two users at a time and offers two games -- blowing up aliens in outer space or skiing down a virtual slope. Gamers hit their target by aiming at sensors positioned on either side of the urinal. A specially designed paper cone allows women to play too. Their 'Place to Pee' logo resembles 'Manneken Pis', the little urinating boy fountain that is among Brussels' top sightseeing attractions. This is a great idea. This is up there among the inventions like Darts, Billiards, Beer Pong, Grenade Jumping, Binge Drinking, and other wonderful competitive bar sports…and it makes the bathrooms cleaner…unless the really drunk guy starts popping champagne when victory is declared…or a sore loser takes it out on the victor's shoes…but that'd never happen, right? Still, I can't wait to see 'A Place to Pee' at my local tavern…and with more sports & games. Sword fighting would work out pretty well, I would think.

Amsterdam Update - Did you know that in the Netherlands, you have to have a Sex License? Well now you do…and it's honestly not a bad idea. I mean…think about it. For driver's education, you have months of classes, driving on a closed course, trips around town with a teacher, even a beginner's license for a few months where somebody certified has to be in the car with you. However, when it comes to sexual education week (an hour a day for perhaps five days), you get shown a few flipcharts of the reproductive system that could be a map of Derkaderkastan for all you know, flashed a few shots of genital herpes & gonorrhea to scare us, and maybe given a condom at the end…and warned to never ever practice until you're married. You don't even get to check out porn to see it in action. You usually have to find your dad's private stash in his bedroom closet between his Desert Eagle & his mother's ashes…then pray to GOD that the video that you pop in was professionally done and not your parents latest anniversary trip to Puerto Vallarta. I think that needs to change. Yeah, there are parents out there that may think my methods are a little risqué…but why don't we have months of classes, complete with video accompaniment, teachers who know how to get their swerve on to answer any questions, practice at home (with friends or a warm grapefruit), pair off for private study sessions (with an adult nearby in case assistance is needed), and then you have to get certified physically and orally. Only then…will you be allowed to operate the sexual machine that you are.

Wow, that was way off topic. Okay, so in Amsterdam, after legalizing prostitution in 2000, they have required these brothel establishments to have license to make sure that everything is healthy and up to code (not a horrible idea either). The Dutch cabinet said on Friday it wanted to crack down harder on the country's sex industry, in particular unlicensed sex operators, as part of efforts to combat human trafficking. "That is why the cabinet wants to make it an offence to use the services of a sex operator without a license or a non-registered independent prostitute," the government said in a statement. As you may have read a few times on my blog, the sex industry in Amsterdam seems to be moving towards a more family friendly tourism industry instead of this sexy enterprise that has been going on for centuries catering to pirates & sailors. We shall see how it ends up…but hopefully I'll be able to stop by Amsterdam in the near future to check it out first-hand. You know, the Anne Frank Museum…and the Rembrandts…not the Red Light District. Well, maybe just to see what all the hubbub is about. You know, so that I could say that I had seen it. Don't judge me. You know that you want to see it too…and you can probably watch me experience it for a few extra Euros.

Anyway, that'll do it for this evening. I've probably already said too much…but yeah, Vegas vacation tomorrow…and news on my career & possible relocation too. Until then, have a great night & be safe out there. Peace!!!