Happy Valentine's Day

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Today is Valentine's Day. A lot of people say that it's just another holiday hyped up by chocolate and greeting card companies to make a buck (and they may be right) but the idea behind it is great. Showing your Love for another person...and you can't hate on that. One of my favorite holidays in that respect...but historically one of the worst for me personally. Somewhat inspired by reading other's blogs...and just out of morbid curiosity, I decided to read back in my real life paper journal to see how bad this day has been...and share it with you...cuz that's the kind of guy I am.

Reading back in my journal makes me realize a few things. First, I must note that I'm not going to do a whole lot of direct quotations from journal for a few reasons. One, I always wrote in the journal before going to bed...so I was tired...and my penmanship is like some kind of ancient sanskrit that only I seem to be able to read. Two, I realized that I wrote down a LOT of stupid stuff about trades in the NBA and stuff that you won't care about. I was a lame kid apparently. Three, I'm trying to keep this blog entertaining...or at least thought provoking...so I'll be commenting on a few things from my 2008 perspective...because hinesight is 20/20, right? That's where the parentheses come in. Hope you enjoy.

February 15th, 1998 -

Just wanted to write about this last week's events. I've been injured, but not as bad as some might think (from the car accident I wrote about earlier in the week). The only thing that really bugs me is that I can't play basketball right now because of my progressing leg (with a a foot-long gaping wound in it) and sorry vision. Ordered some new glasses, but won't be able to wear them for a while anyway because of my misshapen nose. It's not horribly misshapen, but just enough to make wearing eyeglasses comical. Start work on Saturday, school on Monday. I've been home all week watching movies with my uninjured eye. Valentine's Day just got over, so the holiday wasn't well spent. Who knows what could've happened this week had the accident not occurred? Oh well, I just remembered that I got back to school on Tuesday because of President's Day. Good night.

By the way, if you thought I watch a lot of movies now...that week I watched 8 Head in a Duffel Bag, Conspiracy Theory, Murder at 1600, Contact, How to Be a Player, Ghosts of Mississippi, Trial & Error, Nothing to Lose, Air Force One, and of all those, the only one that I made a comment on in my journal that week...was Event Horizon - "It was sick, disgusting, and I just finished watching it. It's like Wrinkle In Time's Tesseract idea...but on acid." Being horribly disfigured may have something to do with why I didn't like that movie. Perhaps I should give it another shot. No, that's a bad idea. It still gets my Sci-Fi Flush It

February 8-13, 1999

Just got back from Europe trip meeting and I had an incredible idea. As we were leaving, Ann, Fran, Jan, & Pam (fake names to protect the innocent...except Ann that I've mentioned before...remember the crush through high school?) were talking about getting roses from Valentine's, you know...just joking around. Well, not anymore. They're each gonna get one and so is Chrissy & Bekka (fake names), hell yeeeaaaahhh!!! I'm gonna take care of it tomorrow and they'll get them on Wednesday during German so I can enjoy it. Sh*t yeah. I feel good. Really excited for that and the trip to Europe (notice how that took second place). Love, peace, & chicken grease. (Two days later was Wednesday) They got their roses. Woooh!!! You should've seen the look on their faces when they saw that they all got roses from this secret admirer. I'm guessing they've all probably figured out who did it by now by either...well, figuring out the clues or calling the Flower Basket (since I had to give a name). Hell ya!!! Chrissy & Ann seemed to know right off, though they gave me that look like "Maybe $teve (is the stud who) sent them..." but no words were uttered. Hehehehehehe! I don't think that I've ever been as excited as I have been all day. (I'm very easy to amuse...now fast forward to three days later) At least one know about it because I was sent a cute little basket with candy that was signed "(Heart) your friend" and they all write the same so I can't tell who actually sent it. I'm hoping Ann (later asked her to a dance and it was my worst date ever)

2000 - Not much this year. I was bummed that Derrick Thomas died. College was cool but I was working & studying full time. My brother was going out with a girl and I gave him a ride to see "The Mummy" so they could make out in the backseat. A few days earlier, Coach Majerus said I showed a lot of heart & hustle playing during practice (he called me an a**hole several times too because he's a prick & I schooled Hanno Mottola a few times) and the coach of the women's team said I'd be a star basketball player...if I were a female. I was really happy about that stuff...but no Valentine's stories. Just a lot of bumping against athletic basketball ladies three hours a day. It's really hard...er, difficult to think about basketball and baseball at the same time. I think it's a technical foul or automatic ejaculation...er, I mean ejection if you sport wood in the WNBA. Anyway, that year was lame.

