Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,
Yesterday was a lazy day of living quarter sanitation and home cooking. Lots of laundry, talking to the landlord again, set up my San Diego trip in a few weeks, cleaned the kitchen...and then immediately dirtied it up by woking up some stir fry with pork tenderloin...and then cleaning it again. I also walked around the neighborhood a bit since it was a beautiful day. I know, it sounds really lame...but I also saw some good movies.
First, I watched one of my favorite Steve Martin movies "Roxanne" starring Daryl Hannah. It's a comedy about a small town fire chief who falls in love with a beautiful astrologist named Roxanne (Hannah) but despite being a witty, sweet, overall great guy (with silver hair) he happens to have an enormous nose...and so he thinks that she's out of his league. Meanwhile, a young handsome idiot of a firefighter moves into town...and he's ultra-nervous (vomits) when talking to women...so he asks for Steve Martin's help by speaking for him...through letters & walkie-talkies and stuff. It's actually a really funny movie...and one of my favorites because it gives that sense of hope to us witty, sweet, and overall great guys with hideous noses (still brown hair though) that we can land an intelligent superhottie by just being open & honest with them. Yeah, yeah, I know it's all Hollywood hogwash...but still it's funny. Check it out.
Later in the evening, I watched Ben Affleck's directorial debut "Gone Baby Gone" starring his little brother Casey, Michelle Monaghan, Ed Harris, Morgan Freeman, and other greats. It's about a missing child case in Boston that leads into the criminal underground...and that's really all I'm going to tell you so that I don't give anything away...but I really suggest this movie if you're into those police drama whodunit kind of movies. It was incredibly well done...but it's gonna make you question what's right and wrong...and you're probably not going to have the answers. My hat's off to Daredevil for doing a great job of directing this movie. It was shot very similar to movies like Clint Eastwood's "Mystic River", Brian DePalma's mysteries and some of the other greats like "The Departed." You seem to have done your research. Kudos. Check out this movie...if you're interested in these movies. Casey Affleck is kind of a badass in this movie...in a Ryan Phillippe kind of way...only more masculine.
Pancake Update - Thousands of people, including an official with Guinness World Records, escaped the bone-chilling winter weather of Fargo, North Dakota on Saturday for the 50th anniversary of The Kiwanis Club's Pancake Karnival fundraiser. Grillers flipped flapjacks and served them with sausages and orange juice for most of the day until they set a record for 34,818 pancakes. Mmm that's a lot of pancakes...and probably a lot of bacon...and swimming pools full of maple syrup...oh God, that sounds heavenly. "Excuse me Miss. You seem to still have a little syrup on the small of your back. Don't worry, I'll get it for you. Mmmm, I think I got it. Sorry for making you shiver like that." Wait, then again, it was probably the freezing temperatures causing that shivering...but she didn't seem to mind. Wait, that never happened. I just imagined it. How did I...oh yeah, pancakes, bacon, and syrup. Sorry, I kind of black out when I think about that stuff too much. Congratulations to Fargo!!!
Not a Bad Idea - In England, there are apparently about 3500 stores that have a device called a "Mosquito." No, it's not a superlame sex toy...but rather a unit that emits a high-frequency noise that can drive misbehaving children away...similar to those devices that deter attacking dogs. Now, the Commission for Children & Civil Liberties has stepped in to say that it's inhumane or something. "This device is a quick fix that does not tackle the root cause of the problem and it is indiscriminate." You heard the Commissioner. The device isn't the solution. TACKLING is the solution. There are a lot of out-of-work Rugby players that would love to be security...and if some little pain-in-the-ass or a group of rowdy teenagers are causing a ruckus. BAM!!! Tackle them with good form...and probably spit on them while they lie on the ground...just make sure to knock them out of the store so as not to disturb the customers of the store. Also, feel free to tip the security guards based on the skill in the tackle. If you felt it was incredibly entertaining...perhaps because the picked them up off the ground and spiked them in a fluid motion, give them a pound. "Good show, ol' chap." "Ey, the pleasure's all mine. I love me job."
