Happy Birthday 76th birthday to a legendary songwriter & performer, the original "Man in Black", Mr. Johnny Cash. In over fifty years in the music industry, he sold over 90 million albums and recorded thousands of songs. He was there at Sun Records in the early 50's with Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, & Carl Perkins to make the "Million Dollar Quartet" if only for about an hour. During the 60's, he toured constantly as one of the top grossing performers of the era in both Rock & Roll and Country-Western, all while tripping on amphetamines & barbiturates. During the 70's, he had his own TV show and wrote a few biographies that would later be made into movies (sort of) while raising a lovely family with his wife June. During the 80's, he was the youngest living inductee into the Country Music Hall of Fame and traveled with the supergroup the Highwaymen (with Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, and Kris Kristofferson) and collaborated with dozens of other legends. During the 90's, he released more albums and collaborated with more legends…and had probably his greatest achievement…had a cameo on the Simpsons. In 2002, he released the music video for his cover of Nine Inch Nails' "Hurt" which won him Grammys and is widely considered his epitaph (check it out). Then in May 2003, his wife & inspiration June Carter Cash passed away…and she had told him to keep recording and performing…so he did. At a June 21, 2003 concert in Bristol, VA, before singing "Ring of Fire", Cash read a statement about his late wife that he had written shortly before taking the stage. He spoke of how June's spirit was watching over him and how she had come to visit him before going on stage. He barely made it through the song. Despite his health issues, he spoke of looking forward to the day when he could walk again and toss his wheelchair into the river near his home. Less than four months after the passing of his wife, Mr. Cash died on September 12, 2003 in Nashville and was buried next to June in Hendersonville, Tennessee.
How is it that I can pretty much despise country music…yet love to listen to Johnny Cash? I'm not sure exactly…but here's my guess. He always spoke and sang from the heart. He lived life on the edge, experiencing the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows. He saw tragedy as a child brought up in rural Arkansas but had a loving family to teach him right. Hard work & singing from the heart brought him superstardom and introduced him to the Love of his life…yet addictions nearly took all of that away from him. When Johnny sung a song, you know that he meant every single word of it. When he talks about a ring of fire, you know that burns deep in his chest. When he sings about Sunday morning coming down, you feel like you're right there with him…whether you've experienced it or not. When his heart breaks, you feel it too. If you pissed him off, he let you know it (as the picture indicates). When he sings about Love, there's no doubt in your mind that he loves that girl. If only everybody could be so honest in their lives…and walk that line. Was it really a surprise that he couldn't survive without the love of his life by his side? Not really. Maybe it's just my admiration for the way he lived…that's why I like him so much (even though I kinda thought "Walk the Line" was only an okay movie). Kris Kristofferson is in the same realm too. It seems the more that I hear about this guy, I like him more & more. Anyway, happy birthday Mr. Cash!!! It's sad that you had to leave…but at least you & June are together still.
Monopoly Movie - Okay, so last week I made a joke about the guy who withdrew $2 million on a bank error…and then the next day, they announced that Hasbro is probably going to really get into the movie making business by licensing some board games…like Monopoly. Odd, right? Well, how about it being reported (on the web) that Ridley Scott ("Blade Runner" & "Aliens") is going to direct…and that Scarlett Johannsen & Kirsten Dunst have already been offered roles (I'm guessing Ms. Johannsen as the Thimble because I'd gladly stick my fingers in her). It should be an interesting process…but we shall see how this works out at the box office. There are just so many possibilities…- Clue - Already been done. Classic. Tim Curry rules!!!
- Ouija - Pretty sure it's already been used in crappy horror movies…but what if the pointer piece attacked people? I don't know, I'm trying to work an angle here. It's like "What if the Ouija board opened a portal to Hell?" and I get a sneaking suspicion that I've seen that somewhere.
- Candyland - Now I can see Scarlett Johannsen & Kirsten Dunst getting some offers…
- Battleship - Think "Hunt for Red October" but with Keanu Reeves & Colin Farrell as the captains. "B7!!! Fire one, dude." "Miss. No, wait…yeah, miss. Sorry lad, I'm a little hung over. B4!!!" "Before what?" "B4, ya bastard!!!" "Before what?" "B4 I kick ya in the (bleep) nuts. Jesus, why the (bleep) did I agree to do this movie? Ah (bleep) it, I'm just gonna look off the reflection of your shades."
