Congratulations to Bubbles & JJ

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

First & foremost, congratulations to my hot friend Bubbles on getting a great new job in Las Vegas!!! Also, my other hot friend JJ accepted a similar position in Denver!!! Congratulations to both of you!!! After all the hard work I put into their resumes and emails and words of advice & encouragement, we were finally able to get them good positions. I'm just kidding because I was basically just there for moral support and as a thesaurus or something...but they'll be moving away soon…and that saddens me. It's okay though…because I visit Vegas fortnightly (or at least did before I started doing this blog and my job went down the pooper) so I'll be able to see her once in a while. Like I mentioned earlier, I already have two trips planned during the spring. Arrangements have just been made for the first one over Easter weekend in which I'll be taking my brother & sister-in-law with me for their 1st wedding anniversary (don't worry, separate rooms this time). I'm cool with Denver too. It is also reassuring that…if I ever wanted to get a similar job (which would involve leaving the state/country) that I would be more than qualified to do so. Anyway, congratulations Bubbles & JJ!!! Let me know when the Going Away Party is.

This morning, I met up for breakfast with the Wingmans at Jim's Restaurant and it was very good, very inexpensive (about $5 for a great full breakfast of crispy bacon, pancakes, eggs, hash browns, and cranberry juice), and the waitress was very nice…which apparently never happens there. She was new. They have some nice homemade salsa there too. After that, we talked about the new prospect for my dating life, the trip to San Diego, and I helped them pack some stuff to move down to their house in southern Utah. Good times. We're really excited about this trip. They also suggest that I check out this video they got called "The Secret" and it was pretty good. It's more of a philosophical motivation movie about positive attitudes, Karma, and all that other stuff that I already live by…which is basically deny negativity's power over you and imagine the life that you want…and be willing to work for it…but don't forget to send out positive energy to everybody. It's a great little video…and I'm going to suggest it to several people who I think it'll help out. It's pretty cool.

For the entertainment part of this program, I'd like to start things off with an amazing post-Oscar collaboration of many of Hollywood's finest…coming together to back their boy, Jimmy Kimmel. Enjoy…


I couldn't help thinking through the entire last half with all the celebrities, "Was that Pat Benetar???" but it could have been Joan Jett too. It's been about twenty years since I've seen either of them. Still an amazing feat in calling in favors. Kudos, Mr. Kimmel.

Prize for Oddest Book Titles - They may not leap off the shelves into the best-seller category, but the books short listed for the oddest book title prize certainly grab the attention. Trade publication The Bookseller compiled a list of some of the craziest such as "I was Tortured by the Pygmy Love Queen" which recounts the tale of a fictional U.S. WWII fighter pilot who is captured by jungle pygmies led by a sadistic woman…and its sequel, "Go Ahead, Woman, Do Your Worst." Others include…

• "How to Write A How to Write Book" - An obvious knock-off of my "How to Blog About Your Blog" by Dr. Mookie Love


• "Cheese Problems Solved" - My guess, by bacon


• "Are Women Human? And other International Dialogues" - I'm going to say…yes


• "If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs" - Dr. Phil's latest?


• "People who Mattered in Southend and Beyond: From King Canute to Dr. Feelgood" - Which was only four pages long with the bibliography
  

Congress Wants to Probe Roger Clemens - What exactly is that going to prove? What he had for lunch? The steroids are going to be out of his system by now…or are they? Honestly the only time that I really care about baseball is when one's flying at my face or groin…or I need a few extra minutes…but why does Congress give a damn? Because kids look up to them? I'm sure that changed a long time ago. Are there really a lot of high school kids shooting steroids into their ass to get that edge…or is it just insulin because of their diet? I don't know the numbers…but if Congress wants to probe "The Rocket" then that's their thing. I just don't want to see it on the television anymore if that's cool with you. Wouldn't it be weird if they found out that Roger Clemens was an alien during their probe? What I anticipate…is that this will be drug out until…say October…and he'll be found guilty of steroid use, purgery, all that stuff…but then he holds a press conference with a good buddy - "My Fellow Americans, I asked you all here today to announce…that I am pardoning Mr. Clemens of all legal actions brought against him…and declaring his right arm a national treasure…and shall be preserved by the fullest extent of the taxpayer dollar." "Mr. President, why are you doing this?" "Well suckah, I'm ugh gonna tell you why. My job is done here in a few weeks…and by the time you guys can do anything about it, I'm outta here bitches." Then they finish it off by W & the Rocket singing "The stars at niiiight are big and briiiight (clap clap clap clap) deep in the heaaart of Texas. WEEEE-HOOOOO!!!"

Woman Stripped of Mayoral Position - That's right, I said may-oral position. Carmen Kontur-Gronquist was the mayor of a small Oregon town…until opponents found out that she once posed in her underwear on a fire truck and pictures were taken for her to be in a fitness contest before she was elected to office three years ago. A relative posted them on MySpace (a.k.a. the Devil) to improve the social life of the single mom…but apparently it fell into the wrong hands…and by a tally of 142-139 was voted out of office. Apparently, the opponents felt that it wasn't fitting for a mayor to be depicted that way…as a voluptuous single mother who knows how to get her freak on when she's not on taxpayer's time. Smut peddling may be wrong…but it's effective…like clubbing baby seals…or hooking up with drunk girls. However, I have a feeling that Carmen's social life has picked up due to the publicity…and feel free to drop by and say howdy to Dr. Love if you ever stop by Slick City. We'll talk about what one needs to do to become a mayor…and talk about whatever. It'll be a fun dinner. Guaranteed.

This Week in Racism - A kindergarten student with a freshly spiked Mohawk has been suspended from school. Michelle Barile, the mother of 6-year-old Bryan Ruda, said nothing in the Parma Community School handbook prohibits the haircut, characterized by closely shaved sides with a strip of prominent hair on top. "I understand they have a dress code. I understand he has a uniform, but this is total discrimination. They can't tell me how I can cut his hair." Principal Linda Geyer said the hair was a distraction for other students…and yes they can, "This was his third infraction. We felt that we were being extremely patient." However, I know racism when I read about it. Pure discrimination against the traditions of the Mohawk Indians…and their distinctive cultural heritage…and it needs to stop immediately. However, I am proud of Ms. Barile because instead of letting the Man get her down, she's simply enrolling her child into another school. Why? "(The haircut) is something that he really likes. When people hear Mohawk, they think it's long, it's spiked, it's crazy looking, and it's really not." Stand proud, fellow Native American (1/16th Ottawa & proud casino patron / dreamcatcher fashioner). As for the Ohio kindergarten, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Dress code? Racism? Kindergarten? Sounds like a Nazi camp to me. Fraulein Geyer, du ekelst mich!!!

Anyway, that's about it for tonight. It's been uber busy here at work with getting things squared away and saying goodbye to all the lovely faces moving on due to the 'reconstruction' of my workplace. Hopefully they'll all keep in touch (at least I know the cool ones will) but I'm sure that our paths will cross repeatedly…because I'm thinking positively as all of you should be. San Diego's coming soon…then Vegas shortly after. I'm so excited…and to be perfectly honest…I just can't hide it. Woohoo!!! Have a great day everybody!!! See you on Leap Day!!!