Seattle Superphonics

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yesterday, my mother considered giving my brother her ticket to Seattle since she was sick…but then she was talking about getting a plane ticket for my sister-in-law too…on two days notice...and giving them an extreme cash allowance…and so on. Essentially, it was her paying over a thousand dollars so that two other people could go to Seattle (which they probably wouldn't choose to go unless it were free) while she stays home and watches their two kids…while having the flu. Once this logic was brought before her, she decided to just suck it up and come along with. "Maybe I'll just pay for them to go on vacation some other time when it's cheaper." "I'm always looking for an excuse to go on vacation…but it's your money, mom." So she's going with us this weekend now. Yay!!!

At least now I know where I get my suckerdom from. Shortly after this ordeal, I was on my way to work and I received a call from Filly…and she had accidentally locked herself out of her car…and house…and needed some help, so who does she call? That's right, the person that helped her out. Yay me!!! She offered me lasagna as thanks. "No need to thank me, just pay it forward." I even picked up Wienerschnitzel for Bubbles on the way back to work. That’s right, so in an hour's time I convinced an older woman to go on a weekend vacation with me saving her a thousand bucks, saved a damsel in distress, and delivered hot meat to a high priestess. Not a bad commute to work…and I wasn't even late. What does that mean? A Karmic Foursome!!! Which I hope translates into at least a Physical Threesome…but I'm flexible with that too. Let's see. Other than that, not really much to talk about. The Lunar Eclipse happened…but it didn't matter because we had severe cloud cover / inversion so we couldn't really see it. Damn you, Mother Nature!!! Oh well, Bubbles found a helium balloon and kept me entertained for a few minutes working late. Looking forward to our first real meeting (at least that I was invited to) since the Day of Infamy here at work. It should be interesting…and I expect to leave in a grumpy mood…so be forewarned…but it's all good because I'll be leaving for Seattle shortly after.

Jason the Kidd - Aging NBA gunslinger Jason Kidd was traded (after much league debate) to the rootin' shootin' Dallas Mavericks in a trade that is supposed to make them contenders for a championship…along with the defending champion San Antonio Spurs. A lot of teams have been wheelin' & dealin' with the trade deadline coming up and it looks like it's going to be pretty interesting come playoff time with the top nine teams in the Western conference separated by only five games…which means one of those teams aren't going to even make it to the playoffs. The Eastern conference also has a few title contenders like the Celtics, Pistons, and Cavaliers…but that's just more basketball talk…and that probably bores you guys & gals immensely. I just mention it really because I watched "Unforgiven" the other day…and was kind of in a cowboy mood (thinking about reverse cowgirl really) and the whole "Jason the Kidd" thing was just too good to pass up. I think the Mavericks gave up too much for him…but he may prove me wrong. We shall see. Still second best team in Texas though. GO SPURS!!! By the way, in his first game with the Mavericks last night, he didn't play too well and they lost...but it's only the first game.

Marilyn News - Retired grease monkey Lawrence Nicastro ran a service station in the Bronx when he was a younger man. On New Year's Eve 1962, a man dropped off a Ford Sunliner convertible for repairs…and never returned to pick it up. Nicastro opened the trunk and place its contents into storage. Recently, he decided to check out the contents…and found that what he thought was a picture of legendary blonde bombshell Marilyn Monroe posing as a nude hitchhiker. "Dear Diary, JACKPOT!!!" His publicist believe the photo was taken near Pyramid Lake near Reno in 1960 while Monroe was filming "The Misfits" with Clark Gable. A press conference was held to unveil this new photo to the world…and it ended up being the famous picture of Madonna hitchhiking from her 1992 photo collection "Sex" back when she was fairly attractive and American (before that whole English accent thing). Oopsy doodle!!! The funniest part about it…is not that both he AND his publicist had never seen that Madonna photo before (obviously not of the MTV generation) but rather…how and why did somebody go back in time with a copy of "Sex", rip out a page, and place it in the trunk of a Sunliner…leaving it for others to speculate on nearly fifty years later? Either they're a dick with a time machine…or some kind of evil mastermind. The publicist Chris Harris said later, "Who wins here? Madonna, of course. She really looks like Marilyn Monroe." Correction, Mr. Harris. LOOKED like Marilyn Monroe.

