Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Great game last night!!! Congratulations to the New York Football Giants!!! As the NFL Network commercial stated, four to five months ago (hell, even two months ago), the opinion of the majority of football fans was "The closest Eli Manning is going to come to a Super Bowl ring is when he gives his brother Peyton a manicure." At the beginning of the season, they weren't supposed to make the playoffs. Their leading rusher Tiki Barber had just retired to become a broadcaster. Sack leader Michael Strahan was a holdout of training camp. Pro Bowl tight end Jeremy Shockey broke his leg. Their competition in the division including the powerful Philadelphia Eagles (dead last at 8-8 in the NFL's greatest division). They started out losing their first two games, and even halfway through the season was only an average team...but they kept winning on the road. Their quarterback led the NFL in interceptions...and seemed to be flustered. They made the playoffs on the last day. They beat the Bucs on the road. Then they made T.O. and Romo cry by beating the Cowboys in Texas. Then they beat the miraculous Brett Favre on the frozen tundra of Green Bay. Then they were faced with the NFL's perfect team, the New England Patriots. Yet they kept on winning. Congratulations to all of them. Eli got his ring the year after his brother Peyton got one. I was actually just told by a reliable source that Atlanta Falcons GM Rich McKay is on the phone with their older brother Cooper Manning trying to get him to sign with the Falcons. "Hear me out. I know you haven't played football since...well, ever...but I figure it's in the family leniage or something. Hello. Hello? HELLO??? Damn it, why won't anybody talk to me?"
As for the New England Patriots, possibly the Super Bowl's most famous losers since that Bills team that lost on Scott Norwood's kick nearly twenty years ago, please don't think that they're over. The team will return for next season (except maybe cornerback Asante Samuel if the Pats won't show him the money) but they also have the 7th overall pick in the draft (possibly a replacement cornerback) and they seem to have this ability to sign Pro Bowl players at second-tier prices because of their ability to win Super Bowls. I'm sure Tom Brady's a little sore about losing the Super Bowl...but he has Gisele to rub that out of him. Junior Seau even has a few years left in him. Randy Moss ain't going back to Oakland any time soon. They won't let Wes Welker go anywhere if at all possible. Hell, maybe next year will be that perfect season. I was hoping they could win it all...just so that I wouldn't have to listen to Mercury Morris on ESPN talk about how badass his 1972 Dolphins team is. "We could have beat the Titans. I'm not talking about that Tennessee team. I'm talking about Zeus, Apollo, Artemis, Neptune, even my namesake Mercury, throw in the Cyclops and the Minotaur just to make it fair. We'll play the game on Olympus, Waterloo, the lost city of Atlanta...I mean Atlantis. Wherever. I'm the best. We're the best." I hate to say it Mercury...but you would have had your asses handed to you by the Patriots. The way football is played now...probably the Falcons could have had a good game with ya...and they suck. Anyway, maybe next year the Patriots can shut him up.
I spent the day at my dad's and we had some wonderful skinless Colosimo's brats with a schmorgesborg or other treats and snacks. It was just the three of us (dad, stepmom, and me) but it was still fun. When I walked in the door, my dad was watching "Revenge of the Nerds" on HBO and he was stunned that I could recite every single word and sound byte of that movie. "Did you just watch this at your house?" "No, but I've seen it thousands of times growing up." "Oh yeah. That's right." "The hair pie really shows up better on HD though. Lot better resolution than VHS." Good times. Again, if you have yet to see the original "Revenge of the Nerds" movie, check it out. "Are all nerds as good as you?" "Yes." "Why?" "Because all jocks ever think about is sports. All nerds ever think about is sex."
Now, I'll talk to you about the real winners of the Super Bowl - The Advertisers...and to some extent, the Consumers. The commercials during Super Bowl Sunday are legendary...and this year didn't disappoint. At the discount price of nearly $100,000 per second of airtime, you can reach nearly a hundred millions viewers. So, with that in mind, here are my favorite commercials...in one of my customary lists...complete with links to the commercials if you missed them.