Too Much of a Good Thing - Country legend Dolly Parton has postponed her upcoming North American tour dates due to begin in Minneapolis on February 28th. Doctors recommended that the 62-year old performer take 6-8 weeks off to rest her sore back. Why is her back sore? Is it her crunk style of performing and willingness to dive into the crowd and surf upon their hands? Not at her age. Is it an old volleyball injury coming back to haunt her? She probably has never seen a volleyball. I wouldn't be surprised anyway. Is it from slouching while walking around "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas"? She's quite petite...well, most of her. It's obviously from trying to support those voluptuous breasts of hers for nearly half a century. I wish her a speedy and complete recovery so that she can get back to entertaining people with her backwoods wit, number one hits, and incredible...personality. On the real though, I think Dolly is a wonderful funny lady with a caring heart and I wish her the best.
Now, a few ladies have talked to me about getting Breast Reduction surgery (apparently because they know that I'm a big fan) but those surgeries can be awfully expensive. However, I've considered a way to possibly supplementy the cost of that surgery...and those of a Breast Enhancement...by pairing the two ladies up...in a sort of Breast Exchange Program. Now, I'm not that kind of doctor (as in, "Please don't hand me a scalple. I wouldn't dare destroy those beauties.") but there might be a way to simply switch one to another...but I assume it's not nearly that simple because of blood types, organ rejection, all that other stuff...so maybe it is easier just to take tissue out...or replace with a ziploc of saline solution...but there's something that I want to say for anybody considering this surgery for anything other than your health. Please don't do it. If you're not happy with the breasts that God gave you, then you're hanging around the wrong people. If you're ever looking in the mirror and thinking "Why do I have such tiny breasts? They're all nipple. They're honestly like mosquito bites" then I'll show you a man who will gladly look at those breasts, spout amateur poetry about them (probably in an English or Spanish accent for emphasis), and will assist you in showing just you nice it is to have nipples, while cleaning them orally. Also, don't forget to get routine mammograms...because those gorgeous things may be ticking timebombs of titilation...and nobody wants you to go through that either. Basically, I'm just saying...feel free to share your concerns with others...and they'll be more than happy to help you out.
On that same note, I was watching Comedy Central last night and saw one of my favorite comedians, Rodney Carrington. He has a new stand-up routine...and being mostly hillbilly, I like his style. He used to have a show on a major network...but I stopped watching after the first few episodes...because it's not the Rodney that I grew up with. Anyway, he sings wonderful songs with titles like "Dear Penis", "Titties & Beer", and a new number, "Show Them to Me" where he expresses his opinion that the solution to world peace is actually quite simple...and it involves you bearing your chest...because nobody wants to fight when they see those wondrous things. It's a proven fact, I think. Anyway, you should check him out. Because it's Comedy Central, it'll probably be on every few hours for the next couple weeks. Oh...and it's rated M for Mature...but you'll enjoy it.
Showgirls 2 - One of the hottest actresses ever, Gina Gershon ("Bound", "Face/Off", "Showgirls") has joined the cast of a Taylor Hackford directed movie titled "Love Ranch" set in a Nevada brothel. Helen Mirren ("The Queen") and Joe Pesci ("Casino" & "Goodfellas") star as husband-and-wife owners of the ranch who fall into a dangerous love triangle with a South American boxer (Sergio Peris-Mencheta). Gershon and Scout Taylor-Compton (Rob Zombie's "Halloween") play a veteran and a newcomer working on the ranch, Bryan Cranston plays a state senator who becomes entangled in their sordid affairs. Ling Bai & M.C. Gainey are in it too. It sounds like it could be a good movie. I mean...it has Joe Pesci & Gina Gershon set in Nevada. It's like a mix of "Casino" and "Showgirls" but directed by the guy that did "Devil's Advocate." Interesting mix.
Yesterday was a lazy day of living quarter sanitation and home cooking. Lots of laundry, talking to the landlord again, set up my San Diego trip in a few weeks, cleaned the kitchen...and then immediately dirtied it up by woking up some stir fry with pork tenderloin...and then cleaning it again. I also walked around the neighborhood a bit since it was a beautiful day. I know, it sounds really lame...but I also saw some good movies.
