The Eclectic Eccentric: Sports, Shorts, & Other Sorts

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Sorry for the out-of-character day between entries...but apparently my home laptop has a virtual STD of some sort (probably some whore on MySpace). I'm not sure. I just tried to log on yesterday morning...and it froze...so I took it back to Superior Computers...oh and I had the day off, so I watched "Big Love", worked on my car, & ate some Colosimo Brats...best brats this side of Bavaria. Go to the Magna location though, because they're rolled by hand by the owners...and they've got skills. I wonder if they have an available daughter in her twenties...anyway, it's been a busy sports news time since then, so I'm going to catch you up if you don't mind.

Michael Vick is SCREWED!!! - This is what SHOULD be on the front page of every sports section in the lower 48. It's quick, simple, & accurate. So three of his former co-defendants / business partners / friends in this alleged (love that word) dogfighting organization are turning squealer and looking for a plea bargain...leaving Mr. Vick, one of the hottest commodities in sports, in a very lonely place. Over the past few weeks, before trials have even started, a large portion of his contracts with various athletic apparell & other organization have been rescinded or delayed...and now, it's more of a question of whether he'll try to plea bargain by Friday for a reduced sentence instead of will he play opening week against the Vikings.

Now, I'm not saying that what Mr. Vick did was anything less than insanely cruel to animals...but does that mean that he should go to jail for 5 years AND pay millions in fines...when those rednecks who stick firecrackers up feline fanny & light 'em up get a night in the drunk tank? I hope that he pleas....and then PLEADS to the NFL, PETA, Nike, and the American public for forgiveness. This guy has done a LOT for underpriviledged families, especially in the South where it's needed most. I'm just saying, don't throw this guy away because he loaned some money to his 'friends' from Newport News for them to get some money (no questions asked) and then they turn on him like every woman in a mobster movie (Penelope Cruz in "Blow", Lorraine Bracco in "Goodfellas", Sharon Stone in "Casino", etc.) Besides, if you're going to tell me that second-hand animal cruelty is worse than drugs, shootings, stabbings, assault, vehicular homicide, or anything else that the NFL has suspended a few games for...then what about tailgate parties, where I see the sweet, deliciously charred flesh of animals put on display & ravaged by thousands of fans??? ...and that's just in the stadium parking lot. Something to think about.

Vince Young /Conspiracy of the Day - Okay, so ESPN & other sports shows are making a big deal about last year's number one NFL pick & Tennessee Titans quarterback Vince Young being benched for the first preseason game because he didn't stay at the team hotel in Nashville...but slept at home about three miles away instead. Not a big deal, right? Absolutely. So why is it even mentioned? I'll tell you why...and it's my Conspiracy of the Day - Today was the release of EA Sports NFL Madden 2008 video game, one of the most highly anticipated sports titles in history...and who's on the cover? Vince Young. Publicity? Remember, I have a degree in Marketing Management. Also, it's preseason. I think the conversation went something like this...

Vince: "Hey Coach, do I really have to play in this stupid preseason game?"
Coach Fisher: "I don't want you to get an injury...but the fans'll run me out of town if I don't play you. You're the franchise right now."
Vince: "True. Plus Madden comes out a few days later...and Vick & Culpepper had horrible injuries the years they were on it."
Coach Fisher: "Hmm, how about this? Since it's a home game anyway...instead of staying at the team hotel, you decide to sleep in your own bed. Then I can say it was breaking that team rule about players with less than four years experience...so you'll sit the game out...and the fans won't be mad...because I'm just keeping the rules intact & establishing my authority over the young superstar. Sound good?"
Vince: "Damn coach. You got skills at this stuff."
Coach Fisher: "That's why I still have a job and no Super Bowl ring, son. By the way, you wanna play Madden on Tuesday when it comes out?"
Vince: "As long as I can be the Patriots!!!"
Coach Fisher: "Fine. I'll still whoop your ass...even with the Titans."
Vince: "That's bold, coach."

Relocation of Sports Teams - So the Seattle Supersonics owners have decided to move the team to their hometown of Oklahoma City. I'm not even angry that they're moving the team to Oklahoma City...because they're the ones that paid $400 million to get the team, so they can move it wherever they want. What I'm concerned about is the name of the team changing to the Oklahoma City Sonics. Sure, the headquarters for fast food chain Sonic is located there...and I'm sure that they wouldn't be too happy about my idea of calling them the Bombers...but there's plenty of names that make more sense. Let's see what OKC is famous for. There's the warehouse district turned trendy shopping area called Bricktown...so the OKC Bricks? No, that's really bad for a basketball team. It's known as the 'Horse Show Capital of the World' so how about the OKC Horses? Or Clydesdales? Oh well, that gets my vote so far...but I'm sure they can work something out. I've never been to Oklahoma City.

The reason that I'm so concerned...is that I live in Utah...and we have one big-time professional team, the Utah Jazz. Originally, they were the New Orleans Jazz before they moved here in 1977 and retained the name. The thing is that you can't go 50 feet in New Orleans without stumbling upon somebody who can play a jazzy saxophone...but you really have to know a place in Salt Lake City to find any jazz music. It just doesn't fit. However, the New Orleans team is now called the Hornets (formerly in Charlotte). What I propose...is that the Jazz & Hornets make a trade...not of players...but of team names...so it's the New Orleans Jazz & Utah Hornets. This would help both teams identify with their local culture more. It's not just Utah though. What about the Los Angeles Lakers (originally Minneapolis Lakers back in the FIFTIES)? I propose...the Los Angeles Quake...and furthermore, thanks to a high school sports marketing class ten years ago, I have designs for the logo...and a catchy name for the new stadium, the Epicenter!!! Besides, when Kobe bitches (and he will) the headlines can read "Kobe quakes about Quake" or "Aftershocks from Kobe's lackluster season" or some cheesy stuff like that. It'll work, trust me. Anyway, there are others too...but I'm already tired of the subject...and cleaning up multi-million dollar enterprises mistakes.

Relocation of Sports Referees - Former NBA referee Tim Donaghy is expected to plead guilty to betting on games that he refereed...and effectively change his name & identity while moving to the lovely city of Lamont, Wyoming or some other witness relocation hideaway. I may have already said too much.

Death of a Legend - Yankee Hall of Fame shortstop & broadcaster Phil Rizzuto died in his sleep today at the age of 89. Pneumonia had caused his declining health over the past few years...but his legacy lives on. He was a quick & spunky shortstop during the time of the Yankees dynasty of the 40's & 50's, called the game where Roger Maris hit his 61st home run of the year in 1961 to break the Babe's record (and stood until steroids were commonplace), and called many more memorable moments in Yankee history. He will be missed.

Anyway, I guess that's about it for sports today. I really didn't have much happen over the past few days other than I'm feeling much better now, I've watched the first 8 episodes of "Big Love", it's over a hundred degrees & I don't like it because I've been working on my car, and my laptop's in the shop probably using the shampoo & the tiny comb as we speak...not that I know what that's like...I've just heard...from friends. Scout's honor!!! Trust me, I haven't had enough action to worry about that stuff...besides, we're talking about a laptop. Why is your mind always in the gutter? Geez!

HEY, LOOK OVER THERE!!!

I'm also wearing shorts today...which I usually only do when I play basketball...but it was hot today...and it was a Hawaiian dress day at work...and it felt right...like the lovely Polynesian girl on the back of my shirt pressed up against me. Aaaaah, that's nice. Oh, by the way, thank you for noticing my new picture on my profile...and if any of you know where I can find a mirror like this...or a stencil that I can use for my bathroom mirror, please let me know. The dude abides...