Medal Winners
Gold - Victoria's Secret with Adriana Lima - Simple, effective, subtly sexy (like an H-bomb is subtly destructive), and gets your message across effectively. Oh yeah...and if you have my future girlfriend Adriana Lima in lingerie messing around with a football while giving me the "F**k me" eyes, you're going to get my attention...and a gold medal...maybe a pearl necklace if you're lucky. Oh yeah...and the message was effective. Valentine's Day is just over a week away guys. So if you're the lucky guy who has something to look forward to on National Single Awareness Day, then make sure that you make your lady feel special. Otherwise, she may give Dr. Love a late night booty call. It could happen. (Fingers crossed)
Silver - Coca-Cola Balloon Chase - When the Macy's Thinksgiving Day parade floats of Stewie Griffin and Underdog are chasing the Coca-Cola bottle, I'm sure that I wasn't the only one standing up and cheering on the world's slowest race. "Get it Stewie!!! Victory is yours!!! You almost got...get it...get it. OHHHH!!! Nice undercut by Underdog. There's no need to fear. You're still in this thing. Keep at it. Come on. Come on. Is that? It is. OHHHH!!! Well played. Well played. Woooo. Oh man, I need a drink. Good game. Good game. Oh hey, the game's back on."
Bronze - Bridgestone Screaming Squirrel - I liked this one much better than the later one with Richard Simmons. "WHY DID HE SWERVE? YOU COULD HAVE ENDED THIS!!!" The first one had the cute screaming woodland creatures...and a message...to buy good tires...from Bridgestone.
Suggestion - Cars.com Plan B Circle of Fire Deathmatch - You had to know that this was going to make the list. It involves cars, outside the box plans, and a circle of fire deathmatch with a tattoed warrior. "You may want to step outside the circle...just to avoid confusion." Also receiving Honorable Mention is the E*Trade baby (the first one, not the creepy clown one), the Shogun-esque Under Armour commercial featuring the likes of Ray Lewis, the Budweiser Clydesdale commercial with the Rocky training montage, and of course, the Bud Light Cheese Run commercial. "That'll go great with this baguette." Big ups to Doritos for giving some exposure to musical talent and that silly ass mouse trap video.
Flush It - Amp Energy Drink - How the hell are you going to immediately follow-up the Victoria's Secret commercial with a heavy-set man putting jumper cables on his nipples to jumpstart a car? Here's a minute in the life of Dr. Love during the two-minute warning: Victoria's Secret commercial. "$teve! $teve, are you okay?" "Yeah sorry, I ugh...blacked out for a second. I ugh...I need to ugh...go to the bathroom for a second. Oh wait, next commercial's on." Amp Energy Drink "Nevermind. Don't need to go anymore. The blood's back into my face again. Crisis averted...damn it." Oh yeah...and what the Hell was with the commercials for House? I don't watch House...and now I know why. Special guest star Mira Sorvino (nice!), stuck at the South Pole (okay, maybe she needs somebody to keep her warm), and no doctors to help her. "Is that a DRILL PRESS aimed at her temple? I thought it was the other person that needed the help? Holy crap, can you show that on TV? I don't wanna see that. What's their solution for a broken finger? Run in through a router? You suck, House!!! Where's my Adriana?"
Future Watch - Wanted - Lots of good movies to look forward to this summer...but how did I miss out on "Wanted"? Angelina Jolie...and Morgan Freeman...and Terence Stamp...and Mr. Tumnus (James McAvoy)...in a movie about secret agents...from the director of trippy movies like "Nightwatch" and "Daywatch", Timur Bekmambetov? Have I been in a CAVE? Also looking forward to the next Adam Sandler blockbuster "You Don't Mess with the Zohan" now that I know it's just him being back to incredibly funny without any plot. Also a big fan of the Bud Light commercials featuring Will Ferrell's next movie, Semi-Pro. It looks like it's going to be a hoot and a holla too featuring the likes of David Koechner, Woody Harrellson, Andre 3000, Will Arnett, and others...and it's about basketball. Yay!!!