Pricasso - Speaking of misunderstood saucy art, Australian Tim Patch has entered a self-portrait to try to win Australia's Archibald Prize, the nation's top award for portraiture (didn’t think that was a real word…more like something from the Don King dictionary). He calls himself Pricasso because of his unique painting style…in which he uses penis (I believe they call it a Didgeridoo there) to paint the canvas. Nice, right? "I had to use my bum to paint in the background, because you have to have the occasional break." Good luck with the judges. Nudity certainly is awe-inspiring stuff…and great motivation for works of art. Who knows? Maybe you'll win the Archibald Prize and be able to afford a real brush…that you could use as a "fluffing" device for future works if needed. Maybe I'll see some of your work at a museum soon…but in the meantime, I'll have to settle for some naked Roman Art on loan from the Louvre at the SAM tomorrow. WOO-HOO!!!

Cancer Breathalyzer - A new laser analyzer might be able to help doctors detect cancer, asthma or other diseases by sampling a patient's breath. The device uses mirrors to bounce the laser's light back and forth until it has touched every molecule a patient exhales in a single breath, then can help detect traces of compounds found with various diseases from asthma to diabetes to kidney failure to cancer. This is amazingly cool as a method of early detection of horrible diseases without having to do invasive procedures and, for example, pumping radioactive isotopes into your blood stream to see if you have cancer (Which kind of defeats the purpose, right? "Sorry. You didn't have cancer but since we checked using this procedure…") The really weird thing would be if this is a standard device that police officers could use too. "Well, it looks like I can let you drive home. You're under the legal limit…but ugh…I would schedule an appointment with your physician if I were you. I don't wanna startle you…but it rhymes with schmelenoma." I wonder if farts would work even better. I mean…wouldn't it be able to pick up cancer signals better than some dude's finger all up in your prostate? Oh…and on that note, why don't they make it a little more uncomfortable and have one of the hot nurses check there for you? Well, I guess it'd be more awkward really. "Tell me what you see in there, Ms. Jones." "EEEEW!!! Dr. Brooks, I don't know. It looks like…oh God, it looks like haggis…and there's something furry in there…I think. Oh God, I'm gonna throw up."

Bank Error In Your Favor, Collect $5 Million - A man was charged with withdrawing $2 million from an account after a bank confused him with a man who has the same name. Benjamin Lovell was arraigned Tuesday on grand larceny charges. The 48-year-old salesman said he tried to tell officials at Commerce Bank in December that he did not have a $5 million account. Of course, he said that. "I tried to tell them…but they insisted on giving me the money. They forced me to withdraw that much. Scout's honor!!!" He said that he gave away some of the money and blew some of it on gifts and bad investments (probably his kid's college tuition or something). Honestly though, I see it as the game of Monopoly finally spilling over into real life. When's the last time that ANYBODY has gotten $200 for passing go, which I assume means going through an intersection with a green light. Free parking? Never really understood why I got to take all the cash in the middle because my parking was free…but it was probably in a suitcase and I just happened to be the luckiest mother lover alive. As for the other Benjamin Lovell he was confused with…he still has $3 million, right? What? He couldn't supersize his combo for dinner or something? Share some of that cash, man. You can't take it with you. Anyway, I wanna play Strip Monopoly now. "Haha, you landed on New York Avenue with two hotels. Let's see the Hershey Highway!!!"

Church Urges Hanky Panky - A southwest Florida church issued a challenge for its married members: Hanky panky every day. Relevant Church head pastor Paul Wirth issued the 30-day sex challenge to take on high divorce rates - "And that's no different for people who attend church. Sometimes life gets in the way. Our jobs get in the way." Gee, do you think sex'll help with divorce rates? That's basically like fighting anorexia with chocolate & peanut butter. I like this pastor's idea…yet am a little confused. Isn't the point of marriage to have somebody at home to have sex with? Oh yeah…and love and adore and all that other stuff from other people's weddings? NO??? Well then, I issue this same challenge to married couples out there too…whether you go to church or not. Unless of course you're swearing sex off for Lent. You missed out if that's the case. I expect to hear your results on Easter morning.

Anyway, that'll do it for me for a few days. I'll be out of town having a fun time in Seattle…but I promise to come back with pictures and maybe a story or two. Pinky swear. It's a big crazy town. Anything can happen. In the meantime, please read over these helpful childrearing tips courtesy of our good friend Jlee. Click on it to make it easier to read.

Have a great weekend everybody!!! Love the ones you Love…at least twice a day!!! Peace!!!