2001 - Not much this year either. I talk about giving my first mini-lesson in high school history (looking for new major, was Engineering before), having a basketball class and teaching the teacher, working on my car with my buddy Chris, and giving Valentines at work. I did mention this girl Angel a few times. She worked with me...and she would call me a lot at 3 AM to talk about whatever...mostly the cute Mormon boys that she was going out with...and combined with going to school & working full-time, I'm not ashamed to say that I fell asleep on the phone with her a few times...and awoke an hour later with her still talking unphased. Yeah, I she got engaged a few months later after knowing a guy for about a month. Lost contact with her. I know what you're thinking...and no, I didn't. I was just the nice guy that would listen. That...and her being a girl from work will be a running theme over the next few years.

2002 - I reminisced about three years earlier, talked about my conversation with Corie (girl from work) where I learned what "fun buddies" are. (Nope, not one of them) I talked about the Olympics being cool...though I was watching it on TV instead of dealing with the downtown stuff. Oh...and oddly enough, I mentioned one of my favorite Simpsons quotes that I used the other day concerning chickens - "If a cow had a chance, he's eat you & everyone you cared about." I also bought my Baby a few days after Valentine's Day. I've been restoring her every since. Good times.

2003 - Damn, I'm lame. I talked a bunch about all the restoring that I was doing on my Baby (President's Day weekend) and that I signed up for a trip to Florida with work...and later went on it. I also won Top Overall Statistical Performer at work. Especially boring Single Awareness Day

2004 - Prompted by a few dating experiences with 'touched' individuals from work, this year I talked mostly about the kind of girl that I'm looking for...because my mom was giving me a hard time about not having one.

"I just want a girl who knows what she wants, knows how to get it, but is still passionate, caring, loving, and I feel a connection with. No f**king nut jobs. No super religious "I can't drink coffee because it has caffeine and the Holy Scriptures say.." but one that says "I don't drink coffee because it tastes like crap." An independent thinker but needs that special someone (hopefully me). I like to consider myself a catch. I'm loving, thoughtful, funny, intelligent, logical, careful, courteous, handsome, strong, athletic, charming, dedicated, somewhat wealthy for a student, faithful, loyal, social, playful, and I just love people. However, I'm not extremely out-going and kind of shy...but only until I get to know ya. Oh well, one day I'll find my Tiger, my one, my better half, and it'll be worth the wait." (I was always an optimistic fool. Then I switched up to talk about school and how excited I was about my trip to Scotland two months later)

2005 - Talked about working with the Make-A-Wish Foundation for school and finishing up my Marketing degree. Also talked about what I was looking for again. This time "Sense of humor is number one. Looks are good, but not necessary (I'm hard to disappoint honestly). I like a lot of conversation - Comical, sweet, funny, open, & honest" and this one brought me back "Without passion & direction, that's like having a lot of thrust with no steering wheel...and vice versa." A few days later, I talk about spending the weekend with the Love of my Life - My mom. I also went on a second date shortly after with a lovely redhead from work, we'll call her...Red, met her infant daughter, and we watched...of all movies she could've picked, "Mystic River" which is NOT a good date movie. I knew this. She had a thing for Kevin Bacon or something though...and it was new. Yeah, she ended up getting back with her baby daddy shortly after.

February 15th, 2006 (Page is crinkly because of tears that day)