Great game last night!!! Congratulations to the New York Football Giants!!! As the NFL Network commercial stated, four to five months ago (hell, even two months ago), the opinion of the majority of football fans was "The closest Eli Manning is going to come to a Super Bowl ring is when he gives his brother Peyton a manicure." At the beginning of the season, they weren't supposed to make the playoffs. Their leading rusher Tiki Barber had just retired to become a broadcaster. Sack leader Michael Strahan was a holdout of training camp. Pro Bowl tight end Jeremy Shockey broke his leg. Their competition in the division including the powerful Philadelphia Eagles (dead last at 8-8 in the NFL's greatest division). They started out losing their first two games, and even halfway through the season was only an average team...but they kept winning on the road. Their quarterback led the NFL in interceptions...and seemed to be flustered. They made the playoffs on the last day. They beat the Bucs on the road. Then they made T.O. and Romo cry by beating the Cowboys in Texas. Then they beat the miraculous Brett Favre on the frozen tundra of Green Bay. Then they were faced with the NFL's perfect team, the New England Patriots. Yet they kept on winning. Congratulations to all of them. Eli got his ring the year after his brother Peyton got one. I was actually just told by a reliable source that Atlanta Falcons GM Rich McKay is on the phone with their older brother Cooper Manning trying to get him to sign with the Falcons. "Hear me out. I know you haven't played football since...well, ever...but I figure it's in the family leniage or something. Hello. Hello? HELLO??? Damn it, why won't anybody talk to me?"
As for the New England Patriots, possibly the Super Bowl's most famous losers since that Bills team that lost on Scott Norwood's kick nearly twenty years ago, please don't think that they're over. The team will return for next season (except maybe cornerback Asante Samuel if the Pats won't show him the money) but they also have the 7th overall pick in the draft (possibly a replacement cornerback) and they seem to have this ability to sign Pro Bowl players at second-tier prices because of their ability to win Super Bowls. I'm sure Tom Brady's a little sore about losing the Super Bowl...but he has Gisele to rub that out of him. Junior Seau even has a few years left in him. Randy Moss ain't going back to Oakland any time soon. They won't let Wes Welker go anywhere if at all possible. Hell, maybe next year will be that perfect season. I was hoping they could win it all...just so that I wouldn't have to listen to Mercury Morris on ESPN talk about how badass his 1972 Dolphins team is. "We could have beat the Titans. I'm not talking about that Tennessee team. I'm talking about Zeus, Apollo, Artemis, Neptune, even my namesake Mercury, throw in the Cyclops and the Minotaur just to make it fair. We'll play the game on Olympus, Waterloo, the lost city of Atlanta...I mean Atlantis. Wherever. I'm the best. We're the best." I hate to say it Mercury...but you would have had your asses handed to you by the Patriots. The way football is played now...probably the Falcons could have had a good game with ya...and they suck. Anyway, maybe next year the Patriots can shut him up.
I spent the day at my dad's and we had some wonderful skinless Colosimo's brats with a schmorgesborg or other treats and snacks. It was just the three of us (dad, stepmom, and me) but it was still fun. When I walked in the door, my dad was watching "Revenge of the Nerds" on HBO and he was stunned that I could recite every single word and sound byte of that movie. "Did you just watch this at your house?" "No, but I've seen it thousands of times growing up." "Oh yeah. That's right." "The hair pie really shows up better on HD though. Lot better resolution than VHS." Good times. Again, if you have yet to see the original "Revenge of the Nerds" movie, check it out. "Are all nerds as good as you?" "Yes." "Why?" "Because all jocks ever think about is sports. All nerds ever think about is sex."Now, I'll talk to you about the real winners of the Super Bowl - The Advertisers...and to some extent, the Consumers. The commercials during Super Bowl Sunday are legendary...and this year didn't disappoint. At the discount price of nearly $100,000 per second of airtime, you can reach nearly a hundred millions viewers. So, with that in mind, here are my favorite commercials...in one of my customary lists...complete with links to the commercials if you missed them.
