You Shook Sinatra's Hand

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Movie Night was a success. Bubbles, the Mad Scientist, and From Russia with Love came over after I got off work and we watched "Ocean's 13" with George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, and Al Pacino. I've talked about this movie before...and it's just as good the second time around. I spent most of the money wondering if I would look good in a cream colored suit with a pink undershirt...without having to look like Brad Pitt. I've got the cream suit...but I have this sneaking suspicion that I would look ridiculous dressed like that. Maybe my undershirt's collar just isn't big enough. I have no fashion sense. Then I thought that it had been a while since I've seen "Cool World", so I rented that this morning. It seemed like kind of a quick night...but then again, I had a pretty good buzz going. Good times...and no headaches the next morning. YAY!!! Today, I have the day off...but I'll probably just end up doing laundry and all that lame stuff.

Don't Mess with the Colonel - Kentucky state Representative Charles Siler is sponsoring legislation to make KFC's "finger lickin' good" chicken as the state's official picnic food (Utah's official picnic food is Jell-O with carrots). As always though, PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has a problem with it, claiming that the chickens they serve are abused, even tortured. PETA VP Bruce Freidrich (second cousin of Da Vid?) made the statement, "If the state legislature moves forward with this one, then they should change Kentucky's state bird from the cardinal to the debeaked, crippled, scalded, diseased, dead chicken." Not a bad idea…but try getting that past legislation. "What will you have this evening, sir?" "I'll have…the restrained, malnourished, and beaten baby cow with brenaisse sauce." "I'm sorry, what was that?" "Oh sorry, the veal." I can see PETA's point (my God, did I just say that?) but it doesn't matter…because Colonel Sanders' chicken with the mixture of eleven herbs and spices served in a variety of manners is just that good. You can't reason with it. It doesn’t feel compassion. It just tastes delicious. That…and the fact that Yum Brands, the company that owns KFC & subsidiary of Pepsi is based in Louisville. Just remember, that if given the chance, a chicken would eat you and everybody that you care about…so enjoy your popcorn chicken.

Starship Troopers Prequel - Speaking of animals rising against us, University of Arizona entomologists have found evidence of a genetic mutation in insects that are adapting to genetically-modified cotton fields specifically designed to resist insects. So far, the evidence has only shown the mutation in bollworms…but they're looking into the other major insects. It's evolution. These studies were done over the course of about six years. The life cycle of a bollworm is 35-50 days. That means that they had somewhere in the field of 40-60 generations to become immune to these genetically-enhanced cotton plants. That's like 1000 years for humans. Should we genetically alter plants…and thus aid the insects to evolve stronger and at a much faster rate…until they (somehow) devise a way to transport themselves through space to invade plants and completely destroy them…with only Denise Richards, Jake Busey, and the great Neil Patrick Harris to protect us? My opinion: Absolutely not. We should focus our efforts on eliminating any and all insects from the planet Earth. Sure, PETA and a bunch of other 'scientists' will say that an insane & crazy idea…but I'm willing to discuss it in a roundtable format. In fact, that'll be the topic of discussion on my new show, "Dr. Love Talks About Random Conspiracy Theories in the News" on UPN. Does UPN even exist anymore?

Woody Allen Can Do Anything - Okay, so Woody Allen is making another movie titled "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" and it has a three-way sex scene with stars Scarlett Johannsen, Penelope Cruz, and Javier Bardem. The film itself tells the story of a painter who enters a relationship with two American tourists, but conflict begins with the painter's jealous ex-girlfriend…but honestly, who cares? Do you see what happens when you give an incredible performance as an actor like Javier did in "No Country for Old Men"? You get to have tasteful sex scenes with Hollywood starlets. When you make good movies, you can then direct soft-core porn on a Hollywood budget. (In my worst Woody Allen voice, talking into a cell phone) "Oh gee, I don't know. It's pivotal that I get great actresses to play these parts. Well…I've always wanted to see Scarlett's ass first-hand ever since Lost in Translation…and maybe we could get Salma Hayek. (Rabble rabble) Really? Well, how about we get that other chick, you know Tom Cruise's sister Penelope? (Rabble) Oh they were MARRIED? Isn't that illegal? (Rabble) Oh, it's C-R-U-Z. That's funny…you know…in a 'me' kind of way." This may go down (tehehe) as one of the greatest lesbian love scenes of all time, up there with Gina Gershon & Jennifer Tilly in "Bound", Naomi Watts & Lara Herring in "Mulholland Drive", Angelina & that other chick in "Gia", and is as highly anticipated as the lesbian werewolf movie "Jack & Diane" with Ellen Page & Olivia Thirlby coming (tehehe) in the next year.

Fortune Cookie of the Day - "Soon you'll have a chance at a profitable transaction…in bed." - Am I going to become a Man-Whore? HA HA HA…I wish. I'd also like to give a big shout-out to my buddy Captain Monty who recently starting reading the blog…and apparently enjoyed my silliness.

Well, I guess that's really it for today. Nothing much has happened recently...and it's that time of year again, Valentine's week...and this is historically a crappy time for me. How, you ask? Well, on Thursday, I'll refer to my journal (oh yeah, I've had an actual paper journal for almost twelve years now) to emphasize how this week isn't my favorite...and yeah, it's partly my fault of course, but it is what it is...and not my favorite time of year at all...but it could be worse. Anyway, have a great night everybody!!! I truly hope that your Valentine's Day goes a lot better than my National Single Awareness Day.