- Chutes & Ladders - Yes, I have seen that Robot Chicken…and it'd probably work
- Gloworm - Like Godzilla…but cuddlier
- Jenga - Sylvester Stallone stars as Detective Rocky Rambo who finds himself in a deadly game of cat and also cat. He awakes in a deep crevasse with impossible cliffs (he knows because he tries…in a shameless attempt to get some cool rock-climbing action out of him) and the only thing that can help him out…is an odd too-small pile of 2' x 3' x 9' wooden cubes. Then it hits him. He can stack them in a certain order…but as soon as he moves the first one to take it to the top, the ground heats up and becomes a furnace…and the villain (played by Gary Oldman) shows himself, "Detective Rambo, the game has begun." "Doctor Jenga? Iz nah possibuh. I…I killed ju. Years ago." "Apparently you didn't kill me enough…and now you must make it out of this cleverly designed trap…before the tower becomes ashes." Incredible action sequence ensues…possibly with involving ninjas (why not?) and leads to final showdown. "JENGAAAAAAA!!!" Dr. Jenga meets him at the top of the tower, fire everywhere, swaying side-to-side, uppercuts, spinning back kicks, more rock climbing, lasers, chutes & ladders, whatever works…and then Detective Rambo…is down & out. "You see, detective. You shouldn't play games with a Master." Rocky's eyes open, uppercut sends Dr. Jenga flying off the edge into the inferno. One liner - "Yahtzee, mother (bleep)!!!" Queue Vince DiCola song, fade to black, roll credits. Thank God the writer's strike is over.
- Mr. Potato Head - I'm not exactly sure how I can make a movie out of this…but I do know that Ron Perlman must star in it.
- Operation - George Clooney reprises his role as Dr. Douglas Ross and he gets a patient…that will change his life forever. He gets a phone call from Howard Payne (Dennis Hopper in "Speed", it's a prequel, working title "Speed Operation"). "Pop quiz, hot shot. There's a bomb in a school in the LA area…and the detonator is in this guy's pacemaker. If he dies, they die. Get the picture?" "Why are you doing this?" "BECAUSE YOU SAID YOU COULDN'T GIVE ME A BIGGER PENIS!!!" How do I plan on making Dennis Hopper say that? Lots of money. Remember, he was King Koopa.
- Trouble - I'm thinking of Thunderdome…but with a surface that launches them into the air every so often
- Barrel of Monkeys - Guaranteed a billion dollar gross…and it's exactly what it sounds like…for two-and-a-half hours…and there will be sequels…with orangutans
Black Hole - A Horror Romance? - Director David Fincher has brought us some great movies in the past like "Se7en" and "Fight Club" as well as some crap…like "Alien 3" and "Zodiac." Apparently, he's decided that his next…well, fifth next movie is going to be a horror romance called "Black Hole" based on a graphic novel by Charlie Burns about a group of high school students whose lives are drastically altered when they come in contact with a sexually transmitted disease called the "teen plague" or "the bug." I'm sure that it's a real heartwarmer chick flick…for being shot in an entirely dark atmosphere. Don't wait up for it though. Like I said, he just completed a movie called "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" where Brad Pitt plays a man who ages backwards…then he has three other movies in line. This will probably have a 2012 release or something. Use Protection!!!
Movies Can Save Your Life - Colleton County Fire and Rescue Director Barry McRoy says he was leaving a Waffle House restaurant (greatest restaurant ever) in Walterboro, SC last week when two men ran in fighting over a gun. Police say a bullet hit one of the struggling men, shattered a window and then hit McRoy. He was unphased. How did this happen? Did McRoy have superpowers? Was HE in fact the son a Ja-Rel? No, the bullet had hit a DVD that was inside of his jacket, shattering the case instead of his internal organs. Sure, the report may say that it was a gift from an employee of a TV show about fire extinguishers…but I'm damn sure that it was a pirated copy of the Adam Sandler / Damon Wayans comedy "Bulletproof" instead. Besides, who the hell would want to watch a show about fire extinguishers? He's a fire chief. He knows how they work, right? Right?
Anyway, that'll do it for today. Congratulations again to Mr. & Mrs. Laquesse!!! Have a great day everybody…and be sure to honor Mr. Johnny Cash and really listen to his music…if only one song. Walk Hard…on the Line!!!
4 comments:
Johnny Cash is beyond country. He is his own style! I really liked that he made a comeback toward the end of this life/career. Very cool.
I'm down with the barrel of monkeys movie...lol
"Excuse me, where would I find some Johnny Cash CDs here?" "Oh, that would be in our BEYOND section. Right this way." That'd be awesome.
I'm fairly convinced that there is not ONE person out there who wouldn't gladly pay $10 for Barrel of Monkeys IMAX 3D. The ladies love 'em...and guys are pretty partial too. Can you imagine poo flinging...IN 3-D??? "I swear I could feel it on my face during the Grande Finale!!!"
What about "Hungry Hungry Hippos"?
By goddess, you're right!!! How could I possibly forget Hungry Hungry Hippos??? They were on that Robot Chicken too. I believe it was a cop drama or some sort. :)
Really though, I've always wanted to do a documentary titled "Hungry Hungry Hippos" because they kill more Africans than all other animals on the motherland COMBINED. This of course barring Man...but that's a boring documentary...and you can't have the same stock footage of kids slamming on those little levers to make the hippo's mouth lounge. Good times.
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