Stay Classy, San Diego!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Another last-minute Movie Night has been planned for this evening, since I get off work earlier than expected (thanks to working more than expected this weekend). Come one, come all as always. Last night, after speaking with Mr. & Mrs. Wingman about a trip to Southern California, I researched exactly what there was to do in San Diego…and my goodness, am I excited now. I had spent a few hours in port there a little over a year ago on my first cruise…and I decided to try to surfing…while nursing a major hangover…not exactly the best combination in the world…that would still be peanut butter and chocolate. Other than that, I went to SeaWorld when I was about six years old. So after some research, here's what I'm thinking sounds like fun…at least to me...

Beaches - I'm not talking about all the tig-bittied blondes with the volleyball action…though there will definitely be some of them there as well. I'm talking about where the ocean comes all the way up onto the sand…and you can just walk out into the water. You can look off into the distance and see where the water meets the sky…and just reflect on your life…and the wondrous experience of standing in the world's largest pond. Or you can kick back in a lounge chair, watching all the girls go by, build a sand castle, play some volleyball, whatever you want to do. I may want to get a tan before going. Best part though - It'll be at least thirty degrees warmer than it is here in Slick City. At least. According to the Travel Channel, Coronado Island has the 2nd best beach in America. We may have to stay there.

San Diego Zoo - They have Pandas!!! That's with an S on the end…as in more than one…as in my panda porn idea could potentially be in use at this place. That amuses me without even seeing it…and don't think that I won't ask about it. Don't you dare think that. There's also the Wild Animal Park with Condors, Cheetahs, Elephants, Lions, Tigers, Bears, oh my it's going to be fun.

SeaWorld - Killer Whales, Penguins, Polar Bears, Porpoises, Flamingoes, Sea lions, Sharks (that have probably tasted man flesh), and starting this Spring, Sesame Street characters are going to be there. Though it won't yet be open for our trip, I still plan on feeding the dolphins with a Count voice. "Vun fishy wishy. Ha ha ha!!! Two fishy wishy. Ha ha ha!!!" There's also other cool things like the R.L. Stine Haunted Lighthouse, Shipwreck Rapids, and MANATEES!!!

Scripps Aquarium - You already know that I love aquariums…but this is a large well-funded aquarium…with cool stuff…and reasonably priced Whale Watching excursions that I plan on taking advantage of. The cool thing about the Whale Watching is the if you're guaranteed to see Whales…or you can take the tour again at another time. What does that mean? If you don't see anything…you get to not see anything again. Isn't that awesome? I'm certainly going to practice my Humpback Whale calls. I'm gonna see me something…the first time.

LEGOLAND - In Carlsbad, there's over FIFTY rides that you can be a part of…like being a Firefighter, a Pirate, a Knight, a Test Driver, and so many more. The only problem is a lot of rides have a height restriction. Wait! It's actually up to a 46" MINIMUM height. We 80" bastards can go on the rides!!! Woo-hoo!!! U-S-A!!! U-S-A!!! Besides, even if the rides are a little on the small side for us, all we have to do is just grab a few pieces from one of the other rides…and build our own. It may take a little time…but it'll be worth it. We'll be there just before the opening of Land of Adventure on March 10th…but that's okay. We'll live. Oh…and by the way, if you haven't realized it yet…I'm basically a ten-year old nerd at heart.

Downtown - With San Diego being Spanish for "Whale's Phallic" you can imagine that there's a lot of nightlife to be had…as well as many museums of both historical and artistic value to be had. There's also Balboa Park, which is the world's largest urban cultural park…and home to more than a dozen museums.

The OC - Just over an hour outside of San Diego is a place where billionaires are looked upon like mere millionaires. Where women flock to find a sugar daddy (and a certain Doctor may be in search of a sugar mama). Where the beer flows like wine. I'm talking about…the OC. You may be asking yourself, "Dr. Love, how could you possibly afford to spend three nights there, drinking fine champagne, eating the freshest of seafood, and possibly sweeping some fascinating, playette-in-her-prime cougar off her feet?" Because I have a Hook-Up…and where there's a Hook-Up, there's a way.