First, I watched one of my favorite Steve Martin movies "Roxanne" starring Daryl Hannah. It's a comedy about a small town fire chief who falls in love with a beautiful astrologist named Roxanne (Hannah) but despite being a witty, sweet, overall great guy (with silver hair) he happens to have an enormous nose...and so he thinks that she's out of his league. Meanwhile, a young handsome idiot of a firefighter moves into town...and he's ultra-nervous (vomits) when talking to women...so he asks for Steve Martin's help by speaking for him...through letters & walkie-talkies and stuff. It's actually a really funny movie...and one of my favorites because it gives that sense of hope to us witty, sweet, and overall great guys with hideous noses (still brown hair though) that we can land an intelligent superhottie by just being open & honest with them. Yeah, yeah, I know it's all Hollywood hogwash...but still it's funny. Check it out.
Later in the evening, I watched Ben Affleck's directorial debut "Gone Baby Gone" starring his little brother Casey, Michelle Monaghan, Ed Harris, Morgan Freeman, and other greats. It's about a missing child case in Boston that leads into the criminal underground...and that's really all I'm going to tell you so that I don't give anything away...but I really suggest this movie if you're into those police drama whodunit kind of movies. It was incredibly well done...but it's gonna make you question what's right and wrong...and you're probably not going to have the answers. My hat's off to Daredevil for doing a great job of directing this movie. It was shot very similar to movies like Clint Eastwood's "Mystic River", Brian DePalma's mysteries and some of the other greats like "The Departed." You seem to have done your research. Kudos. Check out this movie...if you're interested in these movies. Casey Affleck is kind of a badass in this movie...in a Ryan Phillippe kind of way...only more masculine.
Pancake Update - Thousands of people, including an official with Guinness World Records, escaped the bone-chilling winter weather of Fargo, North Dakota on Saturday for the 50th anniversary of The Kiwanis Club's Pancake Karnival fundraiser. Grillers flipped flapjacks and served them with sausages and orange juice for most of the day until they set a record for 34,818 pancakes. Mmm that's a lot of pancakes...and probably a lot of bacon...and swimming pools full of maple syrup...oh God, that sounds heavenly. "Excuse me Miss. You seem to still have a little syrup on the small of your back. Don't worry, I'll get it for you. Mmmm, I think I got it. Sorry for making you shiver like that." Wait, then again, it was probably the freezing temperatures causing that shivering...but she didn't seem to mind. Wait, that never happened. I just imagined it. How did I...oh yeah, pancakes, bacon, and syrup. Sorry, I kind of black out when I think about that stuff too much. Congratulations to Fargo!!!
Not a Bad Idea - In England, there are apparently about 3500 stores that have a device called a "Mosquito." No, it's not a superlame sex toy...but rather a unit that emits a high-frequency noise that can drive misbehaving children away...similar to those devices that deter attacking dogs. Now, the Commission for Children & Civil Liberties has stepped in to say that it's inhumane or something. "This device is a quick fix that does not tackle the root cause of the problem and it is indiscriminate." You heard the Commissioner. The device isn't the solution. TACKLING is the solution. There are a lot of out-of-work Rugby players that would love to be security...and if some little pain-in-the-ass or a group of rowdy teenagers are causing a ruckus. BAM!!! Tackle them with good form...and probably spit on them while they lie on the ground...just make sure to knock them out of the store so as not to disturb the customers of the store. Also, feel free to tip the security guards based on the skill in the tackle. If you felt it was incredibly entertaining...perhaps because the picked them up off the ground and spiked them in a fluid motion, give them a pound. "Good show, ol' chap." "Ey, the pleasure's all mine. I love me job."