Medal Winners
Gold - Victoria's Secret with Adriana Lima - Simple, effective, subtly sexy (like an H-bomb is subtly destructive), and gets your message across effectively. Oh yeah...and if you have my future girlfriend Adriana Lima in lingerie messing around with a football while giving me the "F**k me" eyes, you're going to get my attention...and a gold medal...maybe a pearl necklace if you're lucky. Oh yeah...and the message was effective. Valentine's Day is just over a week away guys. So if you're the lucky guy who has something to look forward to on National Single Awareness Day, then make sure that you make your lady feel special. Otherwise, she may give Dr. Love a late night booty call. It could happen. (Fingers crossed)
Silver - Coca-Cola Balloon Chase - When the Macy's Thinksgiving Day parade floats of Stewie Griffin and Underdog are chasing the Coca-Cola bottle, I'm sure that I wasn't the only one standing up and cheering on the world's slowest race. "Get it Stewie!!! Victory is yours!!! You almost got...get it...get it. OHHHH!!! Nice undercut by Underdog. There's no need to fear. You're still in this thing. Keep at it. Come on. Come on. Is that? It is. OHHHH!!! Well played. Well played. Woooo. Oh man, I need a drink. Good game. Good game. Oh hey, the game's back on."Bronze - Bridgestone Screaming Squirrel - I liked this one much better than the later one with Richard Simmons. "WHY DID HE SWERVE? YOU COULD HAVE ENDED THIS!!!" The first one had the cute screaming woodland creatures...and a message...to buy good tires...from Bridgestone.
Suggestion - Cars.com Plan B Circle of Fire Deathmatch - You had to know that this was going to make the list. It involves cars, outside the box plans, and a circle of fire deathmatch with a tattoed warrior. "You may want to step outside the circle...just to avoid confusion." Also receiving Honorable Mention is the E*Trade baby (the first one, not the creepy clown one), the Shogun-esque Under Armour commercial featuring the likes of Ray Lewis, the Budweiser Clydesdale commercial with the Rocky training montage, and of course, the Bud Light Cheese Run commercial. "That'll go great with this baguette." Big ups to Doritos for giving some exposure to musical talent and that silly ass mouse trap video.
Flush It - Amp Energy Drink - How the hell are you going to immediately follow-up the Victoria's Secret commercial with a heavy-set man putting jumper cables on his nipples to jumpstart a car? Here's a minute in the life of Dr. Love during the two-minute warning: Victoria's Secret commercial. "$teve! $teve, are you okay?" "Yeah sorry, I ugh...blacked out for a second. I ugh...I need to ugh...go to the bathroom for a second. Oh wait, next commercial's on." Amp Energy Drink "Nevermind. Don't need to go anymore. The blood's back into my face again. Crisis averted...damn it." Oh yeah...and what the Hell was with the commercials for House? I don't watch House...and now I know why. Special guest star Mira Sorvino (nice!), stuck at the South Pole (okay, maybe she needs somebody to keep her warm), and no doctors to help her. "Is that a DRILL PRESS aimed at her temple? I thought it was the other person that needed the help? Holy crap, can you show that on TV? I don't wanna see that. What's their solution for a broken finger? Run in through a router? You suck, House!!! Where's my Adriana?"
Future Watch - Wanted - Lots of good movies to look forward to this summer...but how did I miss out on "Wanted"? Angelina Jolie...and Morgan Freeman...and Terence Stamp...and Mr. Tumnus (James McAvoy)...in a movie about secret agents...from the director of trippy movies like "Nightwatch" and "Daywatch", Timur Bekmambetov? Have I been in a CAVE? Also looking forward to the next Adam Sandler blockbuster "You Don't Mess with the Zohan" now that I know it's just him being back to incredibly funny without any plot. Also a big fan of the Bud Light commercials featuring Will Ferrell's next movie, Semi-Pro. It looks like it's going to be a hoot and a holla too featuring the likes of David Koechner, Woody Harrellson, Andre 3000, Will Arnett, and others...and it's about basketball. Yay!!!Well, not much else going on with me right now. Another day at work...and big ups to Lilie for the wonderful crepes with Nutella at work today. A great, unexpected surprise!!!
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