Knott's Berry Farm - Because life isn't about basking in the sun all day looking fabulous, about a half-hour from the OC is one of my favorite amusement parks EVER. The rides are twice as good as Disneyland…and the lines are usually non-existent. You get to ride…and ride…and ride…and ride…until you actually need a break from the exhaustion of screaming and having adrenaline pumping…as opposed to standing in triple-digit weather for hours in between rides. I've been around the world and I… I… I… I would put this up as the greatest bang-for-your-buck amusement park in the WORLD. That's how much I like this place. If you're even in Buena Park, check it out.

So yeah, I'm a little excited about this trip. Now hopefully my job will play nice and not pull any more last-minute switcheroo stuff…but if they do, they only have a few weeks to surprise me. I'm really looking forward to this trip…and I'm sure that we won't be able to do ALL of these things…but we do have a week…and we know how to have fun when there's absolutely nothing to do…so I think we're set. I'm going going back back to Cali Cali. That's right. Two Biggie references when talking about this trip. Don't worry. As soon as I get there, I'm going to be humming Beach Boys tunes all week. From "California Girls" on the beach to "Let's Go Surfing Now, Come on a Safari with Me" at Wild Animal Park to "Salt Lake City, we'll be coming soon" on the way home. Sorry, I forgot my iPod today…and am forced to sing to myself. Here's some news...

Pot Speak About Kettle - Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards was at a round-table interview at the Berlin International Film Festival promoting the new Martin Scorsese documentary about the Stones titled "Shine A Light" when he decided to offer some advice to Amy Winehouse (who won five Grammys yesterday, so congratulations to her) on kicking her drug habit. "She should get her act together. Apart from that, I have got nothing to say to the b**ch." Not to be outshined by his guitarist, lead singer Mick Jagger then threw in his two cents, "When we were experimenting with drugs, little was known about the effects. In our time there were no rehab centers like today. Anyway, I did not know about them." You're absolutely right, Stones. You always are. Betty Ford was WAY after you guys stopped experimenting with drugs. You were well on your downward spiral as the most overrated rock band of all time by then. There was no possible way to know about the effects either. Are you f**king kidding me? Yes, Amy Winehouse should really get her act together. She has some serious skills. I'd like my buddy Lindsay Lohan to do the same…and Eva Mendes…and Kirsten Dunst…and any other working actress under the age of thirty it seems. However, I have a theory about this…and please…here me out.

This "wild" theory of mine…is that Rehab…is the new destination. Think about it. Where are all these ladies going for their rehab? Park City, Utah during ski season (and even beautiful in the summertime too). Not only that…but it's fully-catered, professional physicians are always on staff, the food is exquisite, attention to every detail of your stay, full fitness facilities, and fresh mountain air. I mean...Cirque Lodge sounds like some kind of Swiss Chateau anyway. It's an exclusive getaway for celebrities…like a Hollywood Curves or something…where you're basically surrounded by your fellow hot, young actors that know how to party. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a full bar and dance club at the treatment center. Yes, I'm absolutely sure that they're also treating them to overcome addictions…but doing it in style. Why do you think that celebrities keep wanting to go back? Two more visits and Lindsay gets to free weekend. It's actually quite ingenious. I'm surprised that somebody hadn't thought about this earlier. Before, you'd have to fake your own death and retreat to the Island like 2Pac, Aaliyah, and JFK Junior. This is much simpler…and people ask fewer questions. Anyway, that's my theory…and I wish you the best of luck in turning your life around Ms. Winehouse. Oh…and Mr. Richards, please don't give advice unless it's how to MacGyver a syringe out of a rubber band, a safety pin, and a roll of toilet tissue. By the way, this is the same guy who in September 2006 claimed he stopped taking drugs not because it was detrimental to his health…but because he had become immune to them. Yeah, that's probably the best way to kick the habit. He may very well be the Highlander…and has us all fooled.

Okay, I'm done rambling for the day. Movie Night tonight for anybody interested!!! Have a great night no matter what you decide to do!!!