Too Much of a Good Thing - Country legend Dolly Parton has postponed her upcoming North American tour dates due to begin in Minneapolis on February 28th. Doctors recommended that the 62-year old performer take 6-8 weeks off to rest her sore back. Why is her back sore? Is it her crunk style of performing and willingness to dive into the crowd and surf upon their hands? Not at her age. Is it an old volleyball injury coming back to haunt her? She probably has never seen a volleyball. I wouldn't be surprised anyway. Is it from slouching while walking around "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas"? She's quite petite...well, most of her. It's obviously from trying to support those voluptuous breasts of hers for nearly half a century. I wish her a speedy and complete recovery so that she can get back to entertaining people with her backwoods wit, number one hits, and incredible...personality. On the real though, I think Dolly is a wonderful funny lady with a caring heart and I wish her the best.Now, a few ladies have talked to me about getting Breast Reduction surgery (apparently because they know that I'm a big fan) but those surgeries can be awfully expensive. However, I've considered a way to possibly supplementy the cost of that surgery...and those of a Breast Enhancement...by pairing the two ladies up...in a sort of Breast Exchange Program. Now, I'm not that kind of doctor (as in, "Please don't hand me a scalple. I wouldn't dare destroy those beauties.") but there might be a way to simply switch one to another...but I assume it's not nearly that simple because of blood types, organ rejection, all that other stuff...so maybe it is easier just to take tissue out...or replace with a ziploc of saline solution...but there's something that I want to say for anybody considering this surgery for anything other than your health. Please don't do it. If you're not happy with the breasts that God gave you, then you're hanging around the wrong people. If you're ever looking in the mirror and thinking "Why do I have such tiny breasts? They're all nipple. They're honestly like mosquito bites" then I'll show you a man who will gladly look at those breasts, spout amateur poetry about them (probably in an English or Spanish accent for emphasis), and will assist you in showing just you nice it is to have nipples, while cleaning them orally. Also, don't forget to get routine mammograms...because those gorgeous things may be ticking timebombs of titilation...and nobody wants you to go through that either. Basically, I'm just saying...feel free to share your concerns with others...and they'll be more than happy to help you out.
On that same note, I was watching Comedy Central last night and saw one of my favorite comedians, Rodney Carrington. He has a new stand-up routine...and being mostly hillbilly, I like his style. He used to have a show on a major network...but I stopped watching after the first few episodes...because it's not the Rodney that I grew up with. Anyway, he sings wonderful songs with titles like "Dear Penis", "Titties & Beer", and a new number, "Show Them to Me" where he expresses his opinion that the solution to world peace is actually quite simple...and it involves you bearing your chest...because nobody wants to fight when they see those wondrous things. It's a proven fact, I think. Anyway, you should check him out. Because it's Comedy Central, it'll probably be on every few hours for the next couple weeks. Oh...and it's rated M for Mature...but you'll enjoy it.
Showgirls 2 - One of the hottest actresses ever, Gina Gershon ("Bound", "Face/Off", "Showgirls") has joined the cast of a Taylor Hackford directed movie titled "Love Ranch" set in a Nevada brothel. Helen Mirren ("The Queen") and Joe Pesci ("Casino" & "Goodfellas") star as husband-and-wife owners of the ranch who fall into a dangerous love triangle with a South American boxer (Sergio Peris-Mencheta). Gershon and Scout Taylor-Compton (Rob Zombie's "Halloween") play a veteran and a newcomer working on the ranch, Bryan Cranston plays a state senator who becomes entangled in their sordid affairs. Ling Bai & M.C. Gainey are in it too. It sounds like it could be a good movie. I mean...it has Joe Pesci & Gina Gershon set in Nevada. It's like a mix of "Casino" and "Showgirls" but directed by the guy that did "Devil's Advocate." Interesting mix.
Well, today I have no plans until going to see "Sweeney Todd" tonight at Brewvies...so I can enjoy a throat-slashing musical while eating nachos, drinking beer, and hanging out with some ladies. So I'll probably just relax, maybe take a nice walk around the neighborhood or something. You know me. I'll find a way to entertain myself. All things are go for San Diego in a few weeks...just hoping somebody wants to go with me for a week...but I've got Mr. & Mrs. Wingman going with me. I just don't want to cramp their style or anything. Maybe I'll just hang out at the high class bars or something. It's a shame that Legoland isn't open late. Have a great night everybody!!!
2 comments:
... I'm sorry... but I need to be the literature geek... again...
did you know that Roxanne is a "modern retelling" of the play Cyrano de Bergerac? there is also a movie starring acclaimed French actor Gérard Depardieu (better know to American audiences for his roles in Bogus and My Father The Hero).
Ok... I'm done being a geek... for now.
As a matter of fact, I was aware that "Roxanne" was a retelling of 'some French thing' because Steve Martin is an intellectual. Please don't get me started on the Shakespearean references present in "The Jerk". I'll send you a copy of my theses on that subject.
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