"Megan came over around 5 PM. She bought me some lovely roses & I put them in the only vase that I have (green margarita pitcher). Then we had "the talk." Basically what it broke down to was...she's leaving in three months...and is falling for me. Unfortunately, these two don't go together. So instead of doing this three months from now, when we're both in deeper, we should do it now. She was extremely torn up and cried for an hour. I tried not to...and it worked for a few minutes. Whenever I see a woman cry, I do the same...and I did for a few hours after she left too. We discussed still being friends...but agreed that might be weird. The worst part is that we both know (think) that it's the best & most rational conclusion. She's leaving for two years & probably not coming back to Utah. Her family's moving away. Her sister's joining the Peace Corps. She has a plan & a dream and there's absolutely no way that I can stand in her way. I felt the whole time that I should do or say something that'll make her stay...but I'm the last person to interrupt somebody's dream. I just couldn't do it. She has so much going for her and I don't want to hold her back. Then one day, years from now, she looks at me and thinks 'you killed my dream.' I couldn't handle that. She told me that she spoke with all her family & friends about the best way to break up was...and this was it. That explains why we haven't hung out this past week. She knew it would come to this, as did I, but she had the power to push on & get it done with...even though I may have inadvertently broken this poor girl's heart. That hurts the most. I apologized but she said it's not my fault. Well, it's not her fault. Who's fault is it? Who knows? Maybe we made a horrible mistake, maybe we'll meet up later on, or sooner than we think, maybe we'll change our minds, maybe we'll find others that are better for us, maybe we'll die alone, nobody knows...but that's what Life is about. It just sucks when you're blindsided by a beautiful woman who says in a nutshell, "I think I'm falling for you...and that's why we shouldn't see each other anymore." I guess this experience along with the ones from last time (in my journal I talked about my brother's heart getting broken by a triffling bitch who ended up being his wife...sorry Ash, and the Jerry Springer drama that is my buddy Chris' life) are starting me down a path to great bitterness...but it's not really. I enjoyed every moment that I was with her...and it gives me great optimism for the future. (You naive bastard!!!) It really is for the best...and we'll be in each other's hearts...whether we like it or not. Peace."

2007 - I talked about a girl that I asked out...and she basically gave me the flake away treatment...then moved to talking about my brother's wedding to Ash. What difference a year makes, huh? I also talked about my buddy Spitso opening for Digital Underground and both having a great show. Oddly enough, I mentioned giving chocolates to a bunch of ladies at work...and mention one that was particularly cute..."but is probably 15 or something." As it turned out, two months later she was 18 when she came on a trip to Vegas for my birthday...and well, it's funny how things turn out.

2008 - Last night, it snowed pretty ferociously so we didn't go to see "Sweeney Todd" and rescheduled for a later date. However, Bubbles & the Mad Scientist called me up and wanted to have a Movie Night...so they stopped by and we watched some "Ren & Stimpy" episodes and most of "Memento", one of my favorite movies. We had popcorn, edamame, and a few beers...good times were had by all. A little moment came up when the main character in the movie Leonard is having a flashback of his murdered wife...and somebody made a comment about her not being that attractive, so I threw in my piece of "It doesn't matter what they look like. It's a summation of how they make you feel." Sure, some people are really fixed on looks...but science has proven that Love is blind. If you find that special somebody that makes you smile all the time, makes your endorphines flow, your pupils dialate, your heart race whenever they're in the room or on the phone, puts you at ease when the time is right, puts you to bed properly, makes you want to become a better person, and makes you feel complete...please don't take that person for granted. Make sure that you show your appreciation for them on this magical day...and over the weekend...and every other day of the year...for as long as you can. Some people are never that lucky. Even if you do stupid stuff, it still shows that you put some effort into it. Write her some silly ass poetry rhyming words like "heart" and "part" and maybe throw in "fart" just to get a rise out of her...but do it tastefully. Always remember to take time to show your Love everyday. Period. Anyway, that's my word.

As for me, let's see. I'm working the late shift tonight. I'll bring some chocolates for the ladies at work...so at least I can give them those good feelings...and maybe throw in a lame joke to get them to smile...since they'll be working late too. You know, the usual. Oh...and next weekend, I have a three-day weekend...so I was invited by JL Clyde and Randy Randy to go to Seattle with them...and I'm bringing my mom with me. That's right, the Love of my life is going on vacation with me again. It's gonna be fun...but more on that tomorrow or something. I'm tired of typing now. I'm going to go slip into a deep depression...as I shovel snow off the sidewalk and my car. Then I'll probably go for a beautiful walk to get those chocolates, watch some TV, then go to work and wish a Happy Valentine's Day to all those people who make me want to go to work (at least that work today). It could be a lot worse though. For example, my nephew Vinny is in the hospital right now being circumsized. Ouch! Have a great day everybody...and please let those that you Love know about it. There's absolutely no reason to hold it in. Love, peace, and